Lost

Z10Rtza
Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Tagged:

Replies

  • CharlieMonkeybear
    CharlieMonkeybear Posts: 2 Member
    I feel like when anything reaches this level it’s an addiction and I’m no stranger to addictions. I have sobriety from all sorts of them. I know that I have struggled with eating disorders since I was a kid and not just on the small side. I loved me the french fries and pastries just as much as the numbness of starvation and emptiness of laxatives or running 12 miles. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s all the same disease just different sides of the same coin.

    I know there’s no monopoly on recovery and I’m a big believer in therapy, but at the end of the day the only thing that has ever really given me sustained recovery from addictions is 12-step programs.

    For food issues there are a lot of 12 step programs
    OA
    CEA-HOW
    FA
    FAA
    EDA

    The first two are probably your best bet, the first being around the longest and having the most meetings and different kinds of meetings.

    The second one is really intense and restrictive with a food plan. Not the best for those who are already restricting, but some feel that sugar and white flour is truly addictive to them and they just can’t have it at all.

    I hope this is helpful. Just my experience.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    I don’t mean to sound cold, but what it took for me was looking at family members.

    Did I want to be able to walk once I was 60+? Did I want to be bedridden? Spoon fed? Diaper changed? Gasp for breath every time I stood up to go to the bathroom? Or would I rather piss in the chair and pretend no one noticed?

    Forced to buy a “lift” chair? Forced to sleep in the lift chair because getting up off a bed was too difficult? On oxygen? Blow through savings? Be a weight on family who suffered silently because “I” wouldn’t do anything proactive for “me”? Spend hours and hours and hours a day chained to an endless diet of Law & Order? Be forced to eat what some caregiver decided to make? Unable to leave my house unless by ambulance? One with a special hoist for the morbidly obese? Oh yes, and forces to purchase one for home so the caregiver could move me at all?

    Don’t forget bedsores for the morbidly obese. I can’t, after seeing them.

    Do I want to enjoy the life I have left, or basically commit suicide with a fork?

    I’ve seen Hell, and that’s one of the main reasons I got off my *kitten*. Literally, off my *kitten*.

    So I wouldn’t be spending the remainder of my years on it.

    Harsh, but that’s where I was headed, thanks to weight and genetics.

    Other than life itself, the example my parents provided was the best “gift” they could have ever given me. I just wish it didn’t have to have been.

    While my partner's mother was overweight, but not morbidly obese, as she was less and less physically active, she lost muscle tone and did have many of these issues - lift chair, hours in the chair watching TV, unable to do the things she enjoyed such as gardening, unable to cook for herself.

    She ended up in a nursing home once she was unable to get on and off the toilet herself. She never kept up with physical therapy, and in the end it took two people to help her go to the bathroom. She was so miserable in the nursing home.
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,649 Member
    Powerful post up there @springlering62

    OP, maybe start to position yourself mentally in a place of power. If it requires therapy to do so, search up some options. You want to find the way back, and YOU have the ability to do so. But not if you view yourself through the lens of failure and weakness.

    We're rooting for you to find answers that make sense to you, and activity that leads you in the right direction. Every day need not be perfect, but you have to get that toe hold that will lift you up progressively. Start with a calorie goal that makes sense. From there, start logging your food accurately with the help of a food scale. Add a little enjoyable physical action -- a walk outdoors, a short indoors exercise DVD, a bike ride, gardening, something you like.

    Small steps will build your confidence. You can do it. You can find your way back.
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.

    My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member


    For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.

    I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.

    To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
    The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too


  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,755 Member
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.

    My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story

    I can't help you with the introspection. You're the one that needs to sit down with yourself and your girlfriend and figure out why you're sabotaging yourself.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,755 Member
    Z10Rtza wrote: »


    For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.

    I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.

    To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
    The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too


    And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    Here I am, again.
    Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
    I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
    Lately I am eating horribly bad.
    I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
    And I need to stop that.
    How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
    I am super pissed at myself.
    And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
    Help me to find myself back please.

    Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.

    Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.

    I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.

    *********

    Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.

    What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.

    My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.

    My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story

    I can't help you with the introspection. You're the one that needs to sit down with yourself and your girlfriend and figure out why you're sabotaging yourself.

    Exactly! That's how I feel. Like I´m sabotaging myself
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »


    For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.

    I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.

    To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
    The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too


    And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.

    She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,755 Member
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »


    For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.

    I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.

    To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
    The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too


    And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.

    She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.

    I get it. When I had to stop eating wheat, barley and rye people would consistently give me food I couldn't eat. Still do. What I'm trying to say is it would maybe be helpful to create a mental block for yourself that "if I didn't buy it and bring it home, it's not mine to eat". And share that (kindly) with your girlfriend. If she buys snacks and brings them home, that's great, but you're not going to be able to eat them, so if she brings it home, she'll be the one eating it.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    Here I am, again.
    Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
    I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
    Lately I am eating horribly bad.
    I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
    And I need to stop that.
    How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
    I am super pissed at myself.
    And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
    Help me to find myself back please.

    Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.

    Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.

    I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.

    *********

    Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.

    What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.

    My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD

    I think you mean "affectionate?" What about getting a massage once a month? Obviously, paying someone to touch you is not the same as having physically demonstrative friends, but massage does have many benefits. When my partner was caregiving his elderly parents, I encouraged him to get regular massage.

    Here's an article on the consequences of not enough touch, which mentions self massage, but if professional massage is in the budget, I highly recommend that. Or perhaps you and your girlfriend could take a couples' massage workshop.

    https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-self-soothe-when-starved-for-touch
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »


    For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.

    I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.

    To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
    The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too


    And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.

    She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.

    I get it. When I had to stop eating wheat, barley and rye people would consistently give me food I couldn't eat. Still do. What I'm trying to say is it would maybe be helpful to create a mental block for yourself that "if I didn't buy it and bring it home, it's not mine to eat". And share that (kindly) with your girlfriend. If she buys snacks and brings them home, that's great, but you're not going to be able to eat them, so if she brings it home, she'll be the one eating it.

    I will start tomorrow already with that :)
  • Z10Rtza
    Z10Rtza Posts: 451 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Z10Rtza wrote: »
    Here I am, again.
    Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
    I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
    Lately I am eating horribly bad.
    I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
    And I need to stop that.
    How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
    I am super pissed at myself.
    And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
    Help me to find myself back please.

    Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.

    Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.

    I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.

    *********

    Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.

    What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.

    My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD

    I think you mean "affectionate?" What about getting a massage once a month? Obviously, paying someone to touch you is not the same as having physically demonstrative friends, but massage does have many benefits. When my partner was caregiving his elderly parents, I encouraged him to get regular massage.

    Here's an article on the consequences of not enough touch, which mentions self massage, but if professional massage is in the budget, I highly recommend that. Or perhaps you and your girlfriend could take a couples' massage workshop.

    https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-self-soothe-when-starved-for-touch

    Uuh yeah, my psychologist told me that I have touch starvation!!!
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    edited June 2023
    weigh and log everything you eat on a digital food scale first! for me, this plus the app kind of turns the whole process into a game. calories are points and my goal is to eat them all but not too early in the day or all at once.

    just start by practicing measuring and logging every calorie you currently eat, good or “bad.” then start trimming things out to lower that total number