*Confession* I have come so far but I hold myself back with secret eating!

It comes down to....tell the truth or don't lie to yourself, something like that. If I lie to myself the foundation that I forged is weakened and the truth is diminished which then leaks out into the real world where truth is obscured and can effect performance, commitment, integrity and ultimately the validity of consciousness. Anyway, lol we do what we want most of the time without thinking about the repercussions. imo

I think all of us sabotage ourselves sometimes, or do something WE think is bad. We are our own worst critics, and something not really that bad, can make us feel ashamed... all things WE need to work out.

I think the only concern is that your shame comes from a feeling that you boyfriend is why you are ashamed.. he is very fit, so maybe you feel YOU should be AS fit. You are clearly working out, and doing pretty good.. in the photo, you have arms I would love to see on myself. I think you are proud of that, as you should be, but you feel your lower body isn't up to snuff, because women tend to store more weight there, and if you just had more willpower, you could lose another 5 lbs, and tone up that area of your body.

As personal goals, I think a person can be very strict, and hard on themselves, and it still be a healthy thing. Most of us don't do this. For example, I simply want to reach 160, and be lean. Hopefuly, with some muscle tone, but health is most important for me.

You should be doing it for yourself though, and it shouldn't matter to your boyfriend, and if YOU feel it does matter, then that is a problem. Even if you beat yourself up about the Tbsp. of p.b., you should at least do it out in the open. It sounds a lot like you THINK it would be an issue for your boyfriend.

I was skimming the posts, and I think one said something about his first wife gaining weight, and you worry he is concerned you would too. ??

So the question is.. if you somehow gained 100 lbs. would he be OK with that? You would still be you. So why would your weight matter to anyone but you? It is only 1 aspect of who you are.

If the issue is just you being hard on yourself, you can still do that, and most of us do, but be open about it, instead of secretive. Work on eating less peanut butter, if that is your goal, but do it for yourself, and do NOT feel shame or guilt, if you decide to go ahead and have some peanut butter. Disappoinment is normal, when we feel we failed at a goal, but it happens, and we just aim to do better in the future. It shouldn't have any bearing on the rest of your life, or relationships.. percieved or real.. even if you imagine your boyfrined might have an issue, you might want to clear that up, and be 100% sure, it would NOT be an issue, so whatever you feel... you know WHY you feel that way.

Good Luck. You seem to be doing well, as you said, most of the time, and look healthy, so just deal with this, and enjoy life. Even if it means a Tbsp. of peanut butter every so often.

Hey I think it's important to consider your own feelings here about secret eating - I had a major problem with this in my teens and I still do it to some extent today (although on the order of a 100cals here and there rather 1000!).

Are you hiding it from your boyfriend or from yourself? If it's from yourself (i.e you are not tracking it) then start tracking it, it will either make you realise that your minor indulgences don't actually have that big an impact and you can stop worrying about it, or you will realise that it's too frequent/too much and that it is something you might want to stop. If you are tracking it, then maybe you are just a bit hungrier than you thought and there are other things you could have to fill yourself up? I definitely have a tendency to under eat and then catch up eat with calories that could have been better spent elsewhere!

Also, eating at deficit for a long time is hard work. Diet breaks are worth considering although I know it can be hard to consider upping calories when you still want to lose fat!

If you're hiding it from your boyfriend, then that's a whole other issue which lots of people have commented on already.

Edit: don't forget hormones, stress and sleep and a whole other number of things could influence the chance that you indulge!

I agree with the post that said to focus on lifting and not on your weight. Strength is a much more positive thing to associate with and have goals around

If you know you binge around the time of your period, budget extra calories for that time - people are different but a few extra carbs can really make many people feel better. If you budget it in advance you won’t feel so out of control, and it won’t be “cheating,” just eating. I have a custom exercise entry I use for sick days, and other days when I need to eat at maintenance, so my MFP diary stays balanced and I don’t have to get scolded by an app.