Cooking for Vastly Different Needs

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ChrysalisCove
ChrysalisCove Posts: 975 Member
edited August 2020 in Food and Nutrition
My DH is 5’11 with an active job. I’m 5’3 and mostly sedentary (yes, yes I know - but it’s reality right now).

When he is gone, eating well & losing weight are fairly easy for me... but when he is home I really struggle! If I cook for myself, even serving him larger portions he is ravenous. If I cook for him, I end up ballooning. He doesn’t like to see my portions being far smaller than his, either.

Is there a way that I can I make my portions be (or at least appear) higher-volume than his? We both really hate raw vegetables, unfortunately so a big salad with the meal won’t fly. We do like cooked vegetables though & I’m definitely increasing the amount of those in my cooking!

He can quite literally eat TWICE the number of calories that I can. What can I do to make one meal work for both of us??

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  • ChrysalisCove
    ChrysalisCove Posts: 975 Member
    edited August 2020
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    janejellyroll wrote: »
    What does it mean he doesn't like to see your portions being smaller than his? Surely he knows that he has different needs for energy, right?

    He knows that intellectually, but really struggles with it in practice. His family are all & have always been morbidly obese. His parents don’t cook so he grew up eating out several times a week, or otherwise frozen dinners. Huge portions. It’s all he knows.

    We’ve lost weight together in the past & had success, but then something stressful will happen & we revert. My appetite goes nuts & I get to where nothing satiates me anymore.

    I love to cook & enjoy good food, but I’m sick of being sick, tired, & enormous 😭 It’s so terrible for me!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,966 Member
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    My OH was delighted when I realized that since he is a foot taller than me, it was silly for us to split pizzas, and I started giving him 5 pieces to my 3 :)

    I do have a big salad with calorie dense foods like pizza. I wonder if you tried different dressings or veggies you could overcome your objections to salad. I don't like salads in the winter, but I adore them when it's hot. I have a dressing for when chicken is the meat, another one for hamburger, another one for Thai beef salad, and a few times a summer when Mom's cucumbers are popping I make the Joy of Cooking recipe for Tzatziki sauce and use that. Oh, sometimes I make the JOC ranch dressing as well.

    Last night we had Mexican meatballs with rice. He had more rice, plus seconds. I also made green beans, and these we split.

    Normally, he has more carbs and protein than I do, and I have more veggies than he does.
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    My mother used to always tell us that if we were still hungry after dinner, we could have cereal or pb&j or something.
  • BarbaraHelen2013
    BarbaraHelen2013 Posts: 1,940 Member
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    Or you could do what I did - I went vegetarian, giving me the perfect excuse not to eat the same meals! 😂

    Of course, that’s not at all the reason I finally went totally vegetarian, but it was a happy coincidence if you like!

    I’d always struggled with the same issue that when I lived alone I was always at my lowest weight, but would slowly gain when living with a partner due to portion creep because it’s hard to plate up vastly different sized portions accurately.

    So, yes, it’s worked for me! 😂

  • ChrysalisCove
    ChrysalisCove Posts: 975 Member
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    BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »
    Or you could do what I did - I went vegetarian, giving me the perfect excuse not to eat the same meals! 😂

    You know, it’s actually really funny that you mention this because I’m kinda toying with the idea of going pescatarian. Or at least simultaneously drastically reducing our meat intake & increasing our vegetable intake.

    I enjoy legumes, cooked vegetables, fresh fruits. I have horrible grocery shopping habits due to growing up below the poverty line (large volumes of quality produce aren’t cheap) but that’s an easy fix. At least I know how to cook! My son keeps saying he wants to get into the kitchen more, too. I’d love for us to set a better example for him.
  • moonangel12
    moonangel12 Posts: 971 Member
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    Well, I was going to suggest salad, buuuut :lol:

    When we have tacos/nachos/burritos, I turn mine into a salad. Or eat more beans, less tortillas/chips (beans are definitely not low cal, but are more satiating for me). I use less cheese, add cabbage/slaw for volume and crunch, etc. Same foods, but different ratios. Definitely bulk up the veggies, that will help. My plate will look drastically different than his, even though they have technically the same foods. I have open faced sandwiches, I will slice my bagels into thinner slices, intentionally serve lower calorie options to everyone just so I can fill out my plate.

    One funny moment was one day when I packed hubby’s lunch he texted me later in the afternoon and told me I gave him a “me” size portion and it wasn’t quite enough (jokingly, not in a rude way). I think he rounded it out with a snickers ice cream bar LOL.
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
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    Give him a bigger plate. It is an optical illusion, but at least your plates will look similarly filled. Cook a side you can add some more calorie dense items to on his, sauces, meats, cheese, just before serving.
  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,754 Member
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    My husband would get the stink eye if he told me he didn’t like the smaller amount he saw on my plate. He is bigger than me so he can eat a lot more calories. It is what it is.
  • tnh2o
    tnh2o Posts: 159 Member
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    Try brown rice.
  • moonangel12
    moonangel12 Posts: 971 Member
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    ChrysalisCove wrote: »
    Had a heart-to-heart with DH this evening, & he was really receptive! He acknowledged that the portion size thing made logical sense, & said he would try not to let it bother him. I don’t think he realized just how upset I was about my size, how much it’s messing with my head & my enjoyment of life.

    We also discussed ways that we could incorporate significantly more vegetables into our meals, so that I am still eating a decent volume & he doesn’t feel guilty or worry that I’m having to deprive myself. We’re going to try shopping at a smaller, more produce-focused grocer & going more frequently so that produce doesn’t go bad sitting on our shelves. Prioritizing vegetables at every meal, as an integral part of the meal - not just tossed on at the end as an afterthought.

    Sounds like a great conversation was had - glad you two could talk it out! Being on the same team will make it much easier :)
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    ChrysalisCove wrote: »
    Had a heart-to-heart with DH this evening, & he was really receptive! He acknowledged that the portion size thing made logical sense, & said he would try not to let it bother him. I don’t think he realized just how upset I was about my size, how much it’s messing with my head & my enjoyment of life.

    We also discussed ways that we could incorporate significantly more vegetables into our meals, so that I am still eating a decent volume & he doesn’t feel guilty or worry that I’m having to deprive myself. We’re going to try shopping at a smaller, more produce-focused grocer & going more frequently so that produce doesn’t go bad sitting on our shelves. Prioritizing vegetables at every meal, as an integral part of the meal - not just tossed on at the end as an afterthought.

    Yay! This sounds like a really good outcome, I'm glad you were able to have that conversation.

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