"I don't want any more. Do you want it?" "I didn't like it anyway"
kpoe1981
Posts: 14 Member
"Do you want this cause I was just going to throw it away" So many different variations of this sentence I heard growing up and it took me until I was older to actually understand what was going on. Dad actually really liked that sandwich. Mom really loved that cake. Grandma went to the store specifically to get that pie. And because they loved me and that is just what some parental figures do for their children. Or I was eyeballing that food like I was starving. Or I said something like...I like pie/sandwich/cake too I wish I had some....they pretended they didn't want it anyway. My 2 month old baby girl is going to get a lot of my "I didn't like it anyway" foods when she grows up because that's just what we do.
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Replies
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Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Did this happen to you growing up or have you done this to your kids?1
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I can’t relate to this at all. Why not just say what you mean, eg, ‘can I please have this food?’
Parent: ‘yes you can,’ or’no you can’t.’
This seems excessively complicated.15 -
I agree I can't really relate to this, we were usually all eating the same thing, so wanting someone else's portion would have been considered pretty greedy and definitely not encouraged.13
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When I grew up, I was told that children were starving to death by the thousands in Biafra - and: "how dare you leaving good food on your plate? Your mother was slaving over the stove and hot pots for hours on end, is that how you are re - paying her? You better eat what's on your plate, or else!"7
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No, sorry.
There would have always been enough for all of us, or we wouldn't have had it.
We had our own sandwich/cake or whatever, and if we had already scoffed ours we wouldn't have been offered someone else's.
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neugebauer52 wrote: »When I grew up, I was told that children were starving to death by the thousands in Biafra - and: "how dare you leaving good food on your plate? Your mother was slaving over the stove and hot pots for hours on end, is that how you are re - paying her? You better eat what's on your plate, or else!"
"Starving kids in Africa" from my Mom....well, our dog got really fat!5 -
I should also mention I’m a massive germaphobe so I have never been able to eat other people’s food. I’m still like that. I realise I’m probably strange this way.3
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hm. I don't think I've heard that, "I don't want anymore, you can have it," or any variation of the above.
Are you saying that is what caused you to eat too much? Or what is it you're saying? Why will you do this to your kids? Not being snarky, just don't understand...
I do remember my grandfather's little trick that went the opposite way! We would go for a drive and stop at the ice cream shop and get cones. My grandfather would say, "Here, let me push that [ice cream] down for you so you don't drip all over the car," ...and my cone would be handed back to me with a lot less ice cream. "Hey!!!"10 -
I agree with the others here ... it's not what we did!
Growing up, my mother had us on a strict food schedule. She'd do up a general meal plan for the month and a specific one for each week.
If there was a sandwich, we each had a sandwich and it was lunch.
If there was cake, we each had a slice of cake and it was our weekend dessert (we didn't have dessert during the week).
If there was pie at my Grandmother's house, she made it ... and maybe I helped too ... and the whole family would have it for weekend dessert.3 -
cmriverside wrote: »hm. I don't think I've heard that, "I don't want anymore, you can have it," or any variation of the above.
Are you saying that is what caused you to eat too much? Or what is it you're saying? Why will you do this to your kids? Not being snarky, just don't understand...
I do remember my grandfather's little trick that went the opposite way! We would go for a drive and stop at the ice cream shop and get cones. My grandfather would say, "Here, let me push that [ice cream] down for you so you don't drip all over the car," ...and my cone would be handed back to me with a lot less ice cream. "Hey!!!"
I was going to say the same thing. Still confused by your original post, but if you are somehow blaming your weight situation on this occurrence, why on earth would you be purposely passing that on to your daughter?11 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »I agree I can't really relate to this, we were usually all eating the same thing, so wanting someone else's portion would have been considered pretty greedy and definitely not encouraged.
Yeah, this. Or if someone did get something different it would be more like "this is delicious, do you want a bite?"7 -
Sorry, I can't relate either. However, I live in Italy and certain cultures have different ways of doing things. It took me awhile to figure out the mentality. So culture might have controlled the dynamics in your family. If no one was overweight--no harm done.1
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This sounds unkind. Either it is not good so values the recipient as worthy of only the not good stuff"Do you want this cause I was just going to throw it away" ......My 2 month old baby girl is going to get a lot of my "I didn't like it anyway" foods when she grows up because that's just what we do.
Or
It is good in which case it is lying and valuing yourself as only having bad taste.
How about
"Would you like to split this? Or Oh this is tasty would you like some?7 -
There have been times when money was extra tight and, yes, I've done this with my son. It wasn't him being greedy, it was him being a growing boy, my child, and there not really being enough for both. I've given him mine and didn't want him to feel bad about it, so I phrased it in some of the ways OP mentioned.
ETA: I usually just told him I was full, though. It wasn't that I didn't like it.10 -
Sounds like it's time to make a concerted effort toward changing your family's dynamic with food. You certainly don't want to pass this on to your child.13
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"Do you want this cause I was just going to throw it away" So many different variations of this sentence I heard growing up and it took me until I was older to actually understand what was going on. Dad actually really liked that sandwich. Mom really loved that cake. Grandma went to the store specifically to get that pie. And because they loved me and that is just what some parental figures do for their children. Or I was eyeballing that food like I was starving. Or I said something like...I like pie/sandwich/cake too I wish I had some....they pretended they didn't want it anyway. My 2 month old baby girl is going to get a lot of my "I didn't like it anyway" foods when she grows up because that's just what we do.
Or you could teach your child about boundaries, respecting others' things, and accepting "no" as an answer.13 -
I have no affinity with this.
The only behaviors in my family that are sort of similar:
- When we are dividing up food at the table. The 'first round' everyone takes what they want. For subsequent servings, when the food is running out, my mom will often go "no, you can have that, I've had enough", with non-verbal cues that make it very unclear if she's really had enough or if she's sacrificing her own needs for us (and trying to make us feel guilty).
- in restaurants, my mom often tries to give leftovers to my dad and me. Because she's really full or (I'm guessing) she feels she has had enough calories (her motto "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips").
I can't say I'm a huge fan of her strategies, I prefer when people speak their mind instead of 'playing games'.8 -
nighthawk584 wrote: »neugebauer52 wrote: »When I grew up, I was told that children were starving to death by the thousands in Biafra - and: "how dare you leaving good food on your plate? Your mother was slaving over the stove and hot pots for hours on end, is that how you are re - paying her? You better eat what's on your plate, or else!"
"Starving kids in Africa" from my Mom....well, our dog got really fat!
Our dog loved when mom cooked liver. Blech.3 -
kshama2001 wrote: »nighthawk584 wrote: »neugebauer52 wrote: »When I grew up, I was told that children were starving to death by the thousands in Biafra - and: "how dare you leaving good food on your plate? Your mother was slaving over the stove and hot pots for hours on end, is that how you are re - paying her? You better eat what's on your plate, or else!"
"Starving kids in Africa" from my Mom....well, our dog got really fat!
Our dog loved when mom cooked liver. Blech.
My mom cooked liver FOR the dog. As a result, I am completely and utterly unable to be convinced that humans should eat liver.
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"Do you want this cause I was just going to throw it away" So many different variations of this sentence I heard growing up and it took me until I was older to actually understand what was going on. Dad actually really liked that sandwich. Mom really loved that cake. Grandma went to the store specifically to get that pie. And because they loved me and that is just what some parental figures do for their children. Or I was eyeballing that food like I was starving. Or I said something like...I like pie/sandwich/cake too I wish I had some....they pretended they didn't want it anyway. My 2 month old baby girl is going to get a lot of my "I didn't like it anyway" foods when she grows up because that's just what we do.
My family didn't use that language, but my mother did and still does have that sort of self-sacrificing behavior, especially around guests. Other parts of the family also had code words to indicate if family should hold back for guests (FHB) or if there was more in the kitchen (MIK).
"I didn't like it anyway" doesn't feel healthy to me as it is not honest - what about "I am happy to share this with you"?5 -
No, I can't relate really. My parents were very generous with us growing up, and if they wanted to share something with us, they would just ask..."Would you like some?" What's wrong with that? Why would you make up stories about not liking it or throwing it away? This seems like more of a guit trip...as in "If you don't want this to go to waste, you'll eat it." That's not helping your children develop a healthy relationship with food.10
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Like others have said, I can't relate to this. We all generally ate the same things. If something was specifically purchased with a person in mind, that person was told so and clearly offered some. There were no hidden meanings. If we went to a restaurant as a family and I or someone didn't like their dish much, another person would offer to share their dish or trade so everyone could eat and be happy. I think I would feel really self-conscious if people were treating me like the last stop before the trash can for unwanted food.8
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I didn't like it anyway would make me think "why do you think I would" unless it was a known preference difference (i.e., my sister saying "do you want my pickle").
Also, liver is delicious. ;-) My mom hated it and would not eat it, but my dad loves it and would cook it (and later I would cook it) when my mom was out of town for work.5 -
oooooooohhhh.
It's about guilt-tripping people? After reading all these replies that's what I'm getting. Since OP didn't come back to explain.
Guilt-tripping and manipulation and martyrdom? THAT I know something about.
My mother and I both played that game. We even had a phrase we would use when we suspected the other person was slipping into the, "poor me," thing, and that was, "It's nice here in the rain." (said dripping with sarcasm)
We just didn't do it with food. Food was never an issue other than I didn't like most of it. One of my biggest life-regrets is growing up in Florida and Refusing to eat seafood...lobster...fish. All those great meals I missed.
[that smell, tho]3 -
"Do you want this cause I was just going to throw it away" So many different variations of this sentence I heard growing up and it took me until I was older to actually understand what was going on. Dad actually really liked that sandwich. Mom really loved that cake. Grandma went to the store specifically to get that pie. And because they loved me and that is just what some parental figures do for their children. Or I was eyeballing that food like I was starving. Or I said something like...I like pie/sandwich/cake too I wish I had some....they pretended they didn't want it anyway. My 2 month old baby girl is going to get a lot of my "I didn't like it anyway" foods when she grows up because that's just what we do.
The only thing anywhere close to this that I experienced was a literal offer, not some kind of pretense like you seem to be describing: Someone was cleaning up after a meal or cleaning out the refrigerator and was really planning on throwing something away (from the fridge) or trying to save dirtying a storage container or giving you a chance to eat something that was going to go downhill fast taste-wise in the fridge (e.g., fresh sliced tomatoes in the summer). Maybe in the meal cleanup situation Mom was going to eat the last spoonful of something rather than stick it in the fridge, and was either being nice or watching her own waistline by offering it to someone else.3 -
cmriverside wrote: »oooooooohhhh.
It's about guilt-tripping people? After reading all these replies that's what I'm getting. Since OP didn't come back to explain.
Guilt-tripping and manipulation and martyrdom? THAT I know something about.
My mother and I both played that game. We even had a phrase we would use when we suspected the other person was slipping into the, "poor me," thing, and that was, "It's nice here in the rain." (said dripping with sarcasm)
We just didn't do it with food. Food was never an issue other than I didn't like most of it. One of my biggest life-regrets is growing up in Florida and Refusing to eat seafood...lobster...fish. All those great meals I missed.
[that smell, tho]
Sounded like martyrdom to me rather than guilt tripping, given how the OP as a child was eyeballing the food.
I have no regrets about refusing to eat food that was grown in a shell. When I was 9, I threw up after eating scallops and didn't eat bivalves again for decades, and only then if they were scallops wrapped in bacon. I'd rather have bacon-wrapped asparagus though. Or bacon-wrapped chicken. Or just about anything else. Except liver. I'll save the liver for @lemurcat2
I don't care for lobster, but unlike liver, no one tried to force me to eat that
I still leave the kitchen when bivalves are being cooked.3 -
I didn't like it anyway would make me think "why do you think I would" unless it was a known preference difference (i.e., my sister saying "do you want my pickle").
Also, liver is delicious. ;-) My mom hated it and would not eat it, but my dad loves it and would cook it (and later I would cook it) when my mom was out of town for work.
I agree. We didn't have a dog, so my mom told the older siblings it was steak, but by the time we younger ones came along, you couldn't really carry off things like that, because an older sib would spill the beans (unlike when they were young, and stuffed the [lima] beans into crevices under the seats of their chair, which my mom found years later when reupholstering them). But I liked liver. We only had poultry liver when I was a kid (I guess she gave up on the beef liver when she couldn't get the older kids to eat it), but when I grew up and encounter calf and beef liver on my own, I like it.1 -
nighthawk584 wrote: »neugebauer52 wrote: »When I grew up, I was told that children were starving to death by the thousands in Biafra - and: "how dare you leaving good food on your plate? Your mother was slaving over the stove and hot pots for hours on end, is that how you are re - paying her? You better eat what's on your plate, or else!"
"Starving kids in Africa" from my Mom....well, our dog got really fat!
This is how I grew up too, both parents were poor and the oldest so nothing should go to waste. We weren't allowed to leave the table until we ate everything and definitely didn't get dessert unless we did. My Dad still gives me food like I'm starving and I'm 48. In college he'd give me boxes of granola bars, I had a crate that always had a bunch at all times. I did no sweets for 2 months and made it very clear I wasn't going to cave and he put a bag of gingersnaps on the couch next to me when I was already struggling with not grabbing candy out of the candy dish. It's his way of showing affection, I just try as politely as possible to refuse.
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cmriverside wrote: »oooooooohhhh.
It's about guilt-tripping people? After reading all these replies that's what I'm getting. Since OP didn't come back to explain.
Guilt-tripping and manipulation and martyrdom? THAT I know something about.
My mother and I both played that game. We even had a phrase we would use when we suspected the other person was slipping into the, "poor me," thing, and that was, "It's nice here in the rain." (said dripping with sarcasm)
We just didn't do it with food. Food was never an issue other than I didn't like most of it. One of my biggest life-regrets is growing up in Florida and Refusing to eat seafood...lobster...fish. All those great meals I missed.
[that smell, tho]
I'm reading it differently. I think OP was just sharing a fond memory from childhood where she noticed a parent/loved one consuming something that she liked and when asked about it, the adults would offer her some using those phrases. I think this is nothing more than a fond memory she is talking about using with her children.
My food memories more closely resemble others here around being made to eat everything on the plate whether I took it or if it was dished up for me. One of my favourite food memories as a child would be going to McDs with my dad and my brother and I would get whatever we wanted, and my dad never ordered anything. He knew there would be plenty left over. :laugh:
ETA: To clarify, it was my mother who insisted we empty our plates, my father didn't mind, because he would empty them for us.0 -
My experience aligns more closely with the OP's.
My family didn't have much money and though we split the food as evenly as we could, I was often either still hungry after I'd finished my portion, or my dad/sister/mom would be eating their snack and I'd be hungry earlier than expected. So that I didn't feel guilty about eating more when I'd already had something to eat, they'd say they didn't really like it that much or that they were full and give me some. I mean, otherwise I'd be worried they didn't have enough.
This is a very kind thing to do, so I don't understand why everyone is hating on the OP's family? It's no wonder they bailed the thread after the shitstorm rained down on them.5
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