How soon is too soon?

cmonskinnylovee
cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend and I of three years just broke up 10 days ago, and I was just wondering how long I should wait before I take an interest in other guys? I'm not saying I want to go on dates, or even have a relationship- I just feel really guilty for even looking at other guys at the moment. Will that go away?
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Replies

  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    I'd look, but don't touch. Might end up in a re-bound...flirt, have fun.
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
    I'd look, but don't touch. Might end up in a re-bound...flirt, have fun.

    True, true...
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    agreed. when youre ready, dont worry about other people thinking you should move fast or slower. only you will know when you are ready.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    rebounds are awesome. go out and make a mistake.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Take his advice. Live your life.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    Done is done - only dogs go back to their own vomit. Nothing wrong with rebound guys - everybody rebounds with someone. Here's a thought, don't get into another serious relationship right away - just date different people - go to new places & do new things - have FUN!
    and DON'T live your life around HIS feelings - he is no longer a factor. Please yourself.
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
    I have nothing practical to add to this conversation.

    Photos in your profile...Do you know that if you click on the second one, and then the first one, really fast, it looks like you're going to come through the monitor like the scary girl in The Ring?!!! Only you're really sexy not scary. But it still creeps me out. But I can't stop doing it.

    Anyways.....
  • delcatty
    delcatty Posts: 23 Member
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Yeah, if you're still thinking about him, maybe you shouldn't have broken up... if it's for real, you wouldn't care about his feelings.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    This would be why you broke up (I'm assuming) because you both or one of you had a change of heart. You cannot possibly hold back living your life to the fullest because you are afraid he'll have hurt feelings. Posting "I'm going on a date with an effin hot dude tonight" across Facebook...well maybe that is a bit harsh but if he finds out through someone else, oh well.

    Live your life!
  • Spitfirex007
    Spitfirex007 Posts: 749 Member
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    You need to focus on you. I am sure you don't want to hurt him, but in the end you gotta be happy !
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    I have nothing practical to add to this conversation.

    Photos in your profile...Do you know that if you click on the second one, and then the first one, really fast, it looks like you're going to come through the monitor like the scary girl in The Ring?!!! Only you're really sexy not scary. But it still creeps me out. But I can't stop doing it.

    Anyways.....


    LOL naturally I had to try this. So true.
  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    I guess it would depend on how the break up went or why

    If he broke up with you= Screw him!

    If you broke up with him and are still recovering= Go out with friends and point out who is hot and just have fun with them. (Always makes me feel a bit better!)

    If it was mutual= Go out and have fun looking at guys and maybe even talk a few of them up.

    Again, I do have to say this is kind of my own personal experince. If you don't feel up for anything emotionally then don't force it, it will only end up hurting you in the long run... Learning from mistakes is my experience in this one. If you feel like talking about it a bit or ranting, don't hold back either!
  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    This would be why you broke up (I'm assuming) because you both or one of you had a change of heart. You cannot possibly hold back living your life to the fullest because you are afraid he'll have hurt feelings. Posting "I'm going on a date with an effin hot dude tonight" across Facebook...well maybe that is a bit harsh but if he finds out through someone else, oh well.

    Live your life!

    I agree with this all the way! :)
  • allison_joan
    allison_joan Posts: 115
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Yeah, if you're still thinking about him, maybe you shouldn't have broken up... if it's for real, you wouldn't care about his feelings.


    ^^ this is naive. you dated for three years obviously you're going to care about the guy but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have broken up.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    If you know the exact number of days it's been since you broke up, it's too soon. :wink: When it's something more vague, like 'a few weeks ago' or even 'months ago,' then it's not so raw.

    But most of all, how he reacts to you moving on is not your responsibility. How you feel about it is all that matters.
  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Yeah, if you're still thinking about him, maybe you shouldn't have broken up... if it's for real, you wouldn't care about his feelings.


    ^^ this is naive. you dated for three years obviously you're going to care about the guy but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have broken up.

    Again agreed
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Yeah, if you're still thinking about him, maybe you shouldn't have broken up... if it's for real, you wouldn't care about his feelings.

    This is pretty immature. Have you ever been in a long term relationship? Not being condescending, just asking. I'm pretty sure unless the guy completely screwed you over- which my ex did not- you will care about his feelings for a long time.

    And you have no idea why we broke up, so this is a pretty big assumption on your part.

    It was mutual, we decided it would never work and would probably never go anywhere. We were kind of star-crossed, I think. We are so different, but we loved eachother so much. We didn't get along often, and he couldn't understand why i needed the things I did.

    In the end it just boiled down to how different we are. Plus, he's away to college as am I- this is a big part of our lives. We can't hold ourselves back because of a high school sweetheart.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    don't get snippy. you asked for personal advice on the internet, without giving all the information in the original post. if you can't take any and all advice, don't post a question like that.
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
    don't get snippy. you asked for personal advice on the internet, without giving all the information in the original post. if you can't take any and all advice, don't post a question like that.

    O.O I wasn't being snippy, sorry if it was taken that way... I was simply stating that it wasn't true, and that they shouldn't assume.

    Once again, I apologize if it was taken that way... Don't hate me, I like you D:
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
    don't get snippy. you asked for personal advice on the internet, without giving all the information in the original post. if you can't take any and all advice, don't post a question like that.

    Oh, and it wasn't aimed at you if that's what you're thinking. You're right, I SHOULD stop worrying about him, but that's easier said than done.
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
    In my opinion, I think you should take interest in other guys when you feel ready emotionally. Give yourself more time if you think you need it. :) I hope things get better

    I'm also worried about him though :/ what if I'm ready in a month, but he finds out and is hurt by it?

    But thank you :) This is quite logical actually haha

    you guys broke up. stop worrying.

    Yeah, if you're still thinking about him, maybe you shouldn't have broken up... if it's for real, you wouldn't care about his feelings.

    Just because you think about someone who you have been with for a substantial amount of time doesn't mean that you shouldn't have broken up. I was with my ex for 2.5 years and we broke up 8 months ago and I still think about him, but it is definitely in both of our best interests not to be together.

    But as far as when is it too soon? I guess it depends on what you are looking for. I went on my first 'date' after my last serious relationship ended less than 24 hours after we broke up. I had fun for a while and enjoyed my rebound fling, but that's all it was. Now 8 months later I'm still not looking for anything serious, but I have casually dated a few guys, I go out and flirt and have fun.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    It was mutual, we decided it would never work and would probably never go anywhere. We were kind of star-crossed, I think. We are so different, but we loved eachother so much. We didn't get along often, and he couldn't understand why i needed the things I did.

    In the end it just boiled down to how different we are. Plus, he's away to college as am I- this is a big part of our lives. We can't hold ourselves back because of a high school sweetheart.
    There's no set time period to wait after breaking up with someone; it's individual for everyone. Given your situation, my advice would be to wait until you feel you're ready. In other words, you don't need to go "looking for love" but don't close the door in the face of the cute guy who hits on you in the grocery line, either. I wouldn't look for anything serious, but if something comes along, have fun with it. Definitely do not worry about "hurting his feelings". You made a mutual decision to break up. I'm sure he's moving on with his life and you need to move on with yours.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    As the words of the great Garth Algar state: Get over it. Go out with somebody else.
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
    As the words of the great Garth Algar state: Get over it. Go out with somebody else.

    Reminds me of what one of my friends told me after my last break up "The best way to get over a man is to get under another" (or something like that, not sure of the exact wording).
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    Done is done - only dogs go back to their own vomit. Nothing wrong with rebound guys - everybody rebounds with someone. Here's a thought, don't get into another serious relationship right away - just date different people - go to new places & do new things - have FUN!
    and DON'T live your life around HIS feelings - he is no longer a factor. Please yourself.

    +1
  • Moofey
    Moofey Posts: 444
    Love this quote-

    The more I learn about men, the more I admire dogs. :) (Break up quotes rock!)
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    As the words of the great Garth Algar state: Get over it. Go out with somebody else.

    Reminds me of what one of my friends told me after my last break up "The best way to get over a man is to get under another" (or something like that, not sure of the exact wording).

    Absolutely!
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