Criticism

It's going to depend on the person. Some will be highly defensive and will probably drop you as a friend. Others like me would welcome the criticism, so long as it was constructive and not like "Put down the cookies, fatty!" :bigsmile:

I think if you come at someone the right way. If your telling them "hey do you think your going to loss weight eatting like that". Then yes they will stop being you friend and you will feel like crap. Just be nice about it but still let them know what they can do to make them eat better like saying " hey just seen your under your calories it ok to eat some more" or " skipping meals are not. good maybe just add some snacks". See nothing mean people that are lossing weight the last thing they need to hears "your sucking at this weight loss thing". So just be a little nice about it.

Are we allowed to criticize our friends on MFP? I know it’s all about being positive and supporting each other and I think that is great, it certainly has helped me tremendously. An example of where I would think that a little constructive criticism would be helpful is when someone’s food diary has one huge meal and then they starve the rest of the day or if they are WAY below on their calories. I normally just don’t say anything, no “good job”, just no comment but I wonder if some feedback would help. I’ve had a couple of comments when I’ve gone over in my sodium and my first reaction was “hey, screw you” but then I thought about and it was actually a helpful comment and now I monitor my sodium intake better.

So, what are your thoughts? Are my 2 cents helpful or hurtful???

My opinion is unless someone asks for advice or help, I never say anything one way or the other. Like someone else said, some people eat one meal and day and have made this decision based on the research they have done for themselves.

I would never said anything to you about your sodium had you been my "friend" on here. One of my friends on my list has to actually keep her sodium levels HIGHER than most people. So, if I just butted in and said, "Hey....you need to cut your sodium way down" I would look like a JA.

I actually never look at my friends journals unless I'm looking for ideas. One of my friends is a brick house and a triathlete...her journal is private. I think nothing of it.

I tried giving unsolicited constructive criticism/advice a few times but it seems like most people just don't care for it. They have their way and unless something goes wrong, even if they're not eating enough or drinking too little or whatever, I won't offer input until it's asked for. And that's fine with me...I don't necessarily care for other people commenting on my choices either.

Do you know what, I hate having to be restrained, people have come online to get the best out of exercise if they are doing stuff wrong, they should be told.

Why do we all pretend to be nice online, if people get offended by what people who they don't know think then they should NOT be online!

.... they are just trying to watch calories now and cut down, and... maybe... even though they ate cookies today.... it's a small victory to them... because in the past they might have eaten the whole bag.

i totally agree with this ^^

Regardless of whether or not it is actually helpful, I usually assume comments are meant to be helpful and non-offensive. Sometimes, people really come off as rude but I truly believe it isn't intended that way by most.

If the comment is helpful I use it. If it isn't, I thank the person for their suggestion and move on.

There is nothing wrong with constructive critisism to an extent. We all need to remember that we do not walk in anyone's shoes but our own so we have no idea what they are going through. There are people on here who have addictions, struggle with anorexia, bulimia... for the people who pick apart someone who only has 1000 calories a day, maybe that person is anorexic and that is a huge step forward for them. So by picking them apart like that you are taking away the pride they had in that success.
I guess I'm just trying to say, be careful and remember that behind that anynomous food diary is a person who has feelings Try offering a little advice and not critisim.

If someone asked for advice or complains that they aren't seeing results sure, but otherwise I wouldn't. There are too many different paths people take to the weight loss finish line so something you think is bad for them might be their plan.

I'll second the response on IF. I've been doing it for 2 months. I'm down 20 lbs and it's the easiest thing I've ever tried. I frequently get all my calories in 1-2 meals.

It's going to depend on the person. Some will be highly defensive and will probably drop you as a friend. Others like me would welcome the criticism, so long as it was constructive and not like "Put down the cookies, fatty!" :bigsmile:

Lol, "put down the cookies fatty!" would probably work best for me.

I have no objections if people want to comment on my diary. Anyone doing so needs to realise that I'm aiming to go over the 1200 it's set for though. Anything up to 1600 is good. I'd be annoyed if someone kept ranting at me for not doing low carb or for not eating "clean" though. I welcome constructive criticism, I don't welcome people shoving their beliefs down my throat like their way is the only right way. I'm eating in a way I can sustain for life, that means I sometimes have pizza or Burger King.

Also, I think if you're going to criticise the bad you should also comment on the good.

This is tricky and I was wondering the same thing myself. Since you probably don't personally know all the friends on your list, it's hard to say how they would take the criticism. I usually don't say anything unless they ask for advice.

I too check out diaries at times... curious to see what others are eating... to help get suggestions, etc., and I find some who regularly (daily) eat sweets and drinks full of sugar and calories. I've struggled with... should I say something, but... figured I'd stay quiet for now. What I don't know is.... maybe like someone else posted.... they are just trying to watch calories now and cut down, and... maybe... even though they ate cookies today.... it's a small victory to them... because in the past they might have eaten the whole bag. If I said something, they might be offended, and it might set them back.

This is how I feel about it -- and this is my struggle personally. Honestly, it's a victory for me when I don't eat the whole bag, even if I do go over my calories for the day. I live with skinny people who eat whatever they like, whenever they like, and I have a really, really tough time saying "NO" on my own behalf every time they hit the junk. And they certainly don't say no on my behalf. When I had a Ben & Jerry's milkshake the other day, it was because my husband went off and bought them for everyone while I was in the restroom with one of the kids. I came out and there he was with ice cream for everyone. He apologized later, but I told him honestly that I wouldn't have felt better if he'd left me out, either.

When everybody else is getting the gooey desserts, it's HARD to say "None for me, thanks." I'm just not there yet. But I am really trying. I know how it looks. But for me, some days, the victory is recording every bite even if I missed the mark by 500 calories *sigh*.

So I would err on the side of trying to find something encouraging to say, like "Good for you for tracking everything!" Or something sympathetic like "Man, those caramel blizzards are SO good, aren't they? I have a hard time turning those down." They know it was bad for them. But they also know you're there for them.

If I ask for help or advice, I want the most honest, straight up answers I can get. If I'm not asking for advice, then I don't want my friends commenting unless they see something MAJORLY SERIOUS. Same goes for my friends - if they need my help, I'm there like Johnny on the Spot. If they don't ask, I don't say anything.

All my friends know that I DEMAND that they say "put down the cookie, fatty!"

Unless someone asks for it, or I know the circumstances of the person posting, I keep it to myself. I don't know if they are working into their diet in phases, are having a very bad week, or what other stuff might be going on. Now if you ask me, I will tell.