Is my girlfriend cheating ? Late night long gym sessions and Dodgey behaviour overall :( help

Dontletitbeatyou2018
Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
edited December 2020 in Chit-Chat
It’s a long story but here it goes.

She’s Russian, older than me 36 very attractive stereotypical. Her vibe has always made me just not trust her other stuffs happened in the past before not contacting me 3 days etc worst examples in the summer so on.

I work away in the week, she says she’s always been into gym. How ever she’s goes to a 24 hour gym always late at night ie 10pm - 12 pm some times the sessions are longer from what she tells me 2.5.

She is not overweight or anything, my suspicions are she’s has met someone at the gym and spending time, or worse saying she’s going and goes else where.

My last resort is to turn up at the gym but I’m not a member there’s no going back if she sees me, I’ve said her going so late makes me uneasy but she clearly doesn’t care as still does it and says she prefers it as quiet.

I can’t seem to prove anything but I just don’t it’s genuine.

Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
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Replies

  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,616 Member
    Is this a new routine or has she always done this and it's now bothering you?
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    edited December 2020
    Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.

    Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?

    ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,541 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    does it even matter anymore at this point?

    if you can't trust her, whether it's actually warranted on her part, or whether its just simple paranoia on your own, then it's over.

    if you can't accept trusting her word, and you *have* to have proof, then it won't stop here. it'll become every little thing down the road. and that ain't no way to live. not for you or her.

    best to walk clean now. give yourself some time. to come to terms with what you want and expect from your next relationship, and/or to let her do the same.
    or just guess her phone's password, king
    2zph33bigipu.gif

    💯. Same wavelength.
  • chuckle_bunny
    chuckle_bunny Posts: 496 Member
    Drive by the gym and, if you see her car in the parking lot, then go to McDonald's and get a hot fudge sundae and relax champ.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,541 Member
    edited December 2020
    deputy_randolph wrote: »
    Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.

    Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?

    ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.

    Why does she go at that time? Hmmm
    1. She has social anxiety and can't stand the stress of lots of people there
    2. She gets hit on or ogled when she goes at normal times, so she goes at an hour where she is less likely to be harassed.
    3. She hates sharing machines and finds that time is when her stuff is easily accessible
    4. She needs some alone time before bed to decompress from the day, and hitting the gym does that for her.
    5. She has too much to do after finishing work, coming home, having dinner, cleaning up, letting food settle, household chores. By the time all THAT is done it's ten and she has the choice to either workout or lose progress. At that point, everything takes longer because you're exhausted, but still determined.


    There are many reasons she may be going, that have nothing to do with cheating. You could always ask her.
  • Dontletitbeatyou2018
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
    Thanks I’ve voiced my opinion and she said she doesn’t like to be controlled she wants to do what she wants to an extent I understand that but the fact she isn’t working at the moment and purposely goes late when she knows I don’t like makes me think she doesn’t want to put me at ease or even compromise she’s very stubborn and I’m starting to question my happiness level is very low from it all. I believe some people want to have there cake and eat it and my theory is she has met someone there or is in the process of getting to know someone but yes could be all paranoia I will never know unless I have evidence which is impossible when I work away it’s like a hall pass I don’t see how it can get better but so hard to walk away because if this one big thing which really is breaking me down
  • Dontletitbeatyou2018
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    deputy_randolph wrote: »
    Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.

    Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?

    ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.

    Why does she go at that time? Hmmm
    1. She has social anxiety and can't stand the stress of lots of people there
    2. She gets hit on or ogled when she goes at normal times, so she goes at an hour where she is less likely to be harassed.
    3. She hates sharing machines and finds that time is when her stuff is easily accessible
    4. She needs some alone time before bed to decompress from the day, and hitting the gym does that for her.
    5. She has too much to do after finishing work, coming home, having dinner, cleaning up, letting food settle, household chores. By the time all THAT is done it's ten and she has the choice to either workout or lose progress. At that point, everything takes longer because you're exhausted, but still determined.


    There are many reasons she may be going, that have nothing to do with cheating. You could always ask her.

    She recently said she has that but never before mentioned it and is a very confident person.

    2 possible

    3 maybe

    4 maybe but isn’t working hence I don’t get why she wouldn’t go in the day time when quiet

    5 she’s not working so has a lot of time, I’ve asked her and she just says prefers it as less people same response each time
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    edited December 2020
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »
    Thanks I’ve voiced my opinion and she said she doesn’t like to be controlled she wants to do what she wants to an extent I understand that but the fact she isn’t working at the moment and purposely goes late when she knows I don’t like makes me think she doesn’t want to put me at ease or even compromise she’s very stubborn and I’m starting to question my happiness level is very low from it all. I believe some people want to have there cake and eat it and my theory is she has met someone there or is in the process of getting to know someone but yes could be all paranoia I will never know unless I have evidence which is impossible when I work away it’s like a hall pass I don’t see how it can get better but so hard to walk away because if this one big thing which really is breaking me down

    You said she had done stuff in the past that made you feel like you can’t trust her, so it might not be paranoia. You didn’t state what those reasons were other than the 3 days without talking to you, no back story, a fight? Or she just disappeared?

    Going to the gym late isn’t enough reason to be suspicious. If the reasons why you stopped trusting her in the past are anything petty like her being at the gym late then it might be just you. You’re just her boyfriend, you can’t expect her to stop going to the gym at those hours just because you’re feeling insecure.

    She told you how she felt about the situation and her actions are telling you how it’s going to be... either you accept it or continue being in a relationship where you don’t feel at ease.

    If you need closure just go check up on her see if she’s really at the gym I guess.
  • Miz_Owl
    Miz_Owl Posts: 3,026 Member
    Hire a private investigator if it really bothers you .
  • Dontletitbeatyou2018
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
    Yes when we first starting getting serious one time she didn’t reach out and went cold I didn’t come back for 3 days she didn’t even call or message me once i tested this to prove to my self she doesn’t give a *kitten*.

    Recently he friend came over from abroad and said she wanted a break when I was due to come home as I live there and was at the gym, I stayed my parents that night the next days she pretended like nothing was up and said ignore me when I say stuff like that, surely this isn’t normally treating me like a boyfriend when it suits her.

    Recently things have been ok income back weekends and play happy families it’s only when I’m away in the week I have no idea what she’s up to, she quit her job in covid with no business plan of a food idea she has major red flag when it’s lucky to have a job in these times, this was the start my internal thoughts as being very strange.

    She says she’s working on it but when I ask her she’s isn’t interested in going into detail I sense BS or that some other things are going on. The whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable but I suppose I’m holding on to what she says to me like everything’s fine etc etc

    I know you shouldn’t make a person or put them on a peda stool and I have with her, I think she knows I won’t walk and can abuse that, she knows she can get away with a lot, my mum says it’s an abusive relationship and maybe I should listen to her I feel *kitten*.

    Now the late night gym sessions are the icing on the cake the whole thing smells Dodgey when I’m not back in the week so there you go
  • Dontletitbeatyou2018
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
    Miz_Owl wrote: »
    Hire a private investigator if it really bothers you .

    That’s a last resort but would that give me the answer or just give me a blurred picture, who knows it’s not always black and white when some people so clever and cover there tracks she knows I’m not happy and can sense it no doubt

  • Dontletitbeatyou2018
    Dontletitbeatyou2018 Posts: 78 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    Sounds to me like deep down in your heart you feel it's time to go, you just need someone to tell you to.

    Listen to that small voice. It may be scary to leave this, but having that dark cloud over your head is no way to live.

    It’s so bad that tonight is the first night I went to gym and couldn’t get out the car I’ve never had anxiety until recently with her, I feel like god would show me something but nothing black and white, she doesn’t even have social media she is a ghost. I don’t go on her phone etc the relationship is very how to say I thinks he shows me what she wants me to see / believe I dread to ask her to go on her phone as shouldn’t have to and never asked but her reaction may say a lot is she’s like NO etc etc

  • IJP2019
    IJP2019 Posts: 34 Member
    If someone is willing to disregard your feelings and or disrespect you....remember this. That has no boundaries, in fact sone people get off on how far they can push that.
    Who would want to waste their time with someone like that when there are good people out there.

    Know this though...this is a you thing. When you realize your worth this won’t ever be a post for you again. Don’t place your worth based on someone else’s assessment of your worth...she might be terrible at assessing your worth, and it seems like you don’t value yourself very high.
    Focus on that, not her!

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