Being stuck. Demotivated.
UmaMageswarymfp
Posts: 280 Member
Heyy y’all . I need some motivation / advice. It’s been 2 months now and my big target is right now to hit 107kg but I’m being stuck at 111kg. Always fluctuating from 110-111.5kg. It’s so frustrating cause everytime I see I hit 109.9 kg on the scale I get overexcited and unintentionally jeopardize it by cheat meal or just being lazy. The next day I’d weigh and it’ll be around 10.5kg. I get frustrated again and then continue to cheat for 2 days. Again it’ll go back to 111kg-111.5 kg . Then I’ll find my motivation again to workout / eat properly in order to get to 109 again. This cycle has repeated 4 times and I’m so effing tired of it. Is there any way I can break this cycle. I’m losing so much motivation and I’m afraid one day I’ll be like screw it im never gonna hit 107kg and start binging. Pls help me. I don’t wanna ever go back to 130kg.
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Replies
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Personally I don't believe in "cheat meals". I think if you reread your OP yourself you may see exactly where the problem is. Perhaps you should only weigh once a month.8
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snowflake954 wrote: »Personally I don't believe in "cheat meals". I think if you reread your OP yourself you may see exactly where the problem is. Perhaps you should only weigh once a month.
That's a good idea. Maybe weigh even less than that.
If you're good at logging your food, and what is throwing you out of whack is the number on the scale, remove the thing that is throwing you out of whack. Use measurements or progress pictures rather than the scale to monitor your progress.12 -
If looking at a specific number on the scale is causing you to sabotage your own progress, then that's what you need to address. Weigh less often or work on decoupling that emotional reaction to seeing that number.7
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It sounds like you are using that 109kg figure as an excuse to go off the rails. You need to figure out why it is that you want to go off the rails in the first place. That's the real issue.
You need to make sustainable changes to your eating habits that you can maintain going forward, not just reach a goal and then go back to what you were doing before that got you to the place you don't ever want to go back to (130kg).
You can eat whatever you want anytime you want. There's no such thing as a "cheat meal". What you call a "cheat meal" is what most people would classify as a "really high calorie meal that throws me WAY over my calories". There are a few ways to handle that without blowing your goals out of the water. First, you can "bank" calories for a few days ahead of time to "save up" for a big meal. So if you want to have a 2,000 calorie blow-out then eat at a 300 calorie per day deficit for 4 days or so to "earn" an extra 1,200 calories later. See how that works? Second, you can just have a version of that meal that fits into your daily goal. For example, tonight I'm going out for burgers with the family. Instead of getting the 900 calorie bacon-cheese-triple-patty-loaded-calorie-bomb version, i'll order a plain single burger with a salad that fits into my goal for the day. I get a burger, I get to scratch my fast food itch, and I don't destroy my goals for the day.
You need to figure out ways to cope with your weight, food intake, and your emotional responses to them. THAT'S the real challenge for pretty much every single person that comes to this website. But you have to figure out YOUR best practice and what works for YOU.
Best of luck to you! You can do this!13 -
I'd echo the good advice above to weigh less often.
Also, are you rewarding yourself for hitting 109.9 with food or are you so relieved to have gotten there because you're starving?
If its the former then maybe try saying to yourself when you hit a mini goal you'll get your nails done or something else you enjoy that isn't food related as a reward. If its because you're struggling with hunger maybe re-evaluate how quickly you're losing. Better to get there slower than not at all.6 -
It sounds like you are using that 109kg figure as an excuse to go off the rails. You need to figure out why it is that you want to go off the rails in the first place. That's the real issue.
You need to make sustainable changes to your eating habits that you can maintain going forward, not just reach a goal and then go back to what you were doing before that got you to the place you don't ever want to go back to (130kg).
You can eat whatever you want anytime you want. There's no such thing as a "cheat meal". What you call a "cheat meal" is what most people would classify as a "really high calorie meal that throws me WAY over my calories". There are a few ways to handle that without blowing your goals out of the water. First, you can "bank" calories for a few days ahead of time to "save up" for a big meal. So if you want to have a 2,000 calorie blow-out then eat at a 300 calorie per day deficit for 4 days or so to "earn" an extra 1,200 calories later. See how that works? Second, you can just have a version of that meal that fits into your daily goal. For example, tonight I'm going out for burgers with the family. Instead of getting the 900 calorie bacon-cheese-triple-patty-loaded-calorie-bomb version, i'll order a plain single burger with a salad that fits into my goal for the day. I get a burger, I get to scratch my fast food itch, and I don't destroy my goals for the day.
You need to figure out ways to cope with your weight, food intake, and your emotional responses to them. THAT'S the real challenge for pretty much every single person that comes to this website. But you have to figure out YOUR best practice and what works for YOU.
Best of luck to you! You can do this!
Yeah, it took me a bit to figure out there is really no such thing as a "cheat meal." Your body is going to recognize the calories no matter what I'm telling myself. There are a variety of ways around this. You can choose to bank calories, you can choose to eat a bit less the few days following, you can limit your number of really high calories days to a number that is statistically meaningless over the course of a year, but what you can't do is just decide "well, it's a cheat day so it doesn't matter."
I personally find it much more sustainable to figure out ways to make the foods I love fit into my regular life (like you're doing with the burger and salad tonight). Not only does this eliminate the swings often associated with "cheat days," it makes hitting my calorie goals overall much easier (because I'm regularly eating things that I enjoy).4 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Heyy y’all . I need some motivation / advice. It’s been 2 months now and my big target is right now to hit 107kg but I’m being stuck at 111kg. Always fluctuating from 110-111.5kg. It’s so frustrating cause everytime I see I hit 109.9 kg on the scale I get overexcited and unintentionally jeopardize it by cheat meal or just being lazy. The next day I’d weigh and it’ll be around 10.5kg. I get frustrated again and then continue to cheat for 2 days. Again it’ll go back to 111kg-111.5 kg . Then I’ll find my motivation again to workout / eat properly in order to get to 109 again. This cycle has repeated 4 times and I’m so effing tired of it. Is there any way I can break this cycle. I’m losing so much motivation and I’m afraid one day I’ll be like screw it im never gonna hit 107kg and start binging. Pls help me. I don’t wanna ever go back to 130kg.
Stop focusing on your weight and focus on why you want a "cheat" meal at all.
Each and every time I see someone mention a cheat meal the first though that goes through my head is that they not losing sustainably. The reason is the term cheat. It suggests that you need to relax or blow off steam from rigid or aggressive choices. That is always what it meant for me.
I agree with the others that perhaps the scale is getting the better of you but I would also bet that you need to find a balance between enjoying your life and losing weight that works better for you. It may mean losing even slower and it may mean including more food choices through creative calorie management.
If you can continue eventually you will get to the end of the weight loss phase and if you have not learned how to live a weight management lifestyle you will be at risk of regaining.8 -
Nativestar56 wrote: »I'd echo the good advice above to weigh less often.
Also, are you rewarding yourself for hitting 109.9 with food or are you so relieved to have gotten there because you're starving?
If its the former then maybe try saying to yourself when you hit a mini goal you'll get your nails done or something else you enjoy that isn't food related as a reward. If its because you're struggling with hunger maybe re-evaluate how quickly you're losing. Better to get there slower than not at all.
Because I simply like to overeat every meal , over my calories. Plus I’m Asian I eat rice with almost every meal. 1 cup rice is 300 calories and I can easily eat 3 cups. I restrict myself from eating too much rice so I only eat 1 cup. On my “cheat” day . I tend to go ham on the rice and maybe Kfc plate. I always find myself doing this as soon as I hit 109.9 cause I feel skinny . In fact I still have 30kgs to lose.3 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Personally I don't believe in "cheat meals". I think if you reread your OP yourself you may see exactly where the problem is. Perhaps you should only weigh once a month.
I weigh every morning with an empty stomach. I know I’m insane0 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Personally I don't believe in "cheat meals". I think if you reread your OP yourself you may see exactly where the problem is. Perhaps you should only weigh once a month.
I weigh every morning with an empty stomach. I know I’m insane
There's nothing necessarily *wrong* with weighing first thing every morning (I do the same thing), the key is whether or not it is impacting you negatively (and it sounds like it may be doing this for you).7 -
It sounds like you are using that 109kg figure as an excuse to go off the rails. You need to figure out why it is that you want to go off the rails in the first place. That's the real issue.
You need to make sustainable changes to your eating habits that you can maintain going forward, not just reach a goal and then go back to what you were doing before that got you to the place you don't ever want to go back to (130kg).
You can eat whatever you want anytime you want. There's no such thing as a "cheat meal". What you call a "cheat meal" is what most people would classify as a "really high calorie meal that throws me WAY over my calories". There are a few ways to handle that without blowing your goals out of the water. First, you can "bank" calories for a few days ahead of time to "save up" for a big meal. So if you want to have a 2,000 calorie blow-out then eat at a 300 calorie per day deficit for 4 days or so to "earn" an extra 1,200 calories later. See how that works? Second, you can just have a version of that meal that fits into your daily goal. For example, tonight I'm going out for burgers with the family. Instead of getting the 900 calorie bacon-cheese-triple-patty-loaded-calorie-bomb version, i'll order a plain single burger with a salad that fits into my goal for the day. I get a burger, I get to scratch my fast food itch, and I don't destroy my goals for the day.
You need to figure out ways to cope with your weight, food intake, and your emotional responses to them. THAT'S the real challenge for pretty much every single person that comes to this website. But you have to figure out YOUR best practice and what works for YOU.
Best of luck to you! You can do this!
Thank you for this amazing post but i have this mentality where if I cheat that day it’s already ruined. I’ll eat as I wish for the day and start back another day. So it’s like I’ll pushhh until my willpower goes off then I’ll cheat and get back again . Sigh2 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Nativestar56 wrote: »I'd echo the good advice above to weigh less often.
Also, are you rewarding yourself for hitting 109.9 with food or are you so relieved to have gotten there because you're starving?
If its the former then maybe try saying to yourself when you hit a mini goal you'll get your nails done or something else you enjoy that isn't food related as a reward. If its because you're struggling with hunger maybe re-evaluate how quickly you're losing. Better to get there slower than not at all.
Because I simply like to overeat every meal , over my calories. Plus I’m Asian I eat rice with almost every meal. 1 cup rice is 300 calories and I can easily eat 3 cups. I restrict myself from eating too much rice so I only eat 1 cup. On my “cheat” day . I tend to go ham on the rice and maybe Kfc plate. I always find myself doing this as soon as I hit 109.9 cause I feel skinny . In fact I still have 30kgs to lose.
Most of us who were obese/overweight enjoyed overeating every meal. You certainly aren't alone. Left to my own devices, I'd also choose to overeat every meal because I like eating lots of food and I love the feeling of being full. Three cups of rice plus whatever else I was eating . . . yeah, I've been there.
I just decided I liked keeping my weight in a certain range more and came up with strategies to get around it. I'll still have foods like rice, I just make sure they fit into my calorie goal. And I make sure to fill up the rest of the meal with foods that fill me up (for me, that's lots of vegetables along with some protein).5 -
janejellyroll wrote: »UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Nativestar56 wrote: »I'd echo the good advice above to weigh less often.
Also, are you rewarding yourself for hitting 109.9 with food or are you so relieved to have gotten there because you're starving?
If its the former then maybe try saying to yourself when you hit a mini goal you'll get your nails done or something else you enjoy that isn't food related as a reward. If its because you're struggling with hunger maybe re-evaluate how quickly you're losing. Better to get there slower than not at all.
Because I simply like to overeat every meal , over my calories. Plus I’m Asian I eat rice with almost every meal. 1 cup rice is 300 calories and I can easily eat 3 cups. I restrict myself from eating too much rice so I only eat 1 cup. On my “cheat” day . I tend to go ham on the rice and maybe Kfc plate. I always find myself doing this as soon as I hit 109.9 cause I feel skinny . In fact I still have 30kgs to lose.
Most of us who were obese/overweight enjoyed overeating every meal. You certainly aren't alone. Left to my own devices, I'd also choose to overeat every meal because I like eating lots of food and I love the feeling of being full. Three cups of rice plus whatever else I was eating . . . yeah, I've been there.
I just decided I liked keeping my weight in a certain range more and came up with strategies to get around it. I'll still have foods like rice, I just make sure they fit into my calorie goal. And I make sure to fill up the rest of the meal with foods that fill me up (for me, that's lots of vegetables along with some protein).
Yeah I’ve been consuming lots of protein and fiber. That’s how I lost some weight but recently idk what it is. I find it hard to keep the weight off at 109. As soon as it shows I get very proud and this boost of serotonin and then I’ll be like “as long as I don’t hit 112kg” you’re good. With that excuse in my head I eat high calorie food for 2/3 days until I realize how I wasted all the hardwork by binging and now I have to lose the weight I gain to hit 109 againnn. It’s sooooo tiring0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Personally I don't believe in "cheat meals". I think if you reread your OP yourself you may see exactly where the problem is. Perhaps you should only weigh once a month.
I weigh every morning with an empty stomach. I know I’m insane
There's nothing necessarily *wrong* with weighing first thing every morning (I do the same thing), the key is whether or not it is impacting you negatively (and it sounds like it may be doing this for you).
It defo is , I groan when the scale doesn’t show certain loss. If I weigh everyday it’s impacting me negatively but if I DONT I’d be binging and pretend like I’m still in my 110-112kg. I’m exposing how my brain thinks and I feel so uncomfortable sharing this hut I hope I get some advice I can use0 -
Have you read this article, @umamageswarymfp?
http://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations
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Uma, you're human.
Those neural pathways in our brains have been laying down tracks since the day we were born. They will fight against us when we start making changes of any kind. The brain is basically a lazy sonuvagun that will always take the pathway of least resistance. The brain wants to keep the status quo so it doesn't have to think about what it's doing.
The brain doesn't want us to moderate ourselves with food or portions. Ahhh, hail to the nooo. The brain enjoys coasting on its laurels eating all the things it's always enjoyed without any consequences. Flip the Switch. Learn how to surf the urges. Urge surfing.
There will be times we have to continue riding on our boogie boards until we can make it into the shoreline. Intact. Urges for
food, shopping...whatever your urge - are waves that rise in intensity, peak and eventually crash into the shoreline. In the beginning, these urges usually peak within 20-30 minutes. Then the urge will crash or subside.
It takes practice not to keep giving into them with more immediate food reward gratification. You can ride those waves, Uma. Ride, ride, ride until the waves crash into the shoreline. Stay on that boogie board. I cannot prognosticate how long you're going to have to ride but as time goes on you will feel and act according to your goals and values instead of according to the urges for the things you don't really want.
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Diatonic12 wrote: »Uma, you're human.
Those neural pathways in our brains have been laying down tracks since the day we were born. They will fight against us when we start making changes of any kind. The brain is basically a lazy sonuvagun that will always take the pathway of least resistance. The brain wants to keep the status quo so it doesn't have to think about what it's doing.
The brain doesn't want us to moderate ourselves with food or portions. Ahhh, hail to the nooo. The brain enjoys coasting on its laurels eating all the things it's always enjoyed without any consequences. Flip the Switch. Learn how to surf the urges. Urge surfing.
There will be times we have to continue riding on our boogie boards until we can make it into the shoreline. Intact. Urges for
food, shopping...whatever your urge - are waves that rise in intensity, peak and eventually crash into the shoreline. In the beginning, these urges usually peak within 20-30 minutes. Then the urge will crash or subside.
It takes practice not to keep giving into them with more immediate food reward gratification. You can ride those waves, Uma. Ride, ride, ride until the waves crash into the shoreline. Stay on that boogie board. I cannot prognosticate how long you're going to have to ride but as time goes on you will feel and act according to your goals and values instead of according to the urges for the things you don't really want.
It’s just so exhausting when I have to go through it again and again 🥺😭1 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Diatonic12 wrote: »Uma, you're human.
Those neural pathways in our brains have been laying down tracks since the day we were born. They will fight against us when we start making changes of any kind. The brain is basically a lazy sonuvagun that will always take the pathway of least resistance. The brain wants to keep the status quo so it doesn't have to think about what it's doing.
The brain doesn't want us to moderate ourselves with food or portions. Ahhh, hail to the nooo. The brain enjoys coasting on its laurels eating all the things it's always enjoyed without any consequences. Flip the Switch. Learn how to surf the urges. Urge surfing.
There will be times we have to continue riding on our boogie boards until we can make it into the shoreline. Intact. Urges for
food, shopping...whatever your urge - are waves that rise in intensity, peak and eventually crash into the shoreline. In the beginning, these urges usually peak within 20-30 minutes. Then the urge will crash or subside.
It takes practice not to keep giving into them with more immediate food reward gratification. You can ride those waves, Uma. Ride, ride, ride until the waves crash into the shoreline. Stay on that boogie board. I cannot prognosticate how long you're going to have to ride but as time goes on you will feel and act according to your goals and values instead of according to the urges for the things you don't really want.
It’s just so exhausting when I have to go through it again and again 🥺😭
But that's just it--you don't have to. If you can't find a coping mechanism then consider counseling to help you.2 -
@UmaMageswarymfp You're going to get there. Experience is the best teacher.1
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Diatonic12 wrote: »@UmaMageswarymfp You're going to get there. Experience is the best teacher.
This is sooo deep and true! Thank you 🥺😭0 -
Hey, Uma:
We've gone back and forth a few times, esp when you were thinking of messing with a good thing by pushing harder a while back, so I am not sure if I my perspective is helpful to you or not.
My belief is that if you don't stop thinking of dieting to lose weight as something different than your permanent method of weight and activity management you're going to continue to suffer through cycles of regain.
What I am trying to say is that myself, and yourself, got to be morbidly obese. We got there by over-eating. There were probably a lot of reasons we over-ate over and above just the fact that we enjoy certain quantities and type of food. In order to succeed in weight loss and maintenance, a good number of the issues associated with WHY we sometimes over-eat (over and above how much and what) will have to be handled. -- I can't help with that: it is a journey of self discovery. I am sure counselling can help with that. Or getting to be in your 50's
Based on my discoveries... you're probably better off resolving this before your 50's, which is why I am writing this! 
Additionally, we have the mechanics: how much and what we eat. If our attitude is that we are doing temporary things to lose weight (and that we are going to reward ourselves by doing something different when we achieve our goals) we are reducing the chances of being able to maintain.
This DOES NOT MEAN that you never get to enjoy a feast. The occasional overeat that is PART of your NORMAL PLAN is perfectly OK. Even if nothing changes in the mechanics, it is 1,000,000% a perspective and attitude thing.
I've seen you struggling on and off on these boards these past couple of years. If and when you switch to an "IDGAF" attitude (and it happens/can happen to all of use because "life") that is something that has to be handled outside of diet advice (again counselling might help). But I still think that there exist ways to improve your chance of success by handling the base aspects of weight and activity management better.
Stop thinking along the lines of losing weight by being on a diet and start thinking about you practicing how you will maintain your weight as a normal weight person.
If you now start practicing eating at your maintenance level of calories, as long as your future maintenance calories are a sufficient BUT NOT EXCESSIVE deficit as compared to your current energy requirements, you will lose weight at a good enough clip!
AND you will NOT BE on a DIET.
Whatever it is you're doing you're doing it for life. You're making the exact same choices you expect to be making every day over the next 50 years of maintenance! There is NO CHEATING. It is 100% PLANNED and EXACTLY what you want to be doing. And of course you're flexible and willing to adjust when circumstances change. This is PART of the plan! But it is YOUR PLAN. And you're doing exactly what you WANT to be doing!
Of course, if you often fail at keeping to that future maintenance, then you will be delaying getting there. But if you're often failing at keeping to that future maintenance you wouldn't have been able to stay there either!
Yes. I am desperately trying to break you out of the idea that you're doing something different TODAY than you will be doing TOMORROW.
I think you need to start investigating long term options that you can LIVE WITH, as opposed to making short term goal oriented diet and exercise choices that you cannot live with long term and which then result in your cycling back to square one.
Mechanically:
Build a quick matrix for yourself (possibly using https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/, or just by entering values on MFP https://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator)
Start with your current stats and multiply that number by 1.25 and 1.4 (they are equal to MFP sedentary and lightly active). If you're active a couple of hours+ a day, and/or are hitting 10K steps, then you go for x1.6 and MFP active.
Now. check the same stats for you being at a BMI 24.9 (somewhat of an arbitrary number, I know, think of it as an example of the process you can follow with a target of your own). Use an activity factor of 1.6 and 1.8 (MFP lightly active and MFP active). So you're multiplying your BMR calories by the slightly higher activity factor number.
Why? Because as you lighten up I would expect you to become more active absent a physical impediment. If nothing else you will FEEL better and want to move more. GO WITH IT. MAKE THE TIME. You do increase your chances of maintenance by being more active overall.
Active doesn't have to be doing HIIT till you puke! A stroll that becomes a walk that becomes a power walk that becomes a hike is more than good enough as a base. And you don't even *have* to get as high as the power walk bit, though again, as you get lighter, I suspect you will WANT to do more.
Compare the numbers you got for the FUTURE YOU to your CURRENT YOU numbers.
Status check #1: what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.4 ? what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.25? is it a number between 500 and 750? How close to 500? How close to 750. 25% of BMR is the point where I believe that things start to get more difficult. Can you create a larger deficit? Sure. But it makes adherence more of a problem and increases the risk of longer term issues.
Status check #2: How much of a deficit is it to get to eat like the active / very active normal weight person you are going to be?
Find a happy medium where you are eating at a deficit TODAY while being at maintenance as your FUTURE self. And try to mold yourself TOWARDS becoming that future self. You have a good 2-3 years to practice and execute your seamless transition into maintenance!
And before your flip and say: "two to three years, OMG, sooooo long", the answer is: you're doing this FOR LIFE. There is no change. YOU'RE NOT ON A DIET. You have to EXPERIMENT and DISCOVER long term sustainable choices. Time is irrelevant!!!
Is your future self a very active person? Then you should be trying to maybe increase your activity a bit while losing weight. Is that future self a person who eats 6x 85g of vegetables and 3x 85g of fruit a day? Then that's what you should be eating more and more often. Is that future person someone who once in a while goes out with family/friends/what have you for a more elaborate feast? That's FINE. Your future person will be doing this and it is part of the EXPERIMENT and DISCOVERY of long term sustainable choices.
Should you keep weighing yourself: YES. Especially with water weight being an issue with a larger female person and especially if medications may impact your water weight. USE A WEIGHT TREND APP. Use a weight trend app. Use a weight trend app. Your weight is the number of your TREND not what you saw on your scale today.
Are weight trend apps infallible? NO, but they provide perspective. Just that part (not seeing the weight on the scale as your weight but just looking at the TREND numbers) would have saved you a large part of this latest cycle you've been in.
Anyway. I hope this helps either you, or someone else in a similar situation who puts up with my ramblings on this!
@NovusDies has written many excellent posts about perspective and how to tackle weight loss. Both he, and I, failed to lose weight over many years. He has lost a lot more weight than I have. I have been at maintenance a longer. I don't think that we agree 100% on everything; but, I think that we have many similarities on our perspective of what has a higher chance of working out for someone starting up from morbidly obese levels.8 -
I wonder if maybe 109/110 is your current goal weight? Maybe that's where your mind wants your body to be right now. You could also consider holding there for a while till you're ready to stop cheating and get to a new lower weight. A maintenance break. You don't need to race to the finish line if you "feel so skinny" at 109. You're basically saying you feel great at 109. Some people have success getting to a happy weight, holding for a while, and continuing later when they decide its time. Sometimes it takes time for our perspectives to change or to catch up with the changes. And you've already done great work getting from 130 to 110. Whats wrong with sitting at 110 for 2-6 more months or something and then going again for a drop? The key with this is that its maintenance... not regain.2
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Hey, Uma:
We've gone back and forth a few times, esp when you were thinking of messing with a good thing by pushing harder a while back, so I am not sure if I my perspective is helpful to you or not.
My belief is that if you don't stop thinking of dieting to lose weight as something different than your permanent method of weight and activity management you're going to continue to suffer through cycles of regain.
What I am trying to say is that myself, and yourself, got to be morbidly obese. We got there by over-eating. There were probably a lot of reasons we over-ate over and above just the fact that we enjoy certain quantities and type of food. In order to succeed in weight loss and maintenance, a good number of the issues associated with WHY we sometimes over-eat (over and above how much and what) will have to be handled. -- I can't help with that: it is a journey of self discovery. I am sure counselling can help with that. Or getting to be in your 50's Based on my discoveries... you're probably better off resolving this before your 50's, which is why I am writing this!
Additionally, we have the mechanics: how much and what we eat. If our attitude is that we are doing temporary things to lose weight (and that we are going to reward ourselves by doing something different when we achieve our goals) we are reducing the chances of being able to maintain.
This DOES NOT MEAN that you never get to enjoy a feast. The occasional overeat that is PART of your NORMAL PLAN is perfectly OK. Even if nothing changes in the mechanics, it is 1,000,000% a perspective and attitude thing.
I've seen you struggling on and off on these boards these past couple of years. If and when you switch to an "IDGAF" attitude (and it happens/can happen to all of use because "life") that is something that has to be handled outside of diet advice (again counselling might help). But I still think that there exist ways to improve your chance of success by handling the base aspects of weight and activity management better.
Stop thinking along the lines of losing weight by being on a diet and start thinking about you practicing how you will maintain your weight as a normal weight person.
If you now start practicing eating at your maintenance level of calories, as long as your future maintenance calories are a sufficient BUT NOT EXCESSIVE deficit as compared to your current energy requirements, you will lose weight at a good enough clip!
AND you will NOT BE on a DIET.
Whatever it is you're doing you're doing it for life. You're making the exact same choices you expect to be making every day over the next 50 years of maintenance! There is NO CHEATING. It is 100% PLANNED and EXACTLY what you want to be doing. And of course you're flexible and willing to adjust when circumstances change. This is PART of the plan! But it is YOUR PLAN. And you're doing exactly what you WANT to be doing!
Of course, if you often fail at keeping to that future maintenance, then you will be delaying getting there. But if you're often failing at keeping to that future maintenance you wouldn't have been able to stay there either!
Yes. I am desperately trying to break you out of the idea that you're doing something different TODAY than you will be doing TOMORROW.
I think you need to start investigating long term options that you can LIVE WITH, as opposed to making short term goal oriented diet and exercise choices that you cannot live with long term and which then result in your cycling back to square one.
Mechanically:
Build a quick matrix for yourself (possibly using https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/, or just by entering values on MFP https://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator)
Start with your current stats and multiply that number by 1.25 and 1.4 (they are equal to MFP sedentary and lightly active). If you're active a couple of hours+ a day, and/or are hitting 10K steps, then you go for x1.6 and MFP active.
Now. check the same stats for you being at a BMI 24.9, and you being at a BMI of 23 (somewhat arbitrary numbers, I know). Use an activity factor of 1.6 and 1.8 (MFP lightly active and MFP active). So you're multiplying your BMR calories by the slightly higher activity factor number.
Why? Because as you lighten up I would expect you to become more active absent a physical impediment. If nothing else you will FEEL better and want to move more. GO WITH IT. MAKE THE TIME. You do increase your chances of maintenance by being more active overall.
Active doesn't have to be doing HIIT till you puke! A stroll that becomes a walk that becomes a power walk that becomes a hike is more than good enough as a base. And you don't even *have* to get as high as the power walk bit, though again, as you get lighter, I suspect you will WANT to do more.
Compare the numbers you got for the FUTURE YOU to your CURRENT YOU numbers.
Status check #1: what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.4 ? what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.25? is it a number between 500 and 750? How close to 500? How close to 750. 25% of BMR is the point where I believe that things start to get more difficult. Can you create a larger deficit? Sure. But it makes adherence more of a problem and increases the risk of longer term issues.
Status check #2: How much of a deficit is it to get to eat like the active / very active normal weight person you are going to be?
Find a happy medium where you are eating at a deficit TODAY while being at maintenance as your FUTURE self. And try to mold yourself TOWARDS becoming that future self. You have a good 2-3 years to practice and execute your seamless transition into maintenance!
And before your flip and say: "two to three years, OMG, sooooo long", the answer is: you're doing this FOR LIFE. There is no change. YOU'RE NOT ON A DIET. You have to EXPERIMENT and DISCOVER long term sustainable choices. Time is irrelevant!!!
Is your future self a very active person? Then you should be trying to maybe increase your activity a bit while losing weight. Is that future self a person who eats 6x 85g of vegetables and 3x 85g of fruit a day? Then that's what you should be eating more and more often. Is that future person someone who once in a while goes out with family/friends/what have you for a more elaborate feast? That's FINE. Your future person will be doing this and it is part of the EXPERIMENT and DISCOVERY of long term sustainable choices.
Should you keep weighing yourself: YES. Especially with water weight being an issue with a larger female person and especially if medications may impact your water weight. USE A WEIGHT TREND APP. Use a weight trend app. Use a weight trend app. Your weight is the number of your TREND not what you saw on your scale today.
Are weight trend apps infallible? NO, but they provide perspective. Just that part (not seeing the weight on the scale as your weight but just looking at the TREND numbers) would have saved you a large part of this latest cycle you've been in.
Anyway. I hope this helps either you, or someone else in a similar situation who puts up with my ramblings on this!
@NovusDies has written many excellent posts about perspective and how to tackle weight loss. Both he, and I, failed to lose weight over many years. He has lost a lot more weight than I have. I have been at maintenance a longer. I don't think that we agree 100% on everything; but, I think that we have many similarities on our perspective of what has a higher chance of working out for someone starting up from morbidly obese levels.
Thank you so much for this and I’ve personally messaged you regarding this. Pls response0 -
I wonder if maybe 109/110 is your current goal weight? Maybe that's where your mind wants your body to be right now. You could also consider holding there for a while till you're ready to stop cheating and get to a new lower weight. A maintenance break. You don't need to race to the finish line if you "feel so skinny" at 109. You're basically saying you feel great at 109. Some people have success getting to a happy weight, holding for a while, and continuing later when they decide its time.
109kg is my lowest weight after 5 years so I think it makes me feel skinny. I can see my collar bones and stuff. That excitement makes me feel like I accomplished but my actual target is 90kg. For now getting to 105kg will be huge accomplishment.
2 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Thank you so much for this and I’ve personally messaged you regarding this. Pls response
Made a slight change in my post about target levels. No message and MFP is very iffy on messages that are not between friends.
Even though I am 100% NOT adding friends (I don't even look at the list of requests these days) to facilitate I am sending you a FR
0 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Thank you so much for this and I’ve personally messaged you regarding this. Pls response
Made a slight change in my post about target levels. No message and MFP is very iffy on messages that are not between friends.
Even though I am 100% NOT adding friends (I don't even look at the list of requests these days) to facilitate I am sending you a FR
Aww thank you!! I appreciate it sm0 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Aww thank you!! I appreciate it sm
Found your F/R and approved while trying to figure out how to send you one! No P/M yet. 0 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »Aww thank you!! I appreciate it sm
Found your F/R and approved while trying to figure out how to send you one! No P/M yet.
I just sent you a PM0 -
UmaMageswarymfp wrote: »I just sent you a PM
Got it! And thank you for your kind words.
But, honest, your p/m doesn't include issues you haven't posted about, or that I've not already tried to address with what I've said in the past and even with what I'm telling you above.
What both Novus and I have said is that the perspective you pm'ed me about is exactly why, in our opinion, we went in circles during our own past weight loss attempts and why, in our opinion, you have a very high probability of going in circles if you can't successfully change your perspective and process that you follow.
It doesn't mean we're right.
And now I'm going to stop putting words in someone else's mouth, and just continue by myself!!!
Your p.m. confirms that your current perspective and actions are exactly what I thought they were when I was writing my post above offering you an alternative
you are doing exactly the same things you did when you changed your weight loss methods before your trip and for the same reasons.
You're thinking this ends. I'm saying it doesn't end and you have to improve the process to the point it becomes easy enough to be permanently sustainable.
Maybe you can't eat 3 cups of rice and you find out that you enjoy shirataki rice, or cauliflower rice. Or that you're willing to trade something else for the three cups of rice that are not negotiable. Or the three cups become two. Or one and you eat a lot of spaghetti squash.
The point is that it has to be sustainable
And my perspective and advice is the same in the forum, or privately! 🤗
I mean this really is my perspective of what's happening. And that's why earlier I said I don't know if my pov is helpful to you or not!
I am not a trained counsellor so I have no idea how you get from where you are in terms of perspective and attitude to where I am if what I've written to you in the past is not persuasive and appealing enough to get there on your own!
Plus there's no guarantees that I' am correct when it comes to you handling yourself!
Each of us can only bring to the table our own experiences and offer them to the others for their consideration! 🤷♂️4 -
Also note that you're fighting your body's make up and predictable hormonal reactions.
If there exists an 80/20 rule it is that 80% should NOT involve willpower and high degree of effort
There is nobody who will ever have enough willpower to flip that around for years and years at a time.
Hence you have to change things so you're only tapping on willpower sparingly.4
This discussion has been closed.
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