We broke up because...
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She didnt appreciate me hanging upside down and hissing whenever the shades were opened.0
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she wanted to do the upside-down spiderman kiss and ended up breaking her neck0
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She didnt appreciate me washing her windows....all the time... waiting for the shades to open.0
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Washing my windows was a euphemism for a tong...nevermind0
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I thought I was getting a calloused tongue... but no... misread.0
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Her tongue was calloused and it wasn’t because she was licking my envelopes. 😒0
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The ride was just too bumpy, had to get off0
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No riding
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The spurs hurt too much0
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she left me as soon as Dan became single0
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He, he..
idk... maybe he just didn't love me 😭 0 -
1
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¡Se convirtió en la Sancha de María y ya no quería ser mi pequeño amor Australiano 😢0
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She didn't practice santeria0
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He wanted crystal "ball" implants ...0
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she wasn't impressed by my natural 'balls'0
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Ever hear of "Manscaping"??
🤨0 -
Always pouring hot wax on me when I least suspected it.0
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Wasn't kinky enough 😜0
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Her idea of kinky was leaving the lights on0
deal 
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