No motivation left.
Dermo480
Posts: 2 Member
Hi, I am 48yo female and have been dieting in some shape or form all of my adult life. Currently at 205lb, probably heaviest ever. I have in the past used weight watchers or mfp to lose a stone here or there but I find now I have lost all motivation and I'm worried for my future. Apart from looking awful, I am suffering from constant joint pain and tiredness. I had been a regular walker up to recently, not huge distances, maybe 3 miles per day and also did kb swings sporadically. I just find now I have lost all motivation. While I want nothing more than to lose weight, even 2 stone loss would be great, I cannot seem to make the start. I have gone to bed many nights saying tomorrow I'll log into mfp and make some changes but then tomorrow comes and work is stressful and the kids need to be parented 😉 and it all falls apart. I am worried now for my health so why am I such a lazy unmotivated fool? Has anyone some good tips to pull myself out of this rut.
Thanks.
Thanks.
19
Replies
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What's your goal weight / dress size? I'm v similar weight and its the most I've ever been. Weighed myself for first time in ages and had gone up to 14 stone 2 lb (I'm 5 ft 5) Carrying so much weight on my belly and have taken some photos so I have to look honestly about my current size. Plan to look at them when I'm tempted to eat outside of my diet. Also ordered a size 18 swimming costume and not pretending to myself I'm a 16 when probably a 18-20. Embarrassed to have got that big but using that to motivate myself.11
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You don't really need motivation. You need to change habits so it is just incorporated into your life. Start a new small habit like replacing one food with a healthier option. Make a habit of going on a walk after supper with the whole family. If logging in MFP is hard to ger used to, start by writing your foods down on a piece of paper and log in MFP after your kids go to bed. Eventually, you will het faster at it and can quickly track throughout the day.16
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I started at where you currently are. For me... it was mostly a head thing. I had to get out of my head of I tried and failed so whats the point. To... finally getting fed up with being unhealthy. (overweight and unfit).
Breathing heavy at the top of one flight of stairs finally gave me the motivation I needed.
This time around I am not letting my "head" derail me. I have set my deficit at 1 pound a week, am not setting a goal that I must lose x weight by x time. I dont have any foods labeled bad and restrictive (except bread because it is a trigger food for me).
I have increased my exercise, because I want to. I am eating enough to fuel my body, to lose weight, and not to be hungry all the time.
I am reading posts on the board for motivation and support, looking at success stories knowing that this could be me in the near future.
I am staying positive and not getting down or being hard on myself for the days I go over the calories set. (Even when going over a lot). Log everything and start a new day with positive attitude.
I go this and so can you!17 -
I think motivation is way overrated. It's generally a temporary thing that's not helpful in the long run because it tends to run out for the reasons you state.
What's important is to make changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. I think some people think weight loss has to be an unpleasant experience, and you have to suffer. That doesn't work long-term.
Look for the easier changes that you can make first...such as swapping out beverages that have calories for ones that don't. Don't force yourself to eat foods you don't like...you can keep eating the foods you want if you control the portion sizes. Don't "ban" any foods that you really love...treat foods can be made to fit within your calorie budget.
Don't over-complicate things with specialty diets...just try to meet a calorie goal every day, but don't beat yourself up if you go over now and then.
This is not a temporary change...you will need to think differently and eat differently for the rest of your life.19 -
I do things without motivation all the time. It's not like I have to hype myself up to brush my teeth or shower (outside of severe depression, which is a different issue). I view healthy eating and exercise the same way - daily habits to maintain my health. Maybe reframing it this way would help?11
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As others have mentioned motivation isn’t required. Discipline will help you reach your goals. I would suggest you start small. For the next two weeks change nothing about your diet except to log everything. You can even set your goal in myfitnesspal to maintenance instead of taking a deficit right now. If the calories stress you out right now, just write down what you eat in paper for now. At the end of the two weeks look for small changes to focus on one or two weeks at a time. Example food goal “I will eat one vegetable every day this week”. Example exercise goal “I will take a five minute walk after dinner every day this week.” Eventually after lots of small changes you may find yourself closer to meeting your health goals. Be kind to yourself when you miss a goal. We all miss goals.10
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If I waited until I was motivated I'd rarely exercise
When I was working I got into a really good routine of exercising at lunch time. It got so I'd get antsy without it.
As others have said, use discipline to create habits. This takes time - a common timeframe I've heard is six weeks.
Here's more:
http://www.wisdomination.com/screw-motivation-what-you-need-is-discipline/7 -
You are getting such excellent advice here! If you’ve yo-yo dieted your whole life and you are back up on the scale, what you have done in the past didn’t work. Successful weight loss also means keeping the weight off, which means finding a lifestyle you can maintain forever. There is no finish line.
Start small as others have suggested. I second the advice of doing nothing for the first two weeks other than logging your food. Start with changing the low hanging fruit.
If this sounds appealing to you, I recommend the podcast Half Size Me. It changed my whole mindset. I lost 50 pounds several years ago and have kept it off for years by slowly changing my habits and creating a life I enjoy and that I can sustain through the ups and downs.
And no motivation was necessary! My habits carry me through each day, not motivation. It takes time, but this is forever.11 -
Motivation is fickle, and fleeting.
Willpower is limited, and temporary.
Discipline is . . . well, not my strongest suit, personally.
Habits are habitual.
I like using the limited willpower, when that tank is semi-full, to find and groove in some new habits: Better habits, reasonably easy habits, habits that can continue almost on autopilot, once the motivation flies, the willpower is depleted.
I was overweight to obese for 30+ years. I've been at a healthy weight now for 6+. It can work.
P.S. Self definition is important. "Lazy, unmotivated fool" is a thing you wouldn't call your best friend, I'll bet - and it doesn't leave much room for change. Maybe try on a self-definition like "haven't found the right plan yet"? Then, keep looking for it, when you have the time and energy. In between, give yourself grace. Life is complicated enough without beating ourselves up for being human, y'know?17 -
ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »You are getting such excellent advice here! If you’ve yo-yo dieted your whole life and you are back up on the scale, what you have done in the past didn’t work. Successful weight loss also means keeping the weight off, which means finding a lifestyle you can maintain forever. There is no finish line.
Start small as others have suggested. I second the advice of doing nothing for the first two weeks other than logging your food. Start with changing the low hanging fruit.
If this sounds appealing to you, I recommend the podcast Half Size Me. It changed my whole mindset. I lost 50 pounds several years ago and have kept it off for years by slowly changing my habits and creating a life I enjoy and that I can sustain through the ups and downs.
And no motivation was necessary! My habits carry me through each day, not motivation. It takes time, but this is forever.
Another fan of Half Size Me here. Her 500th episode from last fall was particularly good. (# 1 is kind of a trick point.)
https://www.halfsizeme.com/hsm500/
In EPISODE 500(!) of The Half Size Me™ Show, Heather talks to you about the 6 most important lessons she has learned in the past 15 years of losing 170 pounds and maintaining that weight loss. She shares all about- why you don’t have to lose weight
- why you need to take responsibility for all your actions (including being in a yo-yo diet cycle)
- how to stop creating diet drama
- how to ditch the scale
- and more!
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You say something really profound about your walking. "Not huge distance, maybe 3 miles". That's 5 km!!!! That's HUGE!
First of all, don't get on the scale. A healthier measure for you is how much faster or further you can walk with less pain. As you enjoy walking, get a sheet of graph paper, the kind with little boxes. A box of colored pencil crayons.
WALK WITH NO AGENDA. YOUR ONLY GOAL IS TO DO 100 WALKS.
By that I mean, step outside and walk as you feel. Slow, fast. To the end of the driveway. To the driveway 3 houses down. The end of the street. Around the block. Whatever. Come home and colour in a square. That's it!!! Exercise done for the day!! The GOAL is to colour in 100 squares.
DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT 🥰. Every day you will look forward to your goal of colouring in a square. Eventually the walks will get longer, faster. REMEMBER THAT A WALK TO THE END OF THE DRIVEWAY OR TWO HOUSES DOWN COUNTS. ITS THE CONSISTENCY THAT WORKS. You will feel so good when you have completed a beautiful colorful page of squares! I'd be shocked if you didn't see results. The better you feel the easier the eating changes will come. Ideally you will walk for 100 days straight. Easy to do with no prearranged expectations.
I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT. I AM GOING TO BE CHECKING IN TO SEE IF YOU WENT FOR YOUR "driveway walk". Now go find a sheet of boxed graph paper and pencil crayons! Write your start date and weight at the top and again after the 100 days!! There is a literal rainbow waiting for you at the end of your journey!!! 😘8 -
Associations, mechanics, management of your brain hamsters 🐹...
Can't commit to logging, or to your idea of the failed "diets" you followed in the past.
Maybe all of us who post here have drunk the same Kool-aid?
If things haven't worked so far, more willpower and going at it harder won't be the answer.
I can't log? Anything shopping you from weighing what you're about to eat and writing it down? No. Don't limit it. Just write it down. Before you eat it. Everything. Every bite.
At 205 that by itself will take care of a good 10+lbs without any other drama. Because I am fairly sure (ask me how I know) that you're not going to eat the tic tac you were about to eat for reasons other than hunger if you first put it on a scale and write it down. And you will think twice of sampling what you're cooking for the kids...
Then look at what was worth the calories. And substitute. And add things such as veggies and fruits. And tweek. And slowly move towards creating a **reasonable** deficit. With no timelines.
And think. Think what you're willing to keep on doing long term.
This is management of weight. Not diet to lose. Management of calories for both loss and maintenance.
You manage your (nowadays) virtual checkbook and budget. You don't expect to start and stop managing it because you're not motivated, do you? Through you might still splurge for something disproportionately expensive from time to time!😉6 -
kshama2001 wrote: »ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »You are getting such excellent advice here! If you’ve yo-yo dieted your whole life and you are back up on the scale, what you have done in the past didn’t work. Successful weight loss also means keeping the weight off, which means finding a lifestyle you can maintain forever. There is no finish line.
Start small as others have suggested. I second the advice of doing nothing for the first two weeks other than logging your food. Start with changing the low hanging fruit.
If this sounds appealing to you, I recommend the podcast Half Size Me. It changed my whole mindset. I lost 50 pounds several years ago and have kept it off for years by slowly changing my habits and creating a life I enjoy and that I can sustain through the ups and downs.
And no motivation was necessary! My habits carry me through each day, not motivation. It takes time, but this is forever.
Another fan of Half Size Me here. Her 500th episode from last fall was particularly good. (# 1 is kind of a trick point.)
https://www.halfsizeme.com/hsm500/
In EPISODE 500(!) of The Half Size Me™ Show, Heather talks to you about the 6 most important lessons she has learned in the past 15 years of losing 170 pounds and maintaining that weight loss. She shares all about- why you don’t have to lose weight
- why you need to take responsibility for all your actions (including being in a yo-yo diet cycle)
- how to stop creating diet drama
- how to ditch the scale
- and more!
I also recommend Half Size Me. It’s an amazing podcast. Really helped me change my mindset.1 -
You’ve come to the right place! We are all here to help motivate you and keep you going.
I have three items for you:
1) Try a mindset change — you are not on a diet. You are embarking on a sustainable lifestyle change that will allow you to live your best life. Start with one small sustainable change. Then add another, then add another.
2) Chose your hard — You’ve indicated that your current life is hard with joint pain. You’ve indicated that you’ve been ‘dieting’ you whole life. Which is harder?
a) living with joint pain (and other potential future more serious health problems)
or
b) making healthy food choices and saying ‘no thank you’ to other people and getting a daily walk in.
3) set yourself up for success — today before you go to bed plan for tomorrow. What are you going to eat? When are you going to go for a walk? How long will your walk be? Put your walking shoes where you will see them. Leave a note on the fridge to remind yourself. Talk with your family and get their support and get your kids involved. When you create an environment in which you are prepared, you will be successful.
You’ve got this!!2 -
You can’t give up! Putting one foot in front of the other! Days are going to suck and they are going to be hard. Some days you’ll eat like crazy and feel bad but sometimes you need those days. Maybe setting little goals. Like I’ll walk X amount today( I know your legs hurt) or I’ll bike X amount of time. I’d be miserable if I was on a diet most my adult life. I don’t know what your weaknesses are but there are option out there that are more nutritious or lower in calorie. There’s always option in everything.
I’ll admit sometimes I wanna give up and sometimes I eat like a total slob. Sometimes I feel guilty sometimes I don’t. But I workout when I don’t want to. I get uncomfortable and it feels like it’s all for nothing. But somehow a month later I’ll lose a pound or two or the measurements around my waist and arms get smaller . Before I know it my clothes are feeling different.
It takes time, lots of time and I mean lots of time. Not everyone is in shape because it is work. It’s hard work. You can do it. I believe you can make small goals and work towards them. I’ll add you as a friend and we can chat and vent.
You can do this!5 -
Bookmarking this thread because there is a lot of valuable input for some of my weaker days. And we all have them.
@Dermo480 Erase everything you've tried before, this is a whole new fresh start for you, for the rest of your life. Enter your stats and see what it gives you for calories, etc. Start there, eat foods you enjoy without going over too much, find replacements for foods you love that aren't as calorie laden and keep those extra tempting nibbles out of the house completely. (There are days I do go over some and I still lose or stay the same, so it's been a win so far). See if you can get some IRL walking buddies to join you; I've found walking and talking to be so much better than walking alone. Walk in new places, new scenery and sights might keep you more interested. I agree that 3 miles a day is fantastic! But change it up to make it more exciting. Try a different exercise maybe? Swimming, hula hoop, resistance bands, dancing, whatever you enjoy. Main thing is to keep moving. Make small goals, as far as pounds, instead of looking at the whole picture. Think 2-5 at a time instead of 50.
Wishing you much luck!!3 -
I match @kshama2001 ’s thoughts…I would never exercise if I waited to be motivated! Although I like exercising now…really? Or is it just that I know I need to do this to lose/maintain weight? Or that it feels sooo good emotionally, knowing I did it another day? Or because I’m starting to see the results? I guess I like exercising to be done for the day more than exercising itself. It’s all good. Keeping active physically and socially and doing the occasional intellectually stimulating activity will help (hopefully!) lessen the probability of cognitive impairment in later life. That is a huge driver for me. That annoying Nike slogan of Just Do It has a lot of validity.5
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Hi, I am 48yo female and have been dieting in some shape or form all of my adult life. Currently at 205lb, probably heaviest ever. I have in the past used weight watchers or mfp to lose a stone here or there but I find now I have lost all motivation and I'm worried for my future. Apart from looking awful, I am suffering from constant joint pain and tiredness. I had been a regular walker up to recently, not huge distances, maybe 3 miles per day and also did kb swings sporadically. I just find now I have lost all motivation. While I want nothing more than to lose weight, even 2 stone loss would be great, I cannot seem to make the start. I have gone to bed many nights saying tomorrow I'll log into mfp and make some changes but then tomorrow comes and work is stressful and the kids need to be parented 😉 and it all falls apart. I am worried now for my health so why am I such a lazy unmotivated fool? Has anyone some good tips to pull myself out of this rut.
Thanks.
@Dermo480, an afterthought:
Others here seem ready to medically diagnose you, such as what's causing your joint pain. That's a thing doctors do better than random people on the internet. What does your doctor say about the symptoms you're reporting?
We random people on the internet tend to make assumptions that other people are like us, such as believing that if they have joint pain due to osteoarthritis, you must have osteoarthritis. Maybe you do, but I'm not your doctor.
One thing I do have, and wonder if you've been tested for, is hypothyroidism. It becomes more common in the population as we age, and is more common in women. Some common symptoms are fatigue (which can involved under-motivation and even depression as side effects), weight gain, joint and muscle pain.
My early symptoms that led to testing and diagnosis were stiffness (especially in the morning), joint pain, tiredness, and other expressions of decreased daily life energy and enthusiasm. My medication dosage has periodically needed adjusting, and I've often noticed those symptoms creeping back in when that need occurs.
I'm not saying you have hypothyroidism, or any other specific thing. However, there are various actual medical conditions that can result in some of the symptoms you mention. Hypothyroidism is one, so is anemia (low iron), certain other nutritional deficiencies (vitamin D deficiency is somewhat common in latitudes further from the equator, but there are other possible deficiencies such as B12).
You write as if you formerly had a higher energy level, felt more able to exercise, which especially makes me wonder if there's some new medical factor in the picture. Symptoms of these things tend to come on slowly, so it's easy to attribute them to aging, under-motivation, etc.
Have you consulted your doctor? Had blood tests or other diagnostics?6 -
I agree with Maggie Girl. I exercise so that I'm done for the day....but I think it's very important to MOVE YOUR BODY daily in some way. I enjoy it. Moving can mean so many things. Yoga. Walks. Classes. Dumbell weights. There really is something for everybody.
Dermo480....I recommended daily walking for no set amount of time because I believe the power of daily movement will slowly get the blood flow back into your joints and the oxygen will do wonders for your mind set. The caveat is to just get out there and do it. Don't think about time or distance. Once you are out you may go further than you planned. But if you hate the thought of going, set a timer for one or two minutes....walk until it goes off...then turn around and walk home. You'd be shocked at how that tiny time makes you feel better and if you must go very slowly, that's OK!! I once had an over 300 pound friend ask for advice. I asked a trainer at my gym. He told me to tell her all she could do is walk...but it was going to change the mitochondria, her mood, lubricate her joints. All sorts of good things! So I gave her the same advice along with the added colored boxes. That was my idea. I find it motivational to chart exercise. She had slow short days at first but kept going. A bit longer. It worked! She felt better! Her joint pain improved! Yes she saw a doctor as well but her doctor said it couldn't hurt if done slow and steady.
People with advice just want to help. A lot of us speak from experience. Take what you need and leave the rest. You may just leave it all and that's okay too. When you are ready this thread is here. 🙂3 -
I heard an interview with Paul Coll, the current World number 1 male squash player. He said after every point he focuses on the next....asks himself "what do I do next?"
I apply this to my approach to weight loss. Did I manage to refuse that donut we got offered at morning tea? If I did, what helped me say no, so next time it's offered I can refuse again? If I didn't, what do I need to change?
Did I manage my time well enough today to get in some exercise? If not, what do I need to do tomorrow to make it easier to find time?
Focusing on how I can improve, rather than what I did wrong, has really changed my mindset.5
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