The main reasons I believe people don't reach goals
ninerbuff
Posts: 48,985 Member
First and foremost is FEAR. People fear of failure when they attempt something. No one ever wants to fail, but it's part of the learning process. Since weight loss (with the exception of calorie deficit) isn't set in stone for how to do it, people may try a program and fail altogether at it, but quit and don't look at other possible avenues. There are many ways for people to lose weight. Some doing strictly dieting, some with exercise, some with changing the foods they eat overall, some with quitting drinking, etc. The great thing is once you get some success, you get less FEAR about continuing or doing it again.
The other is self DENIAL. Can't tell you how many times people tell me they are doing all the right things, but then when it's actually broken down, it's not the actual truth. "I do stick to my calorie deficit 100%.................................well except for that one birthday party." Or "I work out really hard" but they don't even have a heart rate much higher than their resting heart rate. Being HONEST with yourself will help with identifying why you may not be reaching the goals you set.
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The other is self DENIAL. Can't tell you how many times people tell me they are doing all the right things, but then when it's actually broken down, it's not the actual truth. "I do stick to my calorie deficit 100%.................................well except for that one birthday party." Or "I work out really hard" but they don't even have a heart rate much higher than their resting heart rate. Being HONEST with yourself will help with identifying why you may not be reaching the goals you set.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Replies
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Denial has to be the main one.
Recently a group of children ran up to me while I was speed jumping rope. “How do you do that?!?” they asked. I thought for a moment and responded “practice.” It was a spur of the moment response without thought. The true answer is discipline.
The only one one is denying is themselves. Practice without discipline is a road to nowhere. Staying true to yourself and realizing you are in this alone and for you is a true path to victory.5 -
Interesting topic. I don’t believe that fear is what holds me back from accomplishing anything in my life. The only time I experience fear is from a dangerous situation - a car that is going too fast when I’m a pedestrian, coming face-to-face with a wild animal.
I believe discipline is why I do and don’t reach goals. A mantra I use is Consistency and Persistency. When I do the work, the results follow.
I find that discipline is much more straight forward in intellectual goals. There is an emotional component, for me, to weight loss and maintenance and that is my stumbling block. I have done therapy, read books, done workshops and many other things, but long term nothing has stuck. The behaviors that were ingrained in childhood still come up. Awareness helps. My stumbles are shorter and I don’t give up. I keep moving forward.6 -
Repetition and consistency make it so much easier to do just about anything. Any professional in anything dedicate hours upon hours honing their craft by endless hours of repetition and consistency. And really it's no different in weight loss/gain/maintenance. Many think there's some other secret or that they weren't blessed with the genes to do it. So somewhat of a denial.Denial has to be the main one.
Recently a group of children ran up to me while I was speed jumping rope. “How do you do that?!?” they asked. I thought for a moment and responded “practice.” It was a spur of the moment response without thought. The true answer is discipline.
The only one one is denying is themselves. Practice without discipline is a road to nowhere. Staying true to yourself and realizing you are in this alone and for you is a true path to victory.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Well I've heard it said that everyone does everything out of one of two things, Fear or Love.
So what ninerbuff says resonates with me.
Until I really cared about my health, my peace, and my life I didn't make any lasting changes. That includes stopping drinking, losing weight, stopping smoking, getting regular exercise, cooking my own meals from a majority of whole foods, working on my mental health, getting rid of toxic relationships and jobs - the list goes on.
I used to operate out of fear, now I operate out of love.13 -
I agree with these, I also think that patience or lack of understanding also plays a role. We see so many posts here where people are like "I've been doing everything right for two weeks and I haven't lost weight, I'm ready to give up" or "I've only lost four pounds this month, I might as well quit." People really hurt themselves by not understanding that most of us won't achieve instant results and they think they might as well not bother.7
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For me, it's neither fear nor denial, but motivation. Sometimes every so often, I'm super motivated like I am now. Nothing is going to stop me reaching my goal. I've no idea what sets off these motivational streaks in me, but I've had several memorable periods in my life that I've just been struck with a goal and nothing could stop me.
Most of the rest of the time, I'm just happy go lucky and live with myself being unfit or overweight. Can't explain it.5 -
There is such a thing as "fear of success". If you've ever been really successful at something and it was noticed say by family or friends? For many they have to then upkeep whatever it took to get there and it may have been a lot of hardship. The view of expectation from oneself sometimes hinders them from wanting to succeed because how much work it takes to stay atop of it. Almost every person I personally know who is financially independent or rich, has spend 14-18 hours a day working to keep up their status. Don't get me wrong they have their fun time too, but they work more on average than most people and many don't want to do that even though they would like to be well off too.Interesting topic. I don’t believe that fear is what holds me back from accomplishing anything in my life. The only time I experience fear is from a dangerous situation - a car that is going too fast when I’m a pedestrian, coming face-to-face with a wild animal.
I believe discipline is why I do and don’t reach goals. A mantra I use is Consistency and Persistency. When I do the work, the results follow.
I find that discipline is much more straight forward in intellectual goals. There is an emotional component, for me, to weight loss and maintenance and that is my stumbling block. I have done therapy, read books, done workshops and many other things, but long term nothing has stuck. The behaviors that were ingrained in childhood still come up. Awareness helps. My stumbles are shorter and I don’t give up. I keep moving forward.
Weight loss can be that way. It takes some a lot of hard work and with some they get pretty extreme and bust their butts to do it by being really restrictive. And as they near goal, they may start to realize how hard it was to get there, but to stay there they'll have to keep doing what they're doing now..............and may not be happy really doing it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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For me for years it was pure frustration after frustration, not really fear. It's just anything that I tried wasn't working. But I kept pushing, and than the d.a.m.n lockdown came last march, I thought now or never. I found a highly controversial strategy -lets not get into it, LOL- and finally the pounds started to drop. I admit I was kind of a fanatic, I wanted to lose weight so bad, a little bit of that probably won't hurt.0
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Two reasons I see, and that seem polar opposites:
- lack of consistency: trying something for a few weeks and expecting major unequivocal results (this is also linked to a lack of knowlegde of, for example, water weight fluctuations)
-> you need to stick to a strategy for long enough before truly knowing whether it's working or not
- too much consistency: keep on trying the same method, even when it's clear it isn't working
-> we're all different, so don't be afraid to experiment: try a different calorie goal, change your macros or whatever other strategy you think of that might yield better results
Other reasons:
- the notion that suffering is necessary to lose weight. I've lost 56lbs so far and it's been pretty painless. It's NOT necessary to do tons of exercise you don't like, eat foods you don't enjoy, eliminate foods you do enjoy, starve yourself by chasing an exterme deficit, etc.
-> aim for a sustainable strategy that is as pleasant as possible, don't make things harder than they need to be
- goals with deadlines: instead of just seeing yourself progress and get closer to your goal, it's turned into a binary achieve/fail situation. Any progress is good progress, even if it isn't as fast as you'd like!9 -
Lake of patience has to be one of the most common reasons for failure. The nature of our modern fast paced culture is to expect immediate results. When people try something for a week and they don't see results they get frustrated. Even if they do have early success but later see results "stall" they lose confidence, get frustrated and quit.
Losing weight or transforming your body via strength training or training to run a long distance are all things that require perseverance over a long period of time. These things take weeks and months but our culture expects results in days.
Maybe if people had the confidence in the process they might have more patience but most people aren't educated enough to have a basis for confidence. Even if they try to educate themselves they don't have the critical thinking skills to separate science from bro-science.
I personally have 0 doubt that I will reach my goals. I have confidence that if I ever reach a point where my progress isn't in line with my expectations that I have enough knowledge to self correct my course.
What would happen to many people if all of the sudden they weighed in for 7 days with no weight loss and then suddenly on the 8th day saw a 2 lb gain as shown below ? Many people would get discouraged. They would say to themself "why should I bother working so hard only to actually GAIN weight?"
This happened to me over the last week or so. What did I do ? Nothing. I wasn't worried at all. I understand the process and I understand results happen over weeks not days.
What happened next ? See below. Some people would have gotten frustrated, maybe even gone out and binged, gained even more water weight and never even weighed again to see what was about to happen.
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Great perspective to see. Especially when people keep trying a routine that doesn't yield results and they continue forever expecting it to happen. It's why assessment is important from time to time.Two reasons I see, and that seem polar opposites:
- lack of consistency: trying something for a few weeks and expecting major unequivocal results (this is also linked to a lack of knowlegde of, for example, water weight fluctuations)
-> you need to stick to a strategy for long enough before truly knowing whether it's working or not
- too much consistency: keep on trying the same method, even when it's clear it isn't working
-> we're all different, so don't be afraid to experiment: try a different calorie goal, change your macros or whatever other strategy you think of that might yield better results
Other reasons:
- the notion that suffering is necessary to lose weight. I've lost 56lbs so far and it's been pretty painless. It's NOT necessary to do tons of exercise you don't like, eat foods you don't enjoy, eliminate foods you do enjoy, starve yourself by chasing an exterme deficit, etc.
-> aim for a sustainable strategy that is as pleasant as possible, don't make things harder than they need to be
- goals with deadlines: instead of just seeing yourself progress and get closer to your goal, it's turned into a binary achieve/fail situation. Any progress is good progress, even if it isn't as fast as you'd like!
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 1 -
For me, it's neither fear nor denial, but motivation. Sometimes every so often, I'm super motivated like I am now. Nothing is going to stop me reaching my goal. I've no idea what sets off these motivational streaks in me, but I've had several memorable periods in my life that I've just been struck with a goal and nothing could stop me.
Most of the rest of the time, I'm just happy go lucky and live with myself being unfit or overweight. Can't explain it.
This is interesting. What I have learned about myself is that while I too experience bouts of motivation where I want to eat and exercise "perfectly," I cannot rely on motivation to be the catalyst for these long-term life changes I am making, because as you noted, there are lots of times I just don't feel motivated. I have needed to put the work in to form habits that kick in even when I'm not motivated. Then, on days when I am feeling low energy, or just down, or whatever, my habits are there even when the motivation is not (make my usual breakfast, take my walk at the usual time, etc.). Waiting to be motivated in the past has definitely kept me from achieving my goal!2 -
One epiphany I had lately: I am actually incredibly disciplined in other areas of my life. I just haven't been as successful - yet - with healthy eating. The variables are different, but I think I was operating under a kind of learned helplessness - I thought about my other family members and the way I grew up and whenever I would hit something really difficult emotionally, I would just think, "well, this is it, I can never do better," and I'd give up. I don't have that same kind of baggage in other areas of my life so it was easier to keep working at it, but now that I've seen that I have in fact been successful long term with other things I feel like absolutely I can apply it here. I am capable of learning more and improving, and setbacks don't have to be permanent.4
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My reasons for not being successful in the past tie into that fear of failure a bit.
I think I just didn't really believe I could reach my goal, or stick with it long enough to reach it. Then, I didn't even know if I could actually maintain it. This is because I had lost weight a number of times, but gained it back. I had to change my mindset to believing I was a person who could not only stick with it, but deal with feeling uncomfortable at times and eventually getting to and staying at that weight.
I think the 2nd factor for me was that I am not good at dealing with uncomfortable feelings. That means dealing with hunger occasionally--thinking if I let myself get "too hungry" I would end up bingeing after a history of restrict/binge cycles. It also means dealing with those uncomfortable feelings like boredom, stress, anxiety, fatigue without turning to food to distract me from those feelings. I don't use food so much to deal with those uncomfortable feelings, but am still working on just sitting with those feelings and dealing with them more constructively.6 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »My reasons for not being successful in the past tie into that fear of failure a bit.
I think I just didn't really believe I could reach my goal, or stick with it long enough to reach it. Then, I didn't even know if I could actually maintain it. This is because I had lost weight a number of times, but gained it back. I had to change my mindset to believing I was a person who could not only stick with it, but deal with feeling uncomfortable at times and eventually getting to and staying at that weight.
I think the 2nd factor for me was that I am not good at dealing with uncomfortable feelings. That means dealing with hunger occasionally--thinking if I let myself get "too hungry" I would end up bingeing after a history of restrict/binge cycles. It also means dealing with those uncomfortable feelings like boredom, stress, anxiety, fatigue without turning to food to distract me from those feelings. I don't use food so much to deal with those uncomfortable feelings, but am still working on just sitting with those feelings and dealing with them more constructively.
This post is an excellent example of fear.
((eHug))2 -
Re Denial - I have seen this on every single episode of "My 600 Pound Life" I have watched.
For the most part, the patients were able to break through and be successful. Some were not. One I remember also had substance abuse issues.0 -
I'm watching 1000lbs sisters and Tammy is in so much denial. Always says she's doing right, but in an episode where the doc asked her to lose 50lbs, she gained 50lbs in 30 days.kshama2001 wrote: »Re Denial - I have seen this on every single episode of "My 600 Pound Life" I have watched.
For the most part, the patients were able to break through and be successful. Some were not. One I remember also had substance abuse issues.
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i wish my 600 lb life had hidden cameras0
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I don't think it's fear at all...certainly not for me and I doubt it is for very many others either. Some are in denial. Most aren't. Dolorsit's explanation sounds the most like me, most of the time. I may call it lack of motivation or even lack of interest or having different priorities other than losing weight. I hesitate to call it lack of self discipline when I see how disciplined I am in so many other areas. And for me, ill health plays into it.1
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Oh you KNOW that they are sneaking food in.i wish my 600 lb life had hidden cameras
On 1000lbs sisters, to help curtail Tammy's fast food eating and ordering food to come to the house, they got a meal plan company to drop off "healthy" food for her. She ate 32 meals in one week.
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I can see fear being a huge contributor and that it could manifest in many different ways.
I've lost weight in 30-50 pound segments, with long stretches of maintaining it in between, and a big part of why I keep stopping is frankly just that long-term habit or lifestyle change is very difficult to stick to with a ton of moving parts to figure out.
But... as I get smaller, there is a definite background fear. I do have a history of being abused and assaulted, which absolutely colors the landscape, and I'm now creeping around 200 pounds (60 from my main goal) which is smaller than I've ever been as an adult. I genuinely have no idea how young I was the last time I was this weight, so there's a lurking fear of the unknown that's getting more and more apparent.
This totally new territory, and the increased attention that is coming with it, is almost terrifying if I focus on it too much. What if I fail and gain it all back? What if I'm not the invisible fat lady anymore and I start getting hit on? What if my lifestyle isn't compatible with my fiance's anymore (he isn't currently working on his weight) and we can't stay happy together?
I'm sticking to my guns and I WILL reach my goal, but...What if what if what if.13 -
So sorry for that. There's incidences I've heard of where females try to make themselves look undesirable because of early childhood sex abuse. I don't know how hard that is for anyone that goes through that. I hope that whoever does that to any kid or person gets their karma in the end.I can see fear being a huge contributor and that it could manifest in many different ways.
I've lost weight in 30-50 pound segments, with long stretches of maintaining it in between, and a big part of why I keep stopping is frankly just that long-term habit or lifestyle change is very difficult to stick to with a ton of moving parts to figure out.
But... as I get smaller, there is a definite background fear. I do have a history of being abused and assaulted, which absolutely colors the landscape, and I'm now creeping around 200 pounds (60 from my main goal) which is smaller than I've ever been as an adult. I genuinely have no idea how young I was the last time I was this weight, so there's a lurking fear of the unknown that's getting more and more apparent.
This totally new territory, and the increased attention that is coming with it, is almost terrifying if I focus on it too much. What if I fail and gain it all back? What if I'm not the invisible fat lady anymore and I start getting hit on? What if my lifestyle isn't compatible with my fiance's anymore (he isn't currently working on his weight) and we can't stay happy together?
I'm sticking to my guns and I WILL reach my goal, but...What if what if what if.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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This totally new territory, and the increased attention that is coming with it, is almost terrifying if I focus on it too much. What if I fail and gain it all back? What if I'm not the invisible fat lady anymore and I start getting hit on? What if my lifestyle isn't compatible with my fiance's anymore (he isn't currently working on his weight) and we can't stay happy together?
I'm sticking to my guns and I WILL reach my goal, but...What if what if what if.
I'm sorry you had those experiences. It wasn't right and it wasn't your fault.
I have thought about both of these things too. I have rarely been targeted for the type of harassment that many other women report, and I think my weight could play a role. Not that it's ever justified, but there's a part of me that thinks as you say...hmmm...what if??? Though I'm also not very young anymore, and I have been told I have RBF (I definitely believe it. I'm pretty no-nonsense and I'm sure that's reflected in how I go about my daily life, ha).
I have never weighed less than my husband. Even when we started dating and I wasn't overweight, I still weighed more than him. When I reach my goal weight I will weigh less than he does now. I feel like that will shift some things in our marriage and that is a little bit scary. The unknown is scary.
I think worth it, though.3 -
@chickenKillerPuppy this is exactly what I told a new friend who messaged me for motivation. I believe that forming and swapping habits are more important. People fail when they don't practice consistent healthy habits or rationalize their behavior to avoid developing those habits. Everyone is a reflection of their habits. While I set goals they have nothing to do with weight but with fitness or learning how to improve exercise technique or fitness levels.1
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I find that for me, weight loss requires a certain mindset. I have to be quite focused and then I can say "no" to the extras.
I find that for me, weight loss also requires life to be a little bit busy to provide a distraction ... but not overwhelmingly busy.
I'm like that in life in general. If I want to accomplish something, I can't have too many distractions, but a few distractions help.3 -
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