Alternate coping strategies
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My suggestion would be to not find something to do as a coping strategy when these feelings arise. I prefer to sit with it. We're allowed to have negative feelings and bad memories. Sometimes feeling the emotion and working through it is more productive. If we sit with it and confront it, it can take some of the power out of what we've assigned to it. But if pushed, I would slow my breathing down a lot while it's happening. Also, journaling can really help you to unpack a lot of issues, too. It doesn't have to be during the stress, it could just be at a chosen time of day.
Sitting with your feelings. That’s a scary thought. I like the idea though. Being aware is definitely empowering. Thank you!!
Absolutely. It's scary as hell, especially at first. It's definitely not advice I give lightly. I have a past of childhood abuse as well, and I find that having practice at staring it down can, over time, give us some strength. I mean, it's always something we'll have to deal with, but if we become familiar with doing this, it can help.1 -
feel your feelings. sit with them, journal them, run with them. and feelings are not good or bad. they just are.
and remember if the problem isn't hunger food is not the solution. i think i said that right7 -
Hi cmdst4
If you want a certain poster to see a reply, you just add '@' before their name, like so... @TavistockToad
Regarding your opening post, there is some great advice in here, and I wish you all the best!
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feel your feelings. sit with them, journal them, run with them. and feelings are not good or bad. they just are.
and remember if the problem isn't hunger food is not the solution. i think i said that right
Thank you! @mbaker566 that ending is powerful & a good mantra. I’m focusing on food is the problem/food is the solution. Hunger is not the problem food is not the solution.
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@TavistockToad I responded to something a few replies back (last post one first page). A thank you and an apology for being snippy.
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@TavistockToad I responded to something a few replies back (last post one first page). A thank you and an apology for being snippy.
Don't worry about it. kommodevaran said what I was trying to say 1 -
Like @Candyspun, I worked on just sitting with my feelings-- but sometimes it takes a bit of self-coaching to get there.
When I find myself staring into the pantry, I first check my food log. More often than not, I have had enough to eat, so ask myself (out loud!)"Ok, what are you really hungry for because you know it's not food. Are you needing comfort or companionship? Are you trying to stuff down a feeling with food? Can you put a name to that feeling? Tell you what-- let's go sit in your favorite comfy chair and see what this feeling actually is and what it feels like, ok? Even if it's an uncomfortable feeling that you don't like, you're not in physical danger, and you can just FEEL it"3 -
honestly . I have never managed to find a distraction that works ... as you said who has time to take a bath or go for a walk in the middle of looking after your kids ?
I have tried, gum ... I got addicted to gum and was consuming several hundred calories of sugar free gum a day, I tried veggies ... great now I eat several hundred calories of freaking carrots.
I am finally getting better at it though and the only way I have managed this is to solve the underlying. If its boredom and monotony then you need a way of stimulating your brain as you play with your kids .... if its stress or anger you need to figure out what is threatening you.
for me .... it was my fcuked up values .... I had unhealthy values ... still do, my food as a coping strategy stems from me being an entitled dick that felt victimized, felt it was someone elses responsibility to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be extraordinary, everytime I looked on the internet its canvassed by the extraordinary, I felt I deserved that. I bought into companies promises that having a new car, a fancy holiday a bigger house, more sex etc etc etc would make me a better person
as I re-evaluate what my actual values are .... it turns out I dont stress as much, I am not angry as much, I achieve, my metrics for measuring my success are met .... and because of this I dont eat as much
All of the above wont help you .. other than to say rather than cover up your eating with distractions, try solving the problem
This is an excellent response. My family had the same terrible values -- you had to be extraordinary or you failed as a human being. Very few people can live up to that brutal yardstick. I've changed my values over my lifetime, after a lot of work. Far better to aim for being a decent person and ask yourself how you really want to spend your time.
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Music has always worked for me. To calm, to excite, to soothe, to relax, to cry to. Music can calm me when I don't have the opportunity to feel those feelings right then. I can sing and dance along or even play and create my own music when I need to release those feelings, I've always hated writing in a diary etc bit music is different.0
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#1 work on it in therapy (which I am sure you know)
#2 Carve out some time for you during the day, where you can journal,meditate and reflect on your triggers etc. Give yourself time to dedicate to this, its a bit of time for you to meet the needs you are meeting with unhealthy coping strategies.
#3 replace coping with sensory input or low calorie snacks. Example cold carrots, cold apple, cold water with lemon, hot tea with strong herbal or earthy flavors. If you need your hands busy to soothe you- fidgets-google them there are so many-find one that works for you. Also, acknowledging your feelings when you get the cravings write a quick note to help you go over it in the you time in #2. Mindfulness and awareness are first steps to changed behaviors.
Just some of my thoughts and strategies....1 -
I am starting to find that eating too much feels good in the moment but after, not so much. After you have one of these stress eating times (after, not during) You might write down (or just think about) how eating that food made you feel. And if it didn’t make you feel good (I can get a sugar high and then crash) maybe you can replace the crackers with something either a little bit healthier (eg fruit or veggies) OR a pre portioned amount of whatever you crave… so a prepackaged ice cream sandwich or small bag of chips and not a big container of either.0
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I think learning for me, learning to deal with those moments of overwhelm has been key, then you might not feel that you need to eat (or whatever coping strategy you employ as a substitute). For me therapy had the biggest impact, and a meditation practice helps keep me more on an even keel - I've still got plenty of work to do though! I've tried all the other usual tricks, although I still have lots of chewing gum to hand!
Also as others have said, looking at the underlying cause - whilst I'm less likely to turn to food when I feel sad, when I'm really angry, I eat. I don't see it as a coping strategy any more though, I see it that I'm in some ways punishing myself for how I feel. If I don't enjoy what I'm eating in that moment what is the point?- that has helped me to see not as a comfort, but as a distraction from how I really feel in that moment which is unpleasant.
When I'm really anxious, I write how I feel, googledocs on my phone so I'm never without a way to put pen to paper. That is both my way of accepting that moment as much as it sucks, and also distracting myself which helps wind me down. I've been doing it a few months, whilst anxiety is always hard in the moment i like that I have a strategy for it.1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I am in therapy for food dependency/childhood trauma. Right now I use food as a coping technique. I stuff my face when I’m sad/stressed/overwhelmed/angry, etc.
This works for me because I can literally do it anytime or anywhere. Running late? Grab a box of crackers for the car. Kids being needy? Eat while you’re helping them.
I need an alternative(s) that can be done anytime anywhere. I can’t always go for a walk/take a bath/draw. Suggestions?
that's a question for your therapy isn't it?
and you don't HAVE to grab that food...
Tavistock obviously doesn't use food as a coping technique!
@cmdst4 I also use food to cope and I 100% feel your frustration. I've tried other coping skills but just like the cure for hickups what works for others doesn't work for me.1 -
rosebarnalice wrote: »Like @Candyspun, I worked on just sitting with my feelings-- but sometimes it takes a bit of self-coaching to get there.
When I find myself staring into the pantry, I first check my food log. More often than not, I have had enough to eat, so ask myself (out loud!)"Ok, what are you really hungry for because you know it's not food. Are you needing comfort or companionship? Are you trying to stuff down a feeling with food? Can you put a name to that feeling? Tell you what-- let's go sit in your favorite comfy chair and see what this feeling actually is and what it feels like, ok? Even if it's an uncomfortable feeling that you don't like, you're not in physical danger, and you can just FEEL it"
@rosebarnalice i have to say talking out loud to myself when I'm alone might make me feel weird but it actually seems like it might help get me out of the pantry. I'm going to try it next time.1 -
Have you considered 12 step help? OA/Overeaters anonymous. You would be AMAZED at how empowering it is to get help from folks that actually know what it’s like to be addicted to food patterns.0
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