What exactly is the point?

It sounds like the scars you have go deeper than your skin. Your outlook it a matter of persepective, it's your choice on how you want to look at things. I don't think I can impart any words of wisdom that you have not already heard. You are a beautiful young girl with so much ahead of you. Please talk with someone who can help you tackle some of the issues that seem overwhelming. You don't have to do it alone.

To help you get things in perspective, check out Nick Vujicic on YouTube. He has no arms, no legs,no worries.

To offer a male perspective, scars and stretch marks are literally inconsequential when it comes to how most of us perceive beauty. But how men see women and how women see themselves are often very different things - women, by far, are harder on themselves and more aware of and affected by their perceived imperfections than men are.

I understand the challenge it can be to change your paradigm, to see yourself differently than how you presently do. Open your mind to consider the possibility that, to the rest of the world (men especially, if that's a concern), your scars and stretch marks are 100% irrelevant to your beauty (and I'm not just talking about inner beauty, but your physical attractiveness) - that they may as well be invisible or non-existence. With scars and marks, or without, it makes no difference - at least to anyone else.

If your disappointment with your scars or marks is purely internal, I think your best path is to simply work toward an understanding that your negative self-perception is self-created and can be self-controlled - just as you can exercise a muscle to build strength, you can grow to look at yourself and your perceived imperfections differently. Just like losing weight or learning rocket science, it's a process that takes time, forgiveness, and persistence.

Surround yourself with people, in real life and here on the forums, that encourage and uplift you. You don't have to hate your body or your scars - just like every experience in your life has brought you to this moment, to posting here on this forum, this can serve as a turning point for the negativity and pain you feel over these issues.

Your feelings are valid. You can grow beyond them. Forgive yourself, and give yourself permission to feel a little better about yourself each day.

Best of luck - we're all here for you. :-)

I was talking about how I feel about MYSELF and I even said I know people have it worse than I do.
I'm not attacking anyone but myself... I'll carefully read all the replies when I get home.

By the way, I respect your post and your feelings. You're entitled to them. What's important to you is important, and not to be dismissed or minimized.

I don't see what you said as an attack, but I do hope the posts and responses can help you see beauty comes in lots of forms - some are banged up and scarred. Someone telling you you're beautiful may not help, but I hope someday you will KNOW it's true.

There is so much to live for and enjoy in this life - even telling the stories about how you got the scars. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you - and sweep out any that don't build you up. THIS INCLUDES YOURSELF. Try to shake out those negative thoughts. You're worth it, life is worth it, and enjoying every second of it is critical.

My very best to you.

I got stretch marks all over the place too. Most of them see most of them seem to be fading, but you can still see 'em. I guess it's my fault for developing such a large appetite when I was younger and gaining too much weight too quickly. Oh well, what can ya do? Nobody's perfect.

Rochelle, your right in no matter what we do some things don't change. That's life and it sucks. Your also right in that is not the point.

I found over time, things were really important to me at one time are now pretty insignificant. I also found that things I never even previously considered are some of the most important things in the world to me. Our perspectives change.

I would say it's not just about appearance. Fitness is more than being thin and perfect looking. It means the ability to engage in activities we enjoy with the people we care about. It is the ability to push ourselves to new experiences and achieve goals we know we previously couldn't. That might be backpacking the Appalachian trail, or canoeing the Buffalo river, or climbing a cliff wall in Cimmeron, NM. Or simply being able to kick @$$ and outlast the other losers in a paint ball game.

i'm finding it really hard to reply i've never cared all that much about how i look- not only have i always been overweight, i have highly visible (self-inflicted) scars on my arms and chest.

the point for me is that i was scared i was gonna die. i went to bed not knowing if i was going to wake up in the morning, and altho some of that was psychological, there was a big physical component as well.

you need to find your own reason. if you don't want to lose weight, you don't have to. everyone here has their own reason for losing weight, but there are also a ton of people out there who have absolutely no desire to, and there's nothing wrong with that.

however, from the rest of your post it seems like there might be some other issues. idk if you've talked to a psychiatrist before and i don't even know if the advice is welcome, but the way you refer to your "horrible, scarred body" really worries me, and i don't think it's a normal feeling

oh and btw, don't ever let people tell you to suck it up cos other people have worse problems than you. of course they do, no one can have the worst life, but that doesn't make you any less important.

Have you ever heard the serenity prayer?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You can't really change your scars. Time and skin care will most likely fade them a bit.

You do have the power to change your weight. Don't let what you can't change keep you from changing what you can.


Everyone has scars. Lots of those scars are from stupid stuff. I have a scar on my wrist from a toaster oven, a scar on my forehead from falling when I was a kid, the side of my hand has a jagged ugly scar from a food service sized plastic wrap box that I dropped while working at Subway s a teen, the back of my index finger has a scar from being squished between the boat and the ladder I was climbing on vacation when I was 15. My point isn't that others have it worse, but that you're not alone. None of these scars has had any negative effect on my life (except for hurting when I got them) Some even make funny stories. I mean seriously, who gets 12 stitches from a box of plastic wrap?

With respect, the angst you're causing yourself is out of proportion to the problem. Control the things you can, let go of the things you can't.

I'm just going to reiterate what some others have said.

Scars and stretch marks are badges of honor. They're the roadmap of your life. I've got tons of stretch marks around my shoulders and chest from lifting weights as a teen/20-something and gaining muscle mass really fast. I've got stretch marks around my belly from eating too much and gaining fat too fast for my skin to handle. The shoulder ones are faded and white and the belly ones are livid red, but they're all just physical marks of different times in my life. Neither one defines me in any way. Your stretch marks don't define you either.

From the guys' perspective, it's true that we don't really care about that stuff. Eighteen year old boys might care, but real, grown men don't. One of the biggest regrets in my life is looking back at all the great girls I missed out on because I was young and stupid and too hung up on some physical ideal of perfection. Once your peers get into their mid 20's they're going to start growing out of that shallowness, too. If you don't want to wait that long, I guarantee that there are lots of guys out there that will appreciate you right now, but they're probably going to be the shy guys that you might have to make the first move with. Guys have self-esteem issues, too.

Also, I have no idea what kind of diet you're on, but if it's very strict it might be causing some depression issues. (If you even HAVE depression issues normally and this isn't just a bad day....) Poorly managed vegetarianism or veganism can leave you lacking some of the building blocks for seratonin. Ultra-low fat diets, or ultra-low calorie diets can do the same thing. If any of those describe your diet, you should do some more research because feeling better might be as simple as eating a little more fat, or some complete proteins.

Finally, I will tell you that nothing in life is really as important as it feels when you're 19. Everything passes and the things you think are the end of the world today become no big deal with a few years behind you. I've helped three daughters through their teens and there's another still coming up. One of those girls attempted suicide and survived to be a very strong woman who's now half way around the world having adventures. Talking to her now she says she can't believe how trivial the issues that consumed her then seem to her now in her mid 20's. Just hang in there and it will get a lot easier and make a lot more sense in a few more years.

Sweety love yourself, you're beautiful, those are your "history marks", I have scars on my face/cheeks (big ones but faded a lil) from when my birth parents used to abuse me, I also have many stretch marks (thighs, back, stomach, arms, etc) but I love myself and it so much better to be thin and have stretch marks than to be fat and have stretch marks, plus you're beautiful and young!
Guess what over time they will fade and there are things you can do to make it go away quite a bit.

Here are a couple things you GUYS ALL can do daily than will make any unwanted scars fade away faster

Use Skin Creams and Lotions with some of the following:
• Cocoa butter (this is big +)
• Rose hip oil
• Emu oil
• Jojoba oil
• Castor oil
• Shea butter
• Vitamin A
• Vitamin E
• Vitamin C


Massage the area with stretch marks three or four times a day with moisturizers that contain cocoa butter as a prime ingredient.
Apply self-tanner. It will help minimize the appearance of stretch marks. Exfoliate beforehand for best results.

Wheat germ oil - may help improve stretch marks in their early phase (this is great for the red ones, you can get rid of almost completely if they are still in red color stage).

Vitamin C - certain formulations might increase collagen production, but they'll only help with early-stage stretch marks; for best results, combine the vitamin C gel with glycolic acid; taking 500 mg of Vitamin C supplements three times a day may also help.

Exfoliate daily with loofah or scrunchy

Apply Vic’ Vapor Rub, it supposed to help a lot!

Hot Bass and Massages (increase circulation around scarring)

Vitamin E Gel Pills: break open and apply



I am going to do a strict exfoliating on all daily in morning shower and at after work out shower and than apply lotions with those awesome ingredients and use probably use the vapor rub, it supposed to work really good, I also have lots of "new" red stretch marks so I am going to use the germ oil and take Vitamin C daily, and do hot baths-what a great excuse to take a bath and treat yourself to something nice
Don't give up, you're young it will be so much easier for you to take care of them, and these things are all know to be the best things for getting rid/fade away scars of any sort

I almost don't know what to say to this!

You only have 18 kilos to lose and you're 19 years old! I guarantee your "FAT" scars can't be too bad and your skin is young and will bounce back into place. I can also say that you are 19 years old, your scars WILL fade! Seriously! I've got some horrible scars, too many to count really... I played a lot of sports and was and still am clumsy.

Bottom line is, this is about losing weight to feel better about yourself physically and mentally. This is about gaining a strong mind and body and learning a healthy relationship with food and exercise. This isn't about becoming a supermodel and being perfect.

^LOVE what Brewer George said! ^

A friend pointed out recently, "Scars are like tattoos, but with better stories!" :glasses:

Very much this, including the love for George Brewer's post.

And if the stretch marks and scars do not fade (I got a fantastic set at puberty which gave me boobs like giant bloodshot eyeballs at age 15!) then cover them up with tattoos. That's my plan, anyway.

Stretch marks at 15, varicose veins at 17, those were bad. The inch long scar in the center of my forehead I had been obsessed with since age 3 was as nothing in comparison. The scar from my appendectomy? I almost forgot it was there even though it is now still bigger and more visible than my c-section scar. The next rounds of both stretch marks and blue veins from having kids were expected, but disheartening because I knew that on my body once its stretched past tearing there is no rebound ever. Bio-oil and cocoa butter my *kitten*, literally. Bathed in the stuff and wasted a lot of time and money. Maybe the remedies will work for you and maybe they won't.

Did it take me about a decade to come to terms with having tiger striped ta-tas? Yupp. But damned if I don't still wear plunging necklines almost another decade later with a big old grin thankyouverymuch.

But my point is, I remember how bad those marks felt even as a fairly fit teenager: thinking that my life was over before it was begun, that I would never be comfortable letting someone see me naked, and that no matter how well I took care of myself I would never be okay. It is easy for me now to almost laugh at that 15 year old girl who was so sure nobody would ever love her before she had experienced anything of life to learn what love is, but I still remember how it felt to be her. That stops the laughter. I may have acquired enough accidental scars on my hands to cover the marks I made out of self-loathing during that time in my life, but I know they are there and why I made them.

If I could go back and give myself a hug or a pep talk I would, but I can't so this one's for you. It will be okay as soon as you let it be okay. Yes, this sounds like another BS platitude or cheesed out junk philosophy tract, but it is the best way I can express what I found to be true.

Talk to somebody like a counselor or psychologist, not because you need to man up or grow up or just get over yourself already, but because you need to find a safe place to put your feelings in perspective and a professional will save you a lot of wasted time and energy getting there. You don't need to be dismissed and you don't need to be coddled. You just need somewhere to reflect and realize for yourself that there is a point even if sometimes it does not feel like there is one.

Take care of yourself.

pass me the prozak

I choose to see my scars as badges of honor, and trust me when I tell you that I've got a boat-load of badges. They show people that I've lived and remind me of the same. I wouldn't even be the same person without some of them, and I would never wish them away because of that.

You sound incredibly shallow & far too consumed with appearance. Focus on how great your body feels after an hour long cardio session. Or reaching a long awaited goal.

Learn to overcome what people think of you. It's not hard.