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Men: How much do you care about weight?
AlyssaP1987
Posts: 271 Member
in Chit-Chat
My whole life I’ve had severe self esteem issues. Society when I was growing up showed skinny/fit women on everything. So I have always felt that in order to be beautiful/desired you have to be thin. So I want to ask, men is it really that important to you? Or is a beautiful woman a beautiful women regardless? Would you still be attracted to a girl who could afford to lose 60/80 lbs?
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Honestly, i probably wouldnt be attracted to a woman that was severely overweight by just looks alone. I could become attracted to them over time if i got to know them and found them to be awesome. Also, if i fell in love with someone and they gained a lot of weight afterwards im sure i would still love them.9
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For me, it’s not about the looks but I want everyone to be heart healthy. I work out to keep my blood pressure down and to prevent me from getting stronger bp meds.4
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Just my opinion after 60+ years. The world has changed a lot in those years, but I don't think humans are really much different deep inside. So here goes, take it or leave it...
The women men tend to "look at" are generally close to their "ideal weight". Whether curvy or athletic or girlish, those traits are all enhanced by a look of healthy habits. It is naturally attractive.
It is a thing that is attractive on the surface, and IMO goes back to eons of human development in which men seek mates who can their bear healthy children and propagate their genes. This is part of the human animal's instincts, similar to mating habits of other species. And it seems to me that women generally have their own criteria, at the purely physical level.
My observation is however, that men who marry a woman (as opposed to seeking a hook-up) tend to make that choice based more on shared values and personality compatibility. That is in fact my personal experience, and my wife's fitness and weight being less than ideal didn't stop me from wanting to marry her and stay married to her.
Fitness is still a factor, but not so high on the priority list. Marriage is vastly more complicated than fleeting sexual encounters, so both men and women who are wise make choices that consider how the potential partner will work together with them in a long-term relationship. And their fitness and overall health will have to be considered, because a person who is very unfit and unhealthy is unlikely to live as long as a fit and healthy person. But it is complicated, and when someone finds another person who 'clicks' at several levels, that person being outside the ideal weight range can become a considerably less important issue, and easily overcome by those other things that will make the relationship 'work' long-term.7 -
AlyssaP1987 wrote: »My whole life I’ve had severe self esteem issues.
Statistics show skinnny fit women ....(blah, blah, blah, you fill in the rest.) It's your fault do more, etc!
Some men are not 6' tall. Same statistics, same outcomes, same feelings, and that is a life sentence.
So, of course you deserve to live your life without statistics beating you down. We all do. Society, statistics, fashion, etc. can impact an individual, but we here (and elsewhere) have tools to overcome these things and thrive as we are.
For me and many, the hardest thing is to love who I am. Good luck, and great post.
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https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1095894/do-older-guys-care-less-about-looks-and-weight/p2
@AlyssaP1987 There's some great insight on this thread, too.1 -
I have dated women of all sizes. It's not about the weight. It's about you as a person. It's how you present and care for yourself.1
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Preface: I'm not a man, but I'm nearly 5'10 and on the curvier side at 178lbs. From what I've seen, *good* men care less about the scale and more about overall health. I think there can come a point where someone is at risk for actual health issues due to weight, so if a woman is teetering that line it can be a concern if monogamy is expected. I have always found curvier women to be beautiful and healthy looking. A little fullness to the face looks youthful. The scale is going to look different for everyone. While one woman can be quite thick at 145lbs, I'm a darn bean pole at that weight. 🤣 While a woman who is 5'0 and 178lbs will look alot thicker than I do. Muscle mass should also be taken into consideration. I know a ton of very fit women who are 190-200lbs bc they are *solid* with a ton of muscle mass.
I think women need to care less about what random men think and focus more on overall health. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, or as my husband would say, "the beer holder" 🤣, and every man is different. If you feel good and are aiming for being healthy and active, don't worry about the opinions of men. You appear to be beautiful so I think you have no reason to be self conscious. 🤍6 -
I enjoyed reading this thread. I think Dunkin nailed it. You really can't worry about the opinions of men. That would be like trying to catch the wind no matter what you look like. You only need one man, the right man, to find you attractive.1
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I've rarely dated any females who were overweight, but then again I'm in the fitness industry. So for me it does matter because I'm used to seeing so many fit women around me all the time.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Looks fade. I can deal with a wide range of weights but I can’t deal with a wide range of bull kitten.4
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Who cares what the men think when you have ladies? 😏 Personally I prefer an assortment of women of various sizes and hair colors. 😍 A girl needs some variety. 😏
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Maybe the men can confirm or deny this for me…I think self-confidence can be majorly attractive regardless of size. If you feel amazing, you exude it. People are drawn to it. If you feel horrible about yourself, it’s kind of what you’re putting out there into the world. I’m not saying you have to think you’re all that at all times. But a general confidence in who you are and feeling good about yourself goes a long way. I would think it would be much more important for you to work through the internal/mental struggles you’re experiencing. Work on that. Work on being healthy in whatever that means to you. The rest follows.
I think we all have a preference in what we like and are attracted to. And that’s ok. That coupled with desiring someone who has the same general goals and outlook and energy level can be pretty important. But imo it’s really way more important to work on yourself and feeling good and not worry about what others think. Don’t do it for anyone else. Do it for you. It’s true looks fade. But the health (mental and physical) and other benefits that come from it are life changing.6 -
PaperDoll_ wrote: »Who cares what the men think when you have ladies? 😏 Personally I prefer an assortment of women of various sizes and hair colors. 😍 A girl needs some variety. 😏
Too many women😡3 -
A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman - absolutely no doubt about it.1
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Personally, no, it doesn't bother me. It's the mental connection that is key. And that's something that you simply cannot tell by appearance alone.
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I'm pretty sure men, just like women have varying preferences of physical attraction. I've never been physically attracted to an overweight woman, but I also haven't ever been attracted to a "thin" woman either...or at least what I conjure in my mind when I hear the word "thin" or "skinny".
I have two really good guy friends that I've known for much of my life...guess what...all three of us have different preferences where physical attraction is concerned. Guy 1 has always been attracted to heavier women and he's in fact married to one. She's pretty, but I'm not physically attracted to her. Guy 2 has always been attracted to very thin women and he's married to one. I think she is also pretty but I'm not remotely physically attracted to her.
I have spent much of my life involved in sports and athletics and many of my interests involve outdoor physical/active recreation. Probably not coincidentally, I've always been attracted to athletic women and/or women who enjoy being physically active who tend towards athletic physiques. Also not coincidentally, my wife is a former collegiate athlete who I met on a hike with a group of friends 23 years ago.
But that's just physical attraction. Actually making a relationship work...love...marriage, etc goes a hell of a lot deeper than physical attraction. Both my wife and I have been overweight at times during our marriage and that didn't stop us from loving each other. Also, physical attraction only gets you so far. In my early 20s I dated a woman who pretty much embodied perfection physically for my preferences. She was beautiful, lean, and athletic. She was one of the top players on her university women's soccer team and did fitness modeling for one of the local gyms...she was also a raving lunatic psycho...so yeah, that was kind of a deal breaker. Me and guy 1 and guy 2 still refer to her as "Crazy Heather"4 -
I enjoyed reading this thread. I think Dunkin nailed it. You really can't worry about the opinions of men. That would be like trying to catch the wind no matter what you look like. You only need one man, the right man, to find you attractive.
Nah, we need whopping boatloads of them. We've got to weed through 'em, and take our pick. 🌲
@AlyssaP1987 The less you care, the better it is. Truth. One day, you'll open your front door, and
there they are.0 -
I wouldn't be interested in someone who could lose 35 kg. Part of that is I dated someone who was morbidly obese and it's put me off dating large women. There were simply too many issues.1
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@threewins Understood and appreciated. You know that old saying, lean and mean, I don't want lean and mean. Give me some brains. I'll take brains, any old day, over lean and mean.
@AlyssaP1987 Worrying about what men think, only adds to the stress. When you STOP worrying about what anyone thinks, everything will fall into place for you. The funny thing, when you fall in love, OMG, your brains fly out the window. You'll do all kinds of crazy things. You'll exercise like a maniac, and eat pinecones, dirt and shrubs to get healthier.... or lean and mean. Only don't get mean, get smarter.
Choose wisely.
When you fall in love, all of your common sense will leave your body. Ooo, crap. So, concentrate on yourself, and the weight loss will follow, if that's what you want. The smarter they are, the harder you fall. So long now.0 -
It just depends on the dude - I prefer a slender woman who considers eating health and fitness a priority like I do - my brother likes then cute in the face big in waist or curvy whatever - there’s someone for everyone - so as long as you’re happy and confident in how you look then really that’s all the matters as I think most have said - but if you’re not happy with yourself just work on you and dafaq what anyone else says in the meantime- nah I’m sayin3
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AlyssaP1987 wrote: »……. So I want to ask, men is it really that important to you? Or is a beautiful woman a beautiful women regardless? Would you still be attracted to a girl who could afford to lose 60/80 lbs?
Some of the best times have been with girls with lotso confidence(=skills) and extra lbs. Especially when a lady has a beautiful face not one daum problem.3 -
The day I married my wife, she asked if I would still love her if she gained 100lbs. Guess what? Twenty-one years, four kids and 100lbs later, she's still the love of my life. Will my eye stray when it sees an attractive woman? Sure, it does, because biology is still a part of me. But I've never thought of straying from my wife's side, because biology doesn't rule my actions, I do.
Virtually all men spend some time ruled by their biological preferences, especially as teenagers. Eventually most grow to control themselves, it just takes some longer than others. (A few never do...)6 -
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I care when it reaches the point where it severely impacts one’s physical or mental health. Otherwise these is band with a decent range0
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I didn’t realize we were still valuing the opinions of men. When I’m struggling with sadness or self-esteem I ask myself what would make ME happy and then I do that.2
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itchmyTwitch wrote: »I didn’t realize we were still valuing the opinions of men. When I’m struggling with sadness or self-esteem I ask myself what would make ME happy and then I do that.
Easy for you to say. We can’t all look that good in a tucked in shirt and pair of khakis. 😒2 -
I bet you say that all the panda bearsPaperDoll_ wrote: »itchmyTwitch wrote: »I didn’t realize we were still valuing the opinions of men. When I’m struggling with sadness or self-esteem I ask myself what would make ME happy and then I do that.
Easy for you to say. We can’t all look that good in a tucked in shirt and pair of khakis. 😒
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