Health Management and Mental Health

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shel80kg
shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
After many cycles of weight gain and weight loss, I am approaching the daunting process again. This forum offers the best of the best in terms of info, resources, points of view, support and practical documenting strategies. And yet....I stop using the forum when my old habits sneak in the back door and suddenly I look at the scales, feel the tightness in my shirts and pants and realise that I am back in obese land. I am pretty sure that stress, depression, and anxiety, my old friends correlate with my eating behaviours so my hope is that I can/we can share our journeys together from a mental health point of view. Sound interesting? If the forum folks allow me to....I am all in . Let me know what you think?
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  • shel80kg
    shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
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    July 12th.....Broke my routine of intermittent fasting and Keto and had a lovely breakfast including smashed avacado, smoked salmon a a small bit of bread and some greens. May get kicked out of Ketoland but I am not religious about it. We are not meant to starve for too long as far as I can tell and Keto occurs when our body things we are starving. I just need to slow my obsessive thinking down as I did not get fat over night...it was months/years in the making. I sure want fast results but the body can only achieve so much so fast. It is good to be writing this. I took this big body for a 6 km walk this morning and this will be my plan most mornings.I am going to try and follow the eating plan recommended by this platform. It makes good sense. Just wish it was easier but,,, it is what it is.
    Thanks for reading. Do you struggle as much as me? Would love to hear your stories.
  • shel80kg
    shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
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    Hmmm. Feels like I am talking to myself but hey, one day there may be someone out there who lets me know something interesting about them.
    Good news, The Keto G-ds didn't exile me for very long and I am back in the kingdom. Not sure if there are any immediate benefits as the scales are still stubbornly pointing to those awful numbers on the scale and my clothes are still tight. I know I know... I am looking for fast results. This may be a remnant of my ADHD and I do not want to use this as an excuse but I am an impatient, restless guy who wants immediate gratification and success. Could be related also to child-hood trauma and a sense of deprivation and the ensuing need to never want to feel hungry and lonely. There, that is my psychology for the day. Despite all of the early child-hood experiences and possible hardwiring issues, I still have choices and information and if I can focus on the positives and keep moving forward, I will achieve this. I think we need to know ourselves, process unresolved and distressing memories and learn to love and accept ourselves, fat or skinny. Thanks for letting e ramble and I hope in some small way my posts may of use. Have a lovely Thursday .
    Shel

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Hello, sliding on in to say I feel you. My mental health is completely and utterly consumed by my eating habits and vice versa. Like you, when I'm on (weighing, tracking, engaging) I'm great and then as soon as one slips, it all slips.

    For me, I have come to realise that food isn't a comfort or my friend, it's a self harm mechanism. Mental health tanks, guilt sets in, I start bombarding my body with the stuff that's the absolute worst for it, not because it makes me happy or feel good, but the opposite, it's a punishment.

    I also tend to have avoidance issues when my mental health is bad - I stop going into the garden so it gets out of hand, I refuse to look in the back of the fridge or the crisper, so it goes manky, housework goes undone, and I enter this cycle where my environment matches my mental state. It really is all tied together.

    Also like you, I look for fast results and get angry and impatient when I don't get them. "why am I suffering if it's not doing any good?" I ask, all of a week in when the scale hasn't budged. I also suffer from having walked down the weight hill so many times that a loss isn't a victory, it's just a "well I should never have been back at that weight anyway" feeling, so victories are harder to celebrate.

    The other issue I'm dealing with back on the bandwagon is that right now I'm enthused, getting extra walks in, getting off the train a station early, getting those little extra wins, all while the voice in my head says "you're going to stop doing that, so why are you bothering now, you should be looking to build lasting habits, not this surge of enthusiasm which won't last" to which my logic brain says "but why can't it last? why should it stop? why can't this be my new routine? and the only thing stopping that is that it hasn't worked yet, the myriad of times I've tried (and, in fact, succeeded to a point).

    Anyway, thank you for letting me vent and you are not alone in your struggles, and you're not speaking into the void :)
  • dragengofit
    dragengofit Posts: 21 Member
    edited July 2022
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    Hi :smile:

    Just found this thread, and you're talking (well, technically writing) to me.
    So, apparently I'm a control freak. When life becomes too much for me to deal with, I handle it by taking control. I control who I meet / spend time with (think: I'd rather hike alone, than going to a party), my calorie balance (through overly restricting eating and excessive workouts), excessively cleaning (well, vacuuming since have two dogs) and even try controlling the control needs (if that makes sense). The control works wonders. I feel invincible. For a short time. Until I collapse. And get "depressed" (in " " as not medically diagnosed, just feeling very low and dark). And at that time will eat either nothing at all for a period of time, and then mostly junk. Out of control, not binging or massive amounts, just unhealthy and more than I need. Then take control again, and new cycle begins.

    Trying to do things differently now, by working on habits and patterns to help bring me through the dark days without straying to far, and coping tools to deal with life stress. And also practicing the art of sharing, trying to let my better half contribute to a healthier me.

    Hope you're having a great day!

  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    Hey Shel! I'm sorry I didn't come across this post before and not sure how I missed it, except to say I did take a few days off. I've been on this site for about 3 years(?) and have had my ups and downs throughout it all. Right now, I'm back to struggles and challenges but will get back to it. The best way for me to stay on track is the consistent logging and knowing where I stand in my daily calorie goals. But the consistency has been escaping me for the past 2+ weeks. :( Plus I think my goal was to reach 140 and stay there. I'm a 68 yo F 5'9". But every time I've hit 140-141, some stupid whisper gets inside my head and that's when I either get bored/am afraid to reach end point/figure I now deserve treats, etc. Tuesday all I did was eat. :( And the sugar-filled fat-filled tastes really good stuff that I try to severely limit because I know myself and know I cannot stop at one thing. :(

    I hope trying Keto works for you!! It sounds pretty healthy, salmon yum!! Avocadoes Yum!!

    But yeh, I'm here with you and your struggles. It is definitely mind over matter most days for me, and you are not alone in your struggles. Well, that's clearly an understatement because look at what a multi-million or billion dollar enterprise dieting/losing weight, eating healthier has become. It all comes down to finding the best way to live healthy for each of us and what'll work for the rest of our lives.

    Good luck with your endeavors!!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,898 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Hello, sliding on in to say I feel you. My mental health is completely and utterly consumed by my eating habits and vice versa. Like you, when I'm on (weighing, tracking, engaging) I'm great and then as soon as one slips, it all slips.

    For me, I have come to realise that food isn't a comfort or my friend, it's a self harm mechanism. Mental health tanks, guilt sets in, I start bombarding my body with the stuff that's the absolute worst for it, not because it makes me happy or feel good, but the opposite, it's a punishment.

    I also tend to have avoidance issues when my mental health is bad - I stop going into the garden so it gets out of hand, I refuse to look in the back of the fridge or the crisper, so it goes manky, housework goes undone, and I enter this cycle where my environment matches my mental state. It really is all tied together.

    Also like you, I look for fast results and get angry and impatient when I don't get them. "why am I suffering if it's not doing any good?" I ask, all of a week in when the scale hasn't budged. I also suffer from having walked down the weight hill so many times that a loss isn't a victory, it's just a "well I should never have been back at that weight anyway" feeling, so victories are harder to celebrate.

    The other issue I'm dealing with back on the bandwagon is that right now I'm enthused, getting extra walks in, getting off the train a station early, getting those little extra wins, all while the voice in my head says "you're going to stop doing that, so why are you bothering now, you should be looking to build lasting habits, not this surge of enthusiasm which won't last" to which my logic brain says "but why can't it last? why should it stop? why can't this be my new routine? and the only thing stopping that is that it hasn't worked yet, the myriad of times I've tried (and, in fact, succeeded to a point).

    Anyway, thank you for letting me vent and you are not alone in your struggles, and you're not speaking into the void :)

    Yes, as an indication of just how bad things are for me, I neglected my strawberries last month and my peas this month - my two favorite things that I grow.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    I love your posts Shel!!
    Wishing you a great and positive day, and strong healthy weekend!
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Hello, sliding on in to say I feel you. My mental health is completely and utterly consumed by my eating habits and vice versa. Like you, when I'm on (weighing, tracking, engaging) I'm great and then as soon as one slips, it all slips.

    For me, I have come to realise that food isn't a comfort or my friend, it's a self harm mechanism. Mental health tanks, guilt sets in, I start bombarding my body with the stuff that's the absolute worst for it, not because it makes me happy or feel good, but the opposite, it's a punishment.

    I also tend to have avoidance issues when my mental health is bad - I stop going into the garden so it gets out of hand, I refuse to look in the back of the fridge or the crisper, so it goes manky, housework goes undone, and I enter this cycle where my environment matches my mental state. It really is all tied together.

    Also like you, I look for fast results and get angry and impatient when I don't get them. "why am I suffering if it's not doing any good?" I ask, all of a week in when the scale hasn't budged. I also suffer from having walked down the weight hill so many times that a loss isn't a victory, it's just a "well I should never have been back at that weight anyway" feeling, so victories are harder to celebrate.

    The other issue I'm dealing with back on the bandwagon is that right now I'm enthused, getting extra walks in, getting off the train a station early, getting those little extra wins, all while the voice in my head says "you're going to stop doing that, so why are you bothering now, you should be looking to build lasting habits, not this surge of enthusiasm which won't last" to which my logic brain says "but why can't it last? why should it stop? why can't this be my new routine? and the only thing stopping that is that it hasn't worked yet, the myriad of times I've tried (and, in fact, succeeded to a point).

    Anyway, thank you for letting me vent and you are not alone in your struggles, and you're not speaking into the void :)

    Yes, as an indication of just how bad things are for me, I neglected my strawberries last month and my peas this month - my two favorite things that I grow.

    I can really relate to this post. :( I have spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms getting ready to be composted because lately what I've been eating and indulging in, have not been those things. :( I seem to have hit a weaker time in my brain but I know I'll find my way back to the stronger brain cells again.
    Sometimes I just gotta be me. :(
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    I've always thought 'other people' had some magical answer or special powers that they used in those bingeing times, to keep them from doing so. I swear there's a switch inside me somewhere, that is currently in the off mode. When I find the on mode again, I'll get back on track and forge on ahead. I admit it's going to be a lifelong battle, up, down, up down. But I KNOW I will never go back up to where I was before. Those fluctuating 10# is hard enough to deal with. If I had those 85# back, well......I don't know...... :/
    I have no idea if it's hereditary, past trauma, or my childhood habits that keep me up/down. I know my parents both had a sweet tooth, and a tendency to gain weight. So there'd always be treats available. It was always used as a reward for finishing everything on our plates. But come on, how long can I use learned coping behaviors as my excuse? :( I'm the solitary owner of this issue and will attack it once again. :)
  • shel80kg
    shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
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    Hey ReenieHJ,
    I’m sure we have a myriad of memories and experiences which lay the foundation for our eating behaviours. I think we need to identify the core of our learned responses and teach ourselves that we can make different choices. I know we can. Let’s do it as a team. Ok?
    Shel
  • Azurite27
    Azurite27 Posts: 554 Member
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    I actually finally sought out a therapist partly because I was trying all the things that had worked before to lose weight and it just wasn't working. Finally got diagnosed with adhd and learned how it can cause weight gain and binge eating due to low dopamine and bad impulse control. Finally on meds and finding it easier to exercise and stick to calories. The whole lifestyle change and habit making advise just doesn't always work when you're fighting with chemical imbalances in your head.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Hello, sliding on in to say I feel you. My mental health is completely and utterly consumed by my eating habits and vice versa. Like you, when I'm on (weighing, tracking, engaging) I'm great and then as soon as one slips, it all slips.

    For me, I have come to realise that food isn't a comfort or my friend, it's a self harm mechanism. Mental health tanks, guilt sets in, I start bombarding my body with the stuff that's the absolute worst for it, not because it makes me happy or feel good, but the opposite, it's a punishment.

    I also tend to have avoidance issues when my mental health is bad - I stop going into the garden so it gets out of hand, I refuse to look in the back of the fridge or the crisper, so it goes manky, housework goes undone, and I enter this cycle where my environment matches my mental state. It really is all tied together.

    Also like you, I look for fast results and get angry and impatient when I don't get them. "why am I suffering if it's not doing any good?" I ask, all of a week in when the scale hasn't budged. I also suffer from having walked down the weight hill so many times that a loss isn't a victory, it's just a "well I should never have been back at that weight anyway" feeling, so victories are harder to celebrate.

    The other issue I'm dealing with back on the bandwagon is that right now I'm enthused, getting extra walks in, getting off the train a station early, getting those little extra wins, all while the voice in my head says "you're going to stop doing that, so why are you bothering now, you should be looking to build lasting habits, not this surge of enthusiasm which won't last" to which my logic brain says "but why can't it last? why should it stop? why can't this be my new routine? and the only thing stopping that is that it hasn't worked yet, the myriad of times I've tried (and, in fact, succeeded to a point).

    Anyway, thank you for letting me vent and you are not alone in your struggles, and you're not speaking into the void :)

    Yes, as an indication of just how bad things are for me, I neglected my strawberries last month and my peas this month - my two favorite things that I grow.

    I can really relate to this post. :( I have spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms getting ready to be composted because lately what I've been eating and indulging in, have not been those things. :( I seem to have hit a weaker time in my brain but I know I'll find my way back to the stronger brain cells again.
    Sometimes I just gotta be me. :(

    I have said more than once that the fastest way to assess my current mental health is to look in my vegetable crisper, because as soon as I start slipping, I ignore that drawer of the fridge and everything in there slowly turns to sludge... just like my brain, lol.
  • shel80kg
    shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
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    Hi Rockani,
    Sounds like you are doing it tough with friends who are busy, financial challenges, PMS and the all too familiar reliance on food to sooth your yucky feelings. Well done coping. I guess it is all about breaking patterns and habits and you are doing that. Be kind and gentle with yourself and know that you have friends here. I think there is strength in numbers and together we can support one another through the confronting and difficult moments of temptation and weakness. We are more than our eating habits/compulsions. Think about your body in a positive and loving way and imagine how much better you will feel when you achieve your important goals. You are already on this platform so you are already a winner and certainly taking steps in the right direction. Well done!!
  • shel80kg
    shel80kg Posts: 148 Member
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    We are amazing!
    No-one can do this for us ....just our amazing selves
    No-one can fill our hearts and souls...food won't do it in any sustaining ways
    We are the therapy, and we are the cure
    Just and always.....our amazing selves
    Shel
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited July 2022
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    shel80kg wrote: »
    I wasn't so amazing yesterday. 4ooo K down my throat. I felt depressed, sad and overwhelmed. I feel like I will never reach my goals and instead will go back to no control or balance. I know this isn't true but it feels like it could be true. I just wanted you to know that I am not immune from doubt and fear. I'll get back to the plan. It just gets hard sometimes. Doesn't it?

    Definitely hard sometimes. :( But not impossible. We all have days like that. I know I've had days where I cannot shove enough inside to keep me 'full'. Even though I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. I recently went through a week like that +/-, ended up gaining 3# so got back to it on Monday. I re-entered new numbers and goals, made sure my fridge was packed with healthy choices and have entered every single morsel that passed my lips.

    My goal is to stay 98% committed but not strict, get enough protein and add more veggies. If I feel myself thinking those negative 'need food NOW' thoughts but know I'm not really that kind of hungry, I'll either grab some gum, go outside to my garden, read, find something to do that'll take my mind away, drink some SF hot chocolate(I know, crazy right now but it does help) or a cup of coffee.

    I also do a lot of self-talk, telling myself my goals, or that I can wait another hour til dinner and then I'll have........ Something else I imagine a lot is gaining 20-25#(like I did last fall) and picture myself having to up my size again.

    No person is perfect. We all have to be gentle with ourselves, ask us what can get us to where we want to be and wake up to a new day, new thoughts.

    Good luck!!!!

    ETA: You are so wrong. You are amazing every day, because you're here. You're trying. With every try you're learning. You're gaining experience. Even if you've done this 100x(like me :( ) that next effort will be the one that works. So don't give up, but keep getting up to start again.

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