Lost
Z10Rtza
Posts: 451 Member
Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Tagged:
4
Replies
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Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.6
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I feel like when anything reaches this level it’s an addiction and I’m no stranger to addictions. I have sobriety from all sorts of them. I know that I have struggled with eating disorders since I was a kid and not just on the small side. I loved me the french fries and pastries just as much as the numbness of starvation and emptiness of laxatives or running 12 miles. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s all the same disease just different sides of the same coin.
I know there’s no monopoly on recovery and I’m a big believer in therapy, but at the end of the day the only thing that has ever really given me sustained recovery from addictions is 12-step programs.
For food issues there are a lot of 12 step programs
OA
CEA-HOW
FA
FAA
EDA
The first two are probably your best bet, the first being around the longest and having the most meetings and different kinds of meetings.
The second one is really intense and restrictive with a food plan. Not the best for those who are already restricting, but some feel that sugar and white flour is truly addictive to them and they just can’t have it at all.
I hope this is helpful. Just my experience.2 -
I tend to agree with the compulsion angle of over-eating behaviors. Sort of like addiction but without that word - which tends to cause unnecessary drama in these forums.
I also agree that sugar and wheat are my biggest trigger foods, but I can definitely cause damage to a jar of peanut butter with a spoon, so it's complicated.
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
Ideally I don't have them in the house. If they're here it's because someone else brought them...which happens very rarely. But if someone else brought them, they are not mine so I have no business messing with them.
OA and Bright Line eating both have Abstinence Rules. For some people like me that's really the best approach. If I don't touch the first cookie, I won't eat the entire package, and I WILL eat the entire package - I've proved that over and over while trying to learn to eat them in moderation.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
Other that that, I agree that therapy or just reading a lot about this helps. It's a lifelong project. Keep talking about it. I do a daily journal entry first thing in the morning on how my food went yesterday. That's been super helpful to me.
5 -
I don’t mean to sound cold, but what it took for me was looking at family members.
Did I want to be able to walk once I was 60+? Did I want to be bedridden? Spoon fed? Diaper changed? Gasp for breath every time I stood up to go to the bathroom? Or would I rather piss in the chair and pretend no one noticed?
Forced to buy a “lift” chair? Forced to sleep in the lift chair because getting up off a bed was too difficult? On oxygen? Blow through savings? Be a weight on family who suffered silently because “I” wouldn’t do anything proactive for “me”? Spend hours and hours and hours a day chained to an endless diet of Law & Order? Be forced to eat what some caregiver decided to make? Unable to leave my house unless by ambulance? One with a special hoist for the morbidly obese? Oh yes, and forces to purchase one for home so the caregiver could move me at all?
Don’t forget bedsores for the morbidly obese. I can’t, after seeing them.
Do I want to enjoy the life I have left, or basically commit suicide with a fork?
I’ve seen Hell, and that’s one of the main reasons I got off my *kitten*. Literally, off my *kitten*.
So I wouldn’t be spending the remainder of my years on it.
Harsh, but that’s where I was headed, thanks to weight and genetics.
Other than life itself, the example my parents provided was the best “gift” they could have ever given me. I just wish it didn’t have to have been.
17 -
That's a great post, @springlering62
Also, I had no idea just HOW GOOD life would be at a normal weight. So so so much better. I have energy, I sleep. I have no health problems caused by my own neglect of myself.
This:Do I want to enjoy the life I have left, or basically commit suicide with a fork?7 -
Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.
Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.
I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.
*********
Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.
What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.6 -
springlering62 wrote: »I don’t mean to sound cold, but what it took for me was looking at family members.
Did I want to be able to walk once I was 60+? Did I want to be bedridden? Spoon fed? Diaper changed? Gasp for breath every time I stood up to go to the bathroom? Or would I rather piss in the chair and pretend no one noticed?
Forced to buy a “lift” chair? Forced to sleep in the lift chair because getting up off a bed was too difficult? On oxygen? Blow through savings? Be a weight on family who suffered silently because “I” wouldn’t do anything proactive for “me”? Spend hours and hours and hours a day chained to an endless diet of Law & Order? Be forced to eat what some caregiver decided to make? Unable to leave my house unless by ambulance? One with a special hoist for the morbidly obese? Oh yes, and forces to purchase one for home so the caregiver could move me at all?
Don’t forget bedsores for the morbidly obese. I can’t, after seeing them.
Do I want to enjoy the life I have left, or basically commit suicide with a fork?
I’ve seen Hell, and that’s one of the main reasons I got off my *kitten*. Literally, off my *kitten*.
So I wouldn’t be spending the remainder of my years on it.
Harsh, but that’s where I was headed, thanks to weight and genetics.
Other than life itself, the example my parents provided was the best “gift” they could have ever given me. I just wish it didn’t have to have been.
While my partner's mother was overweight, but not morbidly obese, as she was less and less physically active, she lost muscle tone and did have many of these issues - lift chair, hours in the chair watching TV, unable to do the things she enjoyed such as gardening, unable to cook for herself.
She ended up in a nursing home once she was unable to get on and off the toilet herself. She never kept up with physical therapy, and in the end it took two people to help her go to the bathroom. She was so miserable in the nursing home.1 -
Are your hands busy? I just got back from visiting family. Last time I was frowned at for taking needlework, so I didn’t this time.
I was so bored I was pacing and raiding the pantry, and finding every excuse I could to go to the grocery store.
I should have known that being frowned upon for having brought a lap frame would be less invasive than eating all the toddler’s “Annie’s” crackers.
I should have made a beeline to Hobby Lobby and picked up something, anything, to keep those wicked, naughty hands occupied.
Idle hands aren’t the devil’s tool, they’re the devil’s knife, fork and spoon.6 -
Powerful post up there @springlering62
OP, maybe start to position yourself mentally in a place of power. If it requires therapy to do so, search up some options. You want to find the way back, and YOU have the ability to do so. But not if you view yourself through the lens of failure and weakness.
We're rooting for you to find answers that make sense to you, and activity that leads you in the right direction. Every day need not be perfect, but you have to get that toe hold that will lift you up progressively. Start with a calorie goal that makes sense. From there, start logging your food accurately with the help of a food scale. Add a little enjoyable physical action -- a walk outdoors, a short indoors exercise DVD, a bike ride, gardening, something you like.
Small steps will build your confidence. You can do it. You can find your way back.4 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.
My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story0 -
cmriverside wrote: »
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too
0 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.
My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story
I can't help you with the introspection. You're the one that needs to sit down with yourself and your girlfriend and figure out why you're sabotaging yourself.2 -
cmriverside wrote: »
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too
And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.1 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.
Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.
I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.
*********
Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.
What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.
My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD0 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »sollyn23l2 wrote: »Don't buy the snacky stuff and don't have it in your house. Realistically, if you've had 2 surgeries and both failed, you're going to have to do some serious introspection.
My girlfriend has adhd and absolutely no control over snacks, so I am always having snacks at home. About the surgeries is a loooooooooooooooooong story
I can't help you with the introspection. You're the one that needs to sit down with yourself and your girlfriend and figure out why you're sabotaging yourself.
Exactly! That's how I feel. Like I´m sabotaging myself0 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too
And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.
She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.0 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too
And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.
She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.
I get it. When I had to stop eating wheat, barley and rye people would consistently give me food I couldn't eat. Still do. What I'm trying to say is it would maybe be helpful to create a mental block for yourself that "if I didn't buy it and bring it home, it's not mine to eat". And share that (kindly) with your girlfriend. If she buys snacks and brings them home, that's great, but you're not going to be able to eat them, so if she brings it home, she'll be the one eating it.1 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.
Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.
I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.
*********
Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.
What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.
My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD
I think you mean "affectionate?" What about getting a massage once a month? Obviously, paying someone to touch you is not the same as having physically demonstrative friends, but massage does have many benefits. When my partner was caregiving his elderly parents, I encouraged him to get regular massage.
Here's an article on the consequences of not enough touch, which mentions self massage, but if professional massage is in the budget, I highly recommend that. Or perhaps you and your girlfriend could take a couples' massage workshop.
https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-self-soothe-when-starved-for-touch2 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »sollyn23l2 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »
For me, just realizing that was huge. I have trigger foods!! And with that knowledge I have to manage those foods. If they are in my house, they go into a cupboard that is "Not Mine." and I don't touch them.
I am going to try this. It maybe helps. I live with my girlfriend and she can not control buying chips, ice cream, cookies, gummies.... She will buy those things every single day. But maybe if i put them in a special place FOR HER, it does work. Thanks for the advice.
To @Z10Rtza Maybe think about what foods cause you the most problem. I have a whole long list. It's way better for me to stay away from them completely.
The foods that can cause me a problem are choco pastas like nutella, choco bars like mars and those things I don´t buy because I know what can happen. The problem comes when for example I am at work and I need to make 2 ice creams and i need to add chocolate syrup, whipped cream... and some little bit from here and little bit from there comes to my mouth. Or my girlfriend eating chips next to me and i end up picking too
And also, if she bought it and brought it home, it's hers, not yours, you have no reason to eat her food.
She buys for both. But she should stop buying for me.
I get it. When I had to stop eating wheat, barley and rye people would consistently give me food I couldn't eat. Still do. What I'm trying to say is it would maybe be helpful to create a mental block for yourself that "if I didn't buy it and bring it home, it's not mine to eat". And share that (kindly) with your girlfriend. If she buys snacks and brings them home, that's great, but you're not going to be able to eat them, so if she brings it home, she'll be the one eating it.
I will start tomorrow already with that
0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Here I am, again.
Now at least with the appropriate anti depression pills to help me on my way.
I'm mega lost. I have done everything possible to lose weight. I even have two surgeries: a gastric sleeve and a gastric bypass. And here I am, fighting to lose weight.
Lately I am eating horribly bad.
I'm someone that loves eating healthy food but also everything snacky that is on my way is coming to my mouth.
And I need to stop that.
How do I leave the stuff that is at home and not eat it?
I am super pissed at myself.
And I know that I'm eating my loneliness. Buff
Help me to find myself back please.
Perhaps you should discuss your anti-depressant with your prescribing doctor to make sure it is not associated with with appetite increase. You sound depressed to me, so consider sharing this post with that doctor. Discuss getting a referral to a therapist who does CBT for food issues.
Once you're up for it, consider doing volunteer work. This can help with loneliness. Whenever I'm underemployed, I volunteer. Most recently it was for the senior center. Now I've moved and am looking to join a church here and volunteer there, as well as at the cemetery, which apparently relies on volunteers to maintain sections of the grounds. In the past I've made lunches for a homeless shelter, cooked for an after school program, and done a plethora of volunteer activities at yoga centers.
I just heard about a new study in which children who volunteered has less anxiety. I'm sure it has mental health benefits for adults as well.
*********
Some snacky foods I cannot moderate so do not have them in the house. Others, if I pair them with a protein, and eat them slowly and mindfully, I can eat them in moderation. It's very important for me to weigh this sort of food out and then put the box or bag away, out of sight.
What are your protein and fiber goals and are you hitting them regularly? Making sure I get these in decreases my urge to snack. Regular exercise also helps decrease the urge to snack, and is crucial for my mental health. I am struggling with knee, ankle, and wrist issues, but despite this manage to get some kind of exercise every day. It's not always the exercise I WISH I could do, but it's the exercise I CAN do.
My loneliness comes from "abandoning" my family and friends and moving to another country. A much more cold country in terms of being affective. My family in law is really not the sort of hugging etc and I am not having friends that would be for me etc. I do surround myself by people as much as I can. I do body combat on tuesdays and there i go with my sister in law, I do Kangoo Jump 3 days a week with a group of girls, I´m on a book club etc. But is always something to do sport or any other task and then everyone goes home. Basically the only person that i talk a bit more is with my psychologist, and I pay her XD
I think you mean "affectionate?" What about getting a massage once a month? Obviously, paying someone to touch you is not the same as having physically demonstrative friends, but massage does have many benefits. When my partner was caregiving his elderly parents, I encouraged him to get regular massage.
Here's an article on the consequences of not enough touch, which mentions self massage, but if professional massage is in the budget, I highly recommend that. Or perhaps you and your girlfriend could take a couples' massage workshop.
https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-self-soothe-when-starved-for-touch
Uuh yeah, my psychologist told me that I have touch starvation!!!1 -
weigh and log everything you eat on a digital food scale first! for me, this plus the app kind of turns the whole process into a game. calories are points and my goal is to eat them all but not too early in the day or all at once.
just start by practicing measuring and logging every calorie you currently eat, good or “bad.” then start trimming things out to lower that total number1
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