Advice on ex, please

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kk0223
kk0223 Posts: 179
in Chit-Chat
I really need some advice. I'm finally desparate. I'll make a long, painful, agonizing story short!

My ex of 7 years and I separated in 2008 and were working on our marriage living in separate houses. This punk decides to get him a girlfriend. Broke up with her 7 months later to be with me but decided he still didn't want me but we remained friends. I moved from that state back home to my home state and he decided to ask me back again but not before he let me know she was pregnant. Yeah.

We have remained friends-I didn't move back. He isn't in the babies life cause she doesn't like him so she moved out of state and just doesn't communicate with him. Anyways, he has asked me back everytime I pull away knowing I'm going to say yes then he changes mind 3 days later. This past July I was fed up and we finally divorced.

Now, he's miserable. His Mom passed away in March, he regrets cheating but would never work things out and regrets that cause it's too late now. He takes his pain and anger out on me knowing I'm going to put up with it. I know I'm nuts but I care for him as a person still.

I finally told him I'm sick of him treating me like crap then acting like nothing ever happened. I asked him if he even wants to remain friends and be in each others lives as friends. His response "It doesn't matter to me."

WHAT?! Are you kidding me? That hurts my feelings obviously. I know if I say I want to remain friends he will do it. If I say no I don't want to remain friends he will say ok. So, what do I do? I know what I SHOULD do but the obvious answer hurts my feelings. I want to be in his life cause we've been through so much and we're "friends" I guess. :brokenheart:

What would you do?
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Replies

  • swordsmith
    swordsmith Posts: 599 Member
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    He is an abuser- you are an enabler.

    Time to severe these ties and move on.

    Dump him from FB, delete him from your cell phone, etc. Go find someone who will treat you better.

    He made his bed now let him lie in it (and I should point out that the mother of his child obviously knows this).
  • channa007
    channa007 Posts: 419 Member
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    Pull the plug and back away... Give it time if things work their way out then they will. If not, you're better off without him.
  • beckystephens
    beckystephens Posts: 117 Member
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    cut it off.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I would personally run in the opposite direction from him. He sounds seriously dysfunctional and bringing entirely too much drama into your life. I'd cut the ties and be done with him, but that's a decision only you can make.
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
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    You know what to do. Do it.
  • HarlCarl
    HarlCarl Posts: 266 Member
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    The divorce is final, move on with your life.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    MOVE ON! I went through this for 5 years with a guy and unfortunately, he is the father of my son. He will just keep hurting you until you decide to get him out of your life.


    Actions speak louder than words...
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
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    You're obviously hurt regardless if you're "friends" or not. I'd let him go. The initial feeling will be hurt, but the intensity will start to fade. If you keep him in your life, he'll have many opportunities to hurt you over & over again. Only reason I could see keeping in touch with him is if you had children.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    He sounds like he is very depressed but if i were you i wouldnt care. He is an ex and you need to leave him alone. Move on and be happy. :)
  • LizC26
    LizC26 Posts: 319 Member
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    You really need to completely sever ties with him and move on with your life...No need in allowing him to do that to you...
  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
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    You are not "friends"


    Friends do not treat each other this way. He keeps coming back to you because he knows he can. You are his "safety" net. It's probably an ego boost to him knowing he can keep you waiting in the wings....so to speak. Cut him loose, honey.
  • littleblackdress24
    littleblackdress24 Posts: 6
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    Men communicate so differently than women, so sometimes their responses aren't exactly what we would hope! Often times they really need us to dig deeper to "get it out of them" because they aren't used to expressing their feelings. I can't give advice on what to do in your situation, but I can say with certainty not to take what he said at face value - Obviously it DOES matter to him!

    Best of luck, and stay strong!

    Kristin
  • smurfette75
    smurfette75 Posts: 853 Member
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    Not that you need my two cents...everyone else has made it clear!!! Thank Goodness you got the divorce...now move on with your life!! Make room for someone new to come in and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't block your blessing holding on to him!!
  • FoxCarter
    FoxCarter Posts: 127 Member
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    RUN!!!

    This will be the HARDEST, but the BEST decision you have made. It may not feel like it now, because of the emotional pain, but later on when you meet someone worthy of your love, you will be so thankful.

    Stay strong!
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
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    You are obviously getting something you want/need out of this "friendship" so you will continue to communicate with him.

    He would have been dead to me a loooooong time ago.
  • Pidders89
    Pidders89 Posts: 1,169 Member
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    even though it will hurt now, cut him out of your life completely! My ex was nearly exactly the same, i had rose tinted glasses on but he dumped me (the worst way and time possible) then give me reason to believe he wanted me back but really he just wanted attention and he knew i would give it him quick so came to me.

    I finally saw the light and cut him out of my life as he was a drug using waste of space but at the time it did really upset me.

    But now a few years on i have a bf who i love and have been with for over 2 years and i just look back and think ha oh dear that was a bad choice!
  • ljbhill
    ljbhill Posts: 276 Member
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    Sometimes the hardest thing is letting go. You make up all these reasons on why you need to still be in his life. You don't. You need to ask yourself one question... are you happy with him, really? If you're not than you don't want to waste your life trying to make something work that doesn't make you happy. Cut him out. Move away from him. Travel for 6 months to a year if you have to. Break free and get out now. Short term pain for a long term gain.
  • teelt13
    teelt13 Posts: 100 Member
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    Don't make him a priority when he treats you like an "option". Change requires getting use to. Yes, you will be a little sad and all that other jazz with not having him in your life..but it will pass. And in the the long run, it sounds like him that'll be missing out on a great person..not you! Wish him the best and send him packing..and move on. You deserve better!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
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    Deep inside you want it to work out...............................it ain't gonna happen and if you don't come to grips with reality you'll keep holding on to this fantasy relationship.
  • pitapocket
    pitapocket Posts: 287 Member
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    Cut him out of your life, you can't move forward if you are allowing the past to pull you back. I always tell my two girls this
    "If you settle for less, less is all you will get", you deserve so much more out of life. Some one so much better for you is just around the corner, but you have to move on to find him. Best of luck.

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