What exactly is the point?

rochelleruby
rochelleruby Posts: 8
When scars don't go away? Sure I can be as slim as a Victoria's Secret model, but I'm ALWAYS going to have that scar on my leg from pushing too hard with my razor (accidentally) and that one from stabbing a piece of glass into my thigh (again accidentally). The stretch marks are still going to be just as disgusting. Before you mention it, stretch marks from pregnancy are not the same. I got them from being FAT, you got them from being PREGNANT.

Okay if I'm healthier I'll live longer. Why would I want to live longer? So I can spend 10+ extra years sad in my horrible, scarred body?

I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to reply... Maybe I'm missing something? If you have to criticise, please make it constructive.

One last thing, I realise I have it better than a lot of people but IT'S STILL HARD (emotionally and physically).
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Replies

  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
    I'd rather have scars than to have scars AND be fat.
  • When scars don't go away? Sure I can be as slim as a Victoria's Secret model, but I'm ALWAYS going to have that scar on my leg from pushing too hard with my razor (accidentally) and that one from stabbing a piece of glass into my thigh (again accidentally). The stretch marks are still going to be just as disgusting. Before you mention it, stretch marks from pregnancy are not the same. I got them from being FAT, you got them from being PREGNANT.

    Okay if I'm healthier I'll live longer. Why would I want to live longer? So I can spend 10+ extra years sad in my horrible, scarred body?

    I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to reply... Maybe I'm missing something? If you have to criticise, please make it constructive.

    One last thing, I realise I have it better than a lot of people but IT'S STILL HARD (emotionally and physically).
    Healthy and scarred or unhealthy (and still scarred). Choose one.

    And don't worry, stretchmarks usually go away.
  • You should probably get some counseling to deal with these feelings. good luck!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I have a lot of stretch marks too. I will never wear a bikini, but at least I will be able to go out in confidence in a one piece! You need to think of the positives of your situation! Maybe you are embarrassed to wear shorts, but at least you can wear tight jeans! You know, think of a pro/con.
  • Izable2011
    Izable2011 Posts: 755 Member
    I'd rather have scars than to have scars AND be fat.

    This^ Besides your a pretty girl. Don't you know that? If you didn't then I am telling you so now. :happy:
  • :( chin up!
    and use bio-oil ;)
  • ESVABelle
    ESVABelle Posts: 1,264 Member
    You're 19...you're going to get a lot more scars, both visible and invisible. That's life. Life knocks you down. Life drags you over hot coals and broken glass. But you know what? You stand up, take a cool shower, invest in Neosporin & Band-Aids...and keep going. Who is life or circumstance or luck to keep you from doing whatever it is that makes you happy?

    My profile has my motto in it:

    Life is ****. All you can pray for is good toilet paper.

    Chin up, babygirl. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt) <3
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    Wow...harsh much! Yeah...I have plenty of stretchmarks from having a kid. I was 18...I went from 85 pounds to 120...I didn't stand a chance at not getting them. My entire stomach is covered...I haven't worn a bikini since I was 17. If my stomach was flat and had them I'd be more than proud to show them off. I have left over skin that won't go away without a tummy tuck. Also...I have a scar the entire way down my sternum. I had open heart surgery when I was 6 months old...I show that off proudly! Without it I would have died before I turned a year old. Stop being so 'distraught' over stupid scars and a few stretchmarks. Grow up.
  • LoveleeB
    LoveleeB Posts: 560 Member
    You're 19...you're going to get a lot more scars, both visible and invisible. That's life. Life knocks you down. Life drags you over hot coals and broken glass. But you know what? You stand up, take a cool shower, invest in Neosporin & Band-Aids...and keep going. Who is life or circumstance or luck to keep you from doing whatever it is that makes you happy?

    My profile has my motto in it:

    Life is ****. All you can pray for is good toilet paper.

    Chin up, babygirl. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt) <3

    ^^^ everything she said!
  • I have stretch marks from gaining and losing weight as well, but they don't bother me that much because I celebrate the weight loss and the accomplishment. I can't be mad at the stretch marks because when I was gaining weight and enjoying overeating, I wasn't thinking about stretch marks. YOu need to celebrate your accomplishments and not self-sabotage because you don't have a "perfect" body because few ppl do. Even ppl we think have perfect bodies find flaws w/ their own bodies. Be comfortable in your own skin!
  • jhoney8
    jhoney8 Posts: 43 Member
    Scars and stretch marks fade, plus life is not spent entirely in a bathing suit. It gets better. Everyone has frustrating days. Hang in there.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    At some point you learn how to accept yourself and your scars. I suppose it's different for everyone, but I was almost 30 by the time it happened for me. I like my stretch marks. They're on my upper thighs. They're silvery and look like little tiger stripes. I don't give a flying fckadilly if anyone else is nauseated by them. Find the things you truly value about yourself. It takes some time, but you'll get there.
  • Mirabilis
    Mirabilis Posts: 312 Member
    With great respect, you're not the only one.

    I have stretch marks and my skin sags because as my doctor says, "You're not 16 anymore." I don't have children either. It was my choice, just as being here, with all these people sharing that same experience, is my choice.

    The point is, you can choose to be something different than you are and to benefit from that, physical or emotional. You might need help to do that, but honestly, why else are you here? We all need each other.
  • Scars are no biggy! A lot of people have! it just means you ve done things in your life! you re no a porceline statue! and stretch marks can occur from a number of reasons! Your health is the most important! Scars can be fixed on the outside! Scars on the inside are much harder to fix! If you want to live forget the outside and worry about the inside!!!!!
  • Kohadre
    Kohadre Posts: 316
    The point of it all I think is to get to a place where you can look at yourself and say "I like the way I look". Its about self-respect. I got down to 160 pounds on this site, and I absolutely hated my life during the process. I was always hungry, I looked like hell, and I felt like it too. Fast forward about a month, and I now weigh 17 pounds more, but I feel amazing, I am happy with myself and with whatever way I look be it skinny or fat or somewhere in-between, and I look alot better too because im not skin and bones (some people just dont look good skinny, obviously i'm one of them).

    Summarized, I think its about feeling good about yourself.

    And about the scars thing, I cant say I understand it from your point of view, but I have a good percentage of my body covered in scars from a host of stupid s**t I did as a kid, and iv'e just learned that if I ever have anyone in my life who makes me feel bad about any of them, I have the control to not let it affect me and to tell them to f**k off.

    Dunno if that helps any :s
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    At some point you learn how to accept yourself and your scars. I suppose it's different for everyone, but I was almost 30 by the time it happened for me. I like my stretch marks. They're on my upper thighs. They're silvery and look like little tiger stripes. I don't give a flying fckadilly if anyone else is nauseated by them. Find the things you truly value about yourself. It takes some time, but you'll get there.

    I agree with this. I used to think my nose was big, that I had too many freckles (would never wear sleeveless), and I have stretch marks on the inside of my knees from growing tall so fast. I guarantee you those VS girls all have stretch marks from growth spurts too (of the vertical kind but still)!
  • Well, I have tons of scars. Maybe not as visible as yours, but they are my "history marks", One I have above my lip, got pecked by a rooster at age 2, another under my left eye, bite from a horse. Another on the palm of my hand, wiped off a cutting knife the wrong way. I know how you feel, I really do...but, people love you for YOU, they don't see the scars like you do. My husband loves my scars, they're a part of me, they are what makes me, me! :) Same as people who have freckles, or unruly hair, or the dimple in the chin. Please try to look at the beautiful person that you are, not the scars that hide your vision to that beauty.
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    your post breaks my heart, you sound very sad/depressed. I don't think it matters if you are fat or thin but you sound very hopeless. I hope you will get help from something/someone other than this site! You have so much to look forward to in your life and I would hope you could look forward to it all!
  • Brooke1542
    Brooke1542 Posts: 115 Member
    I have a TON of scars. I grew up on a farm and am exremely clumsy, so I have scars on my legs, arms, a couple on my lips from getting hit in the face during basketball. I also had a breast reduction about 6 months ago, and the scars from that are huge, but I'm still happy I went through it.

    I embrace my scars. My experiences have made me who I am and nobody is perfect. The good old VS models are made that why by photo shop. :-)
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    and I forgot to add, you're a very pretty girl!! Please don't be so hard on yourself!!
  • adamcf
    adamcf Posts: 126
    You were wonderfully made. You are more perfect then you know. try to discover that. Physiologically you still have 6 years of growing to do. scars and stretch marks at your age will likely go away.

    The real point of all this is control. Self control. We all need self control for more reasons then physical health.

    You can do this.
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
    You need to love yourself scars and all and you may need some professional therapy to do that. A lot of people do so that is nothing to be ashamed of. In your photo, you look very young so you probably won't understand what I am saying right now. The point of being healthy is that one day, you will have your own children. They will worry you to death but you will still want to stay alive to see them grow up. Then, you will have grandchildren which is your reward for having children because your grandchildren will bring more joy into your life than you ever imagined and you are not responsible for a damn thing they do that is bad because you are the grandmother. If that doesn't do it, you need a near death experience and you will not even notice those scars or marks you speak of. You will just be happy to be alive. Trust me - I know. Good Luck and please, find a way to not be so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful girl.
  • Sonchie
    Sonchie Posts: 259 Member
    awww..I have lots of stretchmarks too and its depressing at times, but I feel so much better about myself the other 23 hrs and 45 minutes of the day that im not undressed and having to see them. Its so worth it to feel good on the inside. I hope you have a more positive attitude as you get older. I lost 100 lbs in my 20's. 16 inches off the waist alone. Its a terrible sight, but I call them my battle scars. I won the war with obesity.
    I hope you feel better!
  • I've got all kinds of stretch marks, from being fat and from having kids. I have a 4 inch long purple scar where they took my appendix out when I nearly died. I have a continuous glucose monitor that hooks into my skin and makes a new hole every six days when I have to move it. I have an insulin pump that is continuously hooked to my body. It looks like an old school pager in my pocket or at my waist. Its not cute. It also pokes a new hole in me every three days. I am a mess. But why stay fat? Why not get healthy and feel good. Who cares if I never look like a model? Who cares if I will always have this ugly appendectomy scar? My husband doesn't he knows I am more than my body. You are more than your body too. Lose weight to be healthy not to go after some unattainable ideal. Beauty comes from much more than the outer package.
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
    Every single scar I have tells the story of me. Each one is a moment of time in my life that changed and molded me into the person I am now. My newest one is the 6 inch incision scar across my abdomen from removing a tumor in April. While I was recovering I realized that I had to change my life or I wasn't going to make it much longer. I wear all my scars and stretch marks with pride. That which doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    Physical scars are difficult...but the emotional ones are much more difficult to deal with...a friend recently told me: "you need to get your inside to catch up with your outside." I've lost 40 pounds, I'm at a healthy weight, I look great...but somehow I don't see myself the way my friends do...my self esteem still needs a lot of work. (and I have stretch marks, too, but that's not the first thing someone will comment on when they see me, or you, for that matter)

    Maybe losing weight won't be the be-all end-all you want it to be, maybe you will still have those scars...but don't let that be a reason to stay unhealthy. Don't wait til you're my age (I'm old enough to be your mother) to believe in yourself and your own power, regardless of your weight.

    I keep seeing this quote: "Find your strong." (it's actually from a Saucony advertising campaign, but to me it's meaningful. Find your inner strength and beauty, and focus on that)

    PS. From a completely objective stranger: you're a beautiful young woman. Don't let anyone tell you different.
  • Wow...harsh much! Yeah...I have plenty of stretchmarks from having a kid. I was 18...I went from 85 pounds to 120...I didn't stand a chance at not getting them. My entire stomach is covered...I haven't worn a bikini since I was 17. If my stomach was flat and had them I'd be more than proud to show them off. I have left over skin that won't go away without a tummy tuck. Also...I have a scar the entire way down my sternum. I had open heart surgery when I was 6 months old...I show that off proudly! Without it I would have died before I turned a year old. Stop being so 'distraught' over stupid scars and a few stretchmarks. Grow up.
    Scars from pregnancy are something to be proud of. Scars from life-saving surgery are obviously something to be proud of. I was talking about how I feel about MYSELF and I even said I know people have it worse than I do.

    I have to go out so I can't reply to everyone right now, but I just wanted to make it clear I'm not attacking anyone but myself... I'll carefully read all the replies when I get home.
  • MARI1010
    MARI1010 Posts: 76 Member
    Well i have stretch marks throughout my body but the worse is on my lower stomach from my pregnancy. Even though im blessed with having a pretty flat stomach my lower stomach is not just marked but also loose from the pregnancy and the weight loss. Im definitely self conscious of this area but i still prefer to have an over all smaller frame even with this loose and stretch marked lower stomach. So for me there still is a point. So it can get worse than just the stretch marks.
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
    Let me give you something to think about. It's a parallel to what you've shared, so while I realize it isn't the same, it may help you.

    I'm a community college professor. One of the things I deal with every semester is students who stumble and fall in an academic sense, and who become easily convinced that their life is over. I remind them that the real judge of a person's character is not whether they stumble (we all do) but how they respond to falling down. You can allow yourself to be defeated or you can learn from it, rise from the ashes, and be stronger. These marks may never go away, but they can be a springboard to greater things. (For example, I greatly impressed the president of the first college where I taught when I explained how I grew from the D+ on my college transcript. I secured his support for the job by how I handled it. The mark will never go away but I've found a way to make it work for me.)

    On a much more personal level, let me share with you the deepest emotional scar I expect I will ever carry. 2 1/2 years ago, I lost my second child. His kidneys had failed to develop and he was lost to a stillbirth. Many months later, we learned that I had a very rare genetic disease that was responsible for this. In many ways I will carry the emotional scar of the grief and responsibility for his all to short life for the rest of mine. For many months after this passing I was not able to say little Reverie's name aloud. But here's the thing. The pain of his loss -- which will never go away completely -- allowed us to find out that his big brother has the same disorder. We now know about a kidney disorder that he has and are treating it before it becomes a problem for him. We were also prepared for possible challenges with his little brother, which are abundant (he has, effectively, no ears) and in spite of very severe hearing impairment his speech is only a couple of months delayed. All because of what his brother prepared us for.

    Do not take this story as "people have it harder than you," because that is not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that when you carry a scar of any kind you can choose to bear it with shame and grief, or you can choose to wear it with pride and as an emblem of what you've learned and who you've become. I will never be totally rid of the grief over losing a child. But the emotional scar from Reverie has come to define my life in a very deep way. That scar has taught me the power of my education in a very deep way, and inspired me to share that with others; I have plans to start an educational foundation in Reverie's memory some day to help other families with less education cope with similar challenges. The scar empowers me to do this; it's only been with me a few years, but I can't imagine life without it, and that is a good thing.

    I think it's inevitable that we become defined by our physical and emotional scars. I haven't seen any evidence to suggest that we have a real choice in this matter. But what we DO have power over is whether that definition is a good or a bad thing. Maybe I'm just saying make lemonade from lemons, but I don't think so. I think it's deeper than that. I think it is empowering to OWN our scars and show the world what we've become both as a result of and in spite of our life's battles. Just something to think about.

    Peace...
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Your young. wait till age kicks your behind. This will seem like nothing.. I promise.
This discussion has been closed.