Is my girlfriend cheating ? Late night long gym sessions and Dodgey behaviour overall :( help
Dontletitbeatyou2018
Posts: 78 Member
It’s a long story but here it goes.
She’s Russian, older than me 36 very attractive stereotypical. Her vibe has always made me just not trust her other stuffs happened in the past before not contacting me 3 days etc worst examples in the summer so on.
I work away in the week, she says she’s always been into gym. How ever she’s goes to a 24 hour gym always late at night ie 10pm - 12 pm some times the sessions are longer from what she tells me 2.5.
She is not overweight or anything, my suspicions are she’s has met someone at the gym and spending time, or worse saying she’s going and goes else where.
My last resort is to turn up at the gym but I’m not a member there’s no going back if she sees me, I’ve said her going so late makes me uneasy but she clearly doesn’t care as still does it and says she prefers it as quiet.
I can’t seem to prove anything but I just don’t it’s genuine.
Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
She’s Russian, older than me 36 very attractive stereotypical. Her vibe has always made me just not trust her other stuffs happened in the past before not contacting me 3 days etc worst examples in the summer so on.
I work away in the week, she says she’s always been into gym. How ever she’s goes to a 24 hour gym always late at night ie 10pm - 12 pm some times the sessions are longer from what she tells me 2.5.
She is not overweight or anything, my suspicions are she’s has met someone at the gym and spending time, or worse saying she’s going and goes else where.
My last resort is to turn up at the gym but I’m not a member there’s no going back if she sees me, I’ve said her going so late makes me uneasy but she clearly doesn’t care as still does it and says she prefers it as quiet.
I can’t seem to prove anything but I just don’t it’s genuine.
Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
5
Replies
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Is this a new routine or has she always done this and it's now bothering you?2
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Honestly, if you think she's cheating, and you don't trust her to be honest with you... What kind of relationship do you actually have?
Option 1...She isn't cheating. You currently think she is lying to you and behaving horribly. You think the worst of her. Say you show up at the gym to catch her in a lie... And find her there happily working away... If I were her, and found out I would be angry and hurt and probably dump your *kitten*.
Option 2: she is cheating
Why would you stay? Obviously she is wanting more than what you have together. So why chase after that?
To me.. It seems that the odds of an outcome where you stay together, happily ever after, are pretty low.14 -
Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.
Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?
ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.3 -
I mean, I suppose there is a third option, where you sit down and discuss your feelings... But who does that these days?10
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does it even matter anymore at this point?
if you can't trust her, whether it's actually warranted on her part, or whether its just simple paranoia on your own, then it's over.
if you can't accept trusting her word, and you *have* to have proof, then it won't stop here. it'll become every little thing down the road. and that ain't no way to live. not for you or her.
best to walk clean now. give yourself some time. to come to terms with what you want and expect from your next relationship, and/or to let her do the same.or just guess her phone's password, king
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does it even matter anymore at this point?
if you can't trust her, whether it's actually warranted on her part, or whether its just simple paranoia on your own, then it's over.
if you can't accept trusting her word, and you *have* to have proof, then it won't stop here. it'll become every little thing down the road. and that ain't no way to live. not for you or her.
best to walk clean now. give yourself some time. to come to terms with what you want and expect from your next relationship, and/or to let her do the same.or just guess her phone's password, king
💯. Same wavelength.2 -
Drive by the gym and, if you see her car in the parking lot, then go to McDonald's and get a hot fudge sundae and relax champ.4
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deputy_randolph wrote: »Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.
Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?
ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.
Why does she go at that time? Hmmm
1. She has social anxiety and can't stand the stress of lots of people there
2. She gets hit on or ogled when she goes at normal times, so she goes at an hour where she is less likely to be harassed.
3. She hates sharing machines and finds that time is when her stuff is easily accessible
4. She needs some alone time before bed to decompress from the day, and hitting the gym does that for her.
5. She has too much to do after finishing work, coming home, having dinner, cleaning up, letting food settle, household chores. By the time all THAT is done it's ten and she has the choice to either workout or lose progress. At that point, everything takes longer because you're exhausted, but still determined.
There are many reasons she may be going, that have nothing to do with cheating. You could always ask her.3 -
Thanks I’ve voiced my opinion and she said she doesn’t like to be controlled she wants to do what she wants to an extent I understand that but the fact she isn’t working at the moment and purposely goes late when she knows I don’t like makes me think she doesn’t want to put me at ease or even compromise she’s very stubborn and I’m starting to question my happiness level is very low from it all. I believe some people want to have there cake and eat it and my theory is she has met someone there or is in the process of getting to know someone but yes could be all paranoia I will never know unless I have evidence which is impossible when I work away it’s like a hall pass I don’t see how it can get better but so hard to walk away because if this one big thing which really is breaking me down1
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »Thanks I’ve voiced my opinion and she said she doesn’t like to be controlled she wants to do what she wants to an extent I understand that but the fact she isn’t working at the moment and purposely goes late when she knows I don’t like makes me think she doesn’t want to put me at ease or even compromise she’s very stubborn and I’m starting to question my happiness level is very low from it all. I believe some people want to have there cake and eat it and my theory is she has met someone there or is in the process of getting to know someone but yes could be all paranoia I will never know unless I have evidence which is impossible when I work away it’s like a hall pass I don’t see how it can get better but so hard to walk away because if this one big thing which really is breaking me down
you def need to just walk away. that mindset is like a black shadow that's fallen over your life and if you let it stay for too long it's going to color every good thing in your life that comes afterwards into a much darker shade of black.
im of the opinion you should just tell her how you feel and then walk clean. whether there's something there or not doesn't even matter anymore. it'll hurt to cut her off if you truly do care about her, but that's life sometimes and you gotta make the hard choices before they make you. best to suffer some temporary unhappiness now and then give yourself the time to come to terms with what you want out of a relationship and then you can finally reset and try again down the road with an open heart hopefully. plenty of fish in the sea and all that9 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »deputy_randolph wrote: »Why don't you join the gym and then announce, "Oh you're going to the gym? I'll come with you!" That might give you more info.
Why would you go to the gym from 10pm to 12am unless you had a very non-traditional work schedule?
ETA: I see she goes at that time, b/c it isn't busy. It probably isn't busy at other hours too. I think safety is a reasonable concern being in possibly not well lit public spaces at that time.
Why does she go at that time? Hmmm
1. She has social anxiety and can't stand the stress of lots of people there
2. She gets hit on or ogled when she goes at normal times, so she goes at an hour where she is less likely to be harassed.
3. She hates sharing machines and finds that time is when her stuff is easily accessible
4. She needs some alone time before bed to decompress from the day, and hitting the gym does that for her.
5. She has too much to do after finishing work, coming home, having dinner, cleaning up, letting food settle, household chores. By the time all THAT is done it's ten and she has the choice to either workout or lose progress. At that point, everything takes longer because you're exhausted, but still determined.
There are many reasons she may be going, that have nothing to do with cheating. You could always ask her.
She recently said she has that but never before mentioned it and is a very confident person.
2 possible
3 maybe
4 maybe but isn’t working hence I don’t get why she wouldn’t go in the day time when quiet
5 she’s not working so has a lot of time, I’ve asked her and she just says prefers it as less people same response each time
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »Thanks I’ve voiced my opinion and she said she doesn’t like to be controlled she wants to do what she wants to an extent I understand that but the fact she isn’t working at the moment and purposely goes late when she knows I don’t like makes me think she doesn’t want to put me at ease or even compromise she’s very stubborn and I’m starting to question my happiness level is very low from it all. I believe some people want to have there cake and eat it and my theory is she has met someone there or is in the process of getting to know someone but yes could be all paranoia I will never know unless I have evidence which is impossible when I work away it’s like a hall pass I don’t see how it can get better but so hard to walk away because if this one big thing which really is breaking me down
You said she had done stuff in the past that made you feel like you can’t trust her, so it might not be paranoia. You didn’t state what those reasons were other than the 3 days without talking to you, no back story, a fight? Or she just disappeared?
Going to the gym late isn’t enough reason to be suspicious. If the reasons why you stopped trusting her in the past are anything petty like her being at the gym late then it might be just you. You’re just her boyfriend, you can’t expect her to stop going to the gym at those hours just because you’re feeling insecure.
She told you how she felt about the situation and her actions are telling you how it’s going to be... either you accept it or continue being in a relationship where you don’t feel at ease.
If you need closure just go check up on her see if she’s really at the gym I guess.3 -
Hire a private investigator if it really bothers you .4
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Yes when we first starting getting serious one time she didn’t reach out and went cold I didn’t come back for 3 days she didn’t even call or message me once i tested this to prove to my self she doesn’t give a *kitten*.
Recently he friend came over from abroad and said she wanted a break when I was due to come home as I live there and was at the gym, I stayed my parents that night the next days she pretended like nothing was up and said ignore me when I say stuff like that, surely this isn’t normally treating me like a boyfriend when it suits her.
Recently things have been ok income back weekends and play happy families it’s only when I’m away in the week I have no idea what she’s up to, she quit her job in covid with no business plan of a food idea she has major red flag when it’s lucky to have a job in these times, this was the start my internal thoughts as being very strange.
She says she’s working on it but when I ask her she’s isn’t interested in going into detail I sense BS or that some other things are going on. The whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable but I suppose I’m holding on to what she says to me like everything’s fine etc etc
I know you shouldn’t make a person or put them on a peda stool and I have with her, I think she knows I won’t walk and can abuse that, she knows she can get away with a lot, my mum says it’s an abusive relationship and maybe I should listen to her I feel *kitten*.
Now the late night gym sessions are the icing on the cake the whole thing smells Dodgey when I’m not back in the week so there you go0 -
Hire a private investigator if it really bothers you .
That’s a last resort but would that give me the answer or just give me a blurred picture, who knows it’s not always black and white when some people so clever and cover there tracks she knows I’m not happy and can sense it no doubt
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Sounds to me like deep down in your heart you feel it's time to go, you just need someone to tell you to.
Listen to that small voice. It may be scary to leave this, but having that dark cloud over your head is no way to live.6 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Sounds to me like deep down in your heart you feel it's time to go, you just need someone to tell you to.
Listen to that small voice. It may be scary to leave this, but having that dark cloud over your head is no way to live.
It’s so bad that tonight is the first night I went to gym and couldn’t get out the car I’ve never had anxiety until recently with her, I feel like god would show me something but nothing black and white, she doesn’t even have social media she is a ghost. I don’t go on her phone etc the relationship is very how to say I thinks he shows me what she wants me to see / believe I dread to ask her to go on her phone as shouldn’t have to and never asked but her reaction may say a lot is she’s like NO etc etc
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Just break up.11
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Yeah...there is more than this gym thingie going on here. If your mother told you this is an abusive relationship, you better listen to her. Abuse comes in different forms...not just physical.
If you have told her going to the gym at that time makes you unconfortable, and she just blows your concern off...that's not good. There are other options of slow times at the gym that she could negotiate around to make you feel better. That is what people in relationships do. She might not be cheating at the gym...but the fact she disregarded your concern is an issue.5 -
If someone is willing to disregard your feelings and or disrespect you....remember this. That has no boundaries, in fact sone people get off on how far they can push that.
Who would want to waste their time with someone like that when there are good people out there.
Know this though...this is a you thing. When you realize your worth this won’t ever be a post for you again. Don’t place your worth based on someone else’s assessment of your worth...she might be terrible at assessing your worth, and it seems like you don’t value yourself very high.
Focus on that, not her!4 -
Yes, you need to get out of this relationship. She’s crushing your soul. I’ve been there. You’re losing yourself.
I totally get going to the gym at a time when there are few people, but you are absolutely miserable. As others have said, this isn’t just about the gym. Unless you like this dynamic where she’s totally dominating and destroying you and you’ve chosen this pain, GET OUT.5 -
aChuisle_moChroi wrote: »Yes, you need to get out of this relationship. She’s crushing your soul. I’ve been there. You’re losing yourself.
I totally get going to the gym at a time when there are few people, but you are absolutely miserable. As others have said, this isn’t just about the gym. Unless you like this dynamic where she’s totally dominating and destroying you and you’ve chosen this pain, GET OUT.
I didn’t want to say it but I’m loosing my self and falling apart, I need to be really brave to just do it, she will never change and is making it clear that this is what you get clearly she doesn’t have any boundaries clearly even tho we agreed things seems like nothing matters hence my mind is thinking all sorts she hasn’t done her self any favours and I’m sure she knows what she’s doing
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?4 -
It patently clear that your “GF” is actually an FSB assassin.3
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?
I’m too tired to fact check this but I like it.3 -
Typo all men and women welcome to give there thoughts, is the gut instinct ever wrong, if I leave without any proof etc will I live in regret and try to back is the question no way out is easier with her0
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Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?
I got nuthin'
Truth is, I feel bad for the OP and I'm not about to clown about someone else's personal issues.
( my own, sure... others, I won't do it.)
It's easy to type "leave her" without any definitive evidence or an admission of guilt.
I guess that I've always felt that a great relationship should be almost effortless and this one doesn't seem to meet that criteria. In that sense, I would move on, especially because there is no marriage, talk of marriage or children involved.
Long ago, I was having some girlfriend issues and was told by a friend:
" Don't sweat it; girls are like subway trains, a new one comes by every ten minutes."
.7 -
Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?
I usually don't comment, but check out OP's FL---all women. Why??5 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Dontletitbeatyou2018 wrote: »*snip*Women advice but men mainly, would you be fine with your other half going so late and for so long or would you start to think is there something going on ? It could be insecurities my end but you know when you just know some thing doesn’t feel right
Despite your request above and unless I'm misgendering (and/or skimming way too fast in search of a response from Motorsheen), you seem to be exclusively responding to women's posts about your relationship. My curiosity is piqued as to why since everyone has given you great feedback that you can act on?
I usually don't comment, but check out OP's FL---all women. Why??
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Hate to say it but you should probably walk away. Firstly, look at what it is doing to your self esteem and mental health - relationships shouldn't do that and if you stay too long it'll break you down so much you'll wonder if you could ever be whole again. Trust me on that. Secondly, if you cannot trust her then that's a relationship with no foundation imo. Sounds like you guys can't communicate in a productive and healthy way which is key really. Whether she is cheating or you're just paranoid, the situation is unfair on you both.4
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