Feeling gutted and discouraged

Rsrs35 · February 2022

It’s been a long hell of a week. I’ve tried very hard to not stress, breathe, count to 10 and all that malarkey but the long and short of it is I’ve eaten the fridge, my weight in chocolate and drank hardly any water - so now imagine how much more eating I’ve really done since I’m literally always hungry. Every day I’ve woken up motivated and raring to go - one day I even wanted to go for a jog early…. No guesses, didn’t happen.

This is not unusual for me. I am jam packed with work. In fact this is a repetitive crappy cycle that occurs whenever I am inundated with work. BUT although I am managing the work load, without a doubt I feel stressed. Tiny pockets of stress throughout the day.

I’m fed up. 43 years old and feel Like I missed the boat. There was a few years ago, well 7 years ago I would do a dance class 3-4 Times a week. I would watch what I eat and I was at my absolute slimmest. But then as soon as I was back at a full time role / at a desk I was putting on weight again.

Oh / and I’m sooo tired. My sleeop is not consistent

Arrrrrr frustrated isn’t even the work

How do I crack this again? Is it because I can’t be bothered to change? Why do I keep eating so much all the time - I can’t stop)

I think I need real buddies to help me. I just want to lose the weight.

Will it really take me forever.

And how do I stop eating junk - now?

AnnPT77 · February 2022

See if you can find just one thread-end in the tangle, pull that one, start to untangle. Start with one positive move (maybe start with an easy one!), and groove that in as a habit. Then pick another.

Weight management, health improvement, fitness development: They're all long term things, arguably permanent. That means chipping away at them will get you someplace better, and that time will pass either way.

When you think of it all, it's overwhelming. Find one thing: That thread-end to pull. No one can tell you which one, but you can figure it out.

Wishing you improving and improved outcomes!

NYPhotographer2021 · February 2022

Hi @Rsrs35 Are you my long lost twin?! Kidding...I don't have a twin, at least not that I know of! But I was the same way. Very active in my younger years, even ran a couple of miles a day. Don't know when that stopped, but it did. Came to a screeching halt. Probably after I got a divorce if I really wanted to examine it. I'm now 58. And came to the realization that if I didn't do something now, I would be a senior citizen who was also disabled. I had high blood pressure, high sugar, joint aches galore! Basically just went to work and came home and vegged. And EAT.

It took me a long time to realize that if I was ever going to do something, I better start now. So I came here and started logging. Started reading. A lot of hit and misses. But I learned a lot. @AnnPT77 is a great mentor. I agree...pick one thing. Don't overwhelm yourself. One thing you know you can do. Once that one thing becomes a part of you, pick another thing. Do not feel like you have to curb your eating and exercise like a fiend right out of the gate. One thing.

Just thought of something. Before I actually started, my One Thing was parking further away from shops or work. I hated the extra walk at first, but it was one thing. Another one thing...I used to lean on the shopping cart when I went around the store. In fact, I still catch myself doing this. But I made a conscious effort to not lean on it but stand up straight and push it. One thing.

Good luck!

ToffeeApple71 · February 2022

Start with one thing you can change, that's an easy change. I'd suggest water. Have a bottle of water with you...at your desk, on the table or wherever you are. And just sip as often as you can. If you reach for the water bottle instead of anything else, not only will it be good for you, but it might stop you reaching for food, or it might reduce any cravings. At the least, you will be well-hydrated, and you will have made one really positive change.

girlwithcurls2 · February 2022

AnnPT77 wrote: »

See if you can find just one thread-end in the tangle, pull that one, start to untangle. Start with one positive move (maybe start with an easy one!), and groove that in as a habit. Then pick another.

Weight management, health improvement, fitness development: They're all long term things, arguably permanent. That means chipping away at them will get you someplace better, and that time will pass either way.

When you think of it all, it's overwhelming. Find one thing: That thread-end to pull. No one can tell you which one, but you can figure it out.

Wishing you improving and improved outcomes!

Oooh, "thread-end pull" is good

It's really true, OP. Changing everything will put you in proverbial knots, using Ann's metaphor. Pick one thing you can commit to (none of them is too small or insignificant). I just stopped by the store on my way home and grabbed two huge bunches of carrots. I'm a volume eater. Snacking on carrots helped me before. Why did I stop? I love them, I get fiber, few calories, it's all good. That's my thread right now: adding better snacking choices.

You can do this. But try to make it as easy as you can so that you can keep doing it.

ReenieHJ · February 2022

I totally agree with attacking one positive change at a time. I used to think it was an all or nothing lifestyle change, expecting/needing and wanting results asap. That's almost always a set-up for failure.

I love Ann's metaphor and way of putting that idea across. Small changes create big and lasting results. Make a small change a habit then go on to #2 small change. You WILL get there. Don't look at the big picture because it always feels overwhelming.

Wishing you the very best!!

Rsrs35 · February 2022

One thing one thing one thing
Water
Carrots (better snacking)

Yep. I can do this. One thing at a time. No stress.

Will update.

Thank you all and have an awesome weekend.

porquenoirl · February 2022

OMG I love all the great advice here, firstly I wanted to get that out!

I'm back here after a really challenging year (which feels weird to say when pretty much the whole world did!). So my emotional eating had gotten out of control and I finally took a moment a few days ago and thought "what can I do to help myself now", so I'm turning up here, learning from others, committing to logging every day (or sometimes the day after if I forget) and that's it for now. I'm going to try to not emotionally eat (or do less of it, or find healthier options, or punch my DIY punch bag if I feel the need.....you get the picture). But my main goal this month is to recommit to myself, observe and learn and get involved, make taking care of my health a part of my day again.

Other things that have been helping me are some journaling, or even just a basic "brain dump", i.e. just getting everything that's in my head (and I mean everything, no self editing, you can do this on a device or a scrap of paper and then burn or delete afterwards) but it's just about clearing your head. Finding support and learning what that support needs to look like for you for it to work, I have learned that I do better with encouragement rather than someone calling me straight out for something, so my friends know it's better to say "well done for going on that walk today" rather than calling me out if I have a piece of cake (shame is something I'm working on). And if you find yourself getting frustrated there is a great visualisation exercise from the book "burnout" where you think about what is bothering you and you beat the crap out of it! That's where my DIY punchbag comes in, I even got some gloves and I go to town on it and then feel nice and zen afterwards. Oh and to top it all off some gratitude and heart focused meditation.....now, I;m only just getting back into this and I'm still working on having this in my life, so hopefully it'll be a thing I just do daily, for now I'm doing it as often as I remember and finding ways to remind myself!

Good luck, be kind to yourself, you are here and that's awesome!

AnnPT77 · February 2022

Rsrs35 wrote: »

One thing one thing one thing
Water
Carrots (better snacking)

Yep. I can do this. One thing at a time. No stress.

Will update.

Thank you all and have an awesome weekend.

Hooray, you're on your way! 😊 Cheering you on from the sidelines!

Maybe check in now and then on this thread, let us know how it's going? I want to see you succeed, help you succeed if I can, if help is needed at some point. (I'll bet I'm not the only one cheering and expecting good long-term outcomes, but I can only speak for me. 😉)

Best wishes!

KNoceros · February 2022

You sound a lot like I was. The plan of taking one (very) little thing and changing just that until it becomes routine and then adding in another (tiny) change really does work.

My grandmother used to call it “eating elephants”. (Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: one mouthful at a time!)

I find it’s an approach that works for loads of situations that seem either insurmountable or ridiculously complicated.

Hang in there. (And feel free to send a FR if you like).

moss11 · February 2022

Your, can't stop eating, sounds just like me. I just haven't been able to get my head around losing weight on this occasion.
I don't know if this is any help but what I am trying just now is, to eat if I must, but make it fruit or raw veg between meals. Have loads of those on hand. If really desperate I will have a piece of very dark choc or even two if I must. Also lunch and dinner are loaded with fruit or veg as well, to give me lots of chomping

which is satiating. Haven't lost any weight (yet) but mentally I feel much more in control. Guilt and feelings of failure can be very triggering.

Xerogs · February 2022

It's normal to have some stress but constant stress is another story in terms of what it can do to your health. Also not getting regular sleep just adds to the the issues.

My advice (even for myself) is to practice some mindfulness meditation 10-20 minutes and turn off all the devices before sleep and stick to a regular sleep schedule. I also schedule daily walks to clear my head which helps with tasking my work. When I've lost weight in the past it was more about a routine and sticking to it but stress has derailed my efforts. While it's a bit disheartening I know how to use the tools to get me back to what I want. Like others have said take one step at a time until its routine and then add another. Meditation is a bit difficult but it really helps with everything else in my opinion and I can tell when I miss a day or two.

As for being hungry all the time, well for me its food dependent if I eat meals that spike my blood sugar I will definitely return to hunger faster so I've worked to replace those meals with healthier options that are nutrient dense and higher in fiber so I don't feel like eating all the time. Sugar, fast food, and processed foods are difficult to kick but it will do a world of good if you can move away from them. I live in an arid climate and have noticed that I can mistake being hungry for dehydration and sometimes I just need to up my fluids.

So far I've got the daily walking as part of my routine and next up will be upping my exercise. Food has been hit or miss much like meditation the past couple months so I am concentrating on bringing those up to speed. I know from my past once those are a solid part of my routine then I can tweak them for weight loss, stress reduction, and better sleep.

It sounds like you are adding a lot to a full workload but really these things help you be more productive which makes that workload a lot more manageable in my opinion.

ratherbeskiing · February 2022

I feel the same way. I am in a rut and it's hard to get out. I just came for the comments in hopes that I can use them in my life. I guess I have nothing to say except you are not alone.

girlwithcurls2 · February 2022

ratherbeskiing wrote: »

I feel the same way. I am in a rut and it's hard to get out. I just came for the comments in hopes that I can use them in my life. I guess I have nothing to say except you are not alone.

Sometimes just that is a first step out of a rut. If something you read sounds like something you can do, give it a go. I have fallen and gotten back up more times than I feel comfortable mentioning. Why can't I be a long time maintainer? Bottom line is that I learned how to lose the weight and I didn't learn how to maintain the loss. So the cycle begins again, with that knowledge. It so easy to get into a rut. But if you can take control of just one thing, little by little, with not a lot of change or effort, you can do it. My second "thread pull" is no nighttime snacking after dinner. I eat plenty at dinner. I snack out of habit. That is totally undermining my efforts.

Is there a "thread" you can tug at? Maybe it's not even in relation to your weight, but just something you can do to make the rut less claustrophobic

We're rooting for you. We're all rooting for each other. It's what makes this community a great thing.

ADC0809 · February 2022

I was 43 when I first joined MFP and succeeded. I am going to leave it at that because that means something different to each person.

What brought me here - I was at a point very much like you. One day I realized that I go to work and give 200%, go home and give another 110% . . . "Give" "Give" "Give" where was I in all this? I realized that I needed to give myself something other than food that was not making me happy but just muffling the unhappiness.

I started slow, one day I walked into a gym (first time ever), joined the next day and took things day by day. I was always a early riser but now I was getting up with a purpose and doing things in the early morning because it was just me, my sleep instantly improved.

I won't say it was easy because there were tears and lots of fear, but afterwards I would not have changed a thing. It was worth more that I could put in words. You have to realize that the changes you are looking to make are things that you more than likely have been doing your whole life - remember the 'clean plate club' no more of that. Meals with a starch, meat and vegetable, No! Dessert or sweet after every meal, No! Not to say you can't but these are some examples of things I needed to realize and change not temporarily but as a lifestyle.

I know today things are different - 2020. But I was not a big walker/mover but I did things like making my trips to the grocery store a walking challenge of sorts - Oh, I forgot that on the other side of the store - Great! I would even do this with the laundry, multiple trips back and forth from the dryer to putting away items - the movements add up. These might give you some feelings of control and at least a feeling that you matter and then maybe some of the other stresses might lessen.

Drink some water, dehydration adds to the stress

RunStart34 · February 2022

I am just reading so many comments and agree 100% .. to take one step at a time. I just started about a month ago on my journey to lose weight.... what was my one thing.. or first step... just not drinking my soda.. it had a big hold on me so i decided to try and stop... can't say i full stop since it has a hold on me but i can say i only drank it 3 time this month.. just that... didn't change my eating habits or nothing.. but 140 calories every day adds up. Before you know it you will add another thing which 2 weeks starting my journey i also started in walking at least 10-20 mins...

You can do it. Just one step at a time.

ToffeeApple71 · February 2022

I had a big issue 60kg ago with "having" to finish everything on my plate. It was a thing from growing up ..we weren't allowed to leave the table until we finished our plate. Not sure of my parents' reasoning, but it meant that for my entire life I ate whatever was in front of me.
So my first thread to pull was allowing myself to leave food. Wasteful? Possibly. Life-changing? Undoubtedly. 60+ kilos gone. It was my first step. So your first thread could easily be a mental one.
The second thread I pulled was sitting down every time I ate. Sit down, savour the food and take your time. Mindful eating I guess they call it now. Give yourself time to eat. Eg. Take a full 30 minutes to eat dinner. Wait 30 seconds between each mouthful. For me, this made a huge difference and enabled me to stop snacking. If I wasn't sitting down, and didn't have 30 minutes, I didn't eat it. My "rules" have relaxed now, but I still take 30 minutes to eat dinner.

Psychgrrl · February 2022

I'd tease at the "why" thread. In two ways.

Why do you want to lose the weight? Health (reduce the risk or occurrence of high blood pressure, insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, Type Two diabetes, etc.), vanity (want to feel better/good about the way you look), functionality (want to do things that are more difficult at your current size/level of health). There are no bad reasons, and it might help you to understand your "why" or "whys." It could be everything to one degree or another. But what really is motivating you right now?
Why do you eat the fridge/pantry/all the things?

I'm not saying you have to know the answers right now, but I would really encourage you to consider them. Especially when you're about to (or are) eating the fridge. Ask yourself, "why am I doing this?" "how is this helping me?" "what problem does this solve?"

For me, at some point I realize my overeating was taking my problems out on myself. My out-of-control eating at times was a stress response that was punishing me. And for me, it was just making things worse.

kshama2001 · February 2022

ToffeeApple71 wrote: »

I had a big issue 60kg ago with "having" to finish everything on my plate. It was a thing from growing up ..we weren't allowed to leave the table until we finished our plate. Not sure of my parents' reasoning, but it meant that for my entire life I ate whatever was in front of me.
So my first thread to pull was allowing myself to leave food. Wasteful? Possibly. Life-changing? Undoubtedly. 60+ kilos gone. It was my first step. So your first thread could easily be a mental one.
The second thread I pulled was sitting down every time I ate. Sit down, savour the food and take your time. Mindful eating I guess they call it now. Give yourself time to eat. Eg. Take a full 30 minutes to eat dinner. Wait 30 seconds between each mouthful. For me, this made a huge difference and enabled me to stop snacking. If I wasn't sitting down, and didn't have 30 minutes, I didn't eat it. My "rules" have relaxed now, but I still take 30 minutes to eat dinner.

Oh, yes, we were members of the "Clean Plate Club"...because of the starving children in Africa.

This wasn't a problem for me when I was a kid living at home where portions were reasonable, but sure became a problem when I started eating out. I have made a lot of progress with this, but I still struggle with Completion Compulsion with candy bars, containers of ice cream, etc. It's easier for me to just have single serving size containers in the house - chocolate minis instead of full size, 50-70 calorie chocolate squares, single serve ice cream containers, etc.

ReenieHJ · February 2022

@Rsrs35 Just checking back to see how you're doing?

I swear there's a button inside some of us that if we could simply click it off, our brain would stop us from going on these binges.

To touch upon restaurant servings a little bit......why do some restaurants give a diner sooooo much food, it would make us sick to finish everything on our plates? And lots of times, if you bring it home and try to reheat things, it's not the same. Soggy seconds. Last time I went to a restaurant, actually the last 2 times, we were given so much food, dh couldn't comfortably eat his dinner. And he's not one to bring home and reheat food.

Such a waste IMO.

Feeling gutted and discouraged

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