let it go...

Thanks Bry - I needed that post! It's a great reminder.

Absolutely - thanks for posting a very important reminder! I'm challenged almost daily - M-F anyway - to let it go. :flowerforyou:

Here's how I look at it... Or rather, a recipe for a reasonably drama-free life.

If someone is mean or nasty in some way (ie, a bully) and is trying to get under my skin... that doesn't bother me. Something about me obviously bothered THEM enough that they think they need to retaliate, and if I haven't done anything to warrant that behavior... that's their issue not mine. Why should I care if someone I don't like or respect doesn't like or respect me? I'm not trying to win any popularity contests. Not everyone has to like me. That's how I survived bullying in junior high with my self-esteem intact. What was the point in getting bent out of shape because some mean people said mean things? Why would I want their approval?

If someone who's more or less a good person, someone I care about who cares about me, says something that gets under my skin, especially unintentionally... that's usually my issue. My hangups. My insecurities. Something for me to reflect on in my own way. Maybe it's something I need to work on... either my insecurity about it, or the thing itself. For instance, my ex-sister in law once said something unkind and clueless about my crooked teeth, and I got braces and fixed them chompers!

They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

But isn't it truly YOUR EXPECTATION of their behavior that makes you mad? And in that sense isn't the stimulus/response predicated by YOUR higher function when there is no PHYSICAL threat??? (Yes, I get that there's a PERCEIVED threat, but perception of something someone VERBALIZES requires higher function.)

Thank you Sooooooo Much.. I so Needed to hear this today... Your the Best!!! *muah*

**nods head**

I just cant utter the words....

i am more keene on methodical torturing revenge but hey.....I can try new things

Oh my land! The methodical torturing revenge would be my son's way of thinking. :laugh: :laugh:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

I do I need to point out the irony in the original post or does everyone else see it too?

They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

Gotta disagree. Wonder why in a crowd of people there are 2 people that fly off the handle and others find it funny or dumb or anything but severe-anger-inducing. Yeah, the hypothalmus and the amygdala interact with each other and decide what stuff to bring to the frontal cortex to respond to and what stuff to just handle on their own, but lets be serious, what she's talking about isn't that kind of PTSD-violence reaction. She's talking about people making a choice to stew. That's all frontal cortex and can be changed. The difference between the angry guys and the rest of the crowd is how they've stored their emotionally-valent information, what they have or haven't done since the emotionally-valent events, and what they've done with their core beliefs.

I teach Anger Managment to felons who try to tell me they go from fine to angry in less than 60 seconds. They also say it was "impulsive" that they ambushed someone or invited someone into the janitor's closet or an area they know is not on camera. No. That's not impulsive. That's not aligator- or mammal-brain. That's a planful choice.

There are external triggers that "make us mad". But, more, there are internal triggers that are our deal and the reason we're mad and other people wouldn't be. Bunch of other people see that external trigger and keep walking. Those internal triggers, core beliefs, whatever, represent our values, and yeah, we get a surge of anger when our boundaries or values are stepped on, but beyond that surge, well its a choice. You choose to feed it or to let it go.