Once the trust is broken

What concerns me is that he didn't apologize. I don't know his side or if he wants a divorce.

If he wants to separate, then you shouldn't try to keep the marriage going for the sake of the kids because it probably won't be happy.

And you DO deserve better than that. You deserve someone who is happy and wants to be in the marriage and will treat you right.

Not trusting him at this point is only part of it. There's no reason to reason to trust him if he isn't sorry or can't promise that it'll never happen again and let you know that he values your marriage and wants to make it up to you.

It never comes back. Everytime that he comes home late from work or he gets a text message, you will wonder who it's from or who he is with. It opens up fresh every time you see something that reminds you or hear something or if your mind just starts to wander. It's terrible.

I am still married to my husband, but I don't think the trust will ever be there again. Not like it was.

Trust can be regained. I've seen it in some difficult marriages. My best advice can only be to pray, even if you don't pray. Talk to God if you're willing. That has worked for me in much more difficult circumstances. Also, you can only work on you. You can't fix him. Only do what you can. Go for what you want and need. Praying; putting trust in God will lead you towards what God knows is perfect for you.

I LOVE THIS! SO Trueeee! Work on yourself, because if this one wasn't right for you. God has something better for you!

Ok, this breaks my heart because I understand much more than I wish I did and I have to tell you that if he does not want to try it will be difficult to make a marriage work it does take two people. I am not sure you can get trust back at this point with the way you have described the situation and honestly it may be unhealthy if you were able to trust him again. Lets look at this, he has not apologized nor has he even begun to make amends. I do not advocate divorce and think that just about anything can be worked through if both parties want to work through them, if that were the case my post would be completely different. He is finding everything you did "wrong" because he is trying to find reasons to justify his infidelity or to justify breaking up of the marriage to himself…please don’t own these reasons…ultimately you doing _______ does not cause unhappiness, we find happiness from within if it is contingent upon another we will never be content, but I am sorry that he is doing that because it feels awful. Unfortunately when we are in that situation we begin to believe it and then we are beaten down over and over until we are a former shell of who we once were and it takes time effort, energy and strength to come out of that place, it is an awful place to be. If you don't want a divorce, then by all means do not file but may I make a suggestion and really focus on working on your self and your inner strength this does not mean neglecting your husband but this means being a strong women and not being needy...easier said than done, trust me I am cognizant of this fact. I have no good answer for you because quite frankly there is no good answer, all I can offer you is understanding and send you positive and strengthening vibes your way.

I know this is REALLY hard for you. And I am SO sorry you're going through this. So, first of all: ::huggz::

Now...to business: Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Get you some good love, sweetie. ♥

Why would anyone stay with a cheater? Don't belittle yourself or choose that for yourself. You deserve so much better.

Personally, the trust never came back and the fact there was unfaithfulness will always be an issue in the relationship. Resentments about that never die and everytime there is a big arguement it gets brought up. It will always be in the back of your mind. Once someone cheats and you forgive them, it seems like a green light goes off in their mind that you just forgave them for doing the unthinkable, so why not cheat again?

This is hard and no one deserves to be cheated on...but it's best to move on...

He has never said he wants our marriage to work, just strings me along basically.

Don't get me wrong. Hve done my fair share in our relationship unraveling but it's both of us and he refuses to see it. He even texted me when I first got here that I should kow it was my fault our marriage didn't work. It's hard, and I know I deserve something better, but it's so hard to move on.

If he can't even accept any responsibility? I so much hate you have to go through this.
It takes two to fall in love, and it takes two to hurt that foundation.

It is so strong for him to string you along.

you're more than welcome to friend me, I've made it out of bad stuff and am always happy to help.

I've been there. It's a very long road to recovery. Don't jump into a divorce. That doesn't make anything better. Just be patient. I have to say this though... If it weren't for the Grace of God I wouldn't have survived it. It's devastating and my heart breaks for you. My best suggestion for you would be to get before God. Only He can mend your heart. You have to heal but I am here to tell you that THERE IS HEALING. I wish I could tell you that if you do "this and this" things will work out. I don't know what will happen. If there's not a change in your husbands heart and a repentance, you'll encounter this again and again. Just sit and be still. It's so soon afterwards - you take care of you. If he can't do that for you, then you concentrate on YOU. Be patient and pray. I feel so bad for you I want to cry! It's a terrible thing to have to endure. Good Luck Sweetie. Friend me if you'd like.

I agree entirely! don't jump into anything like divorce just yet. I worked for a family (i'm a nanny) and the Husband cheated on his wife while she was prego with there set of twins. He said he didn't love her anymore or want to be married to her anymore. They ended up separated for around 9months and while they were separated she worked on herself, (because he blamed her for his cheating) went to personal counseling a woman's support group and told him that she was working on herself to make there marriage better because she stilled loved him, after seeing everything she was doing he started going to counseling on his own and getting help, he realized that the real reason why he cheated was b/c of him and not her and he used her as an excuse, they both started going to counseling together and eventually he moved back into the house (but separate rooms) long story short, there back together after 2yrs of hard work and they renewed there marriage vows after 3yrs.
Trust isn't something you can fix immediately, but with a lot of work it can be done, especially when he see's your working on forgiving him and see's how much you still love him. Just give it time. Don't jump the gun on divorce. As for the friend.....tell her you forgive her and then It's time to move on and find a new friend, Don't have any contact with her again (if at all possible) It helps to forgive her as part of you being able to completely move on with you and your husband. Good Luck, I hope everything works out for you.

It is hard and I totally feel for you.

I've been married twice. The first time, I left and filed for divorce because of his infidelity. The second time, when the subject came up, I stayed. I can't say it has been easy. It takes time, energy, and would probably been easier if I had gone to counseling.

The biggest difference? My ex-husband tried to blame me. My husband apologized like crazy (and it helped that I caught it right before it turned from emotional to physical). It still hurts 6 years later. Even just typing this out makes me want to go hide and bawl my eyes out over the things he said to her. Some months are great and some days I am a mess. It's a healing process, still.

My husband is completely different from yours though. Your husband seems to be out playing the field as if he were single and is blaming you because you moved away. Honey, you know things aren't right and you knew it when you left. He's trying to punish you for leaving him. In my opinion, you won't be able to salvage this situation. Get your head up, get you and your kids through this, and flip him the bird. He calls you a *****? Well, own it. Be a ***** who can take care of her own business and doesn't need a no-good POS holding her back, calling her lazy and pathetic and sleeping with random women.

The best revenge really is living well. If you can get through the first few weeks, it gets easier. Focus on your job, your kids, your family, trying to get out with your girlfriends to have some fun and leave trash in the dirt where it belongs. He will either see that he misses you (unlikely) or he'll be even more pissed when you prove you aren't lazy or pathetic and trust me - its awesome to be able to laugh at them for making stupid choices when they could have had you.