Less Alcohol ~ NOVEMBER 2021 ~ One Day At A Time
Replies
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This is a big part of why I never returned to drinking after taking my 90 day break. After awhile, not drinking didn't require me to use any will power.
I knew if I started again, I would have to go back to thinking about whether ot not I would drink any given day and utilize willpower not to.
I have a sobriety app that I log in every day quickly, I don't need it, but I like it because it keeps track of my sobriety milestones.
But for it I wrote a list of the reasons I don't drink and it shows me that list every morning, although I haven't actually read it in forever.
But on that list is "I'm fed up with thinking about alcohol every day"
ETA: note, I'm not preaching that anyone who wants to moderate should quit, I'm just reminiscing about how challenging I found it to have to use willpower ever day I wanted to not drink.
It's been a long time so I forget, but the quoted post brought back vividly those "happy hour" struggles when I was trying to cut back.
@Xellercin I really enjoy your posts. Your strong convictions and truths as to why you no longer drink are a clear reminder to me as to why I have cut back dramatically to less alcohol.
You do not come across at all as preaching.
I commend you for the road you took and where it has placed you at today.4 -
As always, my biggest deterrent to having less alcohol in my life is my husband. I am now going to approach his drinking problem with an "I don't give a **** additude". Being an enabler was never a thought I labeled myself. Until I heard it used on a TV program the other evening.
I am now aware I drive him to get his booze, drive him to his happy hours and home from his happy hours, try to pull him out of situations that could cause him grief when he has had to much to drink(covering). Things like this.
Then I get the heavy hand that I'm no fun. My non-alcoholic drinks cost more than something alcoholic, and I should relax more and chill.
Hmmmmmmmmmm? 🤔
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@MissMay - ((HUGS)) Thinking of you as you try to pull back from enabling your husband. If I remember right he is not allowed to drive (no drivers license). It will be a tough step but hopefully the two of you can talk and work through it.
Enabling ... interesting point of view. I think you used the word once when I too was talking about drinking with my DH so that he would not polish off the whole bottle. I found that if I drank 2 glasses of the bottle that sometimes it just pushed him to open a second bottle. So while I did enjoy my wine it did not help reduce his consumption for the evening. And me drinking every time he opened a bottle of wine did not help me with my own personal goals. It is a work in progress and I'm doing better (sometimes )
I googled "enabling vs helping an alcoholic" and a few other like "is drinking with an alcoholic enabling" and found some great advice on line!
I like this point and it resonates with what you said above "LOOK AFTER YOURSELF: There may be very little you can do to help the alcoholic until he or she is ready to get help, but you can stop letting someone’s drinking problem dominate your thoughts and your life. It’s okay to make choices that are good for your own physical and mental health."
https://sscouncil.org/2019/12/10-things-to-stop-doing-if-you-love-an-alcoholic/4 -
As always, my biggest deterrent to having less alcohol in my life is my husband. I am now going to approach his drinking problem with an "I don't give a **** additude". Being an enabler was never a thought I labeled myself. Until I heard it used on a TV program the other evening.
I am now aware I drive him to get his booze, drive him to his happy hours and home from his happy hours, try to pull him out of situations that could cause him grief when he has had to much to drink(covering). Things like this.
Then I get the heavy hand that I'm no fun. My non-alcoholic drinks cost more than something alcoholic, and I should relax more and chill.
Hmmmmmmmmmm? 🤔
Oof, that's brutal.
I honestly can't fathom trying to manage my own drinking if I lived with a problem drinker. My DH quit with me for 90 days, and never drinks in front of me now unless I insist that I'm fine with it. Your post has reminded me to be grateful to him for this, because it's been so long that I'm just used to it, and I forget that this is a loving kindness from him every day he chooses not to drink, as he was also a most-days wine drinker until I quit.
Are you getting any support with your difficult codependent situation? I've lived with an active addict before and it's almost impossible not to feel forced into those codependent dynamics, like you driving him places, protecting him from his own behaviour, etc. I used to have to shield my ex from my family knowing about his issues, which meant I was isolated from my own support system in terms of my own struggles with his issues.
I don't think it's so much that you *are* an enabler, but that you are trapped in a highly codependent dynamic, and that tends to involve a lot of enabling.
I also think that it's not so much learning not to give a **** as it is learning how to care, and how to help in ways that aren't enabling, and don't reinforce the codependent dynamic. That's REALLY hard though, and often totally counter intuitive.
I think it's amazing that you are managing to take care of yourself along the way. A lot of people in your situation wouldn't be able to.5 -
*Attitude ( not double d's)1
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As always, my biggest deterrent to having less alcohol in my life is my husband. I am now going to approach his drinking problem with an "I don't give a **** additude". Being an enabler was never a thought I labeled myself. Until I heard it used on a TV program the other evening.
I am now aware I drive him to get his booze, drive him to his happy hours and home from his happy hours, try to pull him out of situations that could cause him grief when he has had to much to drink(covering). Things like this.
Then I get the heavy hand that I'm no fun. My non-alcoholic drinks cost more than something alcoholic, and I should relax more and chill.
Hmmmmmmmmmm? 🤔
Wow. That is really, really a brilliant analysis of the situation. It also very empowering, which is so exciting! It’s so simple, but not easy. We’re here for you as you transition out of being the enabler. Hopefully it leads to your husband coming around on stopping or curbing drinking. Even if it doesn’t, you’ll no longer be the one to lead him to where you don’t want him to go.4 -
11/1 - 11/7: 1 / 7 days AF, 10 drinks
New Week -
11/8 - AF, Success - sipped on chamomile tea and water all night, + only 1 pc of Halloween candy (too much left over)
11/9 - AF, Yeah, another successful night... sipped on kombucha (lemon w/cayenne), mixed with sparkling water (can't do this one straight)
I truly am blessed to have found this group! There is so much support for all of us, as we navigate through, with less alcohol.6 -
Testing out the changes. I saw mentioned that they are no longer supporting BBCodes. I was using color to highlight when I broke my own rules on # drinks in a day. No more color. No more bold or italics. No more hiding some of the history in spoilers to make the current messages more visible.
Looks like copy and paste spaces out my lines because it is using new paragraph. hmmmm
NOT A FAN!
November accountability: 5/30 days AF
Alcohol: 5 days (12 drinks)
[i]Goal: Limit 1-2 glasses per day; 12-16 AF days per month. Aim to drink no more than 2 nights in a row.[/i]
11/01 - [color=red] 3 wine [/color]
11/02 - AF
11/03 - 2 wine
11/04 - 2 wine
11/05 - [color=red] 3 wine [/color]
11/06 - AF
11/07 - 2 wine
11/08 - AF
11/09 - AF
11/10 - AF
[spoiler]
11/11 -
11/12 -
11/13 -
11/14 -
11/15 -
11/16 -
11/17 -
11/18 -
11/19 -
11/20 -
11/21 -
11/22 -
11/23 -
11/24 -
11/25 -
11/26 -
11/27 -
11/28 -
11/29 -
11/30 -
[/spoiler]
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Day three of really craving a drink. I’m not having one, but I’m white knuckling it yet again. I suspect it’s PMS - I always crave alcohol right before my TOM. I’ve tried eating more chocolate thinking I’m really craving sugar. Nope. Didn’t help. But, it could also be because i drank more than normal last week, and this is the normal adjustment to being AF. Either way, it stinks!
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Hello to all
It took me a bit to catch up with everything that is going on.
First a big 🤗 to you @MissMay for the strength and courage it is going to take to care for yourself first, then work through the logistics of co-existing and not enabling DH. Your struggle is so real and heavy on your heart and head. I am here for you for what ever you might need. It does not matter you and I are separated by oh.....3,000 miles?? give or take LOL
So the past few days my sister has been in town, she leaves way before the sun comes up tomorrow so I will be driving her to the airport before 5am. Its an hour drive in rush hour (yes rush hour starts darn early here). So tonight we are having a glass of wine before she departs.
I am not a fan of this new look on here, but what can we do other than wait for them to be finished and hope we get all the fun features back?
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I’m not loving the new format either. I miss the little star so I can go right to it. Now I have to wade through layers of stuff to find this thread.
Planned drinks after work today. Going to stick to one glass of wine.
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MFP what have you done and why?
This new format sucks.
Lost a huge post already this morning.
Going to drink COFFEE now.
UGH 🤬
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Happy Veteran's Day! I wish I had off from work.
I had to change my monitor settings just to try to read the screens. Hope they fix this all soon.
Feeling under the weather and my blood pressure is running high. Ugh.
Time for some self-care.
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This is a big part of why I never returned to drinking after taking my 90 day break. After awhile, not drinking didn't require me to use any will power. I knew if I started again, I would have to go back to thinking about whether or not I would drink any given day and utilize willpower not to.
I have a sobriety app that I log in every day quickly, I don't need it, but I like it because it keeps track of my sobriety milestones.
But for it I wrote a list of the reasons I don't drink and it shows me that list every morning, although I haven't actually read it in forever.
But on that list is "I'm fed up with thinking about alcohol every day"
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@Xellercin It is like you are reading my mind as I near my second month AF. All the feels of your post above, (minus the app part--which I think is a good idea!). So much truth in the burden that is lifted when not focused on limits and constant willpower struggles. Add my extra burden to "sneak drink" to that list--no wonder I always felt like a hot mess! I would love to see other items on your list.
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11/1 - 11/7: 1 / 7 days AF, 10 drinks :s
New Week -
11/8 - AF, Success - sipped on chamomile tea and water all night, + only 1 pc of Halloween candy (too much left over)
11/9 - AF, Yeah, another successful night... sipped on kombucha (lemon w/cayenne), mixed with sparkling water (can't do this one straight)
11/10 - AF, 3 in a row! I had to have a stern talk with the devil 😈 on my shoulder. I went to Costco, where they have my favorite (cheap) TQ, told him NO, I will not even dare to walk down that aisle, he got the message! 😉
I think that we should all stop for a moment, and give ourselves a ((( BIG HUG 💙 ))) Although we maybe struggling, we have not thrown in the towel... we should be happy for our achievements, no matter how small.
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I ended with 16AF days for October. My ongoing goal is 16-20 AF days.
November 28th 2018 was when I started on this thread. My late Dad's birthday.
I have learned to drink less over the past 3 years, although it was very tough at first weaning myself off of being a daily drinker.
Diary style is how I roll and keep track.
Wednesday November 10 - 2 3/4 drinks (I had a 3/4 one in the freezer). Almost too much, my "sweet spot" has changed I think from 3 to 2 1/2. No plans for my next drink day until I get my schedule Saturday night.
Rolling total: 8AF days out of 10 days.
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Well my sister got off early this morning then I headed to the gym.
Yes I did enjoy a farewell glass of wine with my sister but it didn't taste as good as I remember.
@globalhiker please take care of yourself
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DH went to happy hour with clients. My sister stopped by to drop something off so we ended up going out as well. 1 Torchy's Tini :)
After I returned home I walked the dog once more before DH returned.
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I ended with 16AF days for October. My ongoing goal is 16-20 AF days.
November 28th 2018 was when I started on this thread. My late Dad's birthday.
I have learned to drink less over the past 3 years, although it was very tough at first weaning myself off of being a daily drinker.
Diary style is how I roll and keep track.
Wednesday November 10 - 2 3/4 drinks (I had a 3/4 one in the freezer). Almost too much, my "sweet spot" has changed I think from 3 to 2 1/2. No plans for my next drink day until I get my schedule Saturday night.
Thursday November 11 - AF- long work day tomorrow
Rolling total: 9AF days out of 11 days.
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