Restarting Quickly & Sticking To It - Advice Needed
robingmurphy
Posts: 349 Member
So, I'm overweight again and I'm getting myself going with improving my diet and exercise to take it off. I've done this many times, so I know how to do it in a way that works for me - counting calories is the only way I've ever lost weight. My problem is that I know from repeated experience that it is very, very hard for me to get started. In the past, I've always had a lot of false starts - days where I said "I'm doing it today!!" and by dinner I was already eating over. Or maybe I stuck to goals one day, then the next day I'm off track. This often takes weeks or months of time. Eventually, I string a week or two of success together and then I have momentum - I start building on that success and things start seeming manageable, easy even! This goes on for weeks or months and I get to close to my goal weight. And then something happens that knocks me off course - sometimes it's a week vacation, sometimes I get sick, sometimes something else. And then I'm back to square one and it's intensely difficult for me to get back on track - I end up taking up weeks or months with false starts, often gaining back what I lost in that process. The whole things repeats.
It seems to me the thing I need most is to be able to get on track - or get BACK on track - quickly, in a day or two at most. Any advice? Ugh, why is this so hard for me.
It seems to me the thing I need most is to be able to get on track - or get BACK on track - quickly, in a day or two at most. Any advice? Ugh, why is this so hard for me.
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Replies
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I am here, and can understand what you are saying! I lose thirty pounds then put it back on. I have done this for years. Talk to yourself for a day ,and say tomorrow I will start this program, get the foods that you need to be able to achive this. Its not easy.
But you can do this!!!! take it hour by hours .. Fogus be postive. 2 -
Could you commit to tracking food, every day, no matter what? Track days of high calories, too. Don't worry too much about nutrition at first. Just do this one thing - track everything with calories that you eat or drink. That habit would be an amazing starting point.11
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I can commit to at least tracking. I admit that a lot of times when I start going off track, I stop tracking altogether.9
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Enlist people to hold you accountable. Either IRL or a buddy on here.2
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bold_rabbit wrote: »Could you commit to tracking food, every day, no matter what? Track days of high calories, too. Don't worry too much about nutrition at first. Just do this one thing - track everything with calories that you eat or drink. That habit would be an amazing starting point.
This changed things for me massively - once I started being accountable for the days that I ate higher than normal and not punishing myself for them but trying to better understand why I ate higher, it helped me prepare for similar situations in future - eat a lighter brunch that day, or cut a few calories during the week.
Sometimes it was simple solutions for example bad planning, i.e. knowing I have a night out planned but not factoring that in to my week when planning meals, it's an easy fix, plan for them in future.
Sometimes it's more difficult, I struggle with binge-eating and I've had to come to understand my triggers and work on using alternative methods to cope with my urge to overeat as a response to them.
Also found it helpful not think in term of on track/off track. Having a bad day doesn't mean you're off track. What you do consistently most of the time, is far more important than what you do rarely.10 -
Food/meal prep may help!4
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It same goes with me. But I guess, tracking your workout and food intake with a friend might help. It can motivate you more than doing it alone.1
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Usually when people start their adventure they are in a big hurry to lose everything FAST. They cut back drastically then start going to the gym daily pushing really hard. I did it for years. It wasn't until I was 59 years old that I realized I had to take my time. It took me 2 years to get to goal. The first year on MFP I lost about 65 pounds and the rest took another year. I have maintained for the most part for a couple of years. What I did differently this time around was I started slower. I cut my calories and I ate smaller quantities of what I was used to. I tracked food daily and then after a few months I started walking. In the beginning I just tracked to see how many steps I usually got... Not very many I can tell you. So I set a really low goal. As I started getting extra calories for walking I was motivated to increase my goal. Over time I began to really enjoy it. In the end I lost a total of 108 pounds from my all time high. The first 28 pounds came off before MFP. Now I work to maintain by walking daily (it's a habit now) and tracking my calories. Yes even after a few years I still track daily! What no one ever tells you is this is not a race and there's no finish line. Take your time and learn new habits, find exercise you enjoy. You are building a new lifestyle. You will never go back so make this new way of living enjoyable. Good luck.14
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You need to be in this mentally. Change your thinking. Track everything every single day. It's not easy, I'm not saying it is but you have to REALLY want this in order to be successful. Failure is not an option. #mambamentality3
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I have been in your place, actually I'm in it now. I know what to do but I seem to need to be at a point of utter depression and frustration to start. I like calorie counting with emphasis on lower carbs (reduces bloating for me). I know that after the first 2 weeks I start to feel better and it gets easier, its always been that way for me.
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If you do not have a food scale buy one. And then weigh all solid foods, because then and only then do you really know how much food you are putting in your mouth. Which equals to how many calories. I found for me the biggest things that made a difference.
Was the food scale.
Committing to logging all food, even when I fell off the wagon, I still log it
Pre-bagging snacks. I love nuts, so now I will bag up in 1 oz amounts, almonds and or walnuts. So I know the calories, protein, fats, carbs.
I also do some pre-logging. I have the same thing for breakfast almost every single day. So if I am making a batch of chaffles, and know I will eat with two good yogurt. I will pre-log for how 4 to 6 days ahead of time.
Saves time, keeps me from going for foods I should not be grabbing, keeps me on track.
Somewhere have a reminder list, of why you want to lose weight. I have one on my phone and one at my desk. It is a reinforcement for me.
Good Luck! I think everyone has been in your shoes at one time or another.1 -
This is me for like over 10 years. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and defeating. However, the strength and determination can only come from you. Like PP have said, log every day, everything. It’s the only way. You know it works. You’ve done it before. It’s a life-long commitment.robingmurphy wrote: »I can commit to at least tracking. I admit that a lot of times when I start going off track, I stop tracking altogether.
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The single act I find helps the most is to log before I eat.2
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robingmurphy wrote: »So, I'm overweight again and I'm getting myself going with improving my diet and exercise to take it off. I've done this many times, so I know how to do it in a way that works for me - counting calories is the only way I've ever lost weight. My problem is that I know from repeated experience that it is very, very hard for me to get started. In the past, I've always had a lot of false starts - days where I said "I'm doing it today!!" and by dinner I was already eating over. Or maybe I stuck to goals one day, then the next day I'm off track. This often takes weeks or months of time. Eventually, I string a week or two of success together and then I have momentum - I start building on that success and things start seeming manageable, easy even! This goes on for weeks or months and I get to close to my goal weight. And then something happens that knocks me off course - sometimes it's a week vacation, sometimes I get sick, sometimes something else. And then I'm back to square one and it's intensely difficult for me to get back on track - I end up taking up weeks or months with false starts, often gaining back what I lost in that process. The whole things repeats.
It seems to me the thing I need most is to be able to get on track - or get BACK on track - quickly, in a day or two at most. Any advice? Ugh, why is this so hard for me.
I am not sure you know what works for you. You resist engaging in this plan and you bail on it which makes you repeat the process "many" times. It seems like it is time to tweak what you are doing and improve adherence. What may be getting in your way is that you are an expert on getting results but you need to be an expert on managing yourself through the process. There are hundreds if not thousands of diets out there. Any of them that achieve a calorie deficit intentionally or accidentally will help a person lose weight for as long as a person is willing to do them. The reason even the reputable ones have such a high fail rate is not because they don't work but because most of the people doing them should be doing something else.
Start by asking yourself what is the smallest amount of change required to take you from a normal day of eating to a small 250 calorie deficit? Do that for a week and then perhaps try for a 500 calorie deficit if you have enough weight to lose.8 -
Sometimes in think that Novus is my twin!
To the OP: I'm glad to see you're questioning the process you've been choosing to implement
The fact that you're ready to start again highlights that you do *not" know how to do it in a way that works for you.
You know how to do it in a way that you can tolerate for a while before giving up on it
To find a way that works for you, start looking for / developing your new normal.
Try to make things easier7 -
robingmurphy wrote: »I can commit to at least tracking. I admit that a lot of times when I start going off track, I stop tracking altogether.
Do you also stop tracking your weight?
If yes - why?
If no - what goes through your head when you see your weight rebounding more than a few pounds?
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This is me for like over 10 years. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and defeating. However, the strength and determination can only come from you. Like PP have said, log every day, everything. It’s the only way. You know it works. You’ve done it before. It’s a life-long commitment.robingmurphy wrote: »I can commit to at least tracking. I admit that a lot of times when I start going off track, I stop tracking altogether.
I agree with this, and with others who have suggested that it's not a question of stop/starting: you're still living, no matter what. You're still fueling your body, even if you're not monitoring what that fuel is. For me, there is no wagon, no track, nothing for me to fall off and have to climb back onto. There's just my life and how much I know and can understand about what I'm doing in it.
Like you, I've lost and not maintained the loss. And this was the promise I've made to myself: I'm going to track at least food or weight every day for the foreseeable future. And if I stop [avoidance], to make myself admit to me why.
I'm within my maintenance range now. Still at a deficit because I'd like to be a little lower in it, but I feel like this is now about living, rather than changing. Find your live-able way - what you can hold to even when life happens because life will happen. And remember to forgive yourself for being human. If you have an over day - or week - but you get back to what you know works and that becomes normal as soon as you can, that will make a massive difference.
Wishing you all the success - you are capable and can do it!4 -
robingmurphy wrote: »I've always had a lot of false starts - days where I said "I'm doing it today!!" and by dinner I was already eating over. Or maybe I stuck to goals one day, then the next day I'm off track.
I don't know if that's the case for you, but for me what made it hard to stick to was being hungry all the time! Like genuinely hungry.
This time, I did a few things that helped me overcome this and reign in my self-control and discipline:
1. Delayed my first meal so my calories take me further in the day. For example I don't eat until 10-11ish and that ways my lunch is around 12-2, my pm snack at 3-4 and then dinner at 5-6. If I were to eat at 7-8, it would be much harder for me to wait until later in the day to eat again!
2. Sticking to a meal schedule/no snacking outside of planned meals. I am the type of girl who is addicted to eating, plain and simple. I would even eat everytime my children woke me up during the night. Anytime I would go by the kitchen I would eat, often something healthy, but it would add up and then I would lose control. So that's why I decided to find the amount of meals and frequency that works for me and stick to it! I don't eat outside of the times I mentioned in point #1.
3. I make sure to drink a couple glasses of water in between each meals to keep me hydrated and feeling full. The zero calorie water enhancing drops really help with this!
4. I allow myself something I enjoy! Sometimes it's a small portion of dessert after dinner that fits my calories, or it can be as simple as not denying myself sugar in my morning coffee. This makes such a drastic difference!
5. And last one but not the least... Accepting that I might be hungry sometimes, and deciding that it's okay. I swear, from the moment I told myself that I would not give into my hunger and that I would let it pass, it stopped haunting me everyday. But seriously, if you are like me and your hunger cues are messed up (meaning that I can eat up to 3000cals per day because I feel hungry even though I am suuuuper sendentary) it can be beneficial mentally to acknowledge this.
I hope this helps. Sent you a friend request so we can share the journey together! We can do this!!
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Sometimes in think that Novus is my twin!
To the OP: I'm glad to see you're questioning the process you've been choosing to implement
The fact that you're ready to start again highlights that you do *not" know how to do it in a way that works for you.
You know how to do it in a way that you can tolerate for a while before giving up on it
To find a way that works for you, start looking for / developing your new normal.
Try to make things easier
I have always wanted to be someone's evil twin.
OP: There is a reason I prefer to think of my weight loss as adjusting my normal instead of as a diet or a lifestyle. In some ways it is all those things but when I have a mindset of adjusting my normal it helps me to understand that this is forever. It also helps me to understand I need to protect what feels normal by not allowing too many things to change at one time. Anything drastic leaves normal behind and forces me into adaptation mode which is something I will naturally resist.
The reason I know this works for me is that while I enjoy having a deficit break or eating a little too much around the holidays it doesn't take me very long to want to get back to normal.
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You guys, these are great tips. Thank you so much. A lot of these are things I have done successfully in the past - planning foods, pre-logging, weighing myself daily, eating on a schedule, delaying my first meal, etc. - it's really just the mental game of starting to do it and sticking to it. As said above "managing myself through the process."
I read everything, and here are the notes I took that really resonated for me:
- Thinking about it as "adjusting my normal"
- Identifying the smallest changes that will successfully take me in the right direction (reduce my intake/increase my calorie spend by 250 a day) and committing to it... I think this is a big one for me. Once I get on a roll, it feels "easy" and I find myself overcommitting and thinking I should have a bigger calorie deficit. I burn around 2200-2200 calories on average TDEE most days. I might start with a 250-500 calorie a day reduction, dropping to around 1800 say once I get going... then I bump up my activity a little, might be burning more like 2300 calories... and when I get momentum going that 1800 feels pretty good and easy and I'm a "more is better" kind of person so I start finding myself eating more like 1600 or 1700 most days. Suddenly that's like a 700 calorie deficit... That might even be a big driver of my failure because maybe after a few weeks of that it's easier to succumb to temptation... and feels harder to get back on a diet with a 700 calorie reduction each day. Maybe I need to just target that 250 reduction and really stick to that for a few months, even if once I get going it sometimes feels too easy?
- Making a commitment to track what I'm eating every day, even when I feel like I'm overeating or off course. I'm never really "off course" because I'm always living my life and trying to eat the best I can. Just some days I'm closer to hitting my target and others a little farther off....or a lot farther.8 -
robingmurphy wrote: »You guys, these are great tips. Thank you so much. A lot of these are things I have done successfully in the past - planning foods, pre-logging, weighing myself daily, eating on a schedule, delaying my first meal, etc. - it's really just the mental game of starting to do it and sticking to it. As said above "managing myself through the process."
I read everything, and here are the notes I took that really resonated for me:
- Thinking about it as "adjusting my normal"
- Identifying the smallest changes that will successfully take me in the right direction (reduce my intake/increase my calorie spend by 250 a day) and committing to it... I think this is a big one for me. Once I get on a roll, it feels "easy" and I find myself overcommitting and thinking I should have a bigger calorie deficit. I burn around 2200-2200 calories on average TDEE most days. I might start with a 250-500 calorie a day reduction, dropping to around 1800 say once I get going... then I bump up my activity a little, might be burning more like 2300 calories... and when I get momentum going that 1800 feels pretty good and easy and I'm a "more is better" kind of person so I start finding myself eating more like 1600 or 1700 most days. Suddenly that's like a 700 calorie deficit... That might even be a big driver of my failure because maybe after a few weeks of that it's easier to succumb to temptation... and feels harder to get back on a diet with a 700 calorie reduction each day. Maybe I need to just target that 250 reduction and really stick to that for a few months, even if once I get going it sometimes feels too easy?
- Making a commitment to track what I'm eating every day, even when I feel like I'm overeating or off course. I'm never really "off course" because I'm always living my life and trying to eat the best I can. Just some days I'm closer to hitting my target and others a little farther off....or a lot farther.
My biggest obstacle was always getting in my own way. I would take a task that has inherently hard parts and try to come up with ways to make it harder. What other area of life do we do that? If I were going to chop down a tree would I go grab a butter knife? No. I would at least grab an ax because once the tree is down I still have a lot of work to do.
Make the parts you can control easy because there are parts you can't control that will be hard.
The other thing is that I had to stop thinking of what I was doing as a weight loss effort as much as an identity change. I can't just lose weight. I have to lose the mindset and the habits of the person who gained it. That is not an easy task even with small adjustments. This is not a temporary change this is a permanent change - or at least I hope it is. I am becoming a different person. To that I have to change my daily process which means that is the goal and weight loss becomes a bonus prize. When I successfully do my process I am reaffirming new identity which then makes everything I am doing... tada... normal.
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Whoa, this is kind of a revelation to me. Has my tendency to always think that if it's too easy I'm not doing enough been sabotaging me? Maybe I should just set an easy goal and actually stick to it for a long time?11
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robingmurphy wrote: »Whoa, this is kind of a revelation to me. Has my tendency to always think that if it's too easy I'm not doing enough been sabotaging me? Maybe I should just set an easy goal and actually stick to it for a long time?
If you are like I was the answer is yes. There is so much obesity around us and people doing these really hard things to lose weight and we just assume that is what it takes and anything easy must not be enough.
Also we curse ourselves... or at least I would. I would go into weight loss prepared to do battle. I knew it would be a huge struggle so I would get mentally psyched up. When I thought this way I tended to make it happen. A self-fulfilling curse.
The reality is you were going to eat anyway. All you actually have to do is eat a little less. Things like exercise and improving NEAT requires you do something more but eating in a calorie deficit just requires you do less. That is why I think it is best to keep the two things separated. Eat for weight loss. Exercise for fitness.
There have been days everything has been super easy for me. I barely even thought about weight loss. I love those days. I don't want to think about weight loss... not really. There have also been days that sucked but that is normal even if you are not trying to lose weight, isn't it?
When you get up in the morning you should decide you will have a good day. You should do something small that is easy to accomplish. If the day goes south ask why and see if there is anything in your control to have made it better. If it goes great ask why and see if there is anything in your power that you can do to replicate the results.
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Yes, lots of great advice here! A lot that I needed to be reminded of. MFP is such a great community. Only thing I can add is a new lifestyle to improve health and lose weight has to be sustainable to find lasting success. Welcome back @robingmurphy, sounds like you're now off to a great start. Best to you!1
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robingmurphy wrote: »Whoa, this is kind of a revelation to me. Has my tendency to always think that if it's too easy I'm not doing enough been sabotaging me? Maybe I should just set an easy goal and actually stick to it for a long time?
Exactly.
A benefit of sensibly moderate weight loss, for me, was the ability to treat weight loss as a time to experiment and dial in strategies that would help me to not only lose weight, but that were habits I thought I could sustain in order to stay at a healthy weight long term. (I'm at 4+ years of maintaining a healthy weight now, after about 3 decades of obesity.)
I was literally unwilling to do anything while losing weight that I wasn't willing to continue forever, other than a moderate calorie deficit. That meant figuring out how to eat foods I enjoy (not just things I thought of as "diet foods") within my calorie goal, in portions/proportions that amounted to good nutrition, in forms that were filling, practical and affordable for me to buy and prepare.
Ditto on the exercise: I needed to figure out what kinds of activity I could fit into my life, and enjoy, while still maintaining good overall life balance (i.e., enough time and energy for other things important to me).
I couldn't give up social events, celebrations with food, potlucks or anything like that, because I wasn't willing to give them up permanently; I had to figure out how to manage them.
Maintenance and weight loss are the same thing: Call it weight management. Maintenance just gives a little more calorie flexibility. If you can figure out how to make weight loss easy, that'll make maintenance even easier . . . and easy things are more likely to be sustainable.8 -
robingmurphy wrote: »I can commit to at least tracking. I admit that a lot of times when I start going off track, I stop tracking altogether.
That's exactly one of the first of signs of me going off the rails.1 -
I've been listening to the podcast We Only Look Thin, which I found thanks to @kshama2001. You might want to check it out. It's a couple who talk about their struggles and successes with weight loss. Both of them have been maintaining a 100 (husband) and 150 (wife) pound weight loss, and the focus of their podcast is that there is no finish line in weight loss if you want to maintain it.
They consider themselves people who "only look thin" because they have to consciously maintain habits (and be willing to reflect and create new habits if old ones stop working) to maintain their losses, otherwise they will easily revert to the habits that made them overweight. I really like the podcast because I enjoy them as a couple, they present a lot of good, common sense ideas that I see on here all the time, and it's nice for me to be reminded of a lot of the things that have helped me be successful.
I've lost a total of about 75 pounds, regained some, and maintained about 50 of that for probably around two years. While I'm still in a healthy BMI range, I want to lose back to where I was about a year ago. Their podcast is helping to reinvigorate me and remind me of the habits I have let slip a bit and to reflect on how I can reincorporate habits that I believe I can maintain for life to help me get to where I know I want to be, as well as continue to maintain my current and future loss.5 -
What's really blowing my mind is that I've heard the advice to "lose weight only by doing things you could do forever" and "lose weight with maintenance in mind" advice before and kind of dismissed it with the though "Oh, yeah, I never do any extreme dieting." But when I wrote out what I actual do when I try to lose weight it became clear to me that I may start out doing something moderate and sustainable but when that feels too easy I feel the need to continue pushing until it becomes unsustainable... and then I fail. The "eat in a way that you could maintain forever" advice really DID apply to me and I've just been overlooking it this whole time because in my mind "Of course I'm not doing anything extreme! I have a hard enought time restraining overeating at all, let alone doing something extreme!" ... but that was just a story I was telling myself and not the truth.11
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robingmurphy wrote: »What's really blowing my mind is that I've heard the advice to "lose weight only by doing things you could do forever" and "lose weight with maintenance in mind" advice before and kind of dismissed it with the though "Oh, yeah, I never do any extreme dieting." But when I wrote out what I actual do when I try to lose weight it became clear to me that I may start out doing something moderate and sustainable but when that feels too easy I feel the need to continue pushing until it becomes unsustainable... and then I fail. The "eat in a way that you could maintain forever" advice really DID apply to me and I've just been overlooking it this whole time because in my mind "Of course I'm not doing anything extreme! I have a hard enought time restraining overeating at all, let alone doing something extreme!" ... but that was just a story I was telling myself and not the truth.
This was a huge thing for me and it seems like a lot of other people. For some reason I was in the mindset that I had to suffer for my weight loss. That if I was doing it easily and effortlessly then I wasn't 'earning' it.
I think I used to view losing weight as a form of punishment I had to endure for all the years i'd been 'bad'. That I had to struggle and make things hard for myself to make up for and atone for letting myself go. It was the most self defeating thing ever! Eventually I'd get sick of everything being so hard and give up since you can't exist in a state of constant misery forever. Then next time I'd make things even harder and make myself suffer even more for failing again.
The day I realised that misery doesn't burn any extra calories was a turning point. It struck me that I could get where I was going without beating myself up. That losing weight easily mean something was right not wrong, and that if I could do this effortlessly meant that I could do it forever.12 -
robingmurphy wrote: »What's really blowing my mind is that I've heard the advice to "lose weight only by doing things you could do forever" and "lose weight with maintenance in mind" advice before and kind of dismissed it with the though "Oh, yeah, I never do any extreme dieting." But when I wrote out what I actual do when I try to lose weight it became clear to me that I may start out doing something moderate and sustainable but when that feels too easy I feel the need to continue pushing until it becomes unsustainable... and then I fail. The "eat in a way that you could maintain forever" advice really DID apply to me and I've just been overlooking it this whole time because in my mind "Of course I'm not doing anything extreme! I have a hard enought time restraining overeating at all, let alone doing something extreme!" ... but that was just a story I was telling myself and not the truth.
This was a huge thing for me and it seems like a lot of other people. For some reason I was in the mindset that I had to suffer for my weight loss. That if I was doing it easily and effortlessly then I wasn't 'earning' it.
I think I used to view losing weight as a form of punishment I had to endure for all the years i'd been 'bad'. That I had to struggle and make things hard for myself to make up for and atone for letting myself go. It was the most self defeating thing ever! Eventually I'd get sick of everything being so hard and give up since you can't exist in a state of constant misery forever. Then next time I'd make things even harder and make myself suffer even more for failing again.
The day I realised that misery doesn't burn any extra calories was a turning point. It struck me that I could get where I was going without beating myself up. That losing weight easily mean something was right not wrong, and that if I could do this effortlessly meant that I could do it forever.
I figured out that I had to forgive myself for gaining all that weight and let it go. Then I was ready to change my mindset. I realized if I was going to be losing weight I should be even kinder to myself. I made a list of non food things to do for myself and I have been diligent with all of them for nearly 2 years. These are not rewards that I have to earn they are just me being nice to me. Making that list spawned a new attitude that has impacted food and activity decisions too. I certainly enjoy myself during vacations and holidays with no "cheating" or guilt feelings. When it comes to adding new or increasing activity I take an approach of pushing myself not shoving myself.8
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