Starting over, Frustrated, feeling hopeless

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Sissylynn1979
Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
in Getting Started
I am losing... not weight, but my MIND.

I've been doing this for like 6 years. I hit some "highest" weight, start losing weight, do REALLY well for months (like losing 50-80 lbs in a few months) and then... slide off, somehow. And gain it all back. And gain even more.

Then I look up and it's been a year and I weigh myself and I have hit my "highest" weight, and the cycle just repeats, endlessly.

I know all the math. I have memorized the formulas for BMI and BMR, for TDEE and NEAT. I know the decimals to use for different factors like activity level and outliers in height, and I probably have a bigger *mental* database of the calories in specific foods than MFP does. And I always think that HELPS, but it doesn't. It makes it worse. Because I end up giving advice which works great for other people. So then when I say something STUPID and start talking myself into a corner, no one disputes it. Everyone goes "oh well... you know better than I do, so I guess that makes sense..." and so I do the stupid thing and suddenly I'm eating worse and worse and it snowballs.

Anyway... stats: 43, Female, 5'1", Today's weight was 276. History is...

February 2017: Had trouble fitting on a ride with my kid at a theme park. Bought a scale. Weighed myself... 202 lbs. Over 200 lbs!!! Highest Weight Ever. Did a bunch of research and found that every diet works based on calories, so learned everything I could. Set my goal as ~1500kcal/day. Did alright. Was off on a lot of days, but I was figuring it out. Hit 160 in July, and decided to stop tracking so I could focus on quitting smoking (failed at that). 42 lbs lost in 5 months.

March 2019: Found my scale getting ready for spring cleaning. 220 lbs. New Highest Weight. Started tracking calories with a goal of 1400kcal/day. Had a rough start but then started doing well. Was... kinda off and on. I made a lot of mistakes. But overall did well. Made it till October. It got cold, stopped going out much, started eating more comfort foods, I guess. In October I weighed in at 172 lbs. 48 lbs lost in 7 months.

February 2021: End of the month weighed at the doctor's office. 244 lbs. New Highest Weight. Started tracking calories with a goal of ~1200kcal/day. Everything was going great. Was losing about 3 lbs per week on average. Literally nothing happened. Gave myself a cheat day for my birthday. Mid August. Weighed in at 183 lbs. 61 lbs lost in 5.5 months.

April 2022: Saw the scale the day before Easter. 273 lbs. New Highest Weight. Started tracking calories with a goal of ~1500kcal/day. Was going great, plateaued a lil and started doing a fast every Saturday. Hit another plateau and went low carb (still 1500kcal/day). Wanted to quit smoking and convinced myself and everyone else that was the priority, and that I needed to be able to snack while I quit. Last time I weighed in was in late August 2022. I was at 231 lbs. 42 lbs lost in 4.5 months.

April 2023: Stepped on the scale April 1st, end of the day, because my daughter said it was showing letters (April fool's joke). I weighted 280 lbs exactly. New Highest Weight.

I have lost 193lbs in 6 years, but I weigh more than I ever have. And I've been trying to just get back on the wagon for 3 days but I get all depressed and tell myself how hopeless it is and just... don't.

I've made a new account here so I don't fall into old crap. I don't know if I should do the same things I've always done... it WAS working, but it never *stuck*.

I don't know what to do at all. I ate something like 5500 kcal on the 1st, and that's assuming I remembered everything after the fact. It's like each time I fail, I eat *more* than I did before I tried. I can barely walk at this point. I don't feel confident or motivated this time. I feel like I'm going to fail, and eventually eat myself to death.

Every time I get any sort of accountability person, they end up fading out, and I have no support.

I don't know what I need. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm posting this. I just want to be okay.

If anyone has any advice/insight or knows how to kick my tush into gear, I'd love to hear it. Otherwise, I guess I probably will just use this post as a sort of check in point? IDK

I always felt confident/motivated before, so I just... don't know. :cry:
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Replies

  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    I would say that your daughter needs you. You already know that. You already are beating yourself up plenty.

    Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you're really hard on yourself and when you fail just say, "eff it," because it's easier. I get it, I did that for a while when I first started trying to lose weight in 2007.

    I mean, there's no easing up and eating whatever I want after weight loss and the scale has to be part of a lot of peoples' ongoing maintenance, so is food logging. It's really the only way for me, log food, step on the body weight scale. Do I wanna? No. Do I wanna gain weight, though? No.

    I had to pick one.

    I don't get to eat like I want. It's just reality. Every single day I have to make compromises and sacrifices. I try to keep myself busy, check in here every day, log food, get some exercise, eat my vegetables and save sweets for SPECIAL occasions. Like once or twice a month, not after every meal.

    I don't blame anyone but myself. I ate that food. No one force fed me. I don't have support anywhere but on this site, but really no one can stop my hand going to my mouth. That's on me.

    Yeah, I know you're right. I tell people all the time it's a lifestyle change, and that means for a lifetime. I just... can't seem to stick to it.

    I was in therapy for a long time, but it's not covered anymore, so I had to stop. Maybe that's the difference in how I feel starting out this time? Probably need to figure something out for that, lol.

    Or just start frickin logging again, and trust the process, idk...

    Thank you for replying, it actually feels better just having a reply, idk why :tongue:
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
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    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    Use your refreshing honesty to your advantage. You've been around the weight loss block before and know what it takes. What if you started this time with a higher calorie goal? Tell yourself that it's not a race, you've got all the time in the world to figure it out, but you're starting.

    Then just keep going. I read something about weight loss needing to enhance one's life and not feel like punishment. So keep eating things you love, but just coast the goal downwards over time. Gently. Consistently.

    Spring is here in the U.S. and you can get outside and walk or garden, and just breathe fresh air.

    Lol yeah, I always seem to start around the start of spring. Weird, huh?

    Maybe the higher calorie goal is the way to go... I can lose fairly rapidly at 1500, but 1800 would still let me lose weight for about 50 lbs, lol.

    Might just be starting out too strict... and then there's nowhere to go from there?

    Ugh, I should have this all figured out by now!

    Thanks for the reply. Maybe I will try to go out and get some of that fresh air. Might just need some sunshine to get my head back on straight!! :sunglasses:

  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    You CAN stick with it.

    It's okay to have an off day or even an off week on holiday... I had a ton of those along the way. But I lost my 80 pounds back in 2007-08 and I've kept it off. I'm not gonna blow sunshine at you and say it's been easy.

    Get back at it, though. ASAP.


    If you were driving from Florida to New York and you took a wrong left turn somewhere, would you keep driving until you hit the Pacific Ocean? Of course not. You'd turn around somewhere a whole heckofalot sooner.

    Do that. :flowerforyou:

    I mean... when you put it like that, it sounds pretty silly, lol. :tongue:

    Going to go out and get some air, and clear my head. I think I just realized I'd already *lost* more than I need to lose and still not any closer to goal, and it was just... disheartening? IDK.

    Thank you for the encouragement. I'mma figure this out eventually.

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,079 Member
    edited April 2023
    Options
    ...and get rid of all clothes as soon as they're too big!


    ...and elastic is not your friend.
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    ...and get rid of all clothes as soon as they're too big!


    ...and elastic is not your friend.

    Lol! Stop looking in my closet :grimace:

    I *have* been keeping old clothes even when I get smaller ones. Omg, what if that's the whole issue?! (kidding ofc, but you're probably right about getting rid of them!)
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,721 Member
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    Good advice from others above, and it's heartening to see that you're processing it productively. (Not everyone who posts here does that. Some just rant and leave. That you're engaging suggests that you're finding your new on-ramp to progress toward your goals.

    Just don't stop. Stop stopping. If something isn't working for you, try something else. Keep chipping away when you have the emotional energy to make changes in your habits, then coast on those new habits when you don't have the energy to make change. That can work.

    Couple comments embedded below.
    Sissylynn1979 wrote: »
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    Use your refreshing honesty to your advantage. You've been around the weight loss block before and know what it takes. What if you started this time with a higher calorie goal? Tell yourself that it's not a race, you've got all the time in the world to figure it out, but you're starting.

    Then just keep going. I read something about weight loss needing to enhance one's life and not feel like punishment. So keep eating things you love, but just coast the goal downwards over time. Gently. Consistently.

    Spring is here in the U.S. and you can get outside and walk or garden, and just breathe fresh air.

    Lol yeah, I always seem to start around the start of spring. Weird, huh?
    IMO, not even remotely weird, at least not if you're North of the equator. Personally, I have more trouble with food cravings in Fall, as the days start getting shorter and the weather colder. In Winter (which tends to be extra-gloomy here, on top of the shorter days everyone in the Northern hemisphere has), I think I have some mild seasonal affective disorder (SAD), lower mood.

    Is it possible that some of that is going on for you, too?

    A manageable (but non-zero) exercise schedule, a SAD light, conscious attention to my mood (and mood-boosters) are things that help me, but Winter's always a bit of a slog, realistically. I'm not saying those tactics would help you . . . but is it possible that there is some element of the short days/cooler weather set of triggers? If so, what might help you manage that more happily? (Rhetorical question, BTW.)

    Maybe the higher calorie goal is the way to go... I can lose fairly rapidly at 1500, but 1800 would still let me lose weight for about 50 lbs, lol.

    Might just be starting out too strict... and then there's nowhere to go from there?

    I'm a believer in working out how to make weight management (relatively) easy, rather than super fast. Slow loss that's sustainable can get us to goal weight in less calendar time than an aggressive loss rate that involves restriction-triggered overeating, longer breaks in action, maybe even giving up altogether for long time periods.

    So, yeah - higher calorie goal, smaller deficit. As a bonus, that can help you learn how to eat in reasonably happy habitual patterns that will carry you into long-term weight maintenance. Try to stick with foods you actually enjoy, just adjusting portion sizes, proportions on the plate, frequencies to dial in reasonable calories and decent-ish nutrition on average the overwhelming majority of days. (Don't worry about the rare day when something different happens: It's a drop in the ocean.) Practical, affordable things are easier to establish as routine eating habits that can continue almost on autopilot forever.

    If you decide to increase movement so you can eat slightly more calories while losing at the same rate, and improve fitness, keep that gradual/manageable, too, and look for fun things (or at least tolerable ones). It can be exercise, it can be daily life movement. Either/both burn calories, as you know. Do things that can become relatively happy habits there, too.
    Ugh, I should have this all figured out by now!

    Theory is easy. Implementation is the b-word. You can figure out the implementation.

    Give yourself some grace. If something doesn't work for you, that's not a character fault, it just wasn't the right plan for you. Try something else that sounds manageable.

    Major suffering is optional: Fat is not a sin you need to expiate via punitive exercise or hyper-restrictive eating rules. Guilt or stress burn no extra calories, and stress can add water weight.
    Thanks for the reply. Maybe I will try to go out and get some of that fresh air. Might just need some sunshine to get my head back on straight!! :sunglasses:

    Sunshine is good. ;)

    Best wishes :flowerforyou:
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,789 Member
    edited April 2023
    Options
    I started in your middlin’ vicinity, and have maintained for several years.

    What strikes me is you make big changes, lose big weight and bounce back.

    Why not handle this as a slow treatment and self healing process for your own self? Go slow. Choose a habit at a time to change and make those changes stick. Give yourself more calories per day versus trying to punish yourself. Because that’s what the whole process sounds like. Calorie punishment. Mental punishment. Self talk punishment.

    You’ve got a whole world out there happy to punish you- if that’s the attitude you chose to take, and it sounds like you’ve lost control of some aspects of your life. But you’re in control of what’s inside your door, or mouth for that matter.

    Stand up for yourself even if it’s only in the matter of food to start with. Eventually that attitude filters out into other aspects of life. Loud large and in charge is a lot better than weak, needy and submissive. Been there done that.

    I’d also question why you’re losing your confidence. Is it something (or someone) external? Having just been through this with someone near and dear, anyone who might be tearing you down is toxic. It’s been like watching a flower bloom again watching them regain their confidence after setting a bad experience to the side.

    I wish all of this for you.

    You’ve got lots of support here, even though we’re all “invisible”.

  • kelliward1
    kelliward1 Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    I'm a serial diet starter and quitter. I would do great for awhile and then have a cheat meal...then a cheat day that turned into a whole cheat weekend and then just eventually go back to my bad habits. Last year I did Noom for about 6 months...and learning the psychology of how we think of food and dieting really has helped me stick better this time. I've also started listening to the Lose 100 lbs podcast and the host Corrine has also brought out some things that makes me understand why I would see food as I do and also about how to listen to my body and not my emotions. Learning to do this one step at a time and not make some big lifestyle changes that I'm not going to continue to do once I lose the weight is another thing she talks about. I will warn you she does curse if you don't want your child to hear that.
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Good advice from others above, and it's heartening to see that you're processing it productively. (Not everyone who posts here does that. Some just rant and leave. That you're engaging suggests that you're finding your new on-ramp to progress toward your goals.

    Just don't stop. Stop stopping. If something isn't working for you, try something else. Keep chipping away when you have the emotional energy to make changes in your habits, then coast on those new habits when you don't have the energy to make change. That can work.

    Lol and then I immediately stop replying for a bit (went to get fresh air, don't worry!)

    I know I need to stop stopping... I swear, I say that every time! And then a few months later I ... stop. Need a break or something idk, lol.
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    IMO, not even remotely weird, at least not if you're North of the equator. Personally, I have more trouble with food cravings in Fall, as the days start getting shorter and the weather colder. In Winter (which tends to be extra-gloomy here, on top of the shorter days everyone in the Northern hemisphere has), I think I have some mild seasonal affective disorder (SAD), lower mood.

    Is it possible that some of that is going on for you, too?

    A manageable (but non-zero) exercise schedule, a SAD light, conscious attention to my mood (and mood-boosters) are things that help me, but Winter's always a bit of a slog, realistically. I'm not saying those tactics would help you . . . but is it possible that there is some element of the short days/cooler weather set of triggers? If so, what might help you manage that more happily? (Rhetorical question, BTW.)

    Oh wow probably!! I live north of ...almost everywhere, tbh. It's sub-zero for like 4-5months here... Might need to take that into account and come up with a game plan for the fall/winter months :smile:

    AnnPT77 wrote: »

    I'm a believer in working out how to make weight management (relatively) easy, rather than super fast. Slow loss that's sustainable can get us to goal weight in less calendar time than an aggressive loss rate that involves restriction-triggered overeating, longer breaks in action, maybe even giving up altogether for long time periods.

    So, yeah - higher calorie goal, smaller deficit. As a bonus, that can help you learn how to eat in reasonably happy habitual patterns that will carry you into long-term weight maintenance. Try to stick with foods you actually enjoy, just adjusting portion sizes, proportions on the plate, frequencies to dial in reasonable calories and decent-ish nutrition on average the overwhelming majority of days. (Don't worry about the rare day when something different happens: It's a drop in the ocean.) Practical, affordable things are easier to establish as routine eating habits that can continue almost on autopilot forever.

    If you decide to increase movement so you can eat slightly more calories while losing at the same rate, and improve fitness, keep that gradual/manageable, too, and look for fun things (or at least tolerable ones). It can be exercise, it can be daily life movement. Either/both burn calories, as you know. Do things that can become relatively happy habits there, too.

    Yeah... honestly I think it's a combination of factors... at "ideal" or healthy weight, with a fairly sedentary lifestyle, my TDEE would be around 1400 ... so I keep wanting to just... eat like that from the jump...


    And now that I'm introspecting... I think that I keep thinking I'm going to give up after awhile so I want to get it done while I have the motivation. Which is like... planning to fail, lol.
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Theory is easy. Implementation is the b-word. You can figure out the implementation.

    Give yourself some grace. If something doesn't work for you, that's not a character fault, it just wasn't the right plan for you. Try something else that sounds manageable.

    Major suffering is optional: Fat is not a sin you need to expiate via punitive exercise or hyper-restrictive eating rules. Guilt or stress burn no extra calories, and stress can add water weight.

    I think you're right. I have probably gotten too wrapped up in the math, trying to do everything like... point-perfect, and that's really not sustainable. Going to have to go back to the drawing board and come up with some *realistic* goals this time!
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Sunshine is good. ;)

    Best wishes :flowerforyou:

    Thanks! It actually helped my mood a LOT (might have even burned a few kcals shivering, because it's still cold out, lol! And thank you for the in-depth reply. Got me thinking a lot! :heart:
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    springlering62 wrote: »
    I started in your middlin’ vicinity, and have maintained for several years.

    What strikes me is you make big changes, lose big weight and bounce back.

    Why not handle this as a slow treatment and self healing process for your own self? Go slow. Choose a habit at a time to change and make those changes stick. Give yourself more calories per day versus trying to punish yourself. Because that’s what the whole process sounds like. Calorie punishment. Mental punishment. Self talk punishment.

    You’ve got a whole world out there happy to punish you- if that’s the attitude you chose to take, and it sounds like you’ve lost control of some aspects of your life. But you’re in control of what’s inside your door, or mouth for that matter.

    Stand up for yourself even if it’s only in the matter of food to start with. Eventually that attitude filters out into other aspects of life. Loud large and in charge is a lot better than weak, needy and submissive. Been there done that.

    I’d also question why you’re losing your confidence. Is it something (or someone) external? Having just been through this with someone near and dear, anyone who might be tearing you down is toxic. It’s been like watching a flower bloom again watching them regain their confidence after setting a bad experience to the side.

    I wish all of this for you.

    You’ve got lots of support here, even though we’re all “invisible”.

    Hmm... no, there's no one tearing me down except me, lol. Although I think I probably have been kicking myself more than I should.

    I think everyone here has said a lot of the same thing about like... slowing down. I have been going to extremes, I think.

    Or, well, not extreme as in unhealthy, but like... probably way more than I can handle.

    Even now MFP is saying I should eat at 1280 or something and I'd lose pretty fast on that, but then how will it be any different from before?! So I might adjust that up a bit and see what happens... only lower it if I don't lose any weight?

    I like the "self-healing" perspective. I could probably work with that a lot easier.

    It's a lot to think about. All these replies are a big help and I'm in a lot better mood now :smiley:

    Just gotta figure out the next steps, I suppose!

    Thanks for the reply and the insight!
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    Lietchi wrote: »
    You mentioned trying to lose weight quickly because you think you'll run out of motivation. But motivation is precisely what you shouldn't be building your weight loss on 🙂

    Most of my weight loss journey I wasn't particularly motivated (except in a deeper way of wanting to feel healthier, ...). Mostly I just soldiered on by habit. Habit of logging my food, habit of weighing myself, habit of sticking to my calorie goal (most of the time), habit of being more active and exercising.

    Yeah... I tend to BE super motivated starting out, and then quickly institute new "habits". And 3+ months in, I start to tell myself the habits are set, and I don't need to be on top of it all the time... and then, well:
    Aside from that, one thing strikes me when reading your story: you stop weighing yourself and then 'rediscover' the scale and see you've gained a lot of weight. Do you stop weighing when you start to 'lose the plot'/ start regaining? Or do you think you start regaining because you are no longer weighing yourself? Weighing myself daily and entering the data into a weight trending app is something that, for me, is important because it keeps my head in the game.

    Sort of both? I will quite literally talk myself (and everyone else!) into the idea of me "taking a break" or "easing up" or... whatever, really. So then I stop tracking and then stop weighing because the scale isn't moving. Or I stop weighing myself and lose the will to track without the scale as a motivator.


    So, for example... the last time I lost weight: April 2022, 273 lbs. Four months later, in August is when I stopped weighing in. Well...

    I'd been in a weight loss support group. I'd had zero issues. No plateaus, no struggles, nothing. So mostly in the group, I'm listening and telling other people how to succeed. I'd been losing steadily (rapidly) for 4 months that time. I'm down 42 lbs. I'd been off soda completely for 3 months. I'd been fasting every Saturday for 3 months. I'd been doing Keto for 2 months. I'd not gone outside of my calorie goal for 4 months. I'd gotten from "literally cannot walk to the bathroom and back" to walking 3 miles a day, doing pushups and planks, lifting weights... but I couldn't run, cause I smoke. I wanted to quit smoking and convinced myself and everyone else that was the priority. I mentioned it in group. I cut down a lot but can't seem to quit. I decide that I needed to be able to snack while I quit. It actually helps combat the cravings. I bring that up in group. Everyone encourages me to focus on quitting smoking. It's more important. Start doing well with that (made it a whole week!) but gave up a lil because it was disheartening seeing the calorie totals from logging all the extra. So I decide to stop logging.

    Then I'm not watching what I'm eating at all so the weight creeps back up. So I decide to stop weighing just until I can quit smoking.

    Well I kept trying and failing at that and then a bunch of like... *life* happens, and was sick for awhile, and we lost our cat, and had some money struggles... and I look up, and it's now, a year later, and I still smoke and I weigh more than ever.

    And the previous times were kinda similar tbh. I think.... I just keep thinking "this time will be different because I know better", but I guess knowing doesn't help, lol.
    I've regained a bit of weight since losing 75lbs, perhaps 6 or 7lbs over 6 months. The reason it isn't worse than that is because I've kept up my logging, daily weighing and exercise, it's just been the quantity of food that's been a bit much. So to get my weight trend down again, getting a better handle on my food intake is all I have to do now.

    Maybe that's the fix for me, idk. Like... I will need a "break" but...that can only be *maintenance* calories. I still have to weigh/log and whatnot (?) and then at least I wouldn't regain the weight. I don't know.

    Thank you for the reply. It's a lot to think about. I'm introspecting now, which usually has good results...

    And absolutely feeling more positive than I did before!
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,789 Member
    edited April 2023
    Options
    Instead of fasting. Keto, etc why not just stick with logging and weighing? KISS works better than you think.

    Sometimes throwing too much at yourself just creates confusion and frustration.

    The smoking, no help here. When I was five, Daddy, who grew up on a tobacco farm and started in his preteens, took me out on the patio, handed me a lit cigarette and said “ Here, baby. Try this.”

    It was the best possible thing he could have done. Never had any desire to even touch a cigarette again. Would turn back the clock and give you that if I could.

    I wonder, when I was a kid my mom put this awful tasting stuff on my fingernails to prevent me from biting them. I wonder if you could do something like that to your cigarettes, dip them in cayenne, or something so gross that you’d lose your taste for them.

    It’s hard. He tried to quit for years. Never successful. He did, however, go from heavy drinker to teetotaler overnight. That was amazing, and I respected him for that.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,079 Member
    Options
    It's been four days. We're coming up on the weekend and in the States at least, this is a big foodie weekend.

    Do you have a plan?

    Have you started logging food and stepping on that scale daily?

    Keep checking in. We're on your side.
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
    Options
    I'm so sorry that you lost your cat, OP. That's always hard to say goodbye to a beloved friend.

    It sounds like, from your posts, that you're a "house afire" with wanting to implement new & improved habits NOW. So again the theme of "slow down" seems appropos. I feel like I want to take a huge calming breath for you.

    Simplify, slow down, breathe, be at peace. All good things will come in time, no sense trying to rush them. Ease up on your strict high standards and just BE for a while. Life comes at us, no matter what, and ultimately it's better to let it wash over us than to relentless fight it off. Eat foods you love, don't worry too much about the smoking, take some long, contemplative walks, relax. You've got all the head smarts for weight loss and smoking cessation -- now give your heart & soul some time and space to catch up.
  • Sissylynn1979
    Sissylynn1979 Posts: 26 Member
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    springlering62 wrote: »
    Instead of fasting. Keto, etc why not just stick with logging and weighing? KISS works better than you think.

    Sometimes throwing too much at yourself just creates confusion and frustration.

    The smoking, no help here. When I was five, Daddy, who grew up on a tobacco farm and started in his preteens, took me out on the patio, handed me a lit cigarette and said “ Here, baby. Try this.”

    It was the best possible thing he could have done. Never had any desire to even touch a cigarette again. Would turn back the clock and give you that if I could.

    I wonder, when I was a kid my mom put this awful tasting stuff on my fingernails to prevent me from biting them. I wonder if you could do something like that to your cigarettes, dip them in cayenne, or something so gross that you’d lose your taste for them.

    It’s hard. He tried to quit for years. Never successful. He did, however, go from heavy drinker to teetotaler overnight. That was amazing, and I respected him for that.


    KISS is what I usually recommend to others, so maybe that's part of my issue too, lol. I think I will try to avoid those things this time. It just gets to be... a lot.

    I've quit smoking before, but it was because I found out I was pregnant... didn't start again till my kid was in school.... wish I hadn't. It's a LOT harder without that motivator, lol.

    cmriverside wrote: »
    It's been four days. We're coming up on the weekend and in the States at least, this is a big foodie weekend.

    Do you have a plan?

    Have you started logging food and stepping on that scale daily?

    Keep checking in. We're on your side.

    I'm logging everything consistently (though I'm not weighing the food cause it's all pre-weighed crap). I'm weighing myself each day, though. (267 this morning, but it's obvious water weight)

    I... don't have a plan for Easter... glad you pointed that out, I need to make one asap! Think I'll pre-log what I intend to eat so I can watch myself!

    And I'm actually thinking I will keep checking in on this post, since I can look back over stuff... I think a lot of the times the stuff I need to hear is stuff people have *already* said :tongue:
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    I'm so sorry that you lost your cat, OP. That's always hard to say goodbye to a beloved friend.

    It sounds like, from your posts, that you're a "house afire" with wanting to implement new & improved habits NOW. So again the theme of "slow down" seems appropos. I feel like I want to take a huge calming breath for you.

    Simplify, slow down, breathe, be at peace. All good things will come in time, no sense trying to rush them. Ease up on your strict high standards and just BE for a while. Life comes at us, no matter what, and ultimately it's better to let it wash over us than to relentless fight it off. Eat foods you love, don't worry too much about the smoking, take some long, contemplative walks, relax. You've got all the head smarts for weight loss and smoking cessation -- now give your heart & soul some time and space to catch up.

    Yeah, the kitty was my daughter's companion pet, and we've had her forever... she was family. It was in October, but we are still kind of reeling.

    And... yeah... "house afire" is probably better than any description I could have given :lol:

    I'm definitely going to try to slow down this time. And maybe try some slower habits... lol maybe I will start meditating. Reading back on my original post I sound kind of frantic! I think you're right about needing to breathe!
    all

    Thank you all for the insight, and for checking in! I'm going to get through this. Compiling everyone's suggestions and shaking out a plan, still, but I'm sticking to the calorie goal at least, so I'm gonna be okay!

  • Warrior_Thunder
    Warrior_Thunder Posts: 9 Member
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    Hello to all!! As a fellow participant of most all the comments here, I must say what works best for me is starting over. I gain power and resilience each time. I would say overall don't be discouraged that we're starting over be encouraged that we are not giving up. Signed, new here again, lol!!

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