The Vanity Thread / Body Types
Replies
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If I'm gazing at men with my lustful mind I tend to err between the swimmers body and the good old dad bod, but more towards the latter. Broad shoulders, strong arms and a bit of meat in the middle... sign me up!1
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I already commented but am thinking about this more and am stuck in the car. I go to a meathead gym, so see all kinds of muscle-y types. I like broad shoulders and nice arms, and definitely a nice, round perky butt with a bit off fluff. More like a football player or heavier-weight wrestler. Don't care about a 6-pack, but I've always been a butt girl/woman. I was a freshman in high school when I'd stare at the football players' butts and pick out the nicest one. I still remember whose it was, 30 years later 😆.
However, that's just first impression/physical lust type-thing. None of it matters if the guys a jerk, dumb, can't hold a conversation, etc.0 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »None of it matters if the guys a jerk, dumb, can't hold a conversation, etc.
+1 this, but in the vice versa
When I used to Tinder, it was so frustrating to me how many women conventionally thought of as 'hot', contributed virtually nothing to a conversation or had little-to-no personality. It makes me think that a lot of people blessed with good genetics get too used to people fawning over them, and so they grow lazy as far as developing personality and people skills. And why should they, when people fall at their feet because of their looks? It's like pulling teeth trying to engage with someone who is coasting merely on their looks. Yawn. Pass.3 -
Unsafespace wrote: »Who knew some women like the plump bear ready for hibernation physique 🤷🏻♂️
Many women. It's been a very popular type for years.1 -
Unsafespace wrote: »Speakeasy76 wrote: »None of it matters if the guys a jerk, dumb, can't hold a conversation, etc.
+1 this, but in the vice versa
When I used to Tinder, it was so frustrating to me how many women conventionally thought of as 'hot', contributed virtually nothing to a conversation or had little-to-no personality. It makes me think that a lot of people blessed with good genetics get too used to people fawning over them, and so they grow lazy as far as developing personality and people skills. And why should they, when people fall at their feet because of their looks? It's like pulling teeth trying to engage with someone who is coasting merely on their looks. Yawn. Pass.
There's a far more nuanced explanation for this.
I won't derail your thread too much except to say that I was briefly obese at the end of my education, and it was incredibly liberating to feel like I was much more socially "permitted" to be intelligent and have opinions.
Like, because I wasn't a given man's physical ideal, they weren't hostile about me not being their personality ideal either. It was okay, I was allowed.
Before that though? Nooooot so much.
And when I lost the weight after graduating? Lol, even my patients started respecting my intelligence less, and didn't respond as well to be telling them what to do. They expect me to be "sweet."0 -
Unsafespace wrote: »Speakeasy76 wrote: »None of it matters if the guys a jerk, dumb, can't hold a conversation, etc.
+1 this, but in the vice versa
When I used to Tinder, it was so frustrating to me how many women conventionally thought of as 'hot', contributed virtually nothing to a conversation or had little-to-no personality. It makes me think that a lot of people blessed with good genetics get too used to people fawning over them, and so they grow lazy as far as developing personality and people skills. And why should they, when people fall at their feet because of their looks? It's like pulling teeth trying to engage with someone who is coasting merely on their looks. Yawn. Pass.
A man I actually dated in the past and have reconnected with recently actually told me that before me, he didn't know it was possible to be both physically attracted to someone and be able to have an intelligent conversation with her 😄.0 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »Unsafespace wrote: »Speakeasy76 wrote: »None of it matters if the guys a jerk, dumb, can't hold a conversation, etc.
+1 this, but in the vice versa
When I used to Tinder, it was so frustrating to me how many women conventionally thought of as 'hot', contributed virtually nothing to a conversation or had little-to-no personality. It makes me think that a lot of people blessed with good genetics get too used to people fawning over them, and so they grow lazy as far as developing personality and people skills. And why should they, when people fall at their feet because of their looks? It's like pulling teeth trying to engage with someone who is coasting merely on their looks. Yawn. Pass.
A man I actually dated in the past and have reconnected with recently actually told me that before me, he didn't know it was possible to be both physically attracted to someone and be able to have an intelligent conversation with her 😄.
It's true - sometimes when we're around someone we're attracted to, our brain shuts off and we are unable to have intelligent conversation 😜1 -
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What if beautiful people are just introverts? Or basically shy, self conscious in their own way? I wonder if a majority of people are self-conscious in some way, no matter how much we perceive them as being beautiful?
Just pondering this a.m.0 -
What if beautiful people are just introverts? Or basically shy, self conscious in their own way? I wonder if a majority of people are self-conscious in some way, no matter how much we perceive them as being beautiful?
Just pondering this a.m.
Many beautiful people are cripplingly insecure.
Being beautiful is not an accomplishment, and yet it's the main thing they get valued for. It can really mess someone up to feel that their main value in the world has nothing to do with who they are as a person.
Granted, I'm talking more about women. The experience of being attractive can be very different for men and women.2 -
I don't have time to read an entire article right now, but just going off the title - beauty equating to higher levels of intelligence seems like a fallacy2 -
What if beautiful people are just introverts? Or basically shy, self conscious in their own way? I wonder if a majority of people are self-conscious in some way, no matter how much we perceive them as being beautiful?
Just pondering this a.m.
Yes, people conventionally regarded as beautiful do suffer from serious insecurities just like anyone else in the world. I've seen it firsthand. And then there are people who are conventionally not beautiful by societal standards, who have amazing confidence. This life is a mystery.0 -
Unsafespace wrote: »
I don't have time to read an entire article right now, but just going off the title - beauty equating to higher levels of intelligence seems like a fallacy
Not equating, not the right word. It is often times linked, or it has a high correlation, meaning a beautiful person is much more likely to be intelligent than stupid.0 -
Unsafespace wrote: »
I don't have time to read an entire article right now, but just going off the title - beauty equating to higher levels of intelligence seems like a fallacy
Not equating, not the right word. It is often times linked, or it has a high correlation, meaning a beautiful person is much more likely to be intelligent than stupid.
Men, specifically. The article talks about the effect of attractive men demonstrating more intelligence.
But there is a lot at play going on there, and the article seems to suggest a genetic mechanism for it, but I'm not buying it.
Both intelligence and attractiveness are complex social constructs with an enormous amount of interplay.
There are undeniably distinct advantages for tall, attractive men though, and this is well researched, and it starts when they're quite young. However, you can't actually separate intelligence out from education and performance, so if someone if reasonable genetic intelligence is given more attention, resources and support, then they are down the line going to perform better.
It's the same way that genetics play a huge role in athletic ability, but the month of the year you are born plays a huge role in determining professional athletic success.
For women, being attractive is really a double edged sword and can swing wildly over to the net negative for many of them. For men, the benefits are more predictably positive.
However, as the average body type and demographic in the western world is radically changing, so are social norms, and so are the conventions around what is considered attractive. As has been discussed and demonstrated by the love of "dad bod."
The advantage conferred by being "conventionally attactive" for men will evolve as that convention itself evolves. It's not nearly as static as we've been lead to believe. Especially when we start factoring in multicultural elements.
What's considered attractive is not just biological, it's largely determined by what the dominant culture tells us is attractive. Most women for example express a preference for tall men. That's largely driven by the social judgement they get for being with men who aren't tall and the reward they get for being with tall men. Hence why it's perfectly common for women to be attracted to short men if they are famous or powerful or whatever, because she won't be ridiculed for his height, and will be socially rewarded for dating someone so notable and important.
I had a preference for tall men for a few years when I was young and tremendously insecure. I was totally that chick who wouldn't date anyone under 6" for a time. Then I actually grew up, accomplished things that gave me legitimate self esteem, and stopped giving a flying eff what other people thought about who I was attracted to.
Point being, what we are attracted to is a very dynamic combination of biology, which changes, and social pressures, which also change. So what is attractive can and does change over time.0 -
What if beautiful people are just introverts? Or basically shy, self conscious in their own way? I wonder if a majority of people are self-conscious in some way, no matter how much we perceive them as being beautiful?
Just pondering this a.m.
I'm not sure where I fall on the "beautiful" scale, but I was painfully shy and introverted in high school and I can still be when I'm in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people. I went to my 10 yr high school reunion in 2003 and was really surprised to find out how many ladies had a serious crush on me but they thought I was stuck up and too cool for school so they never really talked to me.
I was like, "too cool...really?" "I was in honors classes (nerd) and spent my lunch time in the library most of the time."
"Yeah, but you were also super hot with that long blond hair and you played football, ran track, swim team, and hung out with the cheer leading captain."
"Who, Becky?"..."I mean yeah, we grew up down the street from each other."
"Dude...you were one of the coolest guys on campus." "Everyone liked you...nerds liked you, jocks liked you, the rockers in C hall liked you, the skaters liked you...everyone thought you were an awesome dude." "All the chicks were jealous of Becky and we just wanted you to give us the time of day."
Four years of high school, and who knew...not me.1 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »What if beautiful people are just introverts? Or basically shy, self conscious in their own way? I wonder if a majority of people are self-conscious in some way, no matter how much we perceive them as being beautiful?
Just pondering this a.m.
I'm not sure where I fall on the "beautiful" scale, but I was painfully shy and introverted in high school and I can still be when I'm in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people. I went to my 10 yr high school reunion in 2003 and was really surprised to find out how many ladies had a serious crush on me but they thought I was stuck up and too cool for school so they never really talked to me.
I was like, "too cool...really?" "I was in honors classes (nerd) and spent my lunch time in the library most of the time."
"Yeah, but you were also super hot with that long blond hair and you played football, ran track, swim team, and hung out with the cheer leading captain."
"Who, Becky?"..."I mean yeah, we grew up down the street from each other."
"Dude...you were one of the coolest guys on campus." "Everyone liked you...nerds liked you, jocks liked you, the rockers in C hall liked you, the skaters liked you...everyone thought you were an awesome dude." "All the chicks were jealous of Becky and we just wanted you to give us the time of day."
Four years of high school, and who knew...not me.
I, too, make no claims of being "beautiful" (let others be the judge). Having said that, the part about being painfully shy to the point of not socializing much, to where people think you're too stuck-up to talk to them, is completely relatable.
I made an attempt to go back to college at one point in my life. Did my best to dress well during that time. Got one comment which went something like "too preppy to talk to anyone?"
I'm working on things 🙂. I believe confidence and self esteem is learnable, so it just takes time 😎0 -
What's considered attractive is not just biological, it's largely determined by what the dominant culture tells us is attractive. Most women for example express a preference for tall men. That's largely driven by the social judgement they get for being with men who aren't tall and the reward they get for being with tall men. Hence why it's perfectly common for women to be attracted to short men if they are famous or powerful or whatever, because she won't be ridiculed for his height, and will be socially rewarded for dating someone so notable and important.
In my case, it's 100% Freudian. The men I find the most attractive have the same physique as dear old dad. Skinny men have never really enjoyed much cultural popularity. Remember those ads in the back of comic books?0 -
What's considered attractive is not just biological, it's largely determined by what the dominant culture tells us is attractive. Most women for example express a preference for tall men. That's largely driven by the social judgement they get for being with men who aren't tall and the reward they get for being with tall men. Hence why it's perfectly common for women to be attracted to short men if they are famous or powerful or whatever, because she won't be ridiculed for his height, and will be socially rewarded for dating someone so notable and important.
In my case, it's 100% Freudian. The men I find the most attractive have the same physique as dear old dad. Skinny men have never really enjoyed much cultural popularity. Remember those ads in the back of comic books?
Skinny men totally had their day in the 70s, my dad cleaned up as a skinny musician/intellectual back then. Funny, I adore and admire my father, but am very specifically NOT attracted to men who look like him. For example, I cannot, will not, and never have dated a man with a beard. Won't do it.
I was crestfallen when beards became a thing and every single guy had a beard.1
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