Convincing spouse to lose weight?

My wonderful husband really should lose some weight. He is significantly obese but is under the impression that he's at a healthy weight and would look frail if weighed 225lbs (weight to be considered just "overweight.")
Any advice?
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Replies

  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,825 Member
    edited October 2023
    Encourage an annual wellness check. Make the appt for him if necessary. Getting blood work done and learning from a professional about his health risks may encourage action. Maybe he'll qualify for the ozempic/wegovy stuff?

    Does he consume too much beer? Cookies/snacks? Fast food? If it's food related, who prepares most meals? If it's you, make healthier meals and portion sizes, and if you're doing shopping, buy fewer snacks, or healthier snacks. If he wants to eat something different, he'll have to put in the effort. Ease into that though.

    At the end of the day, real change is going to have to come from him choosing to make that change.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,750 Member
    Yep, like it or not, you can't really convince someone to lose weight. They have to make that choice on their own. As far as Retroguy's idea of healthier portion sizes... well... if a significant other were to try and pull that with me... they wouldn't just be sleeping on the couch, they'd be sleeping on the curb. I'll eat as much as I like.
  • herringboxes
    herringboxes Posts: 259 Member
    Don’t go there. Your husband’s weight is his business.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,209 Member
    edited October 2023
    Don’t go there. Your husband’s weight is his business.

    Husband to me implies more than just one person in the team. Is the husband's credit card debt his business only? The wife's gambling addiction?

    Not saying that the ending will be happy. Or that it can be done .

    Just that there's levels. An expensive coffee once a month is not the same as a $20,000 hidden debt.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,089 Member
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    Yep, like it or not, you can't really convince someone to lose weight. They have to make that choice on their own. As far as Retroguy's idea of healthier portion sizes... well... if a significant other were to try and pull that with me... they wouldn't just be sleeping on the couch, they'd be sleeping on the curb. I'll eat as much as I like.
    If I've made someone a meal and they dislike it so much they expect me to sleep on the couch, they can make their own in future, and it'll be them on the couch.

    I'm reminded here of my aunt and uncle. True story. She's not the best of cooks apparently, but regardless she was the one doing the cooking, and one day he said this is trash and actually threw the meal in the trash. She was livid. Refused to ever prepare any food for him again until he apologized. Months went by. Her and her daughters cooking, leaving their leftovers in the fridge that he couldn't touch, and he'd come home from work and have to prepare his own food. As she said, the longer this went on, the bigger the apology would have to be. He caved in the end. I think it cost him a foreign vacation.

    How is someone enjoying the food you've cooked so much that they want to eat more than you're willing to let them "disliking" the meat you've cooked?
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,089 Member
    Thanks everyone for sharing your responses. A lot of insight given. I am concerned about his health (heart attacks run in the family).

    You can try telling him how you feel, how you're worried, how (presumably) you don't want to lose him. If he doesn't have adequate life insurance (especially if you have children who aren't fully launched), you can ask him about budgeting for more life insurance.

    But it's unlikely to be effective for you to tell him that you think he needs to lose weight. At some level, even if he won't admit it out loud, he knows he needs to lose weight.

    And if you are responsible for meals and start trying to control him by what you serve, don't be surprised if he starts stopping somewhere on the way home to get food. Or sneaking it into the house to eat in the middle of the night. He's already making the decision multiple times a day, conscious or not, that eating what he wants in that moment is more important to him than just about anything else in his life, especially long-term things. That's not likely to change because you decide to cut his servings in half and eliminate the things he thinks are tasty.
  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,825 Member
    How is someone enjoying the food you've cooked so much that they want to eat more than you're willing to let them "disliking" the meat you've cooked?
    They said their spouse would be sleeping on the curb...

    I know they were joking, but telling someone to leave the house and not sleep at home sure sounds like disliking to me.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,904 Member
    What someone else said: do a walk around the neighbourhood with him. Though to be honest, if someone told me "lets walk around the neighbourhood" I'd think: why? There's nothing interesting there. Maybe try to find an active hobby that you'd enjoy doing and that he'd enjoy as well. See if he comes along. Then he might still be overweight but have some exercise even if it might not feel that way. Being overweight is not good for the heart, but being inactive isn't either. Thus you could potentially nudge him carefully into a somewhat healthier lifestyle.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,904 Member
    I've lived in very different places. But I do need an ulterior motive to go on a walk. Just going on a walk doesn't really do it for me. Never did. Either some sightseeing is involved or I go geocaching. Or combine both.
  • collinsje1
    collinsje1 Posts: 54 Member
    In my experience this is a no-win conversation, for anyone involved until your husband decides that he want to lose weight on his own. And will likely end in hurt feelings, harsh words, and feelings of inadequacy. My advice would be to lead by example......you work on you, and let him see how much better you feel, how good your numbers at the doctors are, how other people notice you .......ect. And maybe that will be enough for him to think "hey maybe I should do that too".
  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,825 Member
    As many of us have said, the decision ultimately will be his.

    My father-in-law told us of his doctor's visit:

    "You need to lose weight. Heart/health/etc. Now, this is a joint effort. I've told you that you need to lose weight. The rest is up to you."
  • Jacq_qui
    Jacq_qui Posts: 443 Member
    I disagree that the husbands weight is the husbands business. Sure, he's the only one who can change it, but it sounds like the poster is concerned he'll wind up with an early death, and that does affect the OP quite significantly IMO. For some people, maybe weight loss for loved ones is a better way to start if you don't have the self-confidence/self-worth to do it for yourself (I know people who've started a journey for their kids or even to support their mum!). Emphasising your own worries is probably the way to go, this underlines that you want them around for as long as possible, rather than allowing them to draw any conclusions about anything else.
  • loulee997
    loulee997 Posts: 273 Member
    I like walking in my neighborhood, but I live in an active neighborhood. Bicyclers, people on porches, driveway grills, evictions, kids on electric scooters.

    But you can also go to a weekend knife show, gun show, car show--these are often free and lots of walking--and depending on the event--people will go with you.

    My sister like to go window shopping on her walks so she drives to the outdoor mall.

    My brother is cheap--so he wants to to the store. Not a scenic walk, but he saves on gas.

    Maybe he likes to bike ride? Might be fun to go riding at the park some days.
  • Retroguy2000
    Retroguy2000 Posts: 1,825 Member
    edited October 2023
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Um, that's not what she said. She's objecting to someone else determining HER portion size. It has nothing to do with cooking a meal and it not being liked.

    I warn my partner, "If you don't like something, but don't tell me, you're going to get it again. If you never want to be served a dish again, let me know."

    He hates my Persian rice but failed to tell me that last time :lol:
    You edited out a key part of my post:

    "If he wants to eat something different, he'll have to put in the effort. Ease into that though."

    For example, if my wife has made a meal and I'm still hungry, you know what I do? I go into the pantry and grab something, maybe a few ginger snap cookies, or a rice cake, or a low calorie fudge bar from the freezer. I do not, let me repeat this clearly, I do not tell my wife to GTFO the house and sleep on the curb.
  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 3,561 Member
    Just a thought for your approach.
    "I loved you a long time ago. I love you today. I want to love you for a long time to come. Please stay around for a long, long time." THE END. let him stew on that.
  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 3,561 Member
    When my dad had his first heart attack, my mom bought all the cookbooks, threw out all the bad food, started cooking smaller portions of bland, unsalted, flavorless foods the very next day. Dad didn't say anything, just started going to the Cafe most afternoons. One day french fries, the next day pie, etc. It took them a while to work out a compromise.
  • bubbeE787
    bubbeE787 Posts: 34 Member
    It’s sounds like he’s at the higher end of his weight range not necessarily overweight? Not sure if I got that right. Without going into too much discussion- I would just encourage him to go for walks with you and prepare healthier meals and snacks. Men always seem to lose weight faster than us. Perhaps just some simple changes rather than challenging him with needing to “diet” might do the trick and be beneficial to both of you.