Having trouble kicking bad habits - Am I a failure?

Taysonite
Taysonite Posts: 7 Member
in Getting Started
I am 24 years old, I am now at 130Kgs and gained the extra 30 Kgs since dating my fiance. Ya know, that relationship weight. I sp desperately want to get back down to 100 but I have such awful habits I cannot break, coca cola being the worst, I always give into my impulse and go back to it. It makes me feel worthless. How can I start to kick these unhealthy habits? My dietician says I need to stop kicking myself and that everyday is a new day but I feel like a huge failure everytime. I'm sick of my work colleagues making comments on my body and I'm sick of looking in the mirror and crying.
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Replies

  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 8,883 Member
    MikePfirrman wrote: »
    Best habit advice I've ever read (and applied myself) is do one thing at a time, do it for like 6 weeks, and do it like your life depends on it. But, here's the thing. Just change one thing.

    This. Done this myself to much better results than trying to change multiple things at once.
  • musicalrose74
    musicalrose74 Posts: 4 Member
    MikePfirrman wrote: »
    Best habit advice I've ever read (and applied myself) is do one thing at a time, do it for like 6 weeks, and do it like your life depends on it. But, here's the thing. Just change one thing.

    Research has proven that if you just try to change one thing, and only one thing, that your chances of building that into a habit are over 80%. If you add just one more thing to that, like try to change two things at once, your chance of success drops to under 40%.

    Too often, especially on here, people try to log, workout, change their diets all at once. That's 3 things (and only like 10% success rate of changing 3 things at a time).

    So, just log for two months. Nothing else. Once that's an established habit, do one more thing, like movement a couple days a week. Do that for 6 weeks along with logging. Then add one more thing in while keeping the other habits.

    This works, I've done it myself often.

    Mike - this is excellent advice and something I needed to read today!! Going to try and put that advice to action. Thank you!
  • mjglantz
    mjglantz Posts: 487 Member
    First please stop the negative talk...bet you wouldn't talk to your best friend this way. Be your own best friend and be kind to yourself.

    As many are saying just pick one thing you want to do differently. Maybe commit to tracking your food every day and then in a couple of weeks see the trends. See what one thing you can change. For instance, swap out one Coke each day for water or Diet Coke. Mix the coke with a Diet Coke. Little things. When I started I decided to change my lunches and instead of buying the sandwich and chips at the work cafe, I brought a healthier sandwich and bought reduced fat chips. Same amount of food and probably 200 - 300 fewer calories. Just make small sustainable changes and as one becomes a habit pick another one. Find ways to move more until you are ready to start an exercise program.

    And if co-workers are bringing up your weight, just tell them to stop. Remind them this is not their issue. Easier said than done.
  • Taysonite
    Taysonite Posts: 7 Member
    MikePfirrman wrote: »
    Best habit advice I've ever read (and applied myself) is do one thing at a time, do it for like 6 weeks, and do it like your life depends on it. But, here's the thing. Just change one thing.

    Research has proven that if you just try to change one thing, and only one thing, that your chances of building that into a habit are over 80%. If you add just one more thing to that, like try to change two things at once, your chance of success drops to under 40%.

    Too often, especially on here, people try to log, workout, change their diets all at once. That's 3 things (and only like 10% success rate of changing 3 things at a time).

    So, just log for two months. Nothing else. Once that's an established habit, do one more thing, like movement a couple days a week. Do that for 6 weeks along with logging. Then add one more thing in while keeping the other habits.

    This works, I've done it myself often.

    Thank you so much for this advice. I've decided to try just logging my eating and making that a habit first and then once it's a habit, I'm going to focus on having a balanced breakfast each morning. I was so focused on just jumping into a diet and seeing others do it that I definitely overwhelmed myself which is what I think makes me give up.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Taysonite wrote: »
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Are your coworkers talking about your weight to your face, or do you “just” feel they are? I was so self conscious I was sure my weight was the topic on everyone’s tongue, when in reality I was the most forgotten person in the room. Turned out my weight was my problem, and not everyone else’s. Our heads tell us weird stuff and it’s not necessarily true.

    If they are, then how can you nip this in the bud? First of all, it should be a no-go zone, unless your weight affects your ability to do your job.

    Are you bringing up your weight yourself, somehow? Discussing weight loss attempts, asking advice, self criticizing, or even make self- deprecating jokes. Maybe be more attentive and not do that.

    I had a coworker who would literally hit herself in the head if she messed something up and mutter “you stupid fat dumb *kitten*” out loud to herself, but we all heard it. And you know what? After a while, she got a reputation as a stupid fat dumb *kitten*. Be careful what you manifest, or what you
    create around yourself.


    Its more brought on by what I buy myself for lunch, its my boss mainly. He comes in when I'm eating lunch and make comments about how I should be eating healthier and maybe going to the gym more. It's basically like he's pretending to care about my health, he does it to my supervisor as well. Its pretty gross. I try to tell him that my health is none of his concern but he continues to do it. And I left early one day to get a heart ultrasound (doctor noticed my blood pressure was elevated but it runs in my family) and they made comments about how it must be my weight. It makes me feel embarrassed and not want to eat at work. I try to eat when he's in meetings.

    That really is gross. Since he’s your boss you can’t go to the boss and have them tell him to cut it out, which makes it especially bad. One thing to try in that situation is to enthusiastically agree with his advice. It seems like he has no shame but it does get through to some people. “Thank you so much, that’s really good advice, I will absolutely do that! It’s so nice that you think about my health ALL THE TIME!”

    It might even be worth it to bring an extra lunch so you can throw yours melodramatically in the trash right in front of him: “You are so inspiring I’m going to start dieting RIGHT NOW!” Then wait until he leaves to eat.

    Anyway, fantasy vengeance aside, I’m sorry your boss is a jerk. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. It’s not helpful.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,387 Member
    @rheddmobile

    “Fantasy Vengeance”. LMAO. Can I get that on a T-shirt?

    I used to live in a world of that. I spent way too much time daydreaming fantasy vengeance. Now I find myself really just feeling sorry for the kind of people who used to pluck at my last nerve. Only now I don’t have to put up with them unless I feel like it.

    I don’t think I’m kinder and gentler. Circumstances changed, and boy oh boy, am I grateful. Then I took the bull by the horns and made other changes happen. End result: happiness quotient up up up!!!!

    OP, with the job market as hot as it is, a change in circumstances might be just the ticket?
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,387 Member
    BTW, I’m wondering if a male boss commenting on a female employee’s weight could be construed as sexual harassment. I think, to me, any unwelcome and uninvited discussion of my body would feel that way. My body, my business, unless it affects my job description.

    Might be worth recording some of the conversations?
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    edited October 2021
    Taysonite wrote: »
    MikePfirrman wrote: »
    Best habit advice I've ever read (and applied myself) is do one thing at a time, do it for like 6 weeks, and do it like your life depends on it. But, here's the thing. Just change one thing.

    Research has proven that if you just try to change one thing, and only one thing, that your chances of building that into a habit are over 80%. If you add just one more thing to that, like try to change two things at once, your chance of success drops to under 40%.

    Too often, especially on here, people try to log, workout, change their diets all at once. That's 3 things (and only like 10% success rate of changing 3 things at a time).

    So, just log for two months. Nothing else. Once that's an established habit, do one more thing, like movement a couple days a week. Do that for 6 weeks along with logging. Then add one more thing in while keeping the other habits.

    This works, I've done it myself often.

    Thank you so much for this advice. I've decided to try just logging my eating and making that a habit first and then once it's a habit, I'm going to focus on having a balanced breakfast each morning. I was so focused on just jumping into a diet and seeing others do it that I definitely overwhelmed myself which is what I think makes me give up.

    I weighed over 130 kg and this is exactly how I lost the weight. At first, I focused on logging both for habit building and to identify what things contribute most calories and what calorie cuts can be made easier than others. In my case, I noticed olive oil was contributing too much and I didn't need nearly as much to feel satisfied with my meal so I gradually cut down on it where it was least noticeable (I didn't need 2 tablespoons of it over hummus dip and using less, in that case, didn't change my experience by much) before tackling the next thing. This resulted in lower calories even before I decided to go into full on calorie restriction mode.
  • Taysonite
    Taysonite Posts: 7 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    @rheddmobile

    “Fantasy Vengeance”. LMAO. Can I get that on a T-shirt?

    I used to live in a world of that. I spent way too much time daydreaming fantasy vengeance. Now I find myself really just feeling sorry for the kind of people who used to pluck at my last nerve. Only now I don’t have to put up with them unless I feel like it.

    I don’t think I’m kinder and gentler. Circumstances changed, and boy oh boy, am I grateful. Then I took the bull by the horns and made other changes happen. End result: happiness quotient up up up!!!!

    OP, with the job market as hot as it is, a change in circumstances might be just the ticket?

    Im just finishing up a traineeship and once I've secured my certificate I am planning on finding a new place of work. I only have 2 months left in the course and I can escape! I'll definitely start recording the conversations.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,482 Member
    Flip to diet Coke or diet Cherry Coke. Still get your fizz and reduce calories.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,387 Member
    I got several oddball flavors of Jordan’s Skinny Syrups and added a little to sparkling water.

    They’re zero calories, very sweet depending on quantity and make a refreshing zero cal “soft” drink, which tastes like a dessert.

    My favorite in soda water has been the lavender. It’s like drinking a fragrant spring day.

    I need a whole serving of JSS for coffee, but for soda water, half a serving has been more than adequate.

    Nuun electolyte tablets added to plain tap water have been much better than expected and they make their own carbonation. They run about ten calories apiece with the added benefit of the electrolytes. I loath Gatorade/Powerade and the like, but these taste fine to me.
  • MikePfirrman
    MikePfirrman Posts: 3,307 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    Taysonite wrote: »
    MikePfirrman wrote: »
    Best habit advice I've ever read (and applied myself) is do one thing at a time, do it for like 6 weeks, and do it like your life depends on it. But, here's the thing. Just change one thing.

    Research has proven that if you just try to change one thing, and only one thing, that your chances of building that into a habit are over 80%. If you add just one more thing to that, like try to change two things at once, your chance of success drops to under 40%.

    Too often, especially on here, people try to log, workout, change their diets all at once. That's 3 things (and only like 10% success rate of changing 3 things at a time).

    So, just log for two months. Nothing else. Once that's an established habit, do one more thing, like movement a couple days a week. Do that for 6 weeks along with logging. Then add one more thing in while keeping the other habits.

    This works, I've done it myself often.

    Thank you so much for this advice. I've decided to try just logging my eating and making that a habit first and then once it's a habit, I'm going to focus on having a balanced breakfast each morning. I was so focused on just jumping into a diet and seeing others do it that I definitely overwhelmed myself which is what I think makes me give up.

    I weighed over 130 kg and this is exactly how I lost the weight. At first, I focused on logging both for habit building and to identify what things contribute most calories and what calorie cuts can be made easier than others. In my case, I noticed olive oil was contributing too much and I didn't need nearly as much to feel satisfied with my meal so I gradually cut down on it where it was least noticeable (I didn't need 2 tablespoons of it over hummus dip and using less, in that case, didn't change my experience by much) before tackling the next thing. This resulted in lower calories even before I decided to go into full on calorie restriction mode.

    That's exactly what I wish I had knew when I first started. Just log, that's it. Log super honest and notice where your calorie "bombs" are coming from.

    To the OP:

    Just do this and (the tough part for you) not beat yourself up for what you log honestly. It's way more important to measure and accurately track what you're eating for 6 to 8 weeks or so to gain an understanding/education of your current habits and calories.

    It's OK to jump ahead a bit and replace calorie bombs that are identified with less calorie dense alternatives if you want. But understand, there's only one thing you need to do for 6 to 8 weeks -- log and log religiously.

    MFP has a lot of ways to slip up on even this. You can usually find up to 8 different versions of the same food that people have entered in as public in the food database. Usually there's always one that's inaccurate and ridiculously low in calories, where you can tell someone just wanted to lie to themselves and entered in something that's wrong, just to feel better about not blowing their daily budget.

    But the power in this habit is being real with yourself.

    For instance, my "serving" of peanut butter, when I was obese, was really like 3 servings. And my "bowl" of cereal was like 2 1/2 servings. Understanding these things and doing it accurately is all you should concern yourself with now.

    If you do it honestly, you'll know when you eat more, when you eat more, what you eat that's destroying your calorie budget and you'll be ready for Habit 2 when the time comes.

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