Advice on ex, please
I really need some advice. I'm finally desparate. I'll make a long, painful, agonizing story short!
My ex of 7 years and I separated in 2008 and were working on our marriage living in separate houses. This punk decides to get him a girlfriend. Broke up with her 7 months later to be with me but decided he still didn't want me but we remained friends. I moved from that state back home to my home state and he decided to ask me back again but not before he let me know she was pregnant. Yeah.
We have remained friends-I didn't move back. He isn't in the babies life cause she doesn't like him so she moved out of state and just doesn't communicate with him. Anyways, he has asked me back everytime I pull away knowing I'm going to say yes then he changes mind 3 days later. This past July I was fed up and we finally divorced.
Now, he's miserable. His Mom passed away in March, he regrets cheating but would never work things out and regrets that cause it's too late now. He takes his pain and anger out on me knowing I'm going to put up with it. I know I'm nuts but I care for him as a person still.
I finally told him I'm sick of him treating me like crap then acting like nothing ever happened. I asked him if he even wants to remain friends and be in each others lives as friends. His response "It doesn't matter to me."
WHAT?! Are you kidding me? That hurts my feelings obviously. I know if I say I want to remain friends he will do it. If I say no I don't want to remain friends he will say ok. So, what do I do? I know what I SHOULD do but the obvious answer hurts my feelings. I want to be in his life cause we've been through so much and we're "friends" I guess. :brokenheart:
What would you do?
My ex of 7 years and I separated in 2008 and were working on our marriage living in separate houses. This punk decides to get him a girlfriend. Broke up with her 7 months later to be with me but decided he still didn't want me but we remained friends. I moved from that state back home to my home state and he decided to ask me back again but not before he let me know she was pregnant. Yeah.
We have remained friends-I didn't move back. He isn't in the babies life cause she doesn't like him so she moved out of state and just doesn't communicate with him. Anyways, he has asked me back everytime I pull away knowing I'm going to say yes then he changes mind 3 days later. This past July I was fed up and we finally divorced.
Now, he's miserable. His Mom passed away in March, he regrets cheating but would never work things out and regrets that cause it's too late now. He takes his pain and anger out on me knowing I'm going to put up with it. I know I'm nuts but I care for him as a person still.
I finally told him I'm sick of him treating me like crap then acting like nothing ever happened. I asked him if he even wants to remain friends and be in each others lives as friends. His response "It doesn't matter to me."
WHAT?! Are you kidding me? That hurts my feelings obviously. I know if I say I want to remain friends he will do it. If I say no I don't want to remain friends he will say ok. So, what do I do? I know what I SHOULD do but the obvious answer hurts my feelings. I want to be in his life cause we've been through so much and we're "friends" I guess. :brokenheart:
What would you do?
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Replies
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He is an abuser- you are an enabler.
Time to severe these ties and move on.
Dump him from FB, delete him from your cell phone, etc. Go find someone who will treat you better.
He made his bed now let him lie in it (and I should point out that the mother of his child obviously knows this).0 -
Pull the plug and back away... Give it time if things work their way out then they will. If not, you're better off without him.0
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cut it off.0
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I would personally run in the opposite direction from him. He sounds seriously dysfunctional and bringing entirely too much drama into your life. I'd cut the ties and be done with him, but that's a decision only you can make.0
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You know what to do. Do it.0
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The divorce is final, move on with your life.0
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MOVE ON! I went through this for 5 years with a guy and unfortunately, he is the father of my son. He will just keep hurting you until you decide to get him out of your life.
Actions speak louder than words...0 -
You're obviously hurt regardless if you're "friends" or not. I'd let him go. The initial feeling will be hurt, but the intensity will start to fade. If you keep him in your life, he'll have many opportunities to hurt you over & over again. Only reason I could see keeping in touch with him is if you had children.0
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He sounds like he is very depressed but if i were you i wouldnt care. He is an ex and you need to leave him alone. Move on and be happy.
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You really need to completely sever ties with him and move on with your life...No need in allowing him to do that to you...0
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You are not "friends"
Friends do not treat each other this way. He keeps coming back to you because he knows he can. You are his "safety" net. It's probably an ego boost to him knowing he can keep you waiting in the wings....so to speak. Cut him loose, honey.0 -
Men communicate so differently than women, so sometimes their responses aren't exactly what we would hope! Often times they really need us to dig deeper to "get it out of them" because they aren't used to expressing their feelings. I can't give advice on what to do in your situation, but I can say with certainty not to take what he said at face value - Obviously it DOES matter to him!
Best of luck, and stay strong!
Kristin0 -
Not that you need my two cents...everyone else has made it clear!!! Thank Goodness you got the divorce...now move on with your life!! Make room for someone new to come in and treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't block your blessing holding on to him!!0
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RUN!!!
This will be the HARDEST, but the BEST decision you have made. It may not feel like it now, because of the emotional pain, but later on when you meet someone worthy of your love, you will be so thankful.
Stay strong!0 -
You are obviously getting something you want/need out of this "friendship" so you will continue to communicate with him.
He would have been dead to me a loooooong time ago.0 -
even though it will hurt now, cut him out of your life completely! My ex was nearly exactly the same, i had rose tinted glasses on but he dumped me (the worst way and time possible) then give me reason to believe he wanted me back but really he just wanted attention and he knew i would give it him quick so came to me.
I finally saw the light and cut him out of my life as he was a drug using waste of space but at the time it did really upset me.
But now a few years on i have a bf who i love and have been with for over 2 years and i just look back and think ha oh dear that was a bad choice!0 -
Sometimes the hardest thing is letting go. You make up all these reasons on why you need to still be in his life. You don't. You need to ask yourself one question... are you happy with him, really? If you're not than you don't want to waste your life trying to make something work that doesn't make you happy. Cut him out. Move away from him. Travel for 6 months to a year if you have to. Break free and get out now. Short term pain for a long term gain.0
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Don't make him a priority when he treats you like an "option". Change requires getting use to. Yes, you will be a little sad and all that other jazz with not having him in your life..but it will pass. And in the the long run, it sounds like him that'll be missing out on a great person..not you! Wish him the best and send him packing..and move on. You deserve better!0
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Deep inside you want it to work out...............................it ain't gonna happen and if you don't come to grips with reality you'll keep holding on to this fantasy relationship.0
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Cut him out of your life, you can't move forward if you are allowing the past to pull you back. I always tell my two girls this
"If you settle for less, less is all you will get", you deserve so much more out of life. Some one so much better for you is just around the corner, but you have to move on to find him. Best of luck.0 -
He is an abuser- you are an enabler.
Time to severe these ties and move on.
Dump him from FB, delete him from your cell phone, etc. Go find someone who will treat you better.
He made his bed now let him lie in it (and I should point out that the mother of his child obviously knows this).
THIS!!!
Change your number, delete his contact info, and instead of looking for a new partner consider therapy or at least a self help book. Find new activities that YOU enjoy, stop worrying about him & all the drama that comes with him. You don't need that garbage.
Think about it this way - if you had a child with this guy, what makes you think he would treat you any better than the girl he has a child with now? Seriously, do you want to be with someone who doesn't care about caring for his new child (financially, physically or emotionally)?
Deep down you already know what the answer to your question is, you just gotta get your big girl panties on and keep it movin'!!!0 -
Would you consider having kids with someone who so easily gave up on their own kid? If thats not a red flag, I dunno what is.0
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This is advice from a woman who has gone through this for 25 years. Don't ever talk to or see him again. He will poison every part of your life, it is not worth it. You are better than that. If you must, find someone else. But I would suggest counseling and being alone for awhile first.
Granny Cynth0 -
Read what you posted like it was written by your sister or best friend. What would you tell her to do? Do that.
FYI friends don't treat friends like crap.0 -
this is having a major emotional toll on you!!! that's not going to help you enjoy your life, and especially with your weight loss journey!!!
have you ever read "It's called a break up because it's broken"?? GREAT advice, great read! it's tough love but written with lots of humour. One of the authors went through a divorce. I would highly recommend!
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup-Because-Broken/dp/0767921968
easier said than done but it's time to spend all that time and energy on a person who CARES if you are in his life or not.0 -
Would you consider having kids with someone who so easily gave up on their own kid? If thats not a red flag, I dunno what is.
SO true he will do it to you too.0 -
You need a break from him that even moving states away did not give you.
Give yourself some time - say 6 months with no contact to him, no matter what. Use that time to focus on yourself and your needs. Once that time is over, you can make the decision on whether or not you want him in your life. My guess is, you will be so much happier with out him that the thought of bringing a negative energy and influence back into your life will be laughable.
Even if you have decided to bring him back into your life, I am hoping that your time without him will give you the self confidence and own reassurance that will demand the respect you deserve from him that you obviously are not getting now.
Good luck with your decision!0 -
cut off all communication!!! change ur number. block him on any faceboook etc u have. hes a manipulative jerk and u dont need tht. cut all ties and no matter how desperate u get dont look back. it obviously will only get worse n u dont need thtI really need some advice. I'm finally desparate. I'll make a long, painful, agonizing story short!
My ex of 7 years and I separated in 2008 and were working on our marriage living in separate houses. This punk decides to get him a girlfriend. Broke up with her 7 months later to be with me but decided he still didn't want me but we remained friends. I moved from that state back home to my home state and he decided to ask me back again but not before he let me know she was pregnant. Yeah.
We have remained friends-I didn't move back. He isn't in the babies life cause she doesn't like him so she moved out of state and just doesn't communicate with him. Anyways, he has asked me back everytime I pull away knowing I'm going to say yes then he changes mind 3 days later. This past July I was fed up and we finally divorced.
Now, he's miserable. His Mom passed away in March, he regrets cheating but would never work things out and regrets that cause it's too late now. He takes his pain and anger out on me knowing I'm going to put up with it. I know I'm nuts but I care for him as a person still.
I finally told him I'm sick of him treating me like crap then acting like nothing ever happened. I asked him if he even wants to remain friends and be in each others lives as friends. His response "It doesn't matter to me."
WHAT?! Are you kidding me? That hurts my feelings obviously. I know if I say I want to remain friends he will do it. If I say no I don't want to remain friends he will say ok. So, what do I do? I know what I SHOULD do but the obvious answer hurts my feelings. I want to be in his life cause we've been through so much and we're "friends" I guess. :brokenheart:
What would you do?0 -
Love YOURSELF more. :flowerforyou:0
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I went back to an ex a couple of times after he cheated on me as I cherished the "friendship" we had and didn't want to give up on all the dreams I'd had about our future. The third time I walked away - it really hurt - but my true friends were there to see me through it and I realised he was no friend of mine and cared for me far less than my real friends.
From experience, I'd say walk away... Stop letting him pull your strings.
Hope it works out for you :-)0
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