Less Alcohol ~ NOVEMBER 2021 ~ One Day At A Time
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I ended with 16AF days for October. My ongoing goal is 16-20 AF days.
November 28th 2018 was when I started on this thread. My late Dad's birthday.
I have learned to drink less over the past 3 years, although it was very tough at first weaning myself off of being a daily drinker.
Diary style is how I roll and keep track.
November 1 - AF - Friday possible drinks day. Trying to topload this month instead of scrambling for AF days at the end of the month.
November 2 - AF - "School" night.
Rolling total: 2AF days out of 2 days.7 -
Good morning all~
It's heartwarming to read all of your posts and to see so many new and past faces.
*thought- even though we have kept this thread active for over 5 years does not mean we are here because we are failing.
We keep comng here because we have a connection. And the support that comes from each other is the fuel to drive us (even one tiny step) closer to our goals.
In January 2018 I stumbled across this thread one evening. I started reading the posts by other users and I suddenly realized I was reading about myself as well.
I found peace in those readings and for weeks never missed a day secretly lurking in the back ground to read how others were coping with wanting to drink less.
Then I made my first post before the end of that month and my life has changed for the better.
Yes I keep reading, yes I keep posting, yes I keep tracking and giving my accountability to the world.
YES I am happier, healthier and more in control of my actions because I drink LESS.
HAVE a wonderful day.
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I remember when I was a daily drinker- one turned into two very quickly and I would stagger into bed and sleep horribly. To get out of that habit I had to become very intentional about when and why I drank. It’s like I had an internal “it’s Happy Hour” alarm clock that rang like a mofo. The thing that helped the most was knowing that cravings last only 6 minutes. That helped to quiet that internal alarm after a few days.
So glad to wake up this morning feeling refreshed and well rested- despite having a very meh glass of wine last night. Had two days in a row when I was up until 1:30 reading, and I just can’t keep those hours anymore!
My house is turned upside down - had a contractor in yesterday and today I have to clean the floors and put everything back. I’m tripping over everything from mops to small appliances! So that’s my plan when I get in from a new exercise class I’m trying out this morning. Meanwhile, loading up on coffee!
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Because I quit right before the pandemic, there are tons of people I haven't seen who still think I'm a hardcore wine lover. And now that the world is opening back up, I'm starting to see these people again.
To me my drinking days feel like AGES ago, but to them, it's like I've *just* quit.
What's nice is that I never had to explain or justify not drinking while I was in the throes of dealing with cravings and self doubt. But it's kind of funny for alcohol to be such an absence in my life and then suddenly, nearly two years later having to have all of these conversations about the fact that I don't drink. Which to me, isn't even a big deal any more.
What's so strange is the number of people who make comments about me not having "fun" anymore. And I'm always a little taken aback, because I in no way associated alcohol with fun anymore.
*I* am actually more fun when I don't drink. I'm funnier, a better listener, more engaged, and I don't turn into a rude, judgemental prig anymore like I used to after 3-4 drinks.
What these people really mean is that *they* don't feel as comfortable with the idea of drinking around a sober person. My close friends and family have gotten used to me being sober at get togethers, they don't even notice that I drink NA beer and champagne. It's a non issue.
But all of these less close friends and colleagues, who were always used to having me as a reliable drinking buddy at events and outings, they actually seem to feel like their days of having fun with me are now over.
Which, whatever, is kind of sad for them, because I'm a lot more fun now, and if they can't enjoy my company because I don't validate their drinking anymore, then that's not a me problem.16 -
@xellercin - I have a friend who started in AA when we were in our 20s (we're in our 60s now) and lost all of her so-called friends except me ... instead I was very supportive of her. I think it's pretty common for that to happen. People get defensive about their own drinking and/or think the newly non-drinking are judging them.10
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I'm in for November... as they say one day at a time:
11/1 - AF
11/2 - 1 small glass of wine
11/3 - plan for another AF day7 -
Hello to all, this is just a quick fly by for accountability for me today
Nov 1 A
Nov 2 AF
My first 3-4 days AF I don't sleep well at all, my body may feel relaxed but my mind goes 1,000 miles a minute. But I know it passes in just a few days, and if I could tolerate side effects from medicine for a few weeks/months, I will get through a few less than good sleep days.
I am looking forward to that and my skin tone to even out again.
Today again I am working hard to set myself up for the 'witching hours' that run from 6pm-10pm. Last night I did nothing but snack. They were not high calorie items but I saw a 2lb gain on the scale this am. I know it will drop off in a few days too.
Ok back later, thank you for listening10 -
dawnbgethealthy wrote: »Lilylady3k wrote: »Nov 1 - steak night with red wine
Nov 2 - AF
Ah, good that Monte didn't get your steak : - )
I had a huge Montreal spiced New York strip with Blackened Prawns 2 nights in a row (half each night) and was thinking how nice Red Wine would have been with it on both occasions. I have grown intolerant to Red Wine sadly.
What kind of wine did you have with your steak?
LOL yes the steak was on top of the fridge until we cooked it this time!
Your meal the other day sounded yummy! Wine we had with it was a St-Emilion Grand Cru but I don't remember which vineyard. Really sorry that you no longer can tolerate the wine ... must come from your previous job experience many moons ago.6 -
@dethstar77 Half marathon is a wonderful accomplishment!!! And a new puppy ... I want to see pics.
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Nov 1, 2, 3 AF5
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Nov 1 - AF
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
I'm starting to dread the coming weekend. Lots of friends have plans and I am invited. I worry in advance...Well, I'll deal with it when the time comes. No need to stress myself yet.
I can't say I wasn't tempted to open that bottle today. I had a bad day and I was just dreaming of that little sip to take the edge off. But I held on. The temptation only lasted for a few mins but it felt like an hour 😅11 -
Hi everyone.
Things going well my end. Nov 1,2 & 3 AF.
I’ve really found this thread motivating and supportive - Thank you everyone 😊
My 1st goal was AF until Friday and planned to have a drink in moderation over the weekend before going AF again on weekdays. Somehow thinking that far ahead makes me feel panicked ‘how will I feel on Monday when I try and stop again? Will there be more excuses to keep going during the week?’
I’ve decided to just think about not drinking tomorrow and congratulating myself for what I have done so far.
Keep going guys9 -
Marmelade75689 wrote: »Nov 1 - AF
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
I'm starting to dread the coming weekend. Lots of friends have plans and I am invited. I worry in advance...Well, I'll deal with it when the time comes. No need to stress myself yet.
I can't say I wasn't tempted to open that bottle today. I had a bad day and I was just dreaming of that little sip to take the edge off. But I held on. The temptation only lasted for a few mins but it felt like an hour 😅
Hi Marmelade. Totally get the ‘worry in advance part’. Huge congrats for getting through your planned first 3 days. I’ll let you know my plans as I get to weekend and how that plans out … well done 😊8 -
Counting the reasons (ramblings) to stay AF today/tonight:
Although I only slept about 3 hours last night, (have no idea why), and a drink might help me relax, and fall asleep, I know that within a few hours I will be wide awake, and by morning will wish that I had stayed AF.
Tonight I will be on my own (hubby's bowling night), and nobody would know if and how much I indulged... scratch that thought, "I will know"... my plan was to stay AF today, I am going to find a way to make it through, without caving.
Interesting, I have another hour before I leave work, with another hour commute added on... giving me too much time to think. I just need to keep it simple and not have that 1st one.
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Marmelade75689 wrote: »Nov 1 - AF
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
I'm starting to dread the coming weekend. Lots of friends have plans and I am invited. I worry in advance...Well, I'll deal with it when the time comes. No need to stress myself yet.
I can't say I wasn't tempted to open that bottle today. I had a bad day and I was just dreaming of that little sip to take the edge off. But I held on. The temptation only lasted for a few mins but it felt like an hour 😅
Try to remember that the relief you get from taking that sip isn't actually from the alcohol, it's from the chemicals that your brain releases as a reward for giving it the drug it is hooked on.
You don't develop cravings for addictive substances because they're enjoyable, you develop addiction because they're addictive. The brain gets hooked and then floods you with happy chemicals every time you consume the drug.
So the bulk of the joy of drinking is actually chemicals coming from your own brain, not from the drug you are consuming. That's why just pouring a glass loosens your shoulders and the first sip is blissful. That's not the booze, that has nothing to do with the booze.
For me, I hacked the brain chemistry. Whenever I had a craving, I did something to trigger a similar release of happy brain chemicals. One of the easiest and most reliable ways to do this is to do 5 minutes of intense exercise. I live in a tall building, so I would climb 20 flights of stairs and get a massive rush similar to that first drink.
Other things that stimulate the same chemical reaction as giving the brain the drug it craves:
-orgasms
-eating rich foods
-music
-being out in nature
-mediation
-excitement, like bungee jumping
-accomplishing a major goal
-being rewarded for accomplishments
-helping people
-etc
So if you figure out what triggers your brain is most likely to release it's happy chemicals for, then you can bypass the booze and get the exact same relaxing high that you *thought* you were getting from the alcohol.
But always remember, the best part of drinking doesn't and has never come from the drug of alcohol, it's just the bribe your brain is giving you to get you to drink.13 -
It brings a smile to my face to see so many inspirational posts. Everyone's working on progressing forward and finding their best path.
All I can say is keep pushing like your life depends on it, because it so seriously does.
The barrier is only temporary discomfort. And your happiness is worth it.
And oh hell yes, I need all the things mentioned in these posts....quality sleep, more quality food, less work/stress, time away, exercise, so my take-away here is to work on filling these needs properly.
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Just nov 1st AF
The rest has been vodka every day, Feel i need it to cope with a job i hate.
Here's to some more AF days , Great job everyone !13 -
November accountability: 1/30 days AF
Alcohol: 2 days (5 drinks)
Goal: Limit 1-2 glasses per day; 12-16 AF days per month. Aim to drink no more than 2 nights in a row.
11/01 - 3 wine
11/02 - AF
11/03 - 2 wine
My 85 year old mom is visiting this week and we don't always get along. She lives on social security (with me giving her $1000 per month plus paying for her internet, mowing, water, electricity, maid, too). she lives about 5 hrs from here ... reason I have the camp (2nd home) is it is the house next to her because I can't do long stays in the same house with her but she needs our support. So we try to go down once per month. Anyway she is here all week for doctors visits and the baby shower.
She says I don't respect her opinions ... she is telling DH and I to downsize to a 2 bedroom apartment and sell our house instead of remodeling and get rid of all our stuff (this from a woman that hoards). She will not drop the topic which is driving me crazy! Also she cannot just sit or entertain herself ... always doing something which means that the house is a wreck as I'm trying to prep for my DIL's baby shower at my house on Saturday. Mom is a very messy cook! Plus she has negative comments all the time out of the blue on just about any subject ... my marriage, my kids, their spouses, our dogs, etc.
I called my sister and said I need a break ... you have happy hour with friends on Wednesday nights ... please invite mom and get her out of my hair for a while. It was nice and quiet for a couple of hours. I'm transferring mom to my sister's home on Friday for the weekend!
Wine last night due to stress but DH and I only opened 1 bottle.14 -
Lilylady3k wrote: »@dethstar77 Half marathon is a wonderful accomplishment!!! And a new puppy ... I want to see pics.
Here you go @Lilylady3k - One with the wife (heroine of my story) and one with his big bro
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I'm in for November... as they say one day at a time:
11/1 - AF
11/2 - 1 small glass of wine
11/3 - AF (plan for another AF day - Plan worked! Planning for another) 6 -
Nov 1,2,3 AF
Nov 4, I'm having something tonight, but it's one of my pre-planned days and for a specific reason.
After tonight, hoping to get back on the AF streak until the next big birthday celebration in a week's time. I'm finding checking in here each day quite motivating.10 -
Well I am being kind to myself.
I am working on keeping setting myself up for success being AF. My trigger times are evenings from 6pm-10pm. I thought if I bought some low cal snacks that would be good. Well I ate those and then dipped into the leftover Halloween candy. BUT stayed AF last night. So win there, and I will work on one sideways move at a time.
@Xellercin Thank you for the information on the brain and the feeling associated from that 1st drink. I had not given it that much thought. And when I think to the sensations I feel with that first sip, first drink it all makes sense. I can see how you crave that feeling and keep going back for more.
With all that being said I did have a cbd gummy last night, but as I felt it begin to relax me I took out a Heineken 0.0 beer to drink. I had the relaxing sensation along with the flavor of a beer. It did the trick. But like always seeking that sensation I then turned to eating chocolate. OK one battle at a time
Nov 1 - 3 drinks
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
Nov 4 - planned AF9 -
Lilylady3k wrote: »dawnbgethealthy wrote: »Lilylady3k wrote: »Nov 1 - steak night with red wine
Nov 2 - AF
Ah, good that Monte didn't get your steak : - )
I had a huge Montreal spiced New York strip with Blackened Prawns 2 nights in a row (half each night) and was thinking how nice Red Wine would have been with it on both occasions. I have grown intolerant to Red Wine sadly.
What kind of wine did you have with your steak?
LOL yes the steak was on top of the fridge until we cooked it this time!
Your meal the other day sounded yummy! Wine we had with it was a St-Emilion Grand Cru but I don't remember which vineyard. Really sorry that you no longer can tolerate the wine ... must come from your previous job experience many moons ago.
Loved St. Emilion.
I think the wine intolerance is just an aging thing. I do not like white, so that is not an option.
I am wondering if Monte was staring up at the top of the fridge : - )
Dogs have good snouts, for sure he knew where that steak was lol.5 -
7
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I ended with 16AF days for October. My ongoing goal is 16-20 AF days.
November 28th 2018 was when I started on this thread. My late Dad's birthday.
I have learned to drink less over the past 3 years, although it was very tough at first weaning myself off of being a daily drinker.
Diary style is how I roll and keep track.
November 1 - AF - Friday possible drinks day. Trying to topload this month instead of scrambling for AF days at the end of the month.
November 2 - AF - "School" night.
November 03 - AF - I really struggled with it, being AF. My trigger was having a day off the next day. So much self-talk: you will look better tomorrow, your weight will be down, your planned day is Friday before having Saturday off. So many split shifts, just tired and willpower questionable. Pulled it off.
Rolling total: 2AF days out of 2 days.7 -
Nov 1 - AF
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
Nov 4 - AF
@Xellercin Thank you for the insight. I never thought of it that way.7 -
Marmelade75689 wrote: »Nov 1 - AF
Nov 2 - AF
Nov 3 - AF
Nov 4 - AF
@Xellercin Thank you for the insight. I never thought of it that way.
I did a lot of work on this stuff in my early sobriety. It helps that I'm trained in the neurobiology of addiction as well, but none of it clicked for me until I stopped drinking myself. I never would have been able to explain it before I got sober, even though I intellectually understood it.
I also never conceptualized myself as an addict until I quit, because I wasn't a heavy drinker, and often went weeks at a time without drinking.
But my level of *need* for alcohol was intense; the way I was using it was as self medication, and those sober weeks at a time were not easy, but I white knuckled through them because I thought they "proved" that I didn't have a problem.
I thought because I could drink within the limits of all of these "rules" that I was "healthy," but I wasn't. I was just in the manageable stage of addiction, but it was likely to get worse.
If a parent were to die, or I lost my job, or had I been drinking when covid hit, I probably would have loosened up on those "rules" and felt totally justified in doing so.
I am endless grateful that I quit before covid. Keeping the wheels on through that would have been very challenging. Instead, it made being sober so easy with no socializing with drinkers for nearly the entire first year.9 -
@dethstar77 - Adorable pictures of all 3 of them!!! Thanks for sharing.6
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Stressful day sidetracked caring for my 32 weeks pregnant DIL while my son was out of town which ended up being busier than I planned. Day ending at my sister's home where she cooked for some of the relatives that arrived early for the baby shower on Saturday. I'm really surprised I stopped at 2 glasses of wine.6
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I've been quietly AF over here, managing with my cranberry juice, 2 melatonin gummies before my early bed-time. The first week or two I just put myself to bed super-early like 7pm and I read. This way I am away from the refrigerator and my husband drinking beer in front of me. I did have insomnia for 2 nights, same as usual, but that is what always happens when I quit. Today is day 5 and now I am feeling calm and centered.
@Lilylady3k , I can relate to the family stress. They push my buttons all over. In fact, that helped derail me the past few months (daily drinking family members living with me). But I can only blame me because I am always in control of how I respond and behave (although I don't always act that way!). I do regret following their lead. I should have distanced myself a bit and created my space when I needed it. I really could have done that. I didn't live according to my own life rules. I need to remember this for the next time.
My next hurdle is Thanksgiving but I will just focus on being successful tonight 8
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