Husband is eating all my food

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I’m a 50 year old woman who has been with my husband since I’ve been 20 years old. He fell in love with me when I was overweight and has always been incredibly supportive and I know he loves me irrespective of my size.

As an adult, I have managed to get my disordered eating under control and have maintain a good weight for me. I hover between 160-180 when I am not doing well, but have maintained between 120-130 for the past 10 years. It’s a lot of work and involves a ton of planning, but it’s absolutely worth it for me.

My problem is that my husband, who knows all this and has never had a weight problem, eats my food. I can plan and plan but he’ll get hungry and just eat what I have saved for my meals. He likes healthy food. So I started (a) just buying double so he has his own stash, and (b) labeling my food so he won’t eat it. This has been mostly working.

This week I travelled for work M-Th and I had already purchased salmon for dinner (which he has never had an interest in). We are hanging out tonight and I go to make my dinner (the salmon I planned ahead for!) and I can’t find it. I ask him and he says he ate it last night bc he was hungry.

I lose it bc it’s 8pm and I literally prepped my whole dinner ready to make this salmon. He offers to go to the store and get more. I am furious bc I have talked to him about my disordered eating. He keeps saying “you let us sit there for 5 days and I offered to go buy you more” but I tell him I bought it before I travelled so I would have it waiting for me. Somehow I am the bad guy.

I’m just frustrated and upset and wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
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Replies

  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 924 Member
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    That's a horrible, hurtful thing for him to do. Have you made is absolutely clear the magnitude of impact his behaviour has on you?

    If you have, then I can't fathom someone thinking they love someone and knowingly sabotaging their health this way.

    It's unconscionable.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,068 Member
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    I am confused though — it sounds like the salmon was unlabeled and you were just assuming he wouldn’t eat it?
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,368 Member
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    csplatt wrote: »
    I am confused though — it sounds like the salmon was unlabeled and you were just assuming he wouldn’t eat it?

    From what OP wrote it sounded like he'd never liked salmon before so she figured it was safe.

    I'd be labelling my prepped meals. I already do this so I can identify contents of freezer containers. I use that green painter's masking tape and a sharpie, doesn't have to be be fancy. And sometimes it's a weird code of abbreviations that are only meaningful to me, lol.

    Maybe sit down and brainstorm with him what other food options he can choose when he's overcome by hunger.
  • Countandsubtract
    Countandsubtract Posts: 276 Member
    edited July 2022
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    Locks:
    I agree on getting a lock box and lock. (If he doesn't see what it is, he won't be tempted. Or a lockable frig under your desk at work- it wouldn't completely fix it, but it might help.

    Section:
    Or label a section of the frig so you don't have to label everything the moment you put it in.


    Why:
    Or maybe he screwed up but would have tried to respect it if he had been thinking at the time?

    Is it possible he doesn't take your request seriously? (This isn't a criticism towards you because I think it's a reasonable request: ) Does he think it's stupid to have separate foods and not be able to eat whatever he sees? Sometimes people get offended about weird things. Also some are resistant to doing something differently than they did as a kid. It would give you guys a starting point for a new discussion. Does he know how many ways you've tried to work around it?


    I think too sometimes people are like "oh, I'll just have a little. They'll never notice, then ooops! I ate all three bags, they might notice.

    It could even be that he wants to eat a little healthier or smells your food and doesn't stop himself.

    Anyway, good luck
  • EliseTK1
    EliseTK1 Posts: 483 Member
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    I think everyone here has very helpful suggestions. I just came to say I totally feel it when the food I thought I was going to have is not there (it was taken or went bad too quickly) and I have to pivot. I keep certain easy-to-prep things on hand at all times for this purpose because my biggest concern is getting the right protein and calories. I have a couple things I know for a fact the hubster won’t touch, and they are in my freezer at all times.

    I love the suggestion about labeling containers with names of foods you know for a fact he would never eat regardless what’s actually in it, like “sardine salad.” You could even label it as something non-food like “stool sample.” He may realize what’s going on, but at least it’ll make him think twice before popping that container open.
  • Countandsubtract
    Countandsubtract Posts: 276 Member
    edited July 2022
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    I'm not saying this is what's happening but if this goes on and on after this it's possible that on some subconscious level he doesn't want you to lose weight (if you get a lot of looks from other men or if he's afraid of losing you because he feels like you can get someone "better" now). (Or on the flipside maybe he wants to lose weight too, but he doesn't want to admit it.) Either way, I agree that communication is likely your easy answer.

    I don't think that's indicated at this point, but there are definitely people in the world like that.
  • Mise_enPlace
    Mise_enPlace Posts: 62 Member
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    My husband doesn't have a weight problem either and I struggle too. (70lbs+ heavier years ago). I hope this doesn't happen too often and that the venting helped. I'm annoyed when my husband eats the last of something I wanted too but always have a frozen dinner and favorite soups as backup. I know it's not the same as fresh, but I've always disliked confrontations about food. Part of me wants to get mad sometimes though! I feel your pain!
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    I would be in marriage counseling for these glaringly obvious communication issues.
  • sbelletti
    sbelletti Posts: 213 Member
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    "Hell yes, drive to the store and replace my dinner. And then tomorrow we can discuss whether or not you are willing and able to provide the communication and support that I need to be happy in this marriage."