So much of this journey is lonely...
jklm
Posts: 281
So much of this journey is lonely. I've lost 29 lbs and no one but my husband and therapist have said anything about it to me. I don't understand that and was feeling weird about it like there must be something really wrong with me or maybe I'm so really huge that no one will notice until I lose the whole 70 lbs. I'm usually an inner-driven person who doesn't need encouragement or attention from others to do what I know is the right thing to do. And I've known for several years that I need to make changes in my lifestyle to get healthy and fit.
I was always thin and active growing up and was raised with a healthy diet, so kudos to my mom and dad for that. I began to gain weight during my second marriage when relationship issues made me depressed. I began to overeat and not excercise...so much so, that in the past 15 years I put on 5 lbs each year and kept it! So that's how I got to 229.
My husband and I went for counseling and continue to do so. Things are getting better for us. I joined MFP and you all have helped me get to ONEderland this week (snuck in with 199.8!).
So why am I feeling down today? Finally last night I saw my mom take a double look at me and she said begrudgingly..."You're losing weight." I was surprised and said thank you. End of subject for her, no follow up questions. No interest in me or my process or my success...just a fact..."You're losing weight". Oh, well...that's mom.
And that's probably why my whole life I've been so inner-driven. I've GOT to depend on myself. I don't think I'm alone in this. I've read so many stories on MFP similiar to mine. And you know what? I've decided we're pretty awesome. Even though the journey to our weight goal is lonely and difficult most of the time...we just don't give up or in! We MFPs are there for each other and we show up for each other's sorrows, successes and daily struggles to a reach a better, healthier, fitter US!
I want to THANK YOU all for inspiriring and helping me get to ONEderland and I want to be here for YOU to help you meet your goals, too. I know I'm not alone anymore and neither are you. We Can Do This!
Hugs,
Jill
I was always thin and active growing up and was raised with a healthy diet, so kudos to my mom and dad for that. I began to gain weight during my second marriage when relationship issues made me depressed. I began to overeat and not excercise...so much so, that in the past 15 years I put on 5 lbs each year and kept it! So that's how I got to 229.
My husband and I went for counseling and continue to do so. Things are getting better for us. I joined MFP and you all have helped me get to ONEderland this week (snuck in with 199.8!).
So why am I feeling down today? Finally last night I saw my mom take a double look at me and she said begrudgingly..."You're losing weight." I was surprised and said thank you. End of subject for her, no follow up questions. No interest in me or my process or my success...just a fact..."You're losing weight". Oh, well...that's mom.
And that's probably why my whole life I've been so inner-driven. I've GOT to depend on myself. I don't think I'm alone in this. I've read so many stories on MFP similiar to mine. And you know what? I've decided we're pretty awesome. Even though the journey to our weight goal is lonely and difficult most of the time...we just don't give up or in! We MFPs are there for each other and we show up for each other's sorrows, successes and daily struggles to a reach a better, healthier, fitter US!
I want to THANK YOU all for inspiriring and helping me get to ONEderland and I want to be here for YOU to help you meet your goals, too. I know I'm not alone anymore and neither are you. We Can Do This!
Hugs,
Jill
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Replies
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Your attitude is fantastic and very inspiring! It is a lonely journey at times - good for you for keeping your chin up and sticking with it, despite a lack of encouragement from those close to you. Thanks for your post!0
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You are an amazing, strong woman
And you're right about mfp. These guys and gals are here any time (day or night it seems) to be there for us when we need it. You've got your head & heart in the right place and CONGRATULATIONS on reaching the one's!!!!!!! 0 -
Keep going Jill! Remember there's always people here who will offer support! We're all in the same boat! Feel free to add me if you want.
Heather0 -
Hi Jill- I too grew up having to be highly self motivated and "inner-driven." I relate a lot to what you are saying, and it's tough when people you are close to do not even take notice of the progress you are making (Your mom's comment sounds IDENTICAL to my mom's way of paying a compliment, btw).
Congratulations for taking the road to be a healthier by meeting weight loss and exercise goals! I know you will reach your ultimate goal before you know it!0 -
Well I think you are doing great, and if they don't notice that's too bad but in the end it's about you and for you and your health and only you can do it, and no matter what they say or don't say - you're gonna be so much better for it.
Keep up the good work!0 -
Amazing Story, Thank you for you sharing:):) Never Give Up On Your Healthy Life Journey:):):flowerforyou:0
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I feel the same way sometimes. But, even when I do get compliments I do not believe them because I see what I see and it is not what other people see. I have lost 36 lbs and to me I still look the same. But, you just keep doing what you are doing and not only will others see the results but you will too. The journey can be hard and lonely but it can be done. Good luck!0
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I totally understand your feeling. You should be proud of yourself!! Everybody is natural to want validation from the outside world and it sucks when we don't get it. But don't let that discourage you. Let it DRIVE you to do even more!!!!0
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Eat, and the World eats with you. Diet and you diet alone. You'll find lots of support here. You can friend me if you like - but I have a very bad attitude0
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Do you notice it? Give yourself the credit you deserve and others will too. For me I check myself out, shake my booty in the mirror and I don't compare myself to others as often as I used to. Now I appreciate myself and other people more b/c I see them and not them in relation to me, which is like looking at a piece of art through a piece of sheer fabric, how can you see all the beautiful paint strokes that way. You can't that's the answer. So focus on how strong your body is getting, make more goals and keep going. Be gentle when you slip up, that's an opportunity to do better in the future. You're doing great work but if you don't give yourself credit then others will naturally follow suit. Its human nature. Good work sharing, that's something to be proud of too. You're not alone and you're stronger than you think.0
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keep in mind that you are doing this for YOU first and foremost. I bet you are already feeling the benefits of your healthy lifestyle. Remember those benefits and know that they will only improve and intensify as you continue on your journey.
As for other folks noticing, there is a downside to that. I've been at a point in my journey where a lot of folks tell me how great I look and how great I've done. Some of them are even surprised to learn I still have another 20ish pounds to lose. I appreciate their comments, sure, but I know I'm not at (or near) my goal and I know there's still a lot of work to do. However, sometimes too many positive comments screw with the mind and they let the complacency creep in the door. I have to fight off the mental thoughts of "yeah, I am much better off now than when I started the journey and I can afford to have that homemade oatmeal raising cookie I love...and who cares if I have 10 toppings on my frozen yogurt, eh, its just a small amount of each topping and the yogurt is only 25 calories per ounce". I've acted on some of those thoughts and haven't worked as diligently towards my goal for some periods of the summer. I'm now back to winning the battle against the complacency creep. I now remind myself that 200 isn't was never my goal. I remind myself how easy it was to gain the weight back (afterall, I lost this same 50 pounds in 2005, but never finished the mission then as I lost track of the goal and its benefits). I remind myself of how much better I feel now...and tell myself I will feel even better 20 pounds from now.
Stay true to your journey. You are doing GREAT so far!0 -
:flowerforyou: Just by reading this you have the attitude to continue your journey.
If you need support just message me and add me as a friend.
You are doing great!!!:happy:0 -
Thank you so much everybody! There is so much wisdom and experience in your comments. I am so glad I reached out and posted this topic. I'm feeling lots better and even a little proud of my accomplishment. I am doing this for me and it does feel good to be 40% of the way to my goal weight. Thank you for your support and understanding! I'm going to stay on track and focused...and I'm going to be there for YOU, too!
Hugs,
Jill0 -
Are you wearing the same old clothes from 30 lbs ago?
part of a reason people notice weight loss is not just the actual slimness... it's the new smaller clothes & your attitude in them! I know it sounds corny but what you feel inside really does show on the outside.
Do you feel sexier? Prettier? Dress accordingly because you're not the same! Sure you're the same on the inside almost... you have more self worth now don't you?! Dress & act like you have more self worth, people will notice
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I wouldn't be too hard on your Mom--only you know if this is a typical reaction to your other accomplishments ... speaking personally, I don't make a really big deal about a friend's or family member's weight loss because there's almost a flip side criticism that I disapproved of their weight beforehand. I love them for who they are and not whether he or she makes food choices or has a lifestyle I agree with or not. It's tricky complimenting someone on improving their appearance, choices or habits. Naturally I'm happy he or she is on the path to better health and proud for their accomplishment, and like you suggest: it should be done for yourself and not for effusive praise from others.
I compare it to any other accomplishment like completing a diploma, decorating their home beautifully, growing a lush garden, building a treehouse for the kids, or baking yummy cookies ... acknowledge what he or she has done sincerely ... because, in some way it's not surprising-- they are an amazing person.0 -
I too feel like this is a lonely journey and that I am invisible to the world (which is ironic given how much I weigh!)
But you're not alone, you have us! I'm going to add you and we can do this together! 0 -
Thank you for sharing your story. I think we have all felt that at one point or another. Keep in mind, some people are just not good at 'complimenting' other people and don't know how to go about it. The only opinion that matters is your own. You know how far you have come. You should feel proud about that! You're doing awesome. 0
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I work with a lady who loss over 30 pounds but I did not notice until she came into the office one day with new slimmer clothing on. I was amazed and wondered how I did not notice her weight loss before. So new clothes can make a difference. She also had a new hair cut with blond highlights. It was like she had an extreme make over.
I am still wearing my same clothes but I plan to do a big reveal once I reach my goal. So far only one person at work has commented about my weight loss but I down played it.0 -
Jill,
I so understand where you are coming from. I weighed over 300 lbs when I started this journey 2 months ago and I've lost 26 pounds. Even I can see it in my face, never mind the looser clothes I'm wearing. The ONLY person who has noticed or at least said something to me is a woman I work with that I have barely known for 3 months. She had been out for two weeks and came in and started complimenting me on how good I looked. My husband, who knows how much I've worked at this...has said nothing. I can truly appreciate your feelings of loneliness Keep up the great effort and work!! 0 -
I thought of this verse when I read your post: Hebrews 13:5 because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Isn't this a totally awesome verse. It says that we are NEVER alone. And even better is the hope that follows in the next verse: 6 So we say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”0 -
We want to know about your successes, pitfalls and we are ok with your shortcomings because we know you are more than just your faults... we all have them.0
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What I experienced (last time around) was that people didn't notice for the longest time, and then everyone started noticing at once. It was like someone flipped a switch or something. And then they were all saying things about how I'd obviously lost a lot. I was confused, too. If you can suddenly tell I've lost a good bit, why didn't you notice I'd lost some 15 or 20 lbs ago? But that's just the way people are. They may have actually noticed something before, but just couldn't decide what it was that was different. (New hairstyle or color? New clothes? Can't decide, won't comment.) And I"m one who is slow to comment on someone else's weight loss because I don't know how they'll take it. I was a paradox of being embarrassed for anyone to comment on my weight in any form (just ignore the white elephant in the room :-p) but wanting to have my efforts validated by people noticing. Finally, I've decided that I'll just say, "You look amazing!" and leave it open to them if they want to get into a discussion of *why* they look great.
I had a mother that might make a complimentary comment about me to someone else, but she didn't actually give them to me. I knew she loved me deeply, but there was just something about paying me compliments to my face that didn't happen. Sometimes I got the feeling she thought it wouldn't be "constructive"--she was big on "constructive criticism." Maybe your mom is the same way? Anyway, don't let the lack of compliments get you down. They'll come, probably soon. But YOU know, and your husband knows, and we know! Just keep on keeping on with the great work!0 -
I know exactly how you feel. I was doing this for 5 months and had lost 30+ lbs before anyone said anything. Other than my mom and my husband, but they knew I was doing it.
:grumble: :grumble: :grumble:
Oh boy!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: The person who did notice and said something got a big hug in the middle of Walmart. :drinker: :drinker:0 -
You've got the right attitude and the internal drive. Congratulations on your weight loss so far. You've inspired me!0
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Thank you MFP friends...I'm learning that even though I felt lonely, I was never alone! That's been an eyeopener for me and I'm so grateful to you for the support, understanding and encouragement you've given me. After reading everything you've written...I'm a little teary eyed, but I've learned a lot and plan on following through on suggestions for getting rid of baggy clothes and not expecting others to notice my weight loss. It's true...sometimes we just don't know whether we should mention it or not to someone who has been overweight for a long time. I am doing it for me and I will continue to do so. I already feel healthier with the 29 lbs gone and am eager to stay on track for the next 41 to be gone, too. Thank you so much!
Hugs and best wishes for a healthy day to all!
Jill0 -
HI!I hear everything you were saying and feeling.I know I had over 120 lbs to loose when I started out.I also was thin growing up.I had 7 pregnacies and an abusive 1st husband.I ate my feelings,and ended up 250 lbs 30 years later.I met my currant husband ,I loved to cook,so I thought cooking and eating was the healthy thing to do.Had no idea what healthy eating was.For me,lots of carbs,meat and very little veg and fruits whenever.
It took 2 knee surgery and 2 wise drs to show me how i was destroying my body.My knees could stand the 300lbs i put on.
I guess I`m getting off track,But it was a long lonely journey at times.My hubby could eat what he wanted as long as he exercised.My kids were growning up on junk food,once they got older.I would feel like I was being punished at times,because I was on a restricted diet.No one understood me.I would take pics of all the family occasions,but rarely was their a pic of me.
As I started to realized this was my journey and no one else`s. I realized it`s up to me to do this.If I want to take the rest of my life,if I have that time to loose or do it the unhealthy way,over exercise and starve myself.It`s my choice ,no one is stuffing food in my mouth.I`m the one that can make that choice.
Thanks for sharing your story.You aren`t alone with your friend on MFP>I know i`m so grateful for them.it sure helps when you ar going thru a hard time and need the support.
Didn`t mean to go on about me.it`s not about me.It`s about you.
Good job!so proud of you
jane:drinker:0 -
Thank you for sharing your story. And, congratulations on your loss.
From my personal experience, that I hope you will find helpful: Remember that what people say (or do not say) is a reflection of them, not of you. And remember that to a large degree, you can chose to have supportive people in your life - or not. Joining this site seems like an important step to developing your own supportive community. While we cannot change our mom's, we can add others to our lives who we can support and who will support us.
My own self image issues, and family history have resulted in my bringing negative/emotionally abusive people into my life. Understanding this problem has led me to correct it. We cannot change people who are in our lives, but we can chose who we invite into our lives. We have a great deal of control over this, at least in the long run.
Again, best wishes & congratulations.0 -
Woo hoo! Congratulations to getting to Onederland! that is a huge accomplishment! And I'll bet that people are noticing but the reason that they haven't said anything is because they are jealous because you are making a change and looking better and they are not. Its a lot easier for people to put others down than to get off of their rear ends and make any changes for themselves unfortunately. Don't let them get you down. Go you! that is a huge accomplishment!0
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Your post here inspired me to join this site/program. This morning I was feeling glum and thinking about how I've lost 18 pounds (out of 45) I need to lose, and no one seems to have noticed. And when I pass on dessert or tell a waiter to leave off the fries or the chips, someone will usually make a comment that implies that I'm the spoilsport in the group or the family. It is a long, lonely road. All I can say is hurray for you for your progress to date, and hang is there! Thank you for posting this. It helped me a lot to find a kindred soul.0
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They will notice soon enough. Just stick with it.0
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