Lose 35lbs secretly?

You may be able to calorie count in secret, if you're careful. Unless you have a lot of alone time, you won't be able to use a food scale or measure with cups/spoon, but estimating portions can work, if done with care, especially at first (because we have more wiggle room on accuracy when we have more to lose, speaking loosely). If you eat in others' presence, you might have to do some misleading chit-chat, which you might find repugnant, i.e., telling people (if they ask) that you're eating less because not hungry, ate earlier, blah blah blah.

The problem is that unless you're severely obese, you're going to look very different as you lose that many pounds. The slower you do it, the easier it may be to hide, but (again, unless you're severely obese) 35 pounds is going to take you down in clothes-sizes and that's hard to hide. Best shot would be getting clothes a size down that look the same as your larger size clothes, probably, and shifting into those when able. (That's kind of extreme, could be difficult.)

Why do you feel that you need to do this? It's always possible not to make a big deal about one's weight loss efforts, i.e., avoid mentioning anything, deflect questions, etc. It sounds like you're trying to be more subtle than that, though.

Can you share what makes this necessary for you? That might make it easier to suggest strategies. I'm not trying to be a voyeur or criticize you, by asking this . . . and of course you don't need to answer.

Good luck, regardless!

ETA: I'm hoping/assuming that you don't have an ED history . . . please.

I did it. I just didn’t tell anyone. I lost 40 pounds before anyone noticed and asked. I had a lot to lose though. My husband worked afternoons and I worked days. I do the cooking. Paid very close attention to portion sizes, and ate very little processed food. It can be done.