Do you wish adult conversations still existed?
B_Plus_Effort
Posts: 311 Member
how do I explain this without coming off as a pervert, ha ha? what I mean is wouldn't it be nice for adults to talk as adults instead of every single forum these days assuming we are typing with a 4 year old on our lap, recently i got a joke taken off this forum, it didn't have any bad words in it at all, I think we are really loosing our sense of adulting these days with everything being watered down to PG, let me know if you agree or disagree
and as my grandpa used to say "never trust a man who doesn't cuss"
and as my grandpa used to say "never trust a man who doesn't cuss"
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how do I explain this without coming off as a pervert, ha ha? what I mean is wouldn't it be nice for adults to talk as adults instead of every single forum these days assuming we are typing with a 4 year old on our lap, recently i got a joke taken off this forum, it didn't have any bad words in it at all, I think we are really loosing our sense of adulting these days with everything being watered down to PG, let me know if you agree or disagree
and as my grandpa used to say "never trust a man who doesn't cuss"
We’ll probably begin to understand as we become increasingly “woke” and are forced to accept the things we never thought we would.
Oh, wait, my bad, you just told a joke that didn’t have curse words in it. Just assuming here but If your joke contained the *kitten* words, references to WAPs, etc. whoever was butthurt over it would have probably liked it... multiple times if they were allowed.
It is what it is nowadays.
*not a jab at any one in particular. Don’t get butt hurt thinking I’m pointing you out.3 -
how do I explain this without coming off as a pervert, ha ha? what I mean is wouldn't it be nice for adults to talk as adults instead of every single forum these days assuming we are typing with a 4 year old on our lap, recently i got a joke taken off this forum, it didn't have any bad words in it at all, I think we are really loosing our sense of adulting these days with everything being watered down to PG, let me know if you agree or disagree
and as my grandpa used to say "never trust a man who doesn't cuss"
I cuss, MFP just decides to censor it with *kitten*, which I mostly find entertaining as a cat person. It doesn't really bother me anymore.
It is a shame that we cannot discuss politics, religion or a few other really divisive topics, but that's because people here routinely prove that the ban on these topics is warranted, because usually every time it gets brought up, people behave like children, start namecalling or otherwise feel attacked for having opinions.
Also, both of those topics (and the other ones that are banned) are extremely personal for a lot of folk, which makes it nearly impossible to moderate in a way that keeps the thread from getting too heated and/or locked down.
That being said, there are plenty of other conversations roaming around here that are serious, that are "adult" in nature and have a pretty good readership/output. Debate: Health and Fitness is probably going to have more of the conversations you're looking for and yeah, sometimes they get heated, too and a moderator has to step in. Every once in awhile, a serious conversation pops up in Chit-Chat, but this forum is more lighthearted and intended to be that way. Most of the folks here enjoy the fact that it's not heated, not full of angry people screaming about whatever fad diet they're trying to push onto people or full of derision.
Also, you don't need curse words to have an adult conversation. Too much cursing just makes most people look childish/immature and lends nothing to the conversation as a whole.3 -
I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy?
What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. 
There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation.
Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable. 4 -
Also, don't trust someone who doesn't look you in the eye. 3
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Just a friendly, pre-emotive reminder that complaining about specific moderation on the forums is not allowed. If you have an issue with a warning you have gotten please PM a moderator about it.
Thanks,
4legs
MFP volunteer moderator5 -
In general, MFPs goal seems to be to keep these forums "workplace appropriate" since many members swing by on their lunch break or what not. Hence the relatively strict guidelines about images and the language filter.
Otherwise, it sounds like the situation you are talking about you "failed to read the room" so to speak. The different boards do have slightly different vibes, you can typically get away with a little more on chit chat or fun and games. The first few help boards tend to stay pretty serious. If your the only one telling a sex joke then there's your sign....
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »Just a friendly, pre-emotive reminder that complaining about specific moderation on the forums is not allowed. If you have an issue with a warning you have gotten please PM a moderator about it.
Thanks,
4legs
MFP volunteer moderator
I love it. Thank you2 -
I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
That sounds sad.1 -
I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about politics or anything pertaining to the rights of other groups of people (be it women, men, POC, etc.) We have VERY different viewpoints on things.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).0 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about abortion rights, women's rights, gun control or politics in general as he is conservative and I am not. I'm not a Democrat, but I am probably way over in left field compared to him.
I just end up feeling frustrated and ANGRY that I live with a person who likes to argue points just to hear his own voice sometimes and who just can't seem to get why women might want to have bodily autonomy. It's like screaming at a wall that mocks you, so I don't bother. Most other conversations are fine.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).
We are sort of this way too, mostly we don't see eye to eye on women's rights and workplace matters like sexual harrasment. My husband likes to argue sometimes, but IMO he isn't really that great at it, half the time I can't really figure out what his point is enough to really counter it. He is pretty good about it when I say I don't feel like discussing things anymore though.1 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about abortion rights, women's rights, gun control or politics in general as he is conservative and I am not. I'm not a Democrat, but I am probably way over in left field compared to him.
I just end up feeling frustrated and ANGRY that I live with a person who likes to argue points just to hear his own voice sometimes and who just can't seem to get why women might want to have bodily autonomy. It's like screaming at a wall that mocks you, so I don't bother. Most other conversations are fine.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).
We are sort of this way too, mostly we don't see eye to eye on women's rights and workplace matters like sexual harrasment. My husband likes to argue sometimes, but IMO he isn't really that great at it, half the time I can't really figure out what his point is enough to really counter it. He is pretty good about it when I say I don't feel like discussing things anymore though.
I altered my original post to remove anything that might cause you issues. I like you, you're a good moderator.
I suppose it's somewhat comforting that I'm not the only one in this boat: I love him and I have almost no other issues with him or living with him, but it is so frustrating living with someone who doesn't share your viewpoints about such important topics and it's not as simple as people on Reddit seem to think where a person can just "leave" their SO over an argument. That's just so childish.1 -
an old co worker of mine (married 5 times) would give me marital advice and I absolutely adored him, one of my favorites was: "you can be happy or you can be right!" he would tell me, followed by "I finally choose to be happy"3
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KosmosKitten wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about abortion rights, women's rights, gun control or politics in general as he is conservative and I am not. I'm not a Democrat, but I am probably way over in left field compared to him.
I just end up feeling frustrated and ANGRY that I live with a person who likes to argue points just to hear his own voice sometimes and who just can't seem to get why women might want to have bodily autonomy. It's like screaming at a wall that mocks you, so I don't bother. Most other conversations are fine.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).
We are sort of this way too, mostly we don't see eye to eye on women's rights and workplace matters like sexual harrasment. My husband likes to argue sometimes, but IMO he isn't really that great at it, half the time I can't really figure out what his point is enough to really counter it. He is pretty good about it when I say I don't feel like discussing things anymore though.
I altered my original post to remove anything that might cause you issues. I like you, you're a good moderator.
I suppose it's somewhat comforting that I'm not the only one in this boat: I love him and I have almost no other issues with him or living with him, but it is so frustrating living with someone who doesn't share your viewpoints about such important topics and it's not as simple as people on Reddit seem to think where a person can just "leave" their SO over an argument. That's just so childish.
Agreed, there are definitely valid reasons to end a relationship, but I don't think you have to agree on everything to have a happy marriage. We agree on what goes on inside our home, but definitely not always on the wold around us. Sometimes his POV is eye opening to me, sometimes I think he is pretty selfish and narrow minded. Still have not found Mr perfect so I'll hang on to this one for now
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Meh. Large forums that are tied to exposure, popularity, advertising and revenue will always err on the conservative side.
Sometimes grown ups need to understand the forum they are in.7 -
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KosmosKitten wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about abortion rights, women's rights, gun control or politics in general as he is conservative and I am not. I'm not a Democrat, but I am probably way over in left field compared to him.
I just end up feeling frustrated and ANGRY that I live with a person who likes to argue points just to hear his own voice sometimes and who just can't seem to get why women might want to have bodily autonomy. It's like screaming at a wall that mocks you, so I don't bother. Most other conversations are fine.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).
We are sort of this way too, mostly we don't see eye to eye on women's rights and workplace matters like sexual harrasment. My husband likes to argue sometimes, but IMO he isn't really that great at it, half the time I can't really figure out what his point is enough to really counter it. He is pretty good about it when I say I don't feel like discussing things anymore though.
I altered my original post to remove anything that might cause you issues. I like you, you're a good moderator.
I suppose it's somewhat comforting that I'm not the only one in this boat: I love him and I have almost no other issues with him or living with him, but it is so frustrating living with someone who doesn't share your viewpoints about such important topics and it's not as simple as people on Reddit seem to think where a person can just "leave" their SO over an argument. That's just so childish.
Hmm if I found out my hubby was racist or some such... that would be a reason to leave for me. 🤷♀️1 -
I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated11 -
I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?
...... does this mean you aren’t the one sending them via snow owl? 🤔2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?
...... does this mean you aren’t the one sending them via snow owl? 🤔
@CacoEther
1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?
...... does this mean you aren’t the one sending them via snow owl? 🤔
shhhhhhhh don't say anything about snow - he's never been up north here...2 -
MiNinaLisa wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?
...... does this mean you aren’t the one sending them via snow owl? 🤔
shhhhhhhh don't say anything about snow - he's never been up north here...
That cad has been within 17 minutes of my house actually 😭2 -
MiNinaLisa wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I get tired of sex jokes and innuendo real fast. That’s the low-hanging fruit, the lowest common denominator. It is really difficult to get to know someone (or even want to) when all they talk about is sexual stuff.
And as a female it creates an annoying conundrum: to not want sexual conversation can get you painted as a ‘prude’ or a ‘foaming-at-the-mouth feminist’ (sidebar below). To encourage it can be misconstrued as interest, which can get you unwanted attention which, if you discourage, means you’re ‘a tease’. I have rarely had a conversation about sex with a man that didn’t end up with him thinking I was maybe/probably hitting on him. So I personally enjoy when the forums involve actual conversation or jokes or memes or witty banter.I am a proud feminist. I do not understand why people use this is an insult, but getting into this further will probably just leave me frustrated
wait.
...... does this mean we now won't be trading underwear via FedEx ?
...... does this mean you aren’t the one sending them via snow owl? 🤔
shhhhhhhh don't say anything about snow - he's never been up north here...
That cad has been within 17 minutes of my house actually 😭
..... you forgot to capitalize 'Cad'.2 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »I agree. But there's a fine line between acceptable/unacceptable. However, whose opinion turns it from one to the other? And what happens when things get too bad? Then you read 'it's not like the old days'. Or maybe it *is* like the old days and that's where it's not acceptable. I agree with Kosmoskitten....I do wish we could converse about religion/politics, etc. But who's got time to moderate those topics and keep them happy? What I also get a bit annoyed by is coming back and finding entire threads deleted. There's no closure.
I believe in the freedom of speech but also, this place is owned by an entity who has the right to make that call. JMO
When I read the OP I first thought it meant IRL conversations because I immediately applied it to my own personal situation. Because it truly fit. It feels like there are a handful of topics dh and I discuss now. My sister asked me the other day if he and I talked about things like our final wishes. I know I gave her a look like she's got 3 heads. Personal conversations just do not happen here. I know what the weather's going to be, what he wants at the store, how his day at work went, etc.
Am I the only one who exists in a home like this? We avoid uncomfortable.
I actively avoid having any sort of serious conversation with my husband about abortion rights, women's rights, gun control or politics in general as he is conservative and I am not. I'm not a Democrat, but I am probably way over in left field compared to him.
I just end up feeling frustrated and ANGRY that I live with a person who likes to argue points just to hear his own voice sometimes and who just can't seem to get why women might want to have bodily autonomy. It's like screaming at a wall that mocks you, so I don't bother. Most other conversations are fine.
What I'm trying to get at is: Yes, I live in a household where there are some topics I can in no way openly talk about because I know it will turn into an argument and I can't just leave and go someplace else (no friends or family anywhere near here).
We are sort of this way too, mostly we don't see eye to eye on women's rights and workplace matters like sexual harrasment. My husband likes to argue sometimes, but IMO he isn't really that great at it, half the time I can't really figure out what his point is enough to really counter it. He is pretty good about it when I say I don't feel like discussing things anymore though.
I altered my original post to remove anything that might cause you issues. I like you, you're a good moderator.
I suppose it's somewhat comforting that I'm not the only one in this boat: I love him and I have almost no other issues with him or living with him, but it is so frustrating living with someone who doesn't share your viewpoints about such important topics and it's not as simple as people on Reddit seem to think where a person can just "leave" their SO over an argument. That's just so childish.
Agreed, there are definitely valid reasons to end a relationship, but I don't think you have to agree on everything to have a happy marriage. We agree on what goes on inside our home, but definitely not always on the wold around us. Sometimes his POV is eye opening to me, sometimes I think he is pretty selfish and narrow minded. Still have not found Mr perfect so I'll hang on to this one for now
Are you me?
100% agree with this. Also, I prefer not to live in an echo chamber. While it may be uncomfortable and annoying for me at times, I'd rather be confronted with things that have me grow as a person (including different viewpoints, styles of living, etc.) than not grow at all.
Mine's less selfish and more narrow-minded, but also at least willing to hear most people out. He has a terrible habit of being an interrupting chicken anytime it's my turn to speak though (and he does this to everyone). I refuse to let him get away with it and call him out for it. His coworkers won't, so I gotta.4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »
Are you me?
100% agree with this. Also, I prefer not to live in an echo chamber. While it may be uncomfortable and annoying for me at times, I'd rather be confronted with things that have me grow as a person (including different viewpoints, styles of living, etc.) than not grow at all.
Mine's less selfish and more narrow-minded, but also at least willing to hear most people out. He has a terrible habit of being an interrupting chicken anytime it's my turn to speak though (and he does this to everyone). I refuse to let him get away with it and call him out for it. His coworkers won't, so I gotta.
there were no red flags when you met him? or did you take on a fixer upper project? ha ha (tongue and cheek)1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »
Are you me?
100% agree with this. Also, I prefer not to live in an echo chamber. While it may be uncomfortable and annoying for me at times, I'd rather be confronted with things that have me grow as a person (including different viewpoints, styles of living, etc.) than not grow at all.
Mine's less selfish and more narrow-minded, but also at least willing to hear most people out. He has a terrible habit of being an interrupting chicken anytime it's my turn to speak though (and he does this to everyone). I refuse to let him get away with it and call him out for it. His coworkers won't, so I gotta.
there were no red flags when you met him? or did you take on a fixer upper project? ha ha (tongue and cheek)
No. We spoke primarily over the phone and the Internet (which is how we originally met back in 2000). It is true when they say that you learn a lot more about a person when you have to live with them. That was not an option at the time, with him being in one state for his job, my being in another half-way across the country for school and neither of us really having the resources to make a major move unless marriage was the reason why.
I also didn't realize when I was younger how much it annoyed me (because I grew up with a father who constantly (and still) does this). You get used to it, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I have my ways of dealing with it, we've spoken to marriage counselors about that particular issue in the past and we've worked on it. It's just that now when he does it, I loudly say "EXCUSE YOU, BUT I WASN'T DONE SPEAKING. PLEASE WAIT YOUR TURN." and that seems to shut him up. I can't have him teaching our son that that is acceptable behavior. I also don't ever do that to him in public; that is only in our own home with our private conversations. In public, I wait until we are out of earshot and gently make my opinion and annoyance known.
I didn't marry a person to be a fixer-upper. I don't have time in life for that crap.. and I've met some men who definitely fit the bill of being "projects". My SO isn't one of them, he just has one or two issues that no one has ever pointed out to him before and we're working through them.
After all, he helped me work on not "guilt tripping" people (including him) so much. That was a holdover from my father (who loves to do this). I'd like to think I've become a better person and grown as a result of him pointing out the issue and working with me on it. I didn't even realize I was doing it until he started pointing it out.4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »
Are you me?
100% agree with this. Also, I prefer not to live in an echo chamber. While it may be uncomfortable and annoying for me at times, I'd rather be confronted with things that have me grow as a person (including different viewpoints, styles of living, etc.) than not grow at all.
Mine's less selfish and more narrow-minded, but also at least willing to hear most people out. He has a terrible habit of being an interrupting chicken anytime it's my turn to speak though (and he does this to everyone). I refuse to let him get away with it and call him out for it. His coworkers won't, so I gotta.
there were no red flags when you met him? or did you take on a fixer upper project? ha ha (tongue and cheek)
No. We spoke primarily over the phone and the Internet (which is how we originally met back in 2000). It is true when they say that you learn a lot more about a person when you have to live with them. That was not an option at the time, with him being in one state for his job, my being in another half-way across the country for school and neither of us really having the resources to make a major move unless marriage was the reason why.
I also didn't realize when I was younger how much it annoyed me (because I grew up with a father who constantly (and still) does this). You get used to it, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I have my ways of dealing with it, we've spoken to marriage counselors about that particular issue in the past and we've worked on it. It's just that now when he does it, I loudly say "EXCUSE YOU, BUT I WASN'T DONE SPEAKING. PLEASE WAIT YOUR TURN." and that seems to shut him up. I can't have him teaching our son that that is acceptable behavior. I also don't ever do that to him in public; that is only in our own home with our private conversations. In public, I wait until we are out of earshot and gently make my opinion and annoyance known.
I didn't marry a person to be a fixer-upper. I don't have time in life for that crap.. and I've met some men who definitely fit the bill of being "projects". My SO isn't one of them, he just has one or two issues that no one has ever pointed out to him before and we're working through them.
After all, he helped me work on not "guilt tripping" people (including him) so much. That was a holdover from my father (who loves to do this). I'd like to think I've become a better person and grown as a result of him pointing out the issue and working with me on it. I didn't even realize I was doing it until he started pointing it out.
It sucks that your honesty about your spouse’s imperfections has turned into a dissection of your relationship. This is why I’m usually too chicken to talk about such things. I admire your openness and honesty, always have4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »
Are you me?
100% agree with this. Also, I prefer not to live in an echo chamber. While it may be uncomfortable and annoying for me at times, I'd rather be confronted with things that have me grow as a person (including different viewpoints, styles of living, etc.) than not grow at all.
Mine's less selfish and more narrow-minded, but also at least willing to hear most people out. He has a terrible habit of being an interrupting chicken anytime it's my turn to speak though (and he does this to everyone). I refuse to let him get away with it and call him out for it. His coworkers won't, so I gotta.
there were no red flags when you met him? or did you take on a fixer upper project? ha ha (tongue and cheek)
No. We spoke primarily over the phone and the Internet (which is how we originally met back in 2000). It is true when they say that you learn a lot more about a person when you have to live with them. That was not an option at the time, with him being in one state for his job, my being in another half-way across the country for school and neither of us really having the resources to make a major move unless marriage was the reason why.
I also didn't realize when I was younger how much it annoyed me (because I grew up with a father who constantly (and still) does this). You get used to it, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I have my ways of dealing with it, we've spoken to marriage counselors about that particular issue in the past and we've worked on it. It's just that now when he does it, I loudly say "EXCUSE YOU, BUT I WASN'T DONE SPEAKING. PLEASE WAIT YOUR TURN." and that seems to shut him up. I can't have him teaching our son that that is acceptable behavior. I also don't ever do that to him in public; that is only in our own home with our private conversations. In public, I wait until we are out of earshot and gently make my opinion and annoyance known.
I didn't marry a person to be a fixer-upper. I don't have time in life for that crap.. and I've met some men who definitely fit the bill of being "projects". My SO isn't one of them, he just has one or two issues that no one has ever pointed out to him before and we're working through them.
After all, he helped me work on not "guilt tripping" people (including him) so much. That was a holdover from my father (who loves to do this). I'd like to think I've become a better person and grown as a result of him pointing out the issue and working with me on it. I didn't even realize I was doing it until he started pointing it out.
It sucks that your honesty about your spouse’s imperfections has turned into a dissection of your relationship. This is why I’m usually too chicken to talk about such things. I admire your openness and honesty, always have
Heh, thanks. I think it helps that I can point out my imperfections as well. Makes us both seem much more human (although I like to joke and tell my husband he's a dinosaur and was around to see the meteor ) and relatable. Also gives a better picture that we're in a relationship, which requires work. I at least knew that much going into this, .
I am not an easy person to live with, by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, someone out there exists who is crazy enough to want to and actively seeks my companionship (this is still a bizarre and foreign concept to me, 13 years in).
And honestly? I spent all of my teens and 20s being super secretive for fear of judgment (for various things) and not opening up about things and it was exhausting. If I can open up dialogue and get even one person to think about things in a way that is slightly different than their own personal mindset, I consider it a win.
So per this thread: I wish adults could have serious conversations (wherever they may occur) without flying into a rage, accusing people of being bigots/racists/whatever other dehumanizing thing you can say about a person while also being able to see viewpoints outside of their own to help inform their future opinions and actions. I just recognize that here is not that place as MFP has a ToS and forum rules we agreed upon when we signed up.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »
So per this thread: I wish adults could have serious conversations (wherever they may occur) without flying into a rage, accusing people of being bigots/racists/whatever other dehumanizing thing you can say about a person while also being able to see viewpoints outside of their own to help inform their future opinions and actions. I just recognize that here is not that place as MFP has a ToS and forum rules we agreed upon when we signed up.
It frustrates me because we do have a really cool bunch of people who have been around here a while and whom you can have very insightful discussions with successfully. Unfortunately thats like 1% of members, and they are heavily outnumbered by the other 99% of randos who continuously filter through this place. I do love those magic moments when somehow an interesting thread only has the 1% in it and a really good convo can take place.5
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