Any other tall ladies get this?

mummysinthekitchen
mummysinthekitchen Posts: 12 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
"You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

Do any other tall ladies get this?

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,421 Member
    Yeah, I had the experience that wunderkind did.

    I'm in between ya'll at 5'7/5'8".

    I think people mostly are conditioned to see slightly over-weight as being fine. Most people are over-weight.

    They will also try to say nice things. Be glad you aren't hearing, "Well it's about time." I would take the compliment, no matter how back-handed you feel it is, it's actually polite for them to say what they're saying.

    What would you prefer? What would be more acceptable to you?
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    To be clear I'm not talking about weightloss at all with people. At some point people who see you a lot will comment. For me though, you're right. There isn't much I want to hear. So I basically just make noncommittal noises or say thanks and carry on.


    But I'm weird about people commenting on my body at all so it's an old skill set to just toss out a 'thanks' and change the subject. Or just change the subject, depending.
  • mummysinthekitchen
    mummysinthekitchen Posts: 12 Member
    Thanks guys.

    I just find it so frustrating that I'm no longer struggling with feeling lethargic and fatigued but how I look seems to be the main focus for them.

    I'm quite happy to let them know I'm doing well and relieved to be feeling so much better in myself and its a bit of a buzz kill.

    I've told them what I'm doing as I see them often and they offer coffee and cake and biscuits and food and I've politely declined with an explanation. I'd be quite happy to work at it without breathing a word otherwise.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    wunderkindking wrote: »
    To be clear I'm not talking about weightloss at all with people. At some point people who see you a lot will comment. For me though, you're right. There isn't much I want to hear. So I basically just make noncommittal noises or say thanks and carry on.


    But I'm weird about people commenting on my body at all so it's an old skill set to just toss out a 'thanks' and change the subject. Or just change the subject, depending.

    Oh yeah, at some point people are going to start talking. I wish people would be more considerate about that. Just by looking at someone, you don't really know whether or not they're trying to lose weight or if it's the result of health issues.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,421 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    Yeah, I had the experience that wunderkind did.

    I'm in between ya'll at 5'7/5'8".

    I think people mostly are conditioned to see slightly over-weight as being fine. Most people are over-weight.

    They will also try to say nice things. Be glad you aren't hearing, "Well it's about time." I would take the compliment, no matter how back-handed you feel it is, it's actually polite for them to say what they're saying.

    What would you prefer? What would be more acceptable to you?

    You hit the nail on the head (for me).

    When I'm losing weight, I don't want to hear anything about it. I don't want people telling me I don't need to and I also don't want people telling me it's a good thing I got around to it.

    That's why I just keep it to myself, there's really nothing anyone can say about it that I'd WANT to hear.

    I agree that the less said the better about food, weight loss, exercise or anything along those lines.

    I also agree that it's very intrusive of Some People to assume they need to comment about my body at all.






    ..even though I've been guilty of saying, "Hey you lost weight! You look great."


    I try not to do that any more, but before reading threads like this I was guilty of it. I think mostly we all have our little emotional triggers which can be set off at the smallest of perceived slights. The best defense is to not take it so personally.
  • lhcp12
    lhcp12 Posts: 11 Member
    Often the simplest answer is "thanks" and then just change topics. You can't control what other people say or do, only how you choose to react to it. I've never found the need to care about what someone else thinks of my weight, exercise plans, etc. and so make the choice not to react when someone comments. As long as I am not hurting myself (undereating, over exercising, etc.), it's nobody else's business what I do with my body.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Yup. I am also 6ft and currently overweight by BMI. In the past when I let my weight creep up I absolutely got the comments saying I didn't "Need" to lose weight and such. Everyone has an opinion and no one realizes tall proportions! I had a girl once say to me that she thought people who weighed over 150 lbs were disgusting. She was trying to bond with me (gross) and I think I was 165 lbs (BMI 22.4). She had no idea that height added that much weight. She was also a bully but that's a different issue...
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,261 Member
    mummysinthekitchen wrote: »
    Thanks guys.

    I just find it so frustrating that I'm no longer struggling with feeling lethargic and fatigued but how I look seems to be the main focus for them.

    I'm quite happy to let them know I'm doing well and relieved to be feeling so much better in myself and its a bit of a buzz kill.

    I've told them what I'm doing as I see them often and they offer coffee and cake and biscuits and food and I've politely declined with an explanation. I'd be quite happy to work at it without breathing a word otherwise.

    While I do think "No, thank you." is a polite and complete answer, there's also that plus . . .

    . . . I just ate.
    . . . not hungry.
    . . . had a big breakfast, still stuffed.

    . . . and that sort of thing.

    Not talking about diet/weight loss saves lots of fuss, as others have said.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    "You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

    I'm 5'9 and 162 lbs, so maybe I look fine, but I'm only a few pounds away from overweight, and I'd really really like to be more in the fit range...working on it...plus middle age has made the "gains" show up in belly pudge, and it's not a good look and there's plenty of research that it's not good for overall health either, I'd like a slim waistline, thank you very much...I know I'm not 20, but I'm not ready for the grave either...I find it super annoying that these comment inevitably come from overweight or obese people, not people I would consider a good judge of health for anyone...fortunately I eat plenty so no one has accused me of having an eating disorder, though my mother jokingly hints I might be an alcoholic when I'm drinking at family functions...given the way some of my family cooks, I'll take those calories in wine over super bland food any day...

    I'm with the don't argue camp...I just grab my belly and say "I got plenty to lose right here" and laugh...they usually shut up...sometimes they start giving me hints about dieting...but again, not the kind of people I'm taking fitness advice from, but at least the totally wrong diet tips can be interpreted as an attempt to be supportive???? No, I don't need a new pill, pickle juice (while delicious) isn't magical, and I'm not interested in what dr oz has to say...

    I do think some of it is that our culture is one where a normal healthy sized person looks absolutely tiny compared to the average size person since the average size person is probably well into the overweight category...at least in the usa...maybe it's less of a problem elsewhere...even young people in their 20's are looking super big these days...not a good sign for the longevity of our youth, sadly.
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    I'd avoid discussing weight loss efforts or goals with anyone not supportive. If they comment, it can help to have a line ready to shut them down. If you want to be polite, something like "I'm following my doctor's advice" should work. If you want to be blunt then ask them "Why do you think it is ok to comment on my body?"
    mummysinthekitchen wrote: »
    "You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

    This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

    Do any other tall ladies get this?

  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    I'm 5'8 and 140 lbs and have to say I haven't really gotten this...but I tend to keep any weight loss efforts to myself. I don't like people commenting on me, my weight loss, skills (unless work-related), etc.

    I've maintained a healthy BMI for years, and only within the last year last about 11 more pounds, but I don't even think anyone noticed--or if they did, they didn't say anything.
  • ybeavis1
    ybeavis1 Posts: 13 Member
    I must be a real dragon, or else have super friends and family, as no one comments unless it is to say something nice.
  • lorimill1973
    lorimill1973 Posts: 22 Member
    Yes, I get this. I also have had multiple people say, "Wow, you look so tall." I'm 5'9". Haven't grown an inch in over 30 years. I think that maybe people now notice my height when before they noticed the weight?
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    I think the very best response is: "Thanks for asking, but my doctor is so pleased with my progress".
  • 33gail33
    33gail33 Posts: 1,155 Member
    mummysinthekitchen wrote: »
    "You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

    This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

    Do any other tall ladies get this?

    I'm 5'10" and I do get this as well. My BMI crept up to 30.1 in 2020, so borderline obese, but most people would not have classified me as obese by looking at me. I mentioned to the lady I eat lunch with at work that I was watching my calories (because we eat together and sometimes order in so it is kind of relevant) and I got the "that's crazy you look fine you don't need to lose weight". As if it is only about how I look.
  • 33gail33
    33gail33 Posts: 1,155 Member
    leggup wrote: »
    Yup. I am also 6ft and currently overweight by BMI. In the past when I let my weight creep up I absolutely got the comments saying I didn't "Need" to lose weight and such. Everyone has an opinion and no one realizes tall proportions! I had a girl once say to me that she thought people who weighed over 150 lbs were disgusting. She was trying to bond with me (gross) and I think I was 165 lbs (BMI 22.4). She had no idea that height added that much weight. She was also a bully but that's a different issue...

    I've had a similar thing - a tiny petite woman talking about waist size and "how would it even be possible for a woman to have over 30" waist?".
    It's called proportion. But honestly when I was younger it really did get to me and I always felt like I looked manly and masculine because of my height and shape, so it took a bit to get over that.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    I'm tall... I realize I can gain weight and carry it much better than someone short. I'm glad for it.. but also.. the weight can creep up..and overweight is overweight,. I also find... best to try and not discuss that I'm trying to lose weight,. It takes a lot of self control not to discuss it.. but then no one comments.. and gives their two cents.. and most do. And most important ... some even try to sabotage my efforts.
  • ladyoftherocks
    ladyoftherocks Posts: 64 Member
    I'm not even that tall, I'm 5'6 and 175lbs but yeah I also get that. I think with my body shape also I "carry it well" because even though I knew I gained more weight than I was happy with even I didn't realize just how much.

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