Spouse brings home candy, cookies, ice cream etc.
virgiithinkican
Posts: 19
I have a problem, a big one. My boyfriend brings home junk about 3 times a week from work. Snack size candy bars of all types, cookies, baked goods from the cafeteria, ice cream. He says it's for our kids but it's driving me insane. We both need to lose weight, he about 30lbs and me about 70 lbs. We've been together about 12 years. I weighed about the same when he met me but he has gained weight since being with me. Anyways, I want to stop eating these things but I'm not feeling strong enough to just say no. I know I can't blame it on him everytime I cave in and eat the junk. I've jokingly asked him why he is trying to sabotage my attempts at being healthier, he just laughs and says, "you don't have to eat it!" Problem is, I DO!!! He doesn't get it. If you have gone through the same thing, please tell me what you did to not give in to the junk food that your better half is bringing home.
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he just laughs and says, "you don't have to eat it!" Problem is, I DO!!! He doesn't get it.
First off, NO, you DON'T have to eat it. Second, you mentioned he's bringing it home for your kids? Why don't you ALL get on the bandwagon and just tell him not to bring it at all. Your kids don't NEED crap either...having that stuff brought home 3 or so times a week isn't good for them in the long run either. Stand up for yourself and for your kids and just tell him that he needs to stop bringing it home. End of story.0 -
Well, first of all, he shouldn't be bringing it for the kids, either! You don't want to pass down your unhealthy habits- maybe bring that to his attention. It took a while for me to get that point across to my husband, but after a while, he understood, and now tries to bring non-food surprises home from time to time, and brings candy a little less. Also, in the beginning, he had the same attitude about food- "Just don't eat it." Try turning it around using something he understands. Use his weakness to show help him understand yours. That helped me get through to my husband. Maybe tell him that if he insists on having those things, that he should keep them at his work or something where he can enjoy them, but you won't be temped. Another thing- ask him which he would rather have. A slim healthy lady, or a jiggly unhealthy one- that might get the point across loud and clear
I hope that helps! 0 -
Maybe select one item, and factor it on for your calories the next day. Budget for it... and have it.
I'm a strong girl. But I can't say no to the things I love. If I have them occasionally, and I budget for them, I don't feel guilty, and I know it's not going to blow my hard work.0 -
I had to have a talk with my BF lately about a similar situation. when he's being cute and wants to buy me something, its usually little chocolates, or cookies, or ice cream. Because he knows i like them. But at the same time, i need to stop eating them to get healthier. so, I told him if he wanted to buy me something, buy me some flowers, or my drink mix for my water! and if he wants candy and all that, put it somewhere I can't reach or put it in his car!0
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yep, noones making you eat it. and ill just throw it out there, i would rather kill myself than feed my daughter that crap! discusting!0
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I had to have a talk with my BF lately about a similar situation. when he's being cute and wants to buy me something, its usually little chocolates, or cookies, or ice cream. Because he knows i like them. But at the same time, i need to stop eating them to get healthier. so, I told him if he wanted to buy me something, buy me some flowers, or my drink mix for my water! and if he wants candy and all that, put it somewhere I can't reach or put it in his car!
How would you feel about chocolate dipped strawberries as a compromise? 0 -
I have the same EXACT problem here. Usually it's not candies or ice cream luckily, but there are a foods that kill my diet and If it were totally up to me I wouldn't buy them at all so that he couldn't tempt me. I have to but up the call of bad carbs. Breakfast cereals, Nutrigrain Bars, Peanut Butter, Bread, and the worst part of all is that he always, daily, wants to eat out for dinner. When I order something like a side salad and water, I get in trouble fr making him look bad. It's insane!0
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Really hard to do the first few times, but after taking the previous advice to speak up for yourself and your children, walk the junk over to the garbage can and TOSS IT WHERE IT BELONGS!! Then ask him in your bestest sugary sweet darlin' voice to please take the trash out Be sure to bat your eyelashes for added effect.
Good luck! My hubby was more than supportive on this issue... my parents not so much.0 -
yep, noones making you eat it. and ill just throw it out there, i would rather kill myself than feed my daughter that crap! discusting!
The "no one makes you eat it" line isn't really helpful. Of course it's true, but the point is that the OP would exercise her own willpower by keeping it out of the house entirely. The BF sabotaging her efforts and laughing it off is kind of rude and disrespectful.0 -
And the chocolate covered strawberries are not a bad compromise, as long as it is dark chocolate and in reasonable quantities. But you have to have enough time to make the good habits stick before going there.0
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My honey has a lot of junk food - I buy it for him, he can eat the stuff since I swear he has a negative BMI lol. BUT - I buy separate snacks for me, and for the kids. Kids get sugar free regular pudding cups. I get Sugar free jello temptations. He gets nutty buddy's...it works for us. I find if I keep something yummy in the house so I can have a "treat" when I want to, I don't feel tempted to eat the crap I buy for him. You can do it! Be strong, and have a backup plan 0
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yep, noones making you eat it. and ill just throw it out there, i would rather kill myself than feed my daughter that crap! discusting!
The "no one makes you eat it" line isn't really helpful. Of course it's true, but the point is that the OP would exercise her own willpower by keeping it out of the house entirely. The BF sabotaging her efforts and laughing it off is kind of rude and disrespectful.
Amen0 -
I get that I don't have to eat it. But it sure feels like I do! I am addicted to sweets. At least that's why I think I have such a hard time saying no. And I also agree with not giving it to my kids. It's gotten to the point where they run to him when he gets home and ask him if he brought candy! Crazy. I've thought about just throwing it away when he's not looking and maybe that will teach him that if he brings it, it'll just go to waste. But I've never tried. I've also told him to stop bringing it home but he doesn't see it as his problem. And it's not, it's mine. So if any of you have any suggestions I'm all ears!0
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It's all about choice. YOU are in Control of what you eat. YOU Choose what You eat.
Have a heart to heart with him about what eating healthier really means to you. Tell hi how it feels when he is subconsioucly negatively supporting you. You've been together for 12 years. He should have the skin to take this. Additionally, he should love you enough to say....wow, I'm sorry. I need to change this.
We can do only so much via this portal to you...He ha a greater impact and can be a greater support for you. Tell him how much you need his support. If he doesnt change it...bluntly put here...he just doesn't give flying rat's *kitten*0 -
i agree that bringing home that kind of junk food home to your kids is extremely unhealthy for them, especially that often. i think your entire house definitely needs to detox from all that sugar. everyone is going to hate each other for about a week, but after that it will get so much better.
i was def in your boat as far as addicted to sugar. little debbie was my "golden calf". but! i still enjoy sweets on occasion (i've gone through a detox myself, and am amazed at how well my skin looks, so i dont want to reverse my progress), i've re-trained my taste buds to enjoy the sweetness of fruits and spices. my trick is, i dont buy prepackaged sweets (like candy or ice cream). instead, i just buy sweets that i hafto make (like homemade strawberry shortcake, or baked apples/peaches with cinnamin-yum! ). that way, i've got to REALLY want it, to go through all the trouble of getting to the kitchen and dirtying up more dishes, and taking the time to bake something. typically, that's enough to deterr me from doing it!
it sounds to me like your fella might be bringing them candy because it gives him a boost because they run to him when he comes home, all happy and excited. if he's not on board with not bringing home this crap to your children. i'd DEFINITELY just suggest throwing it away. and if he has a problem with that, firmly state that your children's health is extremely important to you, and it's much more important than his ego. kids will be happy to see him come home no matter what, he doesnt need candy to "buy" their affection.0 -
It could also be a misguided subconsious attempt to say he loves you exactly the way you are. :flowerforyou:
Someone else suggested keeping a reasonable portion and budgeting for it. Then toss the rest in the trash. He has got to understand just how his actions are making you feel. I would find it hurtful, just as bad as if my hubby had trashed my book collection. This is important to you. Have you tried putting it in just that simple a statement?0 -
I had to have a talk with my BF lately about a similar situation. when he's being cute and wants to buy me something, its usually little chocolates, or cookies, or ice cream. Because he knows i like them. But at the same time, i need to stop eating them to get healthier. so, I told him if he wanted to buy me something, buy me some flowers, or my drink mix for my water! and if he wants candy and all that, put it somewhere I can't reach or put it in his car!
How would you feel about chocolate dipped strawberries as a compromise?
hmmm... i may just go for that.... :happy:0 -
I agree with the idea that you dont have to eat it. But putting my money where my mouth is would be pretty hard for me to do. I dont know why but it sometimes feels like my husband is trying to sabotage all of the hard work I am doing. He works for a national food company and often comes home with frozen pizzas, tubs of ice cream, all sorts of foods that I really should not be eating. I dont mind my kids having a bowl of ice cream a few nights a week, but I do not have that luxury. I have tried really hard from the beginning to make sure that I did not force this new food lifestyle upon my family. There are times when the only change I make to my meal is a portion size. I really did not want anyone to resent me or to feel that I was forcing my needs upon them. For the most part this has worked. My husband needs to lose a lot of weight, but that is his decision to make. I simply told him that he can eat whatever he wants. I will not ever dictate his diet. But please, please dont bring it home and let me know it is here. I do not have the willpower. I think when I said it that way...in a way that he knew I was not telling him not to eat it...I think that is when it clicked for him. All of the things he thought were going to happen as a result of me changing my diet do not in fact affect him. He was on the defensive from the get go. Now he has backed down and he lets me do my thing while I let him do his thing. One day, I hope, he will join me. But when he does it will be of his own free will.0
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Mine works at a grocery store and he is always bringing home junk even when I beg him not to. So today I took all of it out of the pantry and threw it in a box. I then labeled it "nasty *kitten* junk food do not eat" and then put it at the bottom so every time I open the door I won't be tempted by all the sweets. He doesn't need to lose weight, and doesn't binge on it or feed it to our kids all day so there really isn't a reason why he can't have it at all. IM the one with the problem, so I came up with a solution.0
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Here's my deal...I learned my eating habits when I was a child. During this time, my parents were gaining weight...I have had to re-learn the right way to eay. Now I have a child...and she is learning the right wya to eat with me. The kids do NOT need to have free access to bad things. Just like you don't keep a supply of pot, rolling papers and a lighter around...don't do it with junk food.0
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I'm more concerned for the kids, really...0
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my husband is a thin man who doesn't "have" to watch what he eats. I have to buy him seperate snacks and he has a cabinet just for him. Mason and I buy healthier snacks and I leave them where everyone can see them so he and I know that those are our options. As soon as I get home from the grocery store I cut the fruit and veggies and arrange some of the healther snacks in a bowl on the counter so there is no excuses for unhealthy snacking. I make sure my husband knows where is snacks are and they need to stay out of sight so Mason and I aren't tempted!0
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I understand completely! I think it's my husband's way of showing me that he's thinking of me to bring home "goodies". A lot of time he brings home healthier versions of junk food and when I complain about the cabinets being full of snacks he says, "at least it's healthy". What I can't get through to him is that even if it is "healthy" it's still extra calories that I don't need!!! and he doesn't have a weight problem so he just doesn't get it! Maybe we could tell them if they want snacks to keep them in a locked cabinet in the basement or in the trunk of their car---or at work....anywhere but where they are going to tempt us!!0
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I agree 100% about the respect aspect MikeSEA! I feel like if he REALLY loves me he will not want me to hate myself for the way I look and will help me in any way he can!0
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That can be a big problem. I would say out of sight out of mind. Throw it away or store it away where it isn't a temptation. If you can get your kids off of that crap they will be better off down the line so maybe it would be good to limit them on sweets. I think if you educate kids on nutrition and get them involved in the process they tend to make fairly good choices as long as healthy foods are made available to them. I guess you need to decide if anything is behind him bringing these sweets home. You don't think he is trying to sabotage your weight loss in any way do you? Only you can answer that but maybe he just wants to eat the sweets! lol No matter what the reasons I wish you all the best in solving this problem. I think the fact that you realize there is a problem in the first place means you will take the steps needed to solve it. Good Luck! 0
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I've tried talking, getting mad at him, guilt tripping him. Here's the thing, I know it's my problem. Not his. Yes, if he cared he wouldn't do it but he doesn't. Because he doesn't think he has a problem and isn't on the same page as me on the whole healthier habits thing. Right now, he sees this as MY thing and he probably resents it a little. Everytime I decide I'm going to show him that I can stand up to his sabotaging by resisting the things I love, I fail. I really like the separate box or cabinet idea but for now I'm going to have to be more drastic and throw it away. He might get mad, but the kids and I will be healthier and he can join us when he's ready. It's all going in the garbage until I get better at having it less and less. And we can all go out for a treat every now and then. I want my family to know that it's okay to have that stuff sparingly and that a healthier lifestyle doesn't mean total restriction. BTW, my kids aren't overweight and they enjoy eating fruits and veggies. I'm usually the one that ends up eating the junk food while they're in school!0
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Throw it all in the trash0
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Wrong! Spray windex on it...Throw it all in the trash0 -
Wrong! Spray windex on it...Throw it all in the trash
You are right. Spray it first.0 -
My husband works at a bakery. So i feel your pain, and i love sweets. Luckly we are kinda over everything they make there. Anyway maybe you can make a deal with him. He only brings a special treat home on Friday nights or something. Mean while maybe you can find some alternitive "snacks" that he and the kids will like and not even miss the other stuff? I know eaiser said then done. Ummm maybe bring home frozen yogurt instead of ice cream and strawberries instead of chocolate and you can make sundaes? I dunno just some ideas best of luck.0
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