Welcome to Debate Club! Please be aware that this is a space for respectful debate, and that your ideas will be challenged here. Please remember to critique the argument, not the author.

is MFP more important than marriage?

13

Replies

  • NazmaAjm
    NazmaAjm Posts: 1 Member
    Epml
    Chieflrg wrote: »
    Mine lasted 23, but really should of been 2-3 in hind sight.

    You
    Y
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    paperpudding wrote: »
    well, not really a debate (I hope! :o )

    Today is my wedding anniversary and coincidentally I recieved this message from MFP on receiving my 7 year MFP poster badge: Wow! Seven years. Your community relationships have outlasted most marriages.

    Do most marriages really last less than 7 years these days?? (or was that exagerated hyperbole??)

    Mine has so far lasted for 34 .

    #humblebrag ;):Do:)

    I've heard the expression "Seven year itch" which apparently signifies a time when married people start to wander. I also know that a Christian marriage is expected to last until parted by death. Next month is 32 years of marriage for me. My parents are at 56 years now. This is what I consider "normal" but it seems the world is rapidly changing around me.
  • privy95
    privy95 Posts: 82 Member
    25 years
  • Howard_M_Burgerz
    Howard_M_Burgerz Posts: 61 Member
    edited May 2020
    15 years as of yesterday
  • midlomel1971
    midlomel1971 Posts: 1,283 Member
    17 years for me as of two weeks ago.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,282 Member
    SuzySunshine99 wrote: »
    Before the lockdown started in March...17 years.

    Since March....1,863,054 years....and counting. :|

    :D:D

  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    Hummm, I've been on MFP longer than I have been married. Only married for 6 years so far. I'll check in next year and let you know if that itch has set in 😉
  • ali_kat4
    ali_kat4 Posts: 70 Member
    8 years on MFP.
    11 years happily married. Although sometimes when i'm clean eating, my marriage isn't as happy as when we can sit on the couch eating junk food together. hahaha
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    edited May 2020
    Married for 9 months, together for 13 years, out of which we have lived together for 8 years.

    5 years on MFP, I think.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    MikePTY wrote: »
    paperpudding wrote: »
    well, not really a debate (I hope! :o )

    Today is my wedding anniversary and coincidentally I recieved this message from MFP on receiving my 7 year MFP poster badge: Wow! Seven years. Your community relationships have outlasted most marriages.

    Do most marriages really last less than 7 years these days?? (or was that exagerated hyperbole??)

    Mine has so far lasted for 34 .

    #humblebrag ;):Do:)

    This piqued my interest so I got to googling it. It was a bit hard to dicipher originally because a lot of places claim this stat as fact. But it's not really true, as there is an important qualifier.

    Marriages, that end in divorce , last an average of 7 years. So not all marriages, since only half end in divorce. Most places that quote this stat have dropped the "that end in divorce" part, so it becomes pretty misleading in those cases.

    have you looked up the stat of half of marriages end in divorce? Last I read, that stat is false as well. Its less.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,839 Member
    Hubby and I didn't find each other until we were 54. First marriage for both of us. I like to joke that we missed that first marriage people get divorced from. 14 years and lately staying home alone in our 2-bedroom apt., we're still fine, pandemic and all.
  • xGreatWhiteNorthx
    xGreatWhiteNorthx Posts: 335 Member
    My marriage lasted 5, but we were together for 8.

    Sort of hard to maintain a marriage with someone who becomes incredibly selfish and doesnt care about anyone but himself and he's an angel compared to the rest of his family.🤷‍♀️

    I'm a better person for leaving and putting as much distance between him and me as I legally could.
  • melissatwill
    melissatwill Posts: 246 Member
    My husband and I are on lucky number 13!! Definitely has not been easy & times when we both wanted to give up, but at the end of the day he really is my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better father for our children!
  • threewins
    threewins Posts: 1,455 Member
    xvwc9na4vxd6.jpeg
    I always have found this graph shape interesting.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,225 Member
    threewins wrote: »
    xvwc9na4vxd6.jpeg
    I always have found this graph shape interesting.

    Yeahbut, run that X-axis up to 100%, and it's a whole different graph. :lol:

    For interpretation, we have our choice between "Yikes! Three times higher divorce rate at 4-8 years vs 26 and beyond!" or "Single digit divorce rates all the way through, but making unsuitable choices usually shows up by year 8 or so", or variations on those themes.

    That depiction encourages one kind of interpretation over the other.

    P.S. I was married for almost 21 years. It probably would've lasted, but he a little over 21 years ago. I hope MFP is more important than marriage, because only one of those two is in my life now . . . and that's how I like it now, too.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,282 Member
    There is a word missing - I take it 'died' - he died a little over 21 years ago?

    As OP of this thread which surprisingly has kept limping along since my wedding anniversary back in Feb - marriage is more important than MFP.

    If MFP collapsed tomorrow it would be disappointing but not devastating.

    If my husband died/left it would be more than mildly disappointing. :*
  • melaniedscott
    melaniedscott Posts: 1,458 Member
    edited July 2020
    vollkornbloedchen wrote: »
    https://de.statista.com/statistik/daten/studie/1346/umfrage/anzahl-der-geschiedenen-ehen-nach-ehedauer/

    The chart shows divorces after x years of marriage for Germany.
    I'm quite sure that such statistics exist for USA too.

    So, for Germany, most marriages last longer than 7 years
    What I found interesting is the high rate of divorced "long-term-marriages".
    Possibly because their modus-operandi (raise the kids) became obsolete?


    Edit:
    For me it's 24 years and counting ...

    In the US we are seeing higher rated of "divorce" among elderly adults when one has serious health problems. They divorce so the ill partner can qualify for government funded insurance that pays more and doesn't bankrupt the other partner. Our healthcare system is crazy. It is pretty sad.

    20 years married here & quite pleased to continue. Almost 4 years on MFP.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,225 Member
    paperpudding wrote: »
    There is a word missing - I take it 'died' - he died a little over 21 years ago?

    As OP of this thread which surprisingly has kept limping along since my wedding anniversary back in Feb - marriage is more important than MFP.

    If MFP collapsed tomorrow it would be disappointing but not devastating.

    If my husband died/left it would be more than mildly disappointing. :*

    Yes. Died. Oops. Freudian slip, denial? ;)

    For more clarity: I loved him, still miss and mourn him. But given that loss, and other things about how my life has rolled on since, I have no interest in another life-partner relationship. MFP is no substitute, but it's a nice thing for its own sake, in its own place.

    Ironically, my husband (a sweet and sensitive guy) had recently decided not to get another dog, because he didn't want to go through that kind of loss again. I don't think my reasoning is analogous, but it's still ironic.

    Apologies for the digression! :)
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    melissatwill wrote: »
    My husband and I are on lucky number 13!! Definitely has not been easy & times when we both wanted to give up, but at the end of the day he really is my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better father for our children!

    Giving up is not an option. Just hang in there and make it work.

    Congrats on your 13 years. Turn those digits around to 31 and add another, and that makes 32 happy years for us.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    edited July 2020
    paperpudding wrote: »
    If anything happened I dont think I would have any interest in another romantic partnership either - I sort of feel been there done that and once is it for me.

    I sort of feel the same. Maybe boyfriend or whatever if one grows on me, but I kind of feel like I would prefer living on my own again. But, maybe not and I would get lonely? I would definitely have a dog though!
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    I can't imagine having to train another husband. This one is pretty much perfect. So if anything happened to part us I think I would probably not go looking for a replacement. I am ok with my own company, however having said that I really do enjoy a good debate and I would miss that.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,225 Member
    manderson27 wrote: »
    I can't imagine having to train another husband. This one is pretty much perfect. So if anything happened to part us I think I would probably not go looking for a replacement. I am ok with my own company, however having said that I really do enjoy a good debate and I would miss that.

    While acknowledging that you phrased that in an amusingly provocative way (I assume intentionally ;) ), that's pretty much where I am on the question, too, deep into long-term widowhood. The first few years of living together - I would think - would always involve some working things out, to get into a mutually happy way of being together. (Did, for sure, in my marriage.) After that, it seems smoother sailing, though for some a change in circumstances can disrupt equilibrium, of course.

    The later years? Pretty sweet. People always say one shouldn't take their partner for granted, which is true in a certain way . . . but in another way, the stage where one can take them for granted - be certain of friendship, loyalty, support, more - is a great gift.

    Me, I'm not as flexible as I was at age 22, when I got married - much more set in my ways. Added to that, demographics limit the field, at my age (the thing people call "all the good men are taken, or gay" ;) , though I think that's a little extreme). I was a "difficult placement" in the first place even at 22, I'd say, and I doubt that's improved with age (now 64).
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Hmm, 13 years last month. Our cats (2 of 3) are also 13 now.

    Not sure, but I don't think MFP existed back in 2007. If it did, apologies. However, even the other calorie counting site I was a member of, I didn't join until 2012. It is defunct, which is how I ended up here.

    As for divorce, well.. my folks were married for *almost* 25 years. Literally, they were less than a month away when they decided to divorce. So clearly, you can "survive" marriage after 7 years and still divorce. Not sure how they put up with it for that long if they were miserable. They are both remarried now and have each been remarried for over a decade at this point. Good on them as my step-parents are cool people.

    Got a question: Why is 7 years the magical number for most people to decide they are fed up with another person they had a contractual obligation to? You'd think they'd get bored/fed up sooner than that.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Hmm, 13 years last month. Our cats (2 of 3) are also 13 now.

    Not sure, but I don't think MFP existed back in 2007. If it did, apologies. However, even the other calorie counting site I was a member of, I didn't join until 2012. It is defunct, which is how I ended up here.

    As for divorce, well.. my folks were married for *almost* 25 years. Literally, they were less than a month away when they decided to divorce. So clearly, you can "survive" marriage after 7 years and still divorce. Not sure how they put up with it for that long if they were miserable. They are both remarried now and have each been remarried for over a decade at this point. Good on them as my step-parents are cool people.

    Got a question: Why is 7 years the magical number for most people to decide they are fed up with another person they had a contractual obligation to? You'd think they'd get bored/fed up sooner than that.

    There was probably some fed up or boredom before that. It's probably around the time you realize things are never going to change the way you want. I also wonder how much it has to do with some stage of having kids.
  • freshstart180213
    freshstart180213 Posts: 170 Member
    edited July 2020
    my 10 year anniversary is on July 22nd we have survived my serious health issues, three children (one was premature and had time in hospital) three (now sadly two) dogs and a global pandemic i think we are still going strong lol
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    My nearly 25-year marriage ended in 2018. Partly it was about weight and health, but not just physical health. He was a hoarder, and a food addict, both, and after his heart attack he got much worse on both scores; I lasted five years after the heart attack before I realized trying to live with him under those conditions was making me suicidally depressed. We had 20 mostly good years and two wonderful sons, though.

    I'm with people now who make me feel much better about myself and which are much more healthy relationships.

Categories