need advice for my 12 year old
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thanks guys. It all makes sense. I think I will sit him down tonight and have a one on one and see if we can come up with something together. Both his older and younger brother are skinny and very atheltic looking and I think it makes him jealous. They can eat and eat and because they are so active it doesn't show. He is less active if it wasn't for takewondo I don't think he would do anything. On weekends when the kids are all outside he is indoors on his ipod or just sitting in front of the TV and doesn't move. I think a heart to heart is in order!
My 9 year old son inherited the family curse of being sedentary by nature. We don't have the innate desire to work up a sweat or even get out of the computer chair the way many people do. For us...we have to be taught and we have to form good habits. I was in my 30's before I realized this because it was never an issue in my family. Neither of my parents ever suggested I should put the Nintendo away and get off my butt and I'm a little irked that they didn't.
My son is quite sensitive, so I have to choose my words very wisely, but I've explained that if he doesn't get some activity in EVERY day, it IS likely he'll have weight issues. Even though he is slim now, he is paranoid of being fat and honestly...I can see it happening. It feels awkward to say, you'd better move or you'll be fat in a way that comes out as concern and not derogatory, but I can use myself as an example. It's one of my biggest motivation for making the family livestyle changes I have made and am making. I explain that we ALL need to be more active and eat better, even his skinny-minnie tiny framed little sister who is naturally overactive...I find that because it includes all of us, he doesn't take it so personally.
We always think of girls have body image issues, but it's very real for many boys, too. My son was in SK when he refused to put on his new winter jacket. After much frustration he finally admitted it was because he thought it made him look puffy and fat. He was only 5 years old!!!0 -
that is upsetting. I dont know that i would discourage eating seconds or thirds,12 year old boys eat. And eat. And then they get tall, so they eat more. Plus, bringing up how much or what he eats is what my grandma did to my mom and is now doing to my cousin. "wow. Another bowl of soup?" or "do you really need a kitkat?" can be damaging as well. It is great that he is active, be sure to keep encouraging that! As far as picky eating, my fiance has the palate of a 12 year old. im always a fan of putting carrots, spinach, etc in a blender and adding that to spagetti sauce. also, whole wheat pasta etc isnt ACTUALLY whole wheat unless its in a box that says so. We put ours in a pasta jar and get rid of the box. Theres a book called Deceptively Delicious that tells you how to make kids fave foods much healthier without affecting taste. keep his self esteem high with his martial arts, ive noticed the heavier kids who dont have cheerleaders often quit and never lose the baby fat. one last thing, be an example: my cousins ate junk and sat around constantly until they noticed that i wasnt snacking with them. My youngest cousin, 14 years old, has taken up exercising before school and is down to one soda a day. And my nieces and nephew, the pickiest eaters on earth, will try almost anything i put in front of them. (ill admit my bright green spinach celery smoothie may have been called Hulk Juice for my nephew and Fairy Potion for my nieces, but it worked!)0
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OP - I would try to involve him in cooking and planning meals (your other kids can join in too); teach them about nutrition and find healthy alternatives to their favorite junk/not as healthy foods. I think having Him teach You the taekwondo (or however you spell it) sounds like a great plan as another poster suggested.
mbcarren08 - I use my pediatrician's philosophy...I decide when and what my child will eat; she decides whether she will eat and how much. If she chooses not to eat her dinner/snack/whatever then she does not get another opportunity to eat until the next mealtime; this teaches her to eat when she is supposed to so that she is not hungry later on. It sounds mean, but it works and teaches them healthy eating habits. My daughter gets breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and then a cup of milk if she asks between dinner and bedtime. Lots of meals and opportunities to eat so she doesn't get hungry but she isn't allowed to eat anything between times, she is a very healthy 21 month old (so I don't get a whiny kid, I get temper tantrums when I tell her no) she is on the smaller side 5th percentile for weight and 10th for height but we are strict on only offering healthy snacks and meals for her.0 -
My son is only 5, and is crazy skinny, BUT he eats all day long and even though I originally thought this was ok I am realizing if he does this for his whole life it'll eventually turn out badly! Our biggest problem with him is that he likes to talk a lot at mealtimes so he doesn't finish his food, but will then eat a snack after dinner and then right near bed time will ask for a bowl of cereal or raisin toast with peanut butter. So for us, it is obvious that he's not eating enough at meals, so we are trying to figure out how to squash the grazing habit! That said, maybe try serving food on smaller plates so if he gets a second or third helping of food the quantity is still down. I would like to hear what other people say on this topic!
I would like to suggest that grazing at 5 is completely healthy! 5 year olds dont sit and eat a meal they are always on the go, now once he gets into school and has a regular day planned , maybe 2 nd or 3rd grade you can get him into a more routine thing. my 8 year old is super thin and she eats all day but if you will look at what they eat, its really good stuff! i mean raison toast with peanut butter???????? we could learn a lot from these kids! Eat when you are hungry STOP when you are not!0 -
I am a mom of a little one and was thinking about what I would do in this situation. First I would make sure my daughter and I are exercising and playing together each day so she gets the recommended 1 hr of activity that kids are supposed to. Secondly, 12 years old is plenty old enough to begin to learn about nutrition and meal planning. I was cooking dinner for my family at 12 years old. I would give my kid some responsibility for meal planning and sit down together and talk about some healthy options he will eat. Bring him to the grocery store with you and allow him to choose the fruits and veggies that your family will eat. If a picky eater picks out the choices, then he will have options he likes and won't deny later on. Good luck!0
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My sister skipped the Dr for 10 years because of the Dr saying she needed to lose weight - so be careful how the Dr says it, and don't even THINK of letting a fat dr say it (that is what drove my sister crazy.)
My son was sad about weight the other day too - and he's got VERY fit relatives, I guess the thing about eating and activity is this - your car gets gassed up more often if you USE it, but if it sits in the laneway it doesn't need much of anything.0 -
My Sons pediatrician told me my son was 3% overweight. He just turned 3 years old....
Hes very active at school all day and I only send him with a healthy lunch and he has healthy snacks at school...
Idk what else to do.... everytime we go in hes still 3% overweight.
Hes 3.... Theres no way I can make him understand that. Lol.0 -
One thing to keep in mind: YOU are the parent - older and wiser. Make decisions that are in the best interest of your children. They may not like you for it at the time but that's okay. Our kids won't like us all the time but it is our responsibility to teach them and to look out for their best. Have that one-on-one talk with him but let him know that YOU are going to set reasonable and healthy limiits.
Portion sizes are major here! I agree - don't make so much food for a meal. If he's still hungry, give him healthy options - raw veggies and fruit.
You're doing well to be tackling this now and not when he's older.0 -
My Sons pediatrician told me my son was 3% overweight. He just turned 3 years old....
Hes very active at school all day and I only send him with a healthy lunch and he has healthy snacks at school...
Idk what else to do.... everytime we go in hes still 3% overweight.
Hes 3.... Theres no way I can make him understand that. Lol.
At this age you don't need to worry too much. It's concerning, so you need to make sure you're making healthy choices for him (which it sounds like you are), but beyond that his body is going to do what it wants to do. It doesn't necessarily make him unhealthy and it doesn't mean he'll have a weight problem later on.
My 17 month old has always been in the 90th percentile for weight, or above. The same has been true for his height and his head has always been off the chart. He's a big boy with lots of muscle. He's got a little toddler chub but he's not unhealthy. He spends all day running around (unless he's taking a nap) and 95% of the food my family eats is healthy. So I know he's not fat, he's just big. (He weighs three pounds less than his almost three year old sister, he's less than 6 inches shorter and they both wear size 9 shoes.)
If your son is just big, I wouldn't worry. You can't really figure a BMI for a toddler and even if you could, it wouldn't be accurate. Kids come in all shapes and sizes, especially when they're little. Your son needs to eat as much as his body tells him to and if it's healthy foods he's eating there's nothing wrong with him eating a lot. Some toddlers are skinny, some are big and muscular. Obviously, a muscular kid is going to be heavier and there's nothing wrong with that. Boys are often big and heavy because they have denser bones and bigger muscles. And from the pictures on your profile your son doesn't look overweight at all, so I really wouldn't worry.0 -
My Sons pediatrician told me my son was 3% overweight. He just turned 3 years old....
Hes very active at school all day and I only send him with a healthy lunch and he has healthy snacks at school...
Idk what else to do.... everytime we go in hes still 3% overweight.
Hes 3.... Theres no way I can make him understand that. Lol.
At this age you don't need to worry too much. It's concerning, so you need to make sure you're making healthy choices for him (which it sounds like you are), but beyond that his body is going to do what it wants to do. It doesn't necessarily make him unhealthy and it doesn't mean he'll have a weight problem later on.
My 17 month old has always been in the 90th percentile for weight, or above. The same has been true for his height and his head has always been off the chart. He's a big boy with lots of muscle. He's got a little toddler chub but he's not unhealthy. He spends all day running around (unless he's taking a nap) and 95% of the food my family eats is healthy. So I know he's not fat, he's just big. (He weighs three pounds less than his almost three year old sister, he's less than 6 inches shorter and they both wear size 9 shoes.)
If your son is just big, I wouldn't worry. You can't really figure a BMI for a toddler and even if you could, it wouldn't be accurate. Kids come in all shapes and sizes, especially when they're little. Your son needs to eat as much as his body tells him to and if it's healthy foods he's eating there's nothing wrong with him eating a lot. Some toddlers are skinny, some are big and muscular. Obviously, a muscular kid is going to be heavier and there's nothing wrong with that. Boys are often big and heavy because they have denser bones and bigger muscles. And from the pictures on your profile your son doesn't look overweight at all, so I really wouldn't worry.
Yea my son has always been in the 95% for his weight and his height and his head is above average and always will be because when he was under a year old he had access spinal fluid around the front of his brain. Hes gotta slim stomach and muscular everywhere else. His doctor just seems to bring this up EVERYTIME he has an appointment and I just look at her like "Are you serious?!" lol. I have a hypothyroid issue myself so ive even had him tested and THANK GOD at the moment his levels were fine.
I didnt think I had anything to worry about but his dr makes me feel really bad.
Thank you for the advice.
) 0 -
My Sons pediatrician told me my son was 3% overweight. He just turned 3 years old....
Hes very active at school all day and I only send him with a healthy lunch and he has healthy snacks at school...
Idk what else to do.... everytime we go in hes still 3% overweight.
Hes 3.... Theres no way I can make him understand that. Lol.
At this age you don't need to worry too much. It's concerning, so you need to make sure you're making healthy choices for him (which it sounds like you are), but beyond that his body is going to do what it wants to do. It doesn't necessarily make him unhealthy and it doesn't mean he'll have a weight problem later on.
My 17 month old has always been in the 90th percentile for weight, or above. The same has been true for his height and his head has always been off the chart. He's a big boy with lots of muscle. He's got a little toddler chub but he's not unhealthy. He spends all day running around (unless he's taking a nap) and 95% of the food my family eats is healthy. So I know he's not fat, he's just big. (He weighs three pounds less than his almost three year old sister, he's less than 6 inches shorter and they both wear size 9 shoes.)
If your son is just big, I wouldn't worry. You can't really figure a BMI for a toddler and even if you could, it wouldn't be accurate. Kids come in all shapes and sizes, especially when they're little. Your son needs to eat as much as his body tells him to and if it's healthy foods he's eating there's nothing wrong with him eating a lot. Some toddlers are skinny, some are big and muscular. Obviously, a muscular kid is going to be heavier and there's nothing wrong with that. Boys are often big and heavy because they have denser bones and bigger muscles. And from the pictures on your profile your son doesn't look overweight at all, so I really wouldn't worry.
Yea my son has always been in the 95% for his weight and his height and his head is above average and always will be because when he was under a year old he had access spinal fluid around the front of his brain. Hes gotta slim stomach and muscular everywhere else. His doctor just seems to bring this up EVERYTIME he has an appointment and I just look at her like "Are you serious?!" lol. I have a hypothyroid issue myself so ive even had him tested and THANK GOD at the moment his levels were fine.
I didnt think I had anything to worry about but his dr makes me feel really bad.
Thank you for the advice.)
I hate when doctors look at weight and don't take height and head size into consideration. One pediatrician my daughter saw was overly concerned about her weight when she was 9 months old. Yeah, her weight was 96% and her height was 50%, but as soon as she started walking she had growth spurt and those percentiles flipped. Since then she's been tall and skinny. I was never worried because she was a baby and she wasn't overeating. So that's something that just bugs me. I honestly wouldn't worry about your son if his height and weight seem proportional. Weight is just a number and it doesn't mean anything until it's put into the proper context. If he's taller than average his weight should be above average as well. 3% isn't much and at this point there isn't a whole lot you can, or should do to make him lose weight. Keep up with the healthy eating habits and he should be just fine!0 -
Well, I don't have children, but I once was a child. Growing up we had mealtimes, and snack times. Up until high school graduation that's what we had. It didn't matter if we were "growing kids" or anything, we never ever would have been allowed to get thirds at our meals! We were allowed to get seconds on veggies ONLY. Because with snacks, we never needed seconds on our meals. I never felt starved, I never felt deprived. And i was always a normal weight.
As for being sedentary, we were never inside. We grew up without tv/video games so we were always outside playing. If you find that your child is more likely to sit inside in front of the tv playing video games, then take away the video games or get rid of the cable!0 -
Please keep in mind that "diet" refers not only to limiting what we eat, but to our food choices--what and how much. In addition, your son is 12--right on the cusp of puberty. At least in part, his body is likely reserving extra energy stores to use as his body matures. Of course, explaining this to your son doesn't make the tears go away, or make it any easier for him to take the comments. Perhaps if you explain that he's a growth spurt in progress, he'll have something to be proud of. Good luck.0
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What we've been doing with my ten year old daughter is making a salad to eat before dinner (she likes the dole southwest salad kit) then she eats her dinner, and if she still wants more, she has to have seconds on her fruit or veggie first. Needless to say, she doesn't eat seconds very often anymore cause she fills up on the good stuff.0
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don`t give the option of 2nds or 3rds make everyones plate with a propper serving of food and thats the meal. My family hates leftovers so I`ve been doing this for along time now and have making portions down to a science now for each person lol but it dose take alittle extra work on your part making the plates up for everyone and messureing (also checking what they need nutrition wise since kids are still growing and need calories to do so).
Also don`t call it exercise pull out a ball and play Kids LOVE LOVE LOVE to play and be active especialy with a parent so my advice is play with them. 0 -
i was an overweight as a kid, but i was still active and not to toot my own horn, but i was pretty good at all sports, however no matter how active i was i never lost weight.
it was because of my parents and the bad eating habits they gave me.
i would change how you feed him. one meal, that's it. big breakfast, NO SODA OR CANDY ON WEEKDAYS.
sounds like your son is not active and that is a double whammy. try getting him in team sports as well, that is good for confidence.0 -
I am a mom of a little one and was thinking about what I would do in this situation. First I would make sure my daughter and I are exercising and playing together each day so she gets the recommended 1 hr of activity that kids are supposed to. Secondly, 12 years old is plenty old enough to begin to learn about nutrition and meal planning. I was cooking dinner for my family at 12 years old. I would give my kid some responsibility for meal planning and sit down together and talk about some healthy options he will eat. Bring him to the grocery store with you and allow him to choose the fruits and veggies that your family will eat. If a picky eater picks out the choices, then he will have options he likes and won't deny later on. Good luck!
great advice ...0 -
What we've been doing with my ten year old daughter is making a salad to eat before dinner (she likes the dole southwest salad kit) then she eats her dinner, and if she still wants more, she has to have seconds on her fruit or veggie first. Needless to say, she doesn't eat seconds very often anymore cause she fills up on the good stuff.
The Southwest Salad is sooooo yummy! That taco ranch dressing is amazing! I never use the sour cream though, that just seems silly since there's already a ton of dressing. My daughter loves it too, we ate it almost every day while we spent 6 months in a hotel.0 -
My son was over weight until he hit puberty(early at about 11) I had been setting the example for years at this point and he had been eating far too much. I think once he became conscious of it he actually cut himself back. He grew about 4 inches by the time he was 12 and was the same weight as he had been the year or 2 before. He went from 5'3, 145 lbs at 10-11years old - 5'7, 145 lbs at 12 years old....started playing football in 7th grade. By the time he was in highschool he got himself into running cross country and was so thin and lean at about 5'7 135 lbs, which was perfect for his small frame.
My now 13 year old daughter has taken a more conscious effort to her weight also and she is eating less and exercising more. Of course being a girl, she asks me if she is overweight and I ask her how she feels about her weight. If she says shes "fat", I encourage her to make healthier choices. Its easier to tell them no when they are small children, but I think the best thing we can do for them at any age is set a good example.0 -
My daughter is now 27 so what I'm going to share with you comes from a place of a long history with this issue. She was "chubby all her life". I took the approach of not putting her on a diet, encouraging exercise in sports, Karate, dance, swimming etc. etc. She worked hard and enjoyed all of it....never dropping any pounds. I thought I was helping her keep a positive attitude and good body image but I was unaware of how much pain she was in. She hid it well. She watched her girl friends have dates, boy friends, go to proms, wear cute little clothes and run around on the beach in bikinis. We lived in a beach community.....
It wasn't until she was out of college that she decided to hire a personal trainer that she finally lost the weight. She dropped 40 lbs and gained muscle and tone. She was always a beautiful girl but not she's a knock out. She feels so much better about herself. For her it took a lot of exercise and the help of an expert for her to be successful. She followed his diet ( low carb, not no carb, low fat, low sugar) drank a lot of water and worked really hard. He switched up the exercise regulary. I guess doing the same type of exercise over and over doesn't work too well. He had her running, lifting weights, flipping tires, dragging sleds, kick boxing, lots of different things.
So, long story short. I think some of us are not blessed with great metabolisms and need to really do more than most to have it be effective. Can you affort a PT? Even just for an assessment and plan of action? My daughter feels it was the best money she ever spent. Good luck. I know first hand how heart breaking it can be. I cried over the pain I know she had and felt powerless. His tears this morning are a perfect opportunity to really talk to him about how he's feeling. 12 is such a hard age and I'm sorry to say the years ahead are brutal for kids with weight issues. Boys always loved my daughter as a buddy. She would actully go with them to help them buy flowers for thier prom dates while she stayed home without a date. Just heart breaking! Again, best of luck0
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