Looking for advice from all you knowledgeable friends

Please be patient while reading this. I tend to ramble....

I followed a keto type (basically lower carb) using exogenous ketones (one of my daughters got started on Pruvit, so I joined to help her out). Long story short, I did drop weight, I was doing the elliptical every morning (I'm 67 and have two replaced hips and one replaced knee, with another knee being done December 18th this year). The elliptical is the only thing I can do that doesn't bother my lower joints.

Now on to the yucky part of the story. My oldest daughter had been battling Stage IV Melanoma for 3 1/2 years. She lived 10 hours away from me, and I drove down every two months for the 3 1/2 years, so I was there for every scan, MD appointment, infusions, radiation appointments. You get the picture. Momma was always there. Last November, the treatment she had been on for a year stopped working and tumors came back with a vengeance. They switched her to a new immunotherapy on November 3rd. The following week she developed pneumonia, but it went undiagnosed because it was thought to be inflammation in the lungs due to the immunotherapy treatment which causes inflammation in the lungs. That following week, she was not feeling well, coughing up blood, was in touch with the oncologist who told her it was due to the inflammation from the immunotherapy. I had just been down there, and my second oldest daughter was going to fly down on Sunday the 13th to be with her. She got there and called me and said "Mom, she doesn't look good." The next day, they sent me a picture of her and I said they needed to call 911. I booked the first flight I could get, which didn't get me there until the next morning at 6 a.m. By the time they got her to the hospital, she was in septic shock. At 2 a.m. they said her heart was working so hard to keep her BP up, they they had to intubate her. She coded twice while they did that. I got to her bedside at 8 a.m. on Tuesday, November 15th. She was on complete life support. The MD's said her organs had already started shutting down. She never even knew her Momma was there. To say I'm shattered is just not a big enough statement.

I have been dealing with grief, depression, alcohol issues (funny how you think alcohol will make everything go away, and it's right back where you left it before you started drinking). I've gained 20 lbs. back, just because I don't care anymore what I eat. The good news is I've joined a grief group at a church on Monday nights, and I'm seeing a therapist for basically all of the above that I listed. I have not had a drink in 61 days. (Yea for me).

I've been trying to go back to the keto/low carb thing, but it's just not working. Granted, I'm sure my cortisol is off the charts with the stress/depression/grief, which doesn't help matters. I'm not pre-diabetic (HBA1C is 5.2) but I can never get my glucose lower than 100, no matter what time of day I test it. I'm not happy that I've gained this weight, but I also have had people keep saying to me I need to be gentle with myself and not put so much pressure on my weight with everything else I'm trying to deal with.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for honest advice. Should I back off and just try to get everything else I'm dealing with in order? Should I just concentrate on eating healthy foods? Does Keto stop for some people? Am I beating a dead horse trying to go back to keto (I've read so many people say it stops working for them after a while, and I was keto/low carb for 1 1/2 years). What about just counting calories? Ugh. Too many decisions, but I need to drop this weight because it's just adding to my depression and not helping that part of my problem. Does all this make sense? I will listen to any and all advice. Thank you all so much for reading this. BTW, my angel's name is Erika.