What's on your mind?
Replies
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Oh, you know.. normal stuff you process after someone close to you dies.
Also, really upset that I lost what little progress I had made in my absence. I pretty much have to start over now.
My condolences...
Is your dad okay? As well as you?
I think he will be. He has a pretty extensive support system of family and friends that live in the area. It will take him some time to get used to being alone (particularly sleeping alone, since my stepmother was a prolific snorer and probably had sleep apnea). My dad got quite used to her snoring. I've suggested a white noise machine, but he said no to it. I use a fan to help me sleep (I don't like silence when trying to sleep because my anxiety kicks in, I start thinking of a bunch of really dumb stuff and then I never get to sleep). The biggest hurdle for him will be the hurdle I experience with the passing of my cats: I still feel that I could have done something more or better to reach a diagnosis sooner. They both died of CRF... and I still feel to some degree that I murdered my last cat because I had to put him down due to his kidneys failing a month after his sister died of the same thing. Dad keeps running scenarios in his mind that he should have forced her to go get a diagnosis sooner, without realizing how fast the disease spread.. or the fact that an exam a year earlier would NOT have yielded a result. That's how fast it showed up and progressed. He's just over there, beating himself up, believing the outcome could have been different.. or that he is directly responsible for her death because he took her off life support and signed a DNR (both things *she* wanted). There is nothing I can say or do that will make him feel better about it... he'll have to work through it in his own time. Thankfully, both his brother and a few friends have dealt with the same situation before (they sadly all had spouses pass before them.. all from cancer). My hope is that he will continue to talk to those people to get some insight and comfort in knowing he did the BEST he could for her given the situation.
He went bowling on his league Wed. (day before I left). I hope he'll continue and eventually get back into the gym (he stopped because of coronavirus and taking care of my stepmom).
As for myself? I've actually been grieving since they visited back in February. One, I knew she wasn't doing well when she was adamant I learn how to make a couple of dishes that are family favorites. She has never in her life sat down to teach me either of them up to that point, so I knew then that she knew she was dying. I suspect she just couldn't bring herself to worry my father more than he already was. And she took a pretty radical downturn after they got back home, so I'd been preparing for the worst since then.
I'm still sad about her not being here anymore, but her death was probably the most peaceful and quiet one I have witnessed (and I've watched a fair amount of people die from cancer, sadly). She passed, sleeping in the middle of the day. I worked on an unfinished project she left behind while I was staying with dad and that seems to have helped me more than I thought it would. I felt connected and close to her, even though she had gone at that point. I sent myself some other unfinished projects of hers to work on at some point, some I know are destined for other people. My hope is that I can finish them and send them to their recipients to provide joy elsewhere.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Oh, you know.. normal stuff you process after someone close to you dies.
Also, really upset that I lost what little progress I had made in my absence. I pretty much have to start over now.
My condolences...
Is your dad okay? As well as you?
I think he will be. He has a pretty extensive support system of family and friends that live in the area. It will take him some time to get used to being alone (particularly sleeping alone, since my stepmother was a prolific snorer and probably had sleep apnea). My dad got quite used to her snoring. I've suggested a white noise machine, but he said no to it. I use a fan to help me sleep (I don't like silence when trying to sleep because my anxiety kicks in, I start thinking of a bunch of really dumb stuff and then I never get to sleep). The biggest hurdle for him will be the hurdle I experience with the passing of my cats: I still feel that I could have done something more or better to reach a diagnosis sooner. They both died of CRF... and I still feel to some degree that I murdered my last cat because I had to put him down due to his kidneys failing a month after his sister died of the same thing. Dad keeps running scenarios in his mind that he should have forced her to go get a diagnosis sooner, without realizing how fast the disease spread.. or the fact that an exam a year earlier would NOT have yielded a result. That's how fast it showed up and progressed. He's just over there, beating himself up, believing the outcome could have been different.. or that he is directly responsible for her death because he took her off life support and signed a DNR (both things *she* wanted). There is nothing I can say or do that will make him feel better about it... he'll have to work through it in his own time. Thankfully, both his brother and a few friends have dealt with the same situation before (they sadly all had spouses pass before them.. all from cancer). My hope is that he will continue to talk to those people to get some insight and comfort in knowing he did the BEST he could for her given the situation.
He went bowling on his league Wed. (day before I left). I hope he'll continue and eventually get back into the gym (he stopped because of coronavirus and taking care of my stepmom).
As for myself? I've actually been grieving since they visited back in February. One, I knew she wasn't doing well when she was adamant I learn how to make a couple of dishes that are family favorites. She has never in her life sat down to teach me either of them up to that point, so I knew then that she knew she was dying. I suspect she just couldn't bring herself to worry my father more than he already was. And she took a pretty radical downturn after they got back home, so I'd been preparing for the worst since then.
I'm still sad about her not being here anymore, but her death was probably the most peaceful and quiet one I have witnessed (and I've watched a fair amount of people die from cancer, sadly). She passed, sleeping in the middle of the day. I worked on an unfinished project she left behind while I was staying with dad and that seems to have helped me more than I thought it would. I felt connected and close to her, even though she had gone at that point. I sent myself some other unfinished projects of hers to work on at some point, some I know are destined for other people. My hope is that I can finish them and send them to their recipients to provide joy elsewhere.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear of your stepmums passing. 😔2 -
@KosmosKitten You always made her sound like an amazing person but now even more so! May there be many family fav dishes in your future and I'm sure the projects you finish on your behalf will be so meaningful to the gift recipients. Your dad seems to be in an unfortunate but helpful club of men and I hope he does find solace when being with them.0
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IslandGal3 wrote: »Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »I love all the pervs 😬
Eta: I'm not the one who disagreed ^^
You're my favorite perv. ❤IslandGal3 wrote: »Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »I love all the pervs 😬
Eta: I'm not the one who disagreed ^^
You're my favorite perv. ❤
Ditto
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@KosmosKitten You always made her sound like an amazing person but now even more so! May there be many family fav dishes in your future and I'm sure the projects you finish on your behalf will be so meaningful to the gift recipients. Your dad seems to be in an unfortunate but helpful club of men and I hope he does find solace when being with them.
It really is odd. My uncle lost his second wife from brain cancer back in 2007, a scant 5 months after we lost my grandfather (his dad). She was probably around 60 at the time, too. And a friend of my father's has had three wives, two died tragically young from cancer as well. So at least the advice from them and the words about it "getting better" seem more plausible and true than they would from a person who has never experienced that loss.
As to the projects, I couldn't just leave them alone. She was *so close* to finishing some of them, it would be a shame to leave them. Two are aprons (one was intended for me, the other for the husband of my cousin). Another is one of those books you sew together? But she had already painted the fabric with fabric paint, cut out the book, sewn all the removable pieces and placed the velcro things in the book. It really just needs to be sewn together (as a book) and have binding/bias tape put on the edges. The other project I had to mail myself was for a crocheted dragon scarf thing.. like a pet dragon you wear as a scarf. She was weaving in metallic thread to this thing. METALLIC THREAD. I just couldn't leave it alone. So I've mailed it to myself in the hopes I can pick up where she left off and finish it.
She was such a creative person (and she made the best food!). My goal in life is to be as great a person as she was and hopefully pass along gifts of created love and maybe teach people how to crochet, bake or knit.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
Black laceDafuq?! You think I sit around in sexy lingerie? I'm in my Mickey mouse onsies 😆😘0 -
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My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.7 -
My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
You did a great job and her reaction was priceless 💗1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »@KosmosKitten You always made her sound like an amazing person but now even more so! May there be many family fav dishes in your future and I'm sure the projects you finish on your behalf will be so meaningful to the gift recipients. Your dad seems to be in an unfortunate but helpful club of men and I hope he does find solace when being with them.
It really is odd. My uncle lost his second wife from brain cancer back in 2007, a scant 5 months after we lost my grandfather (his dad). She was probably around 60 at the time, too. And a friend of my father's has had three wives, two died tragically young from cancer as well. So at least the advice from them and the words about it "getting better" seem more plausible and true than they would from a person who has never experienced that loss.
As to the projects, I couldn't just leave them alone. She was *so close* to finishing some of them, it would be a shame to leave them. Two are aprons (one was intended for me, the other for the husband of my cousin). Another is one of those books you sew together? But she had already painted the fabric with fabric paint, cut out the book, sewn all the removable pieces and placed the velcro things in the book. It really just needs to be sewn together (as a book) and have binding/bias tape put on the edges. The other project I had to mail myself was for a crocheted dragon scarf thing.. like a pet dragon you wear as a scarf. She was weaving in metallic thread to this thing. METALLIC THREAD. I just couldn't leave it alone. So I've mailed it to myself in the hopes I can pick up where she left off and finish it.
She was such a creative person (and she made the best food!). My goal in life is to be as great a person as she was and hopefully pass along gifts of created love and maybe teach people how to crochet, bake or knit.
Wow, she was a woman filled with giving and love and endless talents. It sounds like she made a memorable place in the world for herself and will leave a huge void in many people's lives.
The blanket in the picture is gorgeous and you are bringing her thoughtful gifts to others that will help keep her memory alive.
I know it's a hard-to-hear cliche, especially when the hurt is so raw and open. But it does get better. Maybe not better, but adjusted and tolerated differently. The wound will always be open but the edges heal somewhat.
Take care and be well. 2 -
Why are there so many Help Wanted signs in our small community lately? Is every place like this? Are people not wanting to work right now?2
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My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
But for this Pom-pom Extravaganza window treatment! 🙌🏿 I want a tween to do this for 😩😍
Congrats on the DIY, @MelG7777. Know that time with her, and all your kids, only gets more precious 💜🤗💜2 -
My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
I missed this! What a cool redo! Love it and I bet she does too. 1 -
Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
You did a great job and her reaction was priceless 💗
Thank you!! She’s such a pack rat...I told her to go upstairs and clean her room when she got back from my parents so she was probably bummed having to go up there. lolMy girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
But for this Pom-pom Extravaganza window treatment! 🙌🏿 I want a tween to do this for 😩😍
Congrats on the DIY, @MelG7777. Know that time with her, and all your kids, only gets more precious 💜🤗💜
Thank you! It was just a few little tweaks honestly. But I’ve painted so many times I’m just over it. It definitely does get more precious. My 17 and 15 and 12 year olds have full on lives of their own. So when they hang around for a few minutes with me it’s actually really fun. But not in the morning waking them up. That’s the worst.My girl is the most genuine and pure love I’ve ever known. I love all my kids the same. I enjoy them all in their different stages. But she is just so sweet to me and so incredibly loving. I definitely don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
And it took over a day with constantly having to stop to help people but I got it done finally.
I missed this! What a cool redo! Love it and I bet she does too.
Thank you! She’s really the sweetest.1 -
Why are there so many Help Wanted signs in our small community lately? Is every place like this? Are people not wanting to work right now?
My cousin works at a nursing home. And I went to the $ Store the other day. And they both said the same thing. Everyone keeps calling in since the stimulus checks. 😱 It’s not that much money! But...for a lower end job maybe they don’t care? Idk...I don’t understand peoples logic. Or lack of.1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »@KosmosKitten You always made her sound like an amazing person but now even more so! May there be many family fav dishes in your future and I'm sure the projects you finish on your behalf will be so meaningful to the gift recipients. Your dad seems to be in an unfortunate but helpful club of men and I hope he does find solace when being with them.
It really is odd. My uncle lost his second wife from brain cancer back in 2007, a scant 5 months after we lost my grandfather (his dad). She was probably around 60 at the time, too. And a friend of my father's has had three wives, two died tragically young from cancer as well. So at least the advice from them and the words about it "getting better" seem more plausible and true than they would from a person who has never experienced that loss.
As to the projects, I couldn't just leave them alone. She was *so close* to finishing some of them, it would be a shame to leave them. Two are aprons (one was intended for me, the other for the husband of my cousin). Another is one of those books you sew together? But she had already painted the fabric with fabric paint, cut out the book, sewn all the removable pieces and placed the velcro things in the book. It really just needs to be sewn together (as a book) and have binding/bias tape put on the edges. The other project I had to mail myself was for a crocheted dragon scarf thing.. like a pet dragon you wear as a scarf. She was weaving in metallic thread to this thing. METALLIC THREAD. I just couldn't leave it alone. So I've mailed it to myself in the hopes I can pick up where she left off and finish it.
She was such a creative person (and she made the best food!). My goal in life is to be as great a person as she was and hopefully pass along gifts of created love and maybe teach people how to crochet, bake or knit.
Wow, she was a woman filled with giving and love and endless talents. It sounds like she made a memorable place in the world for herself and will leave a huge void in many people's lives. The blanket in the picture is gorgeous and you are bringing her thoughtful gifts to others that will help keep her memory alive.
I know it's a hard-to-hear cliche, especially when the hurt is so raw and open. But it does get better. Maybe not better, but adjusted and tolerated differently. The wound will always be open but the edges heal somewhat.
Take care and be well.
I think it has helped to focus a lot on all the funny stories and good things she did for people in her life as opposed to remembering her death. I get teary eyed, sure, but getting to hear all the stories of fun stuff she did from nieces and nephews in the "before time" has been both enlightening and hilarious.
She was definitely "the cool aunt".
I knew her as my second mother, but hearing the stories from others, yeah.. she was definitely the cool adult all the kids wanted to hang out with. She took them to movies, arcades, concerts, etc. in exchange for good behavior... you know, back in the day where you could cram 10 kids in a car and no one wore seatbelts. Wild times.2 -
Why are there so many Help Wanted signs in our small community lately? Is every place like this? Are people not wanting to work right now?
There are a lot here, as well.. but it's almost exclusively food service. I guess a lot of folks realized that working for 2.13 an hour and relying on tips in pandemic times just wasn't worth sacrificing their health for.1 -
My man is gone again for 4 weeks 😪
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What's the reasoning behind giving flowers or plants to relatives at funerals? Why would you send something that is going to die in a week or two or a plant that has to be taken care of all the time? I'm curious where the tradition started and why.
As for my stepmom's funeral: We donated pretty much all the flower arrangements to the local senior center/home so someone could at least enjoy them. Relatives came and picked out plants they wanted to take care of, so at least they'll be appreciated. We kept a peace lily (to match the one we have from my grandpa's funeral from 2007 which is practically a tree now). Happy that they'll be appreciated/used/looked after elsewhere.
But where did this tradition start from and why? I might have to go look it up because I am genuinely curious.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »What's the reasoning behind giving flowers or plants to relatives at funerals? Why would you send something that is going to die in a week or two or a plant that has to be taken care of all the time? I'm curious where the tradition started and why.
As for my stepmom's funeral: We donated pretty much all the flower arrangements to the local senior center/home so someone could at least enjoy them. Relatives came and picked out plants they wanted to take care of, so at least they'll be appreciated. We kept a peace lily (to match the one we have from my grandpa's funeral from 2007 which is practically a tree now). Happy that they'll be appreciated/used/looked after elsewhere.
But where did this tradition start from and why? I might have to go look it up because I am genuinely curious.
I have no idea where it came from. I've sent flowers at funerals. Why? It's hard to find the right words to say during times like that and I figure flowers usually make people smile 🤷♀️
I'm thinking of you and your family ❤ xo4 -
I can tell by the things people send to me and say to me (usually in text form) that they think I’m an idiot and have zero respect for me. I think my “easy-going-ness” and lack of giving a *kitten* makes people think a certain way.9
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Chocolate... always chocolate 😜🤤2
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Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »What's the reasoning behind giving flowers or plants to relatives at funerals? Why would you send something that is going to die in a week or two or a plant that has to be taken care of all the time? I'm curious where the tradition started and why.
As for my stepmom's funeral: We donated pretty much all the flower arrangements to the local senior center/home so someone could at least enjoy them. Relatives came and picked out plants they wanted to take care of, so at least they'll be appreciated. We kept a peace lily (to match the one we have from my grandpa's funeral from 2007 which is practically a tree now). Happy that they'll be appreciated/used/looked after elsewhere.
But where did this tradition start from and why? I might have to go look it up because I am genuinely curious.
I have no idea where it came from. I've sent flowers at funerals. Why? It's hard to find the right words to say during times like that and I figure flowers usually make people smile 🤷♀️
I'm thinking of you and your family ❤ xo
My aunt actually asked and found my stepmom's favorite flower (orchids) to make an arrangement at the funeral. I thought that was really sweet, but dad wasn't gonna take care of it, so we donated it as well. Still, it was lovely.1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »What's the reasoning behind giving flowers or plants to relatives at funerals? Why would you send something that is going to die in a week or two or a plant that has to be taken care of all the time? I'm curious where the tradition started and why.
As for my stepmom's funeral: We donated pretty much all the flower arrangements to the local senior center/home so someone could at least enjoy them. Relatives came and picked out plants they wanted to take care of, so at least they'll be appreciated. We kept a peace lily (to match the one we have from my grandpa's funeral from 2007 which is practically a tree now). Happy that they'll be appreciated/used/looked after elsewhere.
But where did this tradition start from and why? I might have to go look it up because I am genuinely curious.
I have no idea but lots of times we see it listed 'in lieu of flowers, please consider donating to ___________' instead. Flowers are a nice way to express condolences and let people know you're thinking of them but I tend to feel the same way you do. And with flowers being so darn expensive, I always opt for donating to a charity that is important to the family, then send a heartfelt card.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »What's the reasoning behind giving flowers or plants to relatives at funerals? Why would you send something that is going to die in a week or two or a plant that has to be taken care of all the time? I'm curious where the tradition started and why.
As for my stepmom's funeral: We donated pretty much all the flower arrangements to the local senior center/home so someone could at least enjoy them. Relatives came and picked out plants they wanted to take care of, so at least they'll be appreciated. We kept a peace lily (to match the one we have from my grandpa's funeral from 2007 which is practically a tree now). Happy that they'll be appreciated/used/looked after elsewhere.
But where did this tradition start from and why? I might have to go look it up because I am genuinely curious.
I have no idea but lots of times we see it listed 'in lieu of flowers, please consider donating to ___________' instead. Flowers are a nice way to express condolences and let people know you're thinking of them but I tend to feel the same way you do. And with flowers being so darn expensive, I always opt for donating to a charity that is important to the family, then send a heartfelt card.
Yeah. I think if we had had enough time, that's what we would have done, however, I feel that by donating the flowers to someplace else where they can brighten the day and lives of others, it's a net positive for the world. I would have taken a plant, if I thought they'd let me take it back home on the airplane.0 -
I miss my parents I wish I could spend more time with them. With some of my close friends parent's passing, they're on my mind now. I hope they are proud of me.8
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amorfati601070 wrote: »I miss my parents I wish I could spend more time with them. With some of my close friends parent's passing, they're on my mind now. I hope they are proud of me.
I'm sure they are ❤2 -
amorfati601070 wrote: »I miss my parents I wish I could spend more time with them. With some of my close friends parent's passing, they're on my mind now. I hope they are proud of me.
They are but they said to be careful on that bicycle!3 -
This, I duct-taped it on my fridge 3 days ago 😅
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