Weight Loss, Toxic People and Sabotage
jackwilson2298
Posts: 1 Member
Where there any people who tried to sabotage your weight loss journey
1
Replies
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My toxic, alcoholic, abusive ex-boyfriend, who felt threatened whenever I looked good.
I lost 270lbs of dead weight the day we broke up back in February, and another 20 since abandoning his bad eating/drinking habits. Only 56lbs to go!
Now... I eat according to MY plan, schedule, and goals. I workout until I'M tired and ready to go home. I surround myself with friends who support and encourage my journey - and a lot of them have jumped back on the health wagon with me. I'm breaking strength PR's, trying new lifts/workouts, AND my doctor is reducing my thyroid meds. Not only do I look and feel so much better, my mental health is dramatically improved. There is so much hope where there was once only fear and anxiety.
Now, I'm invincible.45 -
I think there have been many, who didn't intend to sabotage directly but I got/get a lot of comments such as 'come on, just one isn't gonna break your diet'. They obviously don't know me.14
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I don't think so, at least not in the sense of pathological deliberate destruction. Several of my relationships have gone through periods of discomfort, but I expect most of them to turn out OK in the end. The hardest one has been with my husband - we have a strong marriage but as a unified household, shifting how we do food here, and my finding time to exercise and really take care of myself, has changed a lot and put stress on him that wasn't there before. He's OK with that, once we got it out into the open, but it's still an adjustment from how things were before and that's hard. People like doing what they're used to, even if it's not particularly good for them or the ones they love. Change is hard, so pushback is natural.
The people in my life for whom my weight loss could pose a problem are people I've already decided, for other reasons, to not be particularly intimate with.7 -
This content has been removed.
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My in-laws.2
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my ex thought i would leave him.
i mean, i did, but it wasn't because of my weight loss....10 -
People who are used to your old way of cooking and want that over buttery over fatty food, people who are jealous and you didn't realize it until they start making rude comments like you don't need to lose more weight even though your still to big or saying your to skinny even though your no where near skinny and that's not even your goal. Geez some people you have to distance yourself from or no longer deal with if possible. Your health and life comes first, before you can be their for others and that doesn't include food that's not healthy for you.2
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Not in an open way, but more in a passive-aggressive way. I got snide remarks, a few backhanded compliments, food pushing when eating out, but mostly an apparent lack of interest in my achievements. Good thing that I'm thick skinned and have no need for external validation. Apparently when the "fat friend" is no longer fat, others get upset and dismissive (even if the change was set in motion for health reasons). Go figure.11
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I've gotten some push back type resistance as a result of change - people are, for instance, used to how I cook and to giving or making me particular foods to show me love. I still accept a lot of that and manage it myself. Mostly I don't talk about weight/weight loss with many people. It can be legitimately upsetting for some people for an assorted of reasons. Those reasons and reactions are theirs to manage, but I don't want to force active conflict as a result, either. I just do me and let other people handle themselves.7
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People can only sabotage you if you allow them
At the end of the day, if you know what you want, how you want it and have a plan in motion and stick to it, no amount of sabotaging will work
Case in point: my friend called me today: what are you doing? Are you as bored as me. Well I knew that she wanted to talk and I had already set my mind on working out
I told her that I am just about to go and work out, guess she was not happy.
But you know what, had I stopped and speak to her, my work out would not have got done and I had already set my mind on it
I find out in life, if you cannot love yourself, then you are not in a position to love anyone else9 -
Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.1 -
salleewins wrote: »Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.
I really disagree with that approach.
If lots of people use the I'm allergic to xyz excuse and then people see them other times eating something containing xyz, it undermines true allergies
Allergies gets seen as a cop out or unreal thing that people make up when it suits them and something others dont need to take seriously.
Whereas, of course, real allergies are not like that at all.
Bit like saying I can't excercise because I am paralysed - when you are not.20 -
salleewins wrote: »Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.
That person was wrong. Don't do that. You do that and then are spotted eating that particular food and not having an allergic reaction, they'll rightly conclude you were lying/exaggerating and that makes it harder for people with REAL food allergies to get their food prepared safely so they don't have an allergic reaction since they (the food preparers/pushers) will think that that person who is actually allergic is lying/exaggerating.
If some is trying to push food on you that you don't want, just tell them that you're doing what your doctor ordered/suggested you to do. Like, just say you're pre-diabetic or insulin resistant to avoid eating sugar or reducing the amount of fatty food you're eating to improve your cardiac health due to health concerns/family history/blood tests showing up some concerns (higher cholesterol, etc) that you need to get under control.
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salleewins wrote: »Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.
That person was wrong. Don't do that. You do that and then are spotted eating that particular food and not having an allergic reaction, they'll rightly conclude you were lying/exaggerating and that makes it harder for people with REAL food allergies to get their food prepared safely so they don't have an allergic reaction since they (the food preparers/pushers) will think that that person who is actually allergic is lying/exaggerating.
I agree with this. I have a newly developed food allergy (shellfish, apparently it's a common one that develops for women especially in adulthood) and there are a few family members who already think it's that I want to be inconvenient or get extra attention or just decided I didn't like it, not that I might, you know, die if I eat it.
I do think there's a place, with some people, for soft nos and maybe even white lies. But in some cases there's space for a direct "no thank you" with no reason given, and I think many of us would be better off if we employed this more often in our everyday relationships. You can just...not want something at that particular moment, and it doesn't mean you hate or reject the person offering. Is it a little uncomfortable at first? You bet. Does it pay off later most of the time? I think so.
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My handling of someone giving me food is one of the below:
It's my mother, I see her 3 times a year, her love language is feeding me: I eat the food.
It's my spouse, I see him every day, he likes buying me little treats: I started a unicorn collection and he mostly buys me those and when he gives me food I throw it in a bag in the freezer for when I do want it.
It's a friend: I say no thank you, they say okay and move on. My friends, thankfully, aren't pushy about it or overly invasive in any aspect of my life.
It's someone in a group setting and they're trying to HAND me food - I say no thank you, then I say no really. If they're still trying to insist, I take the food and IMMEDIATELY and unemotionally either hand it to someone near by, put it on a flat surface and leave, or if at all convenient put it in the trash.
It's someone in a group setting and they're commenting on food I chose myself in a negative way: "Why would you say that?" with a blank stare.
Frankly my FAVORITE is when someone I don't know tries to push food on me and won't take the polite answer so I get to toss it in the trash in front of them. Only happened twice but the expression on their face is satisfying.10 -
salleewins wrote: »Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.
Why does one have to bake with their boss?4 -
Theoldguy1 wrote: »salleewins wrote: »Someone told me a good way to handle something you don't want to eat that is given to you, is to say you are allergic. I hate lying, but if it will help create a trigger reaction, I say it. I will this year when my boss tries to get me to eat the sugar laden Christmas cookies again. I will say that I can't eat sugar if I don't want one. I used to get to take them with me and throw most out. Surprise in Dec 2020! We actually had to bake together AND be insisted upon to eat one together. Tiring.
Otherwise a fair amount of people have had negative comments. Some were even mixed with positive. My ex, when knew I was stated a new plan, would all of a sudden make gourmet mac and cheese. He has been gone about 11 years and I have not made it.
Why does one have to bake with their boss?
Because some places of employment are big on 'team building' in ways that are frankly obnoxious,. and also they pay you.3 -
Sabotage? My mom.
Some people are just born negative, and live in a perpetual cloud of “if life had only been different”. But I see now, these type of people would find something to gnaw on regardless of what life gave them.
I now believe you gather the same kind of energy you project, but that you can also control that energy.
I’ve tried so hard to lose the negativity I project along with the weight I packed, and have removed negative people from my life. Life is too short to carry an anchor on your heart.
Believing your “cup half full” is trite but illustrative, effective, and true.3 -
It's me. I am my own toxic person and have been self sabotaging since a very bad experience during my teenage years.. I'm 44 now. It was the only time in my life I felt good about myself and bad things happened. Then 2 extremely toxic relationships. I didn't think it was possible for me to have someone treat me as bad as I treated myself. I was wrong! Now I found something that works for me diet wise (keto) but every time I start to feel good and drop a few pounds I blow it on purpose essentially. Its like I'm used to feeling and looking a certain way and it takes me out of my comfort zone to feel better and when I'm not sleeping my life away I don't know how to cope with wanting to get everything done I've let slide over the years. Like cooking.. cleaning.. being a good mother to my son. It's pathetic but I don't know how to live a normal life.10
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wunderkindking wrote: »My handling of someone giving me food is one of the below:
It's my mother, I see her 3 times a year, her love language is feeding me: I eat the food.
It's my spouse, I see him every day, he likes buying me little treats: I started a unicorn collection and he mostly buys me those and when he gives me food I throw it in a bag in the freezer for when I do want it.
It's a friend: I say no thank you, they say okay and move on. My friends, thankfully, aren't pushy about it or overly invasive in any aspect of my life.
It's someone in a group setting and they're trying to HAND me food - I say no thank you, then I say no really. If they're still trying to insist, I take the food and IMMEDIATELY and unemotionally either hand it to someone near by, put it on a flat surface and leave, or if at all convenient put it in the trash.
It's someone in a group setting and they're commenting on food I chose myself in a negative way: "Why would you say that?" with a blank stare.
Frankly my FAVORITE is when someone I don't know tries to push food on me and won't take the polite answer so I get to toss it in the trash in front of them. Only happened twice but the expression on their face is satisfying.
So much This^^
I can't see lying about what I will or will not eat or drink. What's the point? Some people (me) don't like okra or oysters. Should that be a problem for someone else I have to ask them, "Why does it bother you?" Because once I say, "No, thanks," then anything the other person says is just blah blah blah to me - and it's really more about them at that point.
They can work it out in their own little heads.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.8 -
...and by okra or oysters I mean - if I don't want to eat something (cookies, Margaritas, whatever) then that's my business.3
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I'm pretty fortunate that I don't have anyone trying to sabotage me, but then again, I've never really made my weight loss attempts public knowledge. I've been a generally "healthy" eater for the past several years so when I wanted to lose a bit more, I just ate a bit less.
I've learned how to manage when people buy treats and such and don't see at as much of a temptation for me anymore. Like someone said above, if anyone were to sabotage my weight loss efforts, it would've been me falling into old habits.1 -
emmatige91 wrote: »My toxic, alcoholic, abusive ex-boyfriend, who felt threatened whenever I looked good.
I lost 270lbs of dead weight the day we broke up back in February, and another 20 since abandoning his bad eating/drinking habits. Only 56lbs to go!
Now... I eat according to MY plan, schedule, and goals. I workout until I'M tired and ready to go home. I surround myself with friends who support and encourage my journey - and a lot of them have jumped back on the health wagon with me. I'm breaking strength PR's, trying new lifts/workouts, AND my doctor is reducing my thyroid meds. Not only do I look and feel so much better, my mental health is dramatically improved. There is so much hope where there was once only fear and anxiety.
Now, I'm invincible.
I also lost 270lbs of alcoholic, abusive, cheating ex husband.
He hated any time I tried to lose weight because he was convinced I was going to cheat on him. Turns out he was the one cheating the whole time.
Made me especially happy when he managed to find the 40lbs I ditched in the year after I kicked him out. Petty? Yes. Do I care? No.
Congrats on getting away from that mess.10 -
@heather240 the struggle is real with self image. But you can change the dialogue that you say to yourself. Would you say or do these things to someone that is a friend or loved one or would you encourage each little step they take to help themselves?
I go to therapy for very low self esteem and depression. One of the exercises that they have me do is write 5 good things about myself and say them out loud each day. I find it incredibly difficult but it has helped me become more aware of negative self talk and flip the script to encouraging talk. The book, "Atomic Habits", also talks about the importance of self identity which I never would have thought of in habits but it makes sense when you read it. Encourage yourself and forgive the bobbles but learn something from them.
Wishing you success on your health journey.4 -
heather240 wrote: »It's me. I am my own toxic person and have been self sabotaging since a very bad experience during my teenage years.. I'm 44 now. It was the only time in my life I felt good about myself and bad things happened. Then 2 extremely toxic relationships. I didn't think it was possible for me to have someone treat me as bad as I treated myself. I was wrong! Now I found something that works for me diet wise (keto) but every time I start to feel good and drop a few pounds I blow it on purpose essentially. Its like I'm used to feeling and looking a certain way and it takes me out of my comfort zone to feel better and when I'm not sleeping my life away I don't know how to cope with wanting to get everything done I've let slide over the years. Like cooking.. cleaning.. being a good mother to my son. It's pathetic but I don't know how to live a normal life.
Sometimes, when things are the hardest and you're your own worst enemy, all you can do is the next right thing. Normalcy is challenging for anyone when their brain doesn't cooperate. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's also okay to set aside the 'big picture' goals that feel overwhelming when you put them all together at the same time. Maybe today, your wins are in the small choices where you can have grace for yourself and instead of self-sabotage, you choose self-care. You CAN do it! One small choice at a time.7 -
cmriverside wrote: »wunderkindking wrote: »My handling of someone giving me food is one of the below:
It's my mother, I see her 3 times a year, her love language is feeding me: I eat the food.
It's my spouse, I see him every day, he likes buying me little treats: I started a unicorn collection and he mostly buys me those and when he gives me food I throw it in a bag in the freezer for when I do want it.
It's a friend: I say no thank you, they say okay and move on. My friends, thankfully, aren't pushy about it or overly invasive in any aspect of my life.
It's someone in a group setting and they're trying to HAND me food - I say no thank you, then I say no really. If they're still trying to insist, I take the food and IMMEDIATELY and unemotionally either hand it to someone near by, put it on a flat surface and leave, or if at all convenient put it in the trash.
It's someone in a group setting and they're commenting on food I chose myself in a negative way: "Why would you say that?" with a blank stare.
Frankly my FAVORITE is when someone I don't know tries to push food on me and won't take the polite answer so I get to toss it in the trash in front of them. Only happened twice but the expression on their face is satisfying.
So much This^^
I can't see lying about what I will or will not eat or drink. What's the point? Some people (me) don't like okra or oysters. Should that be a problem for someone else I have to ask them, "Why does it bother you?" Because once I say, "No, thanks," then anything the other person says is just blah blah blah to me - and it's really more about them at that point.
They can work it out in their own little heads.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Amen, let them figure it out!2 -
yweight2020 wrote: »People who are used to your old way of cooking and want that over buttery over fatty food, people who are jealous and you didn't realize it until they start making rude comments like you don't need to lose more weight even though your still to big or saying your to skinny even though your no where near skinny and that's not even your goal. Geez some people you have to distance yourself from or no longer deal with if possible. Your health and life comes first, before you can be their for others and that doesn't include food that's not healthy for you.
I see nothing to disagree with, unless you think its ok to keep overly toxic people in your life go for it. Me Im to old for the shenanigans and hate subliminal or direct. Because I'm doing something good for myself, I have to hear nonsense, no thank you. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪0 -
heather240 wrote: »It's me. I am my own toxic person and have been self sabotaging since a very bad experience during my teenage years.. I'm 44 now. It was the only time in my life I felt good about myself and bad things happened. Then 2 extremely toxic relationships. I didn't think it was possible for me to have someone treat me as bad as I treated myself. I was wrong! Now I found something that works for me diet wise (keto) but every time I start to feel good and drop a few pounds I blow it on purpose essentially. Its like I'm used to feeling and looking a certain way and it takes me out of my comfort zone to feel better and when I'm not sleeping my life away I don't know how to cope with wanting to get everything done I've let slide over the years. Like cooking.. cleaning.. being a good mother to my son. It's pathetic but I don't know how to live a normal life.
I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing.
I found therapy essential after getting out of an abusive relationship, and again last year when the pandemic was too much for my usual coping strategies.2 -
I did CBT for a year or so back in 2011. Due to bad teen experience and 12yr abusive relationship with my sons father I ended up with conversion disorder (essentially hypochondria) and severe panic/anxiety. It did help. I was told that without medication there was no help for hypochondria. That jerk was wrong. I've come so far. I was really bad. It's truly a long story so I will leave it at that. Now I feel like it's self hatred. For not making better choices. For letting myself go. For not ever putting myself first. For failing to lead as a single parent. To use food to "cure" all of my emotions. Happy - Sad - Lonely - Bored it goes on and on.. and for using obesity as an excuse to avoid doing anything at all. It's my crutch. You can avoid toxic people.. until it's you. There's no avoiding yourself. Sleep. Its another great crutch for self defeating personality types. I started CDL training today and I've restarted keto. So that's a start. I hope that you continue on your path out of the darkness. You deserve to be happy and free from that way of thinking.Beautyofdreams wrote: »@heather240 the struggle is real with self image. But you can change the dialogue that you say to yourself. Would you say or do these things to someone that is a friend or loved one or would you encourage each little step they take to help themselves?
I go to therapy for very low self esteem and depression. One of the exercises that they have me do is write 5 good things about myself and say them out loud each day. I find it incredibly difficult but it has helped me become more aware of negative self talk and flip the script to encouraging talk. The book, "Atomic Habits", also talks about the importance of self identity which I never would have thought of in habits but it makes sense when you read it. Encourage yourself and forgive the bobbles but learn something from them.
Wishing you success on your health journey.
I will check out the book.
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This hit the nail on the head. I WANT things to be better. But I get so frustrated when I overthink everything instead of taking action to start chipping away at the mess I've created. It took 30yrs to get to this point and I think if I decide I'm going to get myself together I stop as soon as I realize it's too big of a mess. I want instant results and it's just not possible. Ty for the advice. If only I could just stop giving up. Doing what needs done instead of spending hours/days thinking about what needs done. It's a vicious cycleemmatige91 wrote: »Sometimes, when things are the hardest and you're your own worst enemy, all you can do is the next right thing. Normalcy is challenging for anyone when their brain doesn't cooperate. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's also okay to set aside the 'big picture' goals that feel overwhelming when you put them all together at the same time. Maybe today, your wins are in the small choices where you can have grace for yourself and instead of self-sabotage, you choose self-care. You CAN do it! One small choice at a time.
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