Can a bisexual man be a good husband
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »+1 for poor title choice. Agree with everyone here.
It's sad that he didn't tell her before they tied the knot, but if he hasn't been unfaithful, and isn't asking for permission to be now, then really what does it matter? Is it really worth ending a marriage?
I guess it all depends on what she is taking issue with and why.
Thoughts are one thing & actions are another thing, amiright?
Some actions are deal breakers. ( I think that there might be an entire thread on the subject somewhere. )
I don't give a rip what other people think; I care about actions & in some cases, inaction.
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Hot take: there's a not-so-subtle undercurrent in society that someone who is not heterosexual is held to a different standard when it comes to interpersonal relationships and disclosure. Like, Monogamy+
Before getting married or undertaking what was intended to be a long-term, monogamous relationship has everyone asked their partners about the specifics of EVERY intimate relationship prior to theirs and what their fidelity values were?
Doubtful. Why?
I can jump on Dave Ramsey's YouTube channel right now and be guaranteed that there's yet another recent story about finding out - after the wedding - that a spouse was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. That's an example of financial infidelity. So if folks can't figure a simple money conversation out before getting hitched, I have no aspirations that they've talked meaningfully about relationships.
TLDR ➡️ It is not uncommon for people to avoid due diligence (or otherwise surfacing personal values/beliefs) when it comes to interpersonal relationships. It's also common for other people to not disclose or otherwise communicate effectively. Both can be chalked up to human flaws...and both are unrelated to a person's sexuality.6 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.7
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He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
So by that same line of thought, everyone who has not explicitly said to their partner of another gender: "I date men exclusively" or "I have only dated women" has lied by omission?
Now I'm just honestly curious as to the expectations and experience of these conversations
ETA: I press here because the realities of men and women who are in LGBTQA+ communities can be fraught with discrimination, heteronormative "standards" and other issues that can put them at a disadvantage or even danger. Furthermore, to be specific to this convo, the lived experiences of a bisexual man and that of a bisexual woman can be vastly different too.6 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two13 -
Maybe he didn't accept it in himself until recently. It's not uncommon for people to take a while to figure out their sexuality. In which case, he wasn't dishonest or hiding anything.
She sounds like a bigot. I can understand being shocked, angry/hurt at not knowing sooner, insecure about whether she can fulfill all his desires, etc. But to just ditch the whole relationship based on that.
... unless she was already unhappy, and this is just an excuse to leave that she thinks people will accept.8 -
If he deliberately hid the fact that he’s bisexual, yeah, I can understand why someone would want to leave- and I don’t think it’s wrong for wanting to leave.
Does one have to come out and flat out say they’re bisexual, I don’t know.
But as you’re getting to know someone, their experiences, exes, life stories, who they’re attracted to celebrity- wise or whatever) I’m sure one would get the hint either way—-So if he purposely left things out to make it seem like hes one way when he’s not, that’s not fair.4 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
So by that same line of thought, everyone who has not explicitly said to their partner of another gender: "I date men exclusively" or "I have only dated women" has lied by omission?
Now I'm just honestly curious as to the expectations and experience of these conversations
ETA: I press here because the realities of men and women who are in LGBTQA+ communities can be fraught with discrimination, heteronormative "standards" and other issues that can put them at a disadvantage or even danger. Furthermore, to be specific to this convo, the lived experiences of a bisexual man and that of a bisexual woman can be vastly different too.
Just wanted to say I appreciate your well worded and extremely caring opinions. You’re doing an excellent job of saying what I’m thinking.
I’d also like to add that we are always changing as people. I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year and won’t be the same person at the end of next year. People grow and change, part of a relationship is growing together and learning who you are becoming together (not to say that anyone should remain in abusive relationship to wait for the abuser to “grow out of it” or some BS like that) so maybe her husband hadn’t fully realized his bisexuality yet. That’s okay!4 -
Does one have to come out and flat out say they’re bisexual, I don’t know.
I feel that anything that might reasonably constitute a dealbreaker or an issue in a committed longterm relationship should be disclosed. Apparently this guy did flat out say that he is bisexual so whether he just figured it out recently or whether he already knew and deliberately concealed the information until after the I dos would be a big factor.
Sexuality is not the issue for me but honesty is. You'd be surprised at what people can hide successfully. Long ago I knew a woman who managed to conceal a full-blown cocaine addiction from her fiance. Is it up to the partner to come up with a fulsome list of potential dealbreakers and check them off before agreeing to marriage? Not my style but maybe some people are that thorough.
"Good husband" for me has nothing to do with sexuality, however, It probably has a lot more to do with not leaving the toilet seat up.3 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, LADY !
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I have slept with hundreds of women. That is not a very attractive trait for a lot of women looking for a partner.....so i never would bring that up. If she asked i would be honest about it. But who i was and who i am while different, mold who I am currently. People get so hung up on what is not said that they lose focus on what is said. If he was married he sId he was bisexual and he didnt want to give up dating men, well that may be a deal breaker. If after he got married all he wanted was to love his wife and no other, than really, bisexuality does not even come into play. Just like if i fell in love and only wanted to be with my wife, my past behavior......as long as Im disease free.....has no bearing on anything.10
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INB4TL
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He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
So by that same line of thought, everyone who has not explicitly said to their partner of another gender: "I date men exclusively" or "I have only dated women" has lied by omission?
Now I'm just honestly curious as to the expectations and experience of these conversations
ETA: I press here because the realities of men and women who are in LGBTQA+ communities can be fraught with discrimination, heteronormative "standards" and other issues that can put them at a disadvantage or even danger. Furthermore, to be specific to this convo, the lived experiences of a bisexual man and that of a bisexual woman can be vastly different too.
Just wanted to say I appreciate your well worded and extremely caring opinions. You’re doing an excellent job of saying what I’m thinking.
I’d also like to add that we are always changing as people. I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year and won’t be the same person at the end of next year. People grow and change, part of a relationship is growing together and learning who you are becoming together (not to say that anyone should remain in abusive relationship to wait for the abuser to “grow out of it” or some BS like that) so maybe her husband hadn’t fully realized his bisexuality yet. That’s okay!I have slept with hundreds of women. That is not a very attractive trait for a lot of women looking for a partner.....so i never would bring that up. If she asked i would be honest about it. But who i was and who i am while different, mold who I am currently. People get so hung up on what is not said that they lose focus on what is said. If he was married he sId he was bisexual and he didnt want to give up dating men, well that may be a deal breaker. If after he got married all he wanted was to love his wife and no other, than really, bisexuality does not even come into play. Just like if i fell in love and only wanted to be with my wife, my past behavior......as long as Im disease free.....has no bearing on anything.
While I'm not THE voice of allyship, I am a voice. So are you @fstrickl, @Revolu7 @CacoEther and everyone else who can see both sides of this relationship and talk about grey zones the scenario, as problematically presented, can surface.
Personally, I can SJW this scenario for days because there's yet to be anything said that justifies the thread's title/wording. It is beyond irksome but I suppose there's a thread for that.
[And @iMago, I hate you for this mesmerizing meme 😂]4 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two
maybe u could throw off the shackles of conventional spelling standards and quit trying define yourself by these arcane grammar rules and then who cares about labels kwim?3 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two
maybe u could throw off the shackles of conventional spelling standards and quit trying define yourself by these arcane grammar rules and then who cares about labels kwim?
I personalliey hate konventional speling.3 -
Why is almost everyone in here assuming that the dude knew beforehand and purposefully omitted his sexuality/duality before getting married? So many people don't KNOW who they are or what their true preferences are when they are younger. It's not so black and white.
The OP never explicitly mentioned that he knew beforehand, only that it became known to the woman in the relationship that he was, in fact bisexual and wanted to end it over that (which is super petty, in my opinion).6 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two
maybe u could throw off the shackles of conventional spelling standards and quit trying define yourself by these arcane grammar rules and then who cares about labels kwim?
Why are you so dreamy2
This discussion has been closed.
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