Things YOU say when you lose weight

Basic answer to someone observing I lost weight, if positive feedback: "Thank you!"

Basic answer to "you're all skin and bones" (or similar BS): "My doctor and I are happy with my weight." (true)

Basic answer to simple "how" question: "Ate less." If they ask more detailed questions about that, I'll give more detailed answers.

I'm kind of mean to people who say they'd like to lose weight, but want my loss to be all about exercise, or who assume I gave up (whatever desirable treat food is on their mind). This is how people express denial, make it all about something they couldn't possibly do. It amuses me to not let them off the hook.

(This last is probably a character fault. Some of its genesis is people who really p**sed me off when I was going through cancer treatment, by saying kind of eye-rolly things about cancer that distanced themselves from the possibility that they themselves could ever get it. Extreme classic example is "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle (and I couldn't handle that)." Another is "A positive attitude is everything." (Actual science says it's not, so FU.) These days, if people want to hide behind their lack of imagination, or lack of will, about healthy weight being possible "at our age", I refuse to help them. In practice, that means saying (true things) like "I don't exercise more than I did when I was fat." or "I eat the same foods I ate when I was fat, just less of them." or "I still drink craft beer" (or eat ice cream, or whatever). I won't enable other people's poor health practices. When I was fat, I didn't deny that I was fat, or deny that it was an outcome of choices. I'm not going to help them with their denial. #Meangirl )

I have quite a bit of medical problems and had a bad streak in February but I’ve been working out consistently since and my health has had a good turning point for now and everyone asks me how I do it or they say wow you’re looking great how’d you get so fit? What I say is “yeah it’s not always easy but if it were easy everyone would be doing it. I push through the medical problems, the pain, the doubt and I get it done. Its not suppose to be an easy ride.” I don’t wanna just float by with the rest of society. I wanna soar.

springlering62 wrote: »

You’ve lost weight. Standard answer: “I’m working on it.”

How much? At first this used to mortify me, now I proudly tell them “ninety something pounds”. For some reason, this shuts up everything else they were going to say. I don’t know if it grosses them out, astonishes or confuses them or what the deal is, but it always ends the conversation and then I change the subject.

Yes. The first time I got asked "how much?" I got flustered. At the time it seemed so personal to me but the dude that asked is such a kind soul I knew he wasn't being mean.

Most people start by asking if I'm doing keto. I reply no, I'm simply counting calories with the help of MFP, that usually ends the conversation OR they give me advice on how to lose weight. lol.

MaltedTea wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Basic answer to someone observing I lost weight, if positive feedback: "Thank you!"

Basic answer to "you're all skin and bones" (or similar BS): "My doctor and I are happy with my weight." (true)

Basic answer to simple "how" question: "Ate less." If they ask more detailed questions about that, I'll give more detailed answers.

I'm kind of mean to people who say they'd like to lose weight, but want my loss to be all about exercise, or who assume I gave up (whatever desirable treat food is on their mind). This is how people express denial, make it all about something they couldn't possibly do. It amuses me to not let them off the hook.

(This last is probably a character fault. Some of its genesis is people who really p**sed me off when I was going through cancer treatment, by saying kind of eye-rolly things about cancer that distanced themselves from the possibility that they themselves could ever get it. Extreme classic example is "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle (and I couldn't handle that)." Another is "A positive attitude is everything." (Actual science says it's not, so FU.) These days, if people want to hide behind their lack of imagination, or lack of will, about healthy weight being possible "at our age", I refuse to help them. In practice, that means saying (true things) like "I don't exercise more than I did when I was fat." or "I eat the same foods I ate when I was fat, just less of them." or "I still drink craft beer" (or eat ice cream, or whatever). I won't enable other people's poor health practices. When I was fat, I didn't deny that I was fat, or deny that it was an outcome of choices. I'm not going to help them with their denial. #Meangirl )

As a rose-colored glasses Christian whose mother is a cancer survivor, I needed to hear this. Thank you @AnnPT77 Perhaps for similar situations I'll be super direct in a different way: "What can I say or do to help comfort you that won't p*ss you off right now?"

As for commentsabout my weight, I don't get many and that's fine by me. Rather it's mostly strange, furtive glances from family members and friends 😂 So I know they notice.

But one of my exes happened to see me a few weeks ago and he commented on how different I looked...to the point where he wasn't entirely sure it was me at first. We had last seen each other last fall. I just kept the conversation moving and said "bye" within 10 seconds. But that was more about not wanting to talk to an ex about my personal business rather than being evasive about discussing my health in general.

Like some earlier posters have mentioned, I'd be comfortable with either a quick "thanks" or perhaps a longer "I'm doing this, with the support of my healthcare team, for my overall health" (which is true because I'm trying to avoid cholesterol meds...FOREVER if I can help it).

Apologies for the digression to follow, which is explicitly in reply to @MaltedTea.

I try very hard not to critique how people provide support or comfort. (I think that's a regrettable modern trend, complaining when the way people express support isn't exactly the way we'd like to hear it, if they're awkward or undiplomatic. I try really hard to hear people's intentions, and not get hung up in the words they choose.

I'm not a Christian. I'm not even a believer. But I can appreciate it when people say they will pray for me, because I hear their intention, and feel supported by it. I can't speak for others, but if someone says "God won't give us anything we can't handle", in a context where it's clear that what they mean is that God will support and provide strength, I think that's fine. It makes me feel supported, even though it doesn't hold literal truth for me. I know where they're coming from, and appreciate their kind, supportive heart.

Honest to whippy-dippy, I've had people say something more or less equivalent to the 2nd part in my original post, i.e, follow up with ". . . I could not handle what you're going through" or other things that make it seem fairly clear to me that they are using that "God won't give us" as a sort of talisman, to say that they couldn't possibly get cancer, because they couldn't handle it, and God wouldn't do that to them. That's the thing I find denialist and shocking. Those exact words may not always be present, but IMO the whole-conversation context usually makes it pretty clear what's meant.

There are other ways not so religion-focused but equally self-centered people express the same basic idea, such as asking questions or asserting things about why I got cancer, that (under the covers) mostly just imply they won't get it. That "positive attitude" thing is an example. If they say the person with cancer will do great because that person has a positive attitude, that can be support (still scientifically disproven, but meant well). If they say it in a way that seems more like the cancer patient brought it on themselves by being a negative person, that's not support. People will ask questions about eating habits, family history, where a person lived (such as near pollution sites), trying to ferret out why the cancer patient got cancer, so they can reassure themselves that they won't possibly get cancer. This is not support . . . at least not for the cancer patient.

Truly, I feel sad for all of those people, that they're so afraid of these possible life experiences, that rather than find the heart to focus on their struggling friend, and support them, the conversation implicitly becomes about their personal fear. I'm not a person who thinks everyone ought to be supporting me emotionally in every way at every moment, but it doesn't seem like an unreasonable stretch to expect moments of sincere support, from friends, rather than a shift to the cancer patient implicitly needing to reassure that friend. During cancer treatment, it was hard for me to summon the energy to support others who were simply freaked out by my cancer. Sometimes, conversations help me I realize I can't count on certain people, emotionally.

So, "God won't give us . . ." isn't necessarily toxic, IMO. Maybe it can backfire more easily than some other approaches (some non-believers may take it badly, though I don't). But the big issue I was pointing at was more general - the context that is emotionally fake "support", self-centered denial.

That potential for self-centered denial turns up in a different way, in conversations with people who claim they want to lose weight, but aren't willing to do any work to accomplish it, so they focus on (kind of irrelevant) things true of the weight-loser that couldn't possibly true for them ("wish I had time to work out", "slow metabolism", "hate salad", blah, blah, blah). I'm not willing to help them foster their self-delusion. This is a fault in me, not a strength.

When people comment on my weight loss, I tend to just say "erm yeah, I've lost a little". I've gone down 3 dress sizes but I still can't see it. My brain still sees the overweight person staring back at me in the mirror.