How early is too early for Christmas?

janejellyroll wrote: »

SuzySunshine99 wrote: »

If starting Christmas early makes you happy, then you should do it.

For me, in a normal year, it has to be after Thanksgiving...usually I put up the tree the first week of December.

This year, everything Christmas is going to depress me, because I know I won't be able to see all my family and celebrate like we usually do. I'm not doing well with the "everything is normal" crowd.

I'm really sorry for my comments above because I see now how they sounded. I absolutely understand your feelings - I am very sad about not being able to see my family in person this year. One of the ways I manage my anxiety is to adopt a "fake it til you make it" attitude about some things, I know it can be grating. I wasn't being thoughtful when I typed that above.

Please don't feel sorry, I know exactly what you meant. We're all dealing with this in different ways, and I get the mindset of keeping at least the appearance of a positive attitude. I wish it worked for me, and I certainly don't blame you if it works for you. I should probably stop going into these holiday threads.

I'm just more stressed than usual today, for....reasons.

I've thought about putting up my (inside) decorations early this year. I usually wait until after Thanksgiving (US), but I may make an exception. There is a very good chance I won't be able to spend Christmas with my family this year, but the lights and decorations make everything so warm and comforting and I need a bit of that right now, ya know?

SuzySunshine99 wrote: »

This year, everything Christmas is going to depress me, because I know I won't be able to see all my family and celebrate like we usually do. I'm not doing well with the "everything is normal" crowd.

My mom died a week before Christmas in 2017, and she was always a huge fan of Christmas and went all out decorating, especially after my sister and I moved away (we'd usually visit on Christmas most years). When going through her stuff later, my sister made us keep most of the Christmas stuff (I took a little bit back, my dad has it all in storage), because it is just so sentimental to her (I was on a bit more of a Mari Kondo kick -- thank the items for bringing your loved one such joy, and then let go of it -- but let my sister decide).

Anyway, that year we didn't celebrate Christmas at all, other than a dinner at which we talked about my mom, and then the following year I put up my tree and everything late and didn't really understand why I kept putting it off, and then on Christmas Eve I put on carols and rushed around decorating the tree and wrapping some presents before my sister came over and just had a huge rush of sadness and tears, since everything I was doing reminded me so very strongly of my mom. Now it feels more comforting that I do think of her so strongly then, and I'm looking forward to doing what I can for Christmas this year with lights and decorations.

I totally get why decorating might feel painful and depressing or go along with a feeling of loss, although I actually am looking forward to decorating and so on this year, and seeing what my neighbors do.

For myself, these days, I'd probably go with December 24 as earliest. I'm only kind of joking.

I understand and respect that many people find great joy in Christmas, and in starting it early. Truly, I'm sincerely happy for my friends who are super excited about Christmas and all that comes with it. I'm pleased that they enjoy their families, and all the little details that make the holidays great. I want my friends to be very happy, in modes that work for them.

What I'd ask is that people give a moment's thought, as they talk to friends/acquaintences or post on social media about it. For some people, the holiday season is difficult. It's a time when certain types of mental health crises increase, and one can assume that others are struggling, but short of those visible extremes.

I'm not suggesting people need to hide their enthusiasm, because it might be "triggering". I think that sort of thing is unreasonable, and kind of dumb. What I'd ask, or suggest, is that the holiday-enthused give a thought to what they say, how they phrase it, and how it may land on differently situated others.

Personal example: Some years back, within a short period of time, I became both a widow and an orphan, and I was already childless, and an only child. That's all OK (gotta be), but there's a lot of nostalgia and longing that wells up at holiday time. My best route through all of that is to kind of ride along on the surface of it as the culture does its jingly-jangly merryMerry thing, not engaging very much. (I do participate in social things, but try to keep it light.)

I'm very even keel these days, happy with my life. But when all that was fresh and raw, one of my friends, a lovely, dear woman, posted holiday photos with her beautiful children, with a comment like "family is what makes life worthwhile!" Much as I care for her, and celebrate her happiness . . . it was a hard kick in my tender gut. I'm not inclined to suicidal ideation . . . but if I were? MMm. A different choice of words by her would've landed very differently on me.

I could go on with other examples, people being weirdly aggressive with me about how I needed to put up a Christmas tree in order to heal, and other things that just don't work for me . . . even in the face of my telling them that that was not a good thing, for me. Their starry-eyed enjoyment of the holiday kind of got the better of them, and they weren't listening, empathizing.

So: Celebrate, love Christmas, starting whenever makes you happy . . . but maybe consider who might be struggling, and how best to be sensitive to that while still living and communicating your best holiday.