Is my girlfriend cheating ? Late night long gym sessions and Dodgey behaviour overall :( help
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I used to go out with someone who worked out every evening at the gym and then they really worked out after that all over town. Ayup. Your first impression is usually right and the handwriting is already on the wall.
Don't overthink it. You already know.
Don't say it's okay if it's not.
Don't overlook the obvious.
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I mean, we’re all just playing along. It’s not exactly breaking news that strangers on the internet sometimes misrepresent themselves. We’re participating in a performance.10
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I'm 52 and I can tell you that I have encountered people in my lifetime who give off an untrusty vibe that I couldn't put my finger on. Things they did and said we're explained away and rationalized and while they didn't actually do anything to warrant my distrust, I couldn't shake the feeling. I have found that when I disregarded my feelings, the relationship inevitably turned out badly and I wished I had walked away sooner. You won't be comfortable in this relationship unless you have the security of trust. Whether it's late night gym visits or something else, this is likely to continue.5
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Motorsheen wrote: »Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?
I got nuthin'
Truth is, I feel bad for the OP and I'm not about to clown about someone else's personal issues.
( my own, sure... others, I won't do it.)
It's easy to type "leave her" without any definitive evidence or an admission of guilt.
I guess that I've always felt that a great relationship should be almost effortless and this one doesn't seem to meet that criteria. In that sense, I would move on, especially because there is no marriage, talk of marriage or children involved.
Long ago, I was having some girlfriend issues and was told by a friend:
" Don't sweat it; girls are like subway trains, a new one comes by every ten minutes."
.
Motorsheen Missives & Memos are a highlight of my day. They don't always need to be funny and this one was balanced. You got sumthin' 🙌🏿
As to @Dontletitbeatyou2018, I hope you're able to sort through all the responses you've gotten to date about your situation and then do something about it for your mental and emotional health.1 -
Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »
She recently said she has that but never before mentioned it and is a very confident person.
2 possible
3 maybe
4 maybe but isn’t working hence I don’t get why she wouldn’t go in the day time when quiet
5 she’s not working so has a lot of time, I’ve asked her and she just says prefers it as less people same response each time
I am confident. Yet I am also introverted. I workout at home so as to avoid the gym and people. Introversion and social anxiety does not always show up as a lack of confidence.
Also, might this be a case of trying to justify your own indiscretions? It is noticeable that you have ONLY female friends on MFP (Yes, I went to snoop). I find it kind of odd there is not a single male. Is your concern valid or are you easing your guilt with the idea that she might be doing it, too?
Perhaps some honesty and introspection is needed for you to make the decision that would be best for the both of you.6 -
Bro, do her a favor and break up with her. You'll be doing yourself a favor, too - you sound very unhappy.8
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Two pages of over-analysis.
She is Russian. If she is not obsessed with you then she is done with you (cheating or not).5 -
Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Sounds to me like deep down in your heart you feel it's time to go, you just need someone to tell you to.
Listen to that small voice. It may be scary to leave this, but having that dark cloud over your head is no way to live.
It’s so bad that tonight is the first night I went to gym and couldn’t get out the car I’ve never had anxiety until recently with her, I feel like god would show me something but nothing black and white, she doesn’t even have social media she is a ghost. I don’t go on her phone etc the relationship is very how to say I thinks he shows me what she wants me to see / believe I dread to ask her to go on her phone as shouldn’t have to and never asked but her reaction may say a lot is she’s like NO etc etc
I think this is your answer...time to move on1 -
I’ve been you.
Honestly at this point I’m just embarrassed at my behavior and how much I cared. I overanalyzed everything he did. I read into every post any girl made on his social media. I even tried to use a Facebook algorithm against him. 🤦🏼♀️ “This girl always shows up in your top ten friends, usually ahead of me” OH MY GOD i was the WORST
Turns out I was depressed and had so much anxiety you could paper the walls with it. I loathed myself. I had no confidence. I was needy. Good god, no wonder I assumed he was losing interest. *I* didn’t even like me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
One thing I know for certain.. whether it’s warranted or not, your insecurity in this relationship will drown you, because her reassurances will make an entirely useless life vest. Don’t rely on them. Don’t wait around. Get out and get your head right.
Good luck my man ❤️11 -
If you can't trust her, can't have a straight up conversation with her, and you say the stress of the relationship is giving you anxiety, then nothing about your relationship seems healthy.
Time to cut loose, whether she's cheating or not.
Good luck!2 -
If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't. Wait for someone else with whom it feels right, then you'll know what happiness and trust feel like.5
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Thanks everyone it’s going to be some serious thinking time I don’t think I should make a decision in the moment do you agree or are you saying she will never change her habbits and I either have to accept this is who she is 0 compromise or for my feelings and it’s now up to me0
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »Thanks everyone it’s going to be some serious thinking time I don’t think I should make a decision in the moment do you agree or are you saying she will never change her habbits and I either have to accept this is who she is 0 compromise or for my feelings and it’s now up to me
She's not going to change; people only change when and if they want to and that has nothing to do with the influences of people in their life.
You may just have a conflict of personality and expectations. Better to cut loose and move on so you both can find someone who fits your personality/expectations/lifestyle a bit better, even if it hurts to do so.
I don't feel that, if some of these issues are important to you, you should have to shove them aside for her (that's not compromise, by the way, that's you blatantly being disregarded in favor of another person, which is not how a healthy relationship should work).
But you are correct: sit and think on it a bit. Weigh out the pros and cons and come back to it.0 -
Start going with her or hire a PI.0
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If a guy I was dating started trying to control when I was working out, I would absolutely NOT pander to him. If he didn't learn that I wasn't going to tolerate it, I'd leave.
My guy works out and goes out whenever he wants, and I don't assume the worst because I trust and respect him. If I didn't trust and respect him, he wouldn't be my guy.
Being controlling and jealous is toxic to a relationship. You either need to find someone you can actually trust, or work on your trust and control issues, or maybe both.7 -
Trust your gut it won’t let you down6
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Thanks everyone4
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We're due for an update, no?
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!7 -
chuckle_bunny wrote: »We're due for an update, no?
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!
Ohhh...do you listen to murder podcast???0 -
chuckle_bunny wrote: »We're due for an update, no?
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!
Or get a black light
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chuckle_bunny wrote: »We're due for an update, no?
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!
Or get a black light
This would be especially handy if she’s also smuggling scorpions in her undies.3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »chuckle_bunny wrote: »We're due for an update, no?
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!
Or get a black light
This would be especially handy if she’s also smuggling scorpions in her undies.
They’re a snack for later1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
I still say you should take her Lululemons to a forensics team for analysis. Take no chances!
Or get a black light
This would be especially handy if she’s also smuggling scorpions in her undies.
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »It's going to be some serious thinking time.
I don’t think I should make a decision in the moment.
Do you agree or are you saying she will never change her habits and
I either have to accept this is who she is...
0 compromise or for my feelings and it’s now up to me.
Second verse same as the first.
I hope you didn't buy an engagement ring or an expensive Christmas present. Spend your money on yourself.2
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