Being stuck. Demotivated.

PAV8888 wrote: »

Hey, Uma:

We've gone back and forth a few times, esp when you were thinking of messing with a good thing by pushing harder a while back, so I am not sure if I my perspective is helpful to you or not.

My belief is that if you don't stop thinking of dieting to lose weight as something different than your permanent method of weight and activity management you're going to continue to suffer through cycles of regain.

What I am trying to say is that myself, and yourself, got to be morbidly obese. We got there by over-eating. There were probably a lot of reasons we over-ate over and above just the fact that we enjoy certain quantities and type of food. In order to succeed in weight loss and maintenance, a good number of the issues associated with WHY we sometimes over-eat (over and above how much and what) will have to be handled. -- I can't help with that: it is a journey of self discovery. I am sure counselling can help with that. Or getting to be in your 50's Based on my discoveries... you're probably better off resolving this before your 50's, which is why I am writing this!

Additionally, we have the mechanics: how much and what we eat. If our attitude is that we are doing temporary things to lose weight (and that we are going to reward ourselves by doing something different when we achieve our goals) we are reducing the chances of being able to maintain.

This DOES NOT MEAN that you never get to enjoy a feast. The occasional overeat that is PART of your NORMAL PLAN is perfectly OK. Even if nothing changes in the mechanics, it is 1,000,000% a perspective and attitude thing.

I've seen you struggling on and off on these boards these past couple of years. If and when you switch to an "IDGAF" attitude (and it happens/can happen to all of use because "life") that is something that has to be handled outside of diet advice (again counselling might help). But I still think that there exist ways to improve your chance of success by handling the base aspects of weight and activity management better.

Stop thinking along the lines of losing weight by being on a diet and start thinking about you practicing how you will maintain your weight as a normal weight person.

If you now start practicing eating at your maintenance level of calories, as long as your future maintenance calories are a sufficient BUT NOT EXCESSIVE deficit as compared to your current energy requirements, you will lose weight at a good enough clip!

AND you will NOT BE on a DIET.

Whatever it is you're doing you're doing it for life. You're making the exact same choices you expect to be making every day over the next 50 years of maintenance! There is NO CHEATING. It is 100% PLANNED and EXACTLY what you want to be doing. And of course you're flexible and willing to adjust when circumstances change. This is PART of the plan! But it is YOUR PLAN. And you're doing exactly what you WANT to be doing!

Of course, if you often fail at keeping to that future maintenance, then you will be delaying getting there. But if you're often failing at keeping to that future maintenance you wouldn't have been able to stay there either!

Yes. I am desperately trying to break you out of the idea that you're doing something different TODAY than you will be doing TOMORROW.

I think you need to start investigating long term options that you can LIVE WITH, as opposed to making short term goal oriented diet and exercise choices that you cannot live with long term and which then result in your cycling back to square one.

Mechanically:
Build a quick matrix for yourself (possibly using https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/, or just by entering values on MFP https://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator)

Start with your current stats and multiply that number by 1.25 and 1.4 (they are equal to MFP sedentary and lightly active). If you're active a couple of hours+ a day, and/or are hitting 10K steps, then you go for x1.6 and MFP active.

Now. check the same stats for you being at a BMI 24.9, and you being at a BMI of 23 (somewhat arbitrary numbers, I know). Use an activity factor of 1.6 and 1.8 (MFP lightly active and MFP active). So you're multiplying your BMR calories by the slightly higher activity factor number.

Why? Because as you lighten up I would expect you to become more active absent a physical impediment. If nothing else you will FEEL better and want to move more. GO WITH IT. MAKE THE TIME. You do increase your chances of maintenance by being more active overall.

Active doesn't have to be doing HIIT till you puke! A stroll that becomes a walk that becomes a power walk that becomes a hike is more than good enough as a base. And you don't even *have* to get as high as the power walk bit, though again, as you get lighter, I suspect you will WANT to do more.

Compare the numbers you got for the FUTURE YOU to your CURRENT YOU numbers.

Status check #1: what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.4 ? what is 25% of your current BMR * 1.25? is it a number between 500 and 750? How close to 500? How close to 750. 25% of BMR is the point where I believe that things start to get more difficult. Can you create a larger deficit? Sure. But it makes adherence more of a problem and increases the risk of longer term issues.

Status check #2: How much of a deficit is it to get to eat like the active / very active normal weight person you are going to be?

Find a happy medium where you are eating at a deficit TODAY while being at maintenance as your FUTURE self. And try to mold yourself TOWARDS becoming that future self. You have a good 2-3 years to practice and execute your seamless transition into maintenance!

And before your flip and say: "two to three years, OMG, sooooo long", the answer is: you're doing this FOR LIFE. There is no change. YOU'RE NOT ON A DIET. You have to EXPERIMENT and DISCOVER long term sustainable choices. Time is irrelevant!!!

Is your future self a very active person? Then you should be trying to maybe increase your activity a bit while losing weight. Is that future self a person who eats 6x 85g of vegetables and 3x 85g of fruit a day? Then that's what you should be eating more and more often. Is that future person someone who once in a while goes out with family/friends/what have you for a more elaborate feast? That's FINE. Your future person will be doing this and it is part of the EXPERIMENT and DISCOVERY of long term sustainable choices.

Should you keep weighing yourself: YES. Especially with water weight being an issue with a larger female person and especially if medications may impact your water weight. USE A WEIGHT TREND APP. Use a weight trend app. Use a weight trend app. Your weight is the number of your TREND not what you saw on your scale today.

Are weight trend apps infallible? NO, but they provide perspective. Just that part (not seeing the weight on the scale as your weight but just looking at the TREND numbers) would have saved you a large part of this latest cycle you've been in.

Anyway. I hope this helps either you, or someone else in a similar situation who puts up with my ramblings on this!

@NovusDies has written many excellent posts about perspective and how to tackle weight loss. Both he, and I, failed to lose weight over many years. He has lost a lot more weight than I have. I have been at maintenance a longer. I don't think that we agree 100% on everything; but, I think that we have many similarities on our perspective of what has a higher chance of working out for someone starting up from morbidly obese levels.

PAV8888 wrote: »

OK Ms @UmaMageswarymfp! I am going to be a mean *kitten*!

Do you WANT to stop spinning your wheels? NOT everyone actually wants to, and it is OK, if you don't. Nothing wrong with a pause

But if you DO want to stop spinning your wheels, it is time to put your big girl pants on and make rational decisions based on data!

More than 35% of your past 30 days are un-logged. WHY?

I don't care how far over, or under, you are on any which day. Being over doesn't mean that you get to put your day out of SIGHT and out of mind! LOG EVERY DAY.

While you have EVERY RIGHT to be over. You also have the obligation, to yourself, for now, to actually KNOW how much over you were. And then review and USE THE DATA to make decisions based on facts, not "feelz".

And what's with "Cheat DAY" in the first place? At this stage of the game a single higher Calories MEAL should be more than enough for you to enjoy your weekend and adhere to your plans. But NOT an off plan DAY.

Normal means normal. Normal is eating within your reasonable GOALS NOT outside. And yes, for that to happen your goals have to be SANE.

If you have an indulgent meal, your next eating window it when you go back to normal. The "I've blown today so I'll continue eating all the goodies for now" no longer exists as an option!

And don't give me the: "but I can't fit everything I want into a single meal"!

Again. Normal is normal. And if you want to eat something, I don't care how healthy or unhealthy, make it fit into your normal REASONABLE allotment of calories. Instead of having "pipe-dream" targets that you miss 35% of the time (see the info-graphics below), it is time to have REAL TARGETS that you will hit 90+% of the time.

You tell me you want to push to go faster because your MFP goals are not fast enough. I am telling you that the fastest path to nowhere is to continue to engage in a classic restrict-binge spiral.