Work acquaintance keeps commenting on my weight

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  • josephinebowman
    josephinebowman Posts: 359 Member
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    1. Sorry you have had to deal with this. 2. I think sammidel above has the speech. Say it a bit loudly near the bus driver and/or any other regular riders who might be good witnesses. 3. Do go to HR as you said you would do in #2 4. Sit silently, face forward from now on near other riders.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
    edited February 2020
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    okay, you are acting helpless and like you don't know what to do..but you do.
    If this person works for the same company you do. TAKE CONTROL DON"T play the VICTIM. First. you know you can report him to HR...so do that. Second he lives at your condo and that is going to suck because he can bully you there all day long. ..and that's what he is.. a bully.. and bullies don't change. The more they feel they're getting to you, the more they come at you. If you let him know he bothers you.. you just give him ammunition.

    I'd say to him "Oh great, the resident screwed up bully again. You are so boring - get some therapy and stop being so obsessed with me."

    The best advice I can give is get an earplug head set.. have it connected to your phone and listen to music when you're in the elevator at your condo and on the bus and totally ignore him even if he tries to talk to you are get your attention. .. Tune the jerk out.
  • busyPK
    busyPK Posts: 3,788 Member
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    Tell him very clearly to stop commenting on your body and it is inappropriate. If he continues then document date/time/place/incident and report to HR. It is harder for HR to handle if it happens off site, however they should be aware of his actions as it is harassment.
  • pandagalaxy
    pandagalaxy Posts: 19 Member
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    If this is frustrating enough to post online it's definitely taking up too much of your time. HR in reality is not there to be your friend and be on your side, in my opinion it is a waste of time unless it is a safety issue (and still they may ignore you). Bullies are the worst but they are also everywhere unfortunately so I feel for you.

    Ignore the guy, physically place yourself/move away from him whenever possible and don't engage, don't talk to him/talk back. Pretend he doesn't exist. Report it to the bus operators if you think your safety is at stake.

    Other option if you can't resist talking with him, change the subject and get him talking about himself instead (in a nice way like family/pets/favorite tv shows) if possible/if you want to.

    This guy doesn't deserve any more of your time/worry. I hope you can figure out a way to make this not be a stressful situation anymore.

    When I am stressed out by someone I work with who I may also have a chance of running in to outside of work I just disengage. If they want a simple answer I give it to them and go back to doing anything else. I'm not there for small talk or to complain to management how their employees can't properly do their jobs/are annoying. (if they are directly rude to me ex: swearing at me - then yes I will let someone know specifically what happened and they can choose to deal with it then it's over). I hope you have luck with this.
  • katarina005
    katarina005 Posts: 259 Member
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    dancenlose wrote: »
    So I commute by bus to work and one of my colleague who takes the same route has become chatty with me. He keeps saying things like "move fast or the cars will get damaged when they hit you".
    This is incredibly rude and even unprofessional. I just ignore him usually, sometimes even get defensive (I'm not fat, I had a baby,etc.).
    Now I've started regularly working out and whenever he sees me going to the gym, he says things like "you're never going to lose" and "you haven't lost at all". He's seriously pissing me off as my weight isn't any of his business.
    I didn't want to snap at him because he would then know I'm sensitive about my weight, but today as I was talking a walk, he said it twice. I asked him to mind his own business. He claimed something like he's also minding his own business when I walked off.
    Sorry long post, but what's the best way to handle this? I have no interest in being friends with him, but it's impossible to avoid him because of our shared bus route.
    Any snarky comebacks welcome.
    Thanks for reading.

    Im sorry. Some people are just cruel. Honestly I would make him feel bad, and tell him how he makes you feel and leave you alone. He's a jerk and you have no obligations to treat him nice just because you make money in the same place. If your boss doesnt understand and his behavior doesnt stop, call HR and make a complaint.
  • katarina005
    katarina005 Posts: 259 Member
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    I used to work somewhere and my clothes got tight, and I was criticized by the ladies they said I was being suggestive in my dress. I was young and I think it was an excuse to get on me to make themselves feel better. So I know how you feel, and a m sorry to you.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
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    sammidelvecchio wrote: »
    elisa123gal wrote: »
    okay, you are acting helpless and like you don't know what to do..but you do.
    If this person works for the same company you do. TAKE CONTROL DON"T play the VICTIM. First. you know you can report him to HR...so do that. Second he lives at your condo and that is going to suck because he can bully you there all day long. ..and that's what he is.. a bully.. and bullies don't change. The more they feel they're getting to you, the more they come at you. If you let him know he bothers you.. you just give him ammunition.

    I'd say to him "Oh great, the resident screwed up bully again. You are so boring - get some therapy and stop being so obsessed with me."

    The best advice I can give is get an earplug head set.. have it connected to your phone and listen to music when you're in the elevator at your condo and on the bus and totally ignore him even if he tries to talk to you are get your attention. .. Tune the jerk out.

    She literally is a victim of harassment. You can take control while still being the victim.

    I agree with you...she is a victim of this bully. I'm just trying to get her to not feel weak and powerless..because there are a few things she can do. I've been bullied before by a guy who lives in my condo. It is a horrible situation because you see them in your "home." ... I learned bullies never ever change and there is no slam or rational words you can say to diffuse or get rid of them. In fact interacting with them is the worst thing you can do. Avoidance and tuning them out is the best policy. When she has the earphones in and never look at him..he'll move on to another victim.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,130 Member
    edited February 2020
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    Before approaching HR, I'd suggest jotting down some of the comments and dates/times they were made.

    I'd also try having a word with him yourself if you feel up to it and keeping a record of that jotted down somewhere too.

    The first thing they will likely ask you is if you have examples, and it can sometimes be hard to think of them, exactly when put on the spot. They are also likely to ask if you've made any effort to talk to him about it, as almost all HR policies for grievances will ask if it can be dealt with informally first, before more formal steps are taken, if you can show that you've done that already, they may be more pro-active in dealing with it formally.

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