No compliment from spouse
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Hmm, i like to hear my husband compliment me on my new figure, i also comment on his muscle definition. having said that, i am not with him for his looks, and when he gets into his "gotta exercise"-frame of mind, i downright hate him sometimes.
with spouses, they see you every day, and with gradual change, it's not as obvious, do you comment on abs you just noticed, or do you worry they were there and you should have said something weeks ago?
we are more likely to notice the downsides to a newly exercise and diet conscious spouse than the slow positive changes that result from it....1 -
I being working out for about 10 months. I went from weighing 252 to 188 pounds. I get a lot of compliments from the people I know, and even strangers at the gym. I am in the best shape I been in since I had to take medical steroids that made me gain weight. I enjoy the compliments, but my wife never say anything about my weight loss. She even hear when people tell me that I loss weight, but she never gave me any type of compliment. I get me down because it seems like she don't want to say anything to encourage me.
Talk to you her of course, but regardless of how she feels do not stop your weight loss journey. Do this for yourself, because at the end of the day if you are not happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone. Let her know that she is welcome to join your train, you can work out and push each other, but you are on a serious train to lose weight and be healthy for yourself, her and (if you have children).0 -
My husband is very insecure, jealous and quiet. Not a good combo. He doesn't hand out compliments... or I love you's.. or kisses and hugs.. ect. I am rather secure in my relationship- because I honestly think my husband would rather die than be with someone else. So the question is, is she just not acknowledging your weight loss or is she being snide about it? If she is just not acknowledging it, that might just be the way she processes and deals with things. She might believe (in her mind or way of thinking) that she HAS acknowledged it in some way even though she hasn't said "the words". People are hard to understand sometimes. What you describe is a behavior usually associated with men, but women can be the same way. My husband seems to think I should automatically know that he appreciates the way I look. Oi.1
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I also agree with Markie166. My husband always said he didn't care that I had put on the weight to begin with. He said it didn't really matter to him.1
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I'm sorry, I have the same issue. My husband has always been there though and loved me at every size and shape, so I try to think of it that way. I do wish he'd say something but I wonder if he's afraid of turning into "you look better now, than you did then" sort of thing. And I am thankful that he sees something much deeper than my weight. Maybe that's the same for your wife?1
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OP is jealous
Of what?0 -
Have you talked to her about it? It may be that she has noticed and admired your success but didn't know how to bring the subject up without sounding critical of you before. My own husband had this problem. I had to actually ask him "How do you think I'm doing?" And he said he had noticed how hard I am working and that I look great, but to bring it up would be like saying he thought I was fat before. Maybe she thinks the same thing.2
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I'd ask her about it, and really tell her how it makes you feel. I believe that open communication is critical in a marriage. Sometimes people don't realize that they are hurting your feelings by keeping silent... maybe she's quietly jealous of your success... it's hard to say. A spouse should support you in things like this, so a nice, non-confrontational heart-to-heart might clear the air and break the silence. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your amazing success!!!0
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I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.
He's not asking for 'constant validation'...he's asking for a single validation from the woman he loves. What's not to get about that?
-IndiaGuerita1 -
It's painfully disappointing when our partner doesn't seem to notice how hard we're working and how well our work has paid off, but when I was reading your post..... I know this is silly.....BUT..... it reminded me of an episode of the sitcom "King of Queens". I told you it was silly, but in this episode, Doug (Kevin James) was looking slim and trim in his jeans from high school. The compliments were rolling in and every time his wife, Carrie (Leah Remini), heard a compliment.... she'd roll her eyes. She became so disgusted with all of the attention he was getting that she attempted to go as far as sabotage Doug by tempting him to break his diet with a tall stack of pancakes. Carrie's issue was that she was jealous of her husband's success.
Obviously, I can't accuse your wife of being jealous; but as a woman I know that our physical appearance is a big deal to us. If you have lost weight and look great, as I am sure you do, she may be feeling one of many emotions. She may be feeling left behind. I don't know what her physical condition is, but since you don't mention her weight at all, it doesn't matter to you. When was the last time you told her she looks great? Maybe she hasn't done much to look great to get the compliment, so tell her what it is that you love about her. "You know that top you have? I love you when you wear it."
She may be feeling insecure and ignored. If you're getting all of this attention and compliments, maybe you're going to find a replacement for her because she's where she was 10 months ago. It may be a good time to remind her that while you have taken control of your health, that your commitment to her has not changed.
I know that you would like to hear your woman say that you are doing, looking and being great; but I don't think she's withholding her compliments because she has not noticed...... but because she has..... and it seems like a very passive aggressive way to communicate to you that she is also needing, wanting and waiting for "something" from you. You have been craving her compliment and encouragement for the last few weeks and maybe months, but how long has she been craving yours?
Give that which you want to receive. Without being fake or insincere about it (because she will pick up on your vibe) and without sounding like you are fishing for a compliment (because that is just unbecoming), find something to make her feel beautiful or attractive and let her know that she is special to you.
Oh... and don't do this only for two weeks and throw your hands up in the air and proclaim that it doesn't work. Imagine if you had stopped your healthy habits after two weeks...... exactly! Breaking through the ice is not going to be a one attempt thing. I can't tell you what the magic number is, but I am letting you know that while you need to hear that you are her champion.... she needs to hear that she is beautiful...... and it is going to take more than one try to convince her that she is that captivating woman to you.
I wish you all the best with your health and in your relationship. Keep on! You're doing great!
In the meantime, I am going to go and follow my own advice and tell my man he's wonderful......
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Perhaps you both speak different love languages? My husband is the same way. He does not give verbal encouragement or edifying words often. We read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and discovered we had drastically different ways of expressing love. His is not through words, it's through actions such as picking up my favorite drink at the store for a surprise, or throwing a load of laundry in the machine for me. My language is "words". So while he was silently thinking, "I just bought her this drink and she didn't even get excited or notice!" I was thinking, "What's up with the stupid drink? When's he gonna say he loves me?!" HAHA! Our marriage almost crumbled as a result because we were both convinced the other didn't love us. That book was an AMAZING resource and has also proved helpful in every relationship--friends, family, children, etc. Consider if perhaps that's what's going on rather than a genuine lack of interest. My husband hasn't complimented my weight loss either, even though half my stomach is gone! I don't get offended though. I know he loves me because he helped vacuum the livingroom last night. 1
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I was in the same boat until a month ago, my confidence has grown so much since she has noticed. I think she felt pressured when other people in our company would repeatedly compliment me.
I don't understand why it happened either.
Keep up the terrific work I'd say. She'll eventually notice.0 -
Perhaps you both speak different love languages? My husband is the same way. He does not give verbal encouragement or edifying words often. We read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and discovered we had drastically different ways of expressing love. His is not through words, it's through actions such as picking up my favorite drink at the store for a surprise, or throwing a load of laundry in the machine for me. My language is "words". So while he was silently thinking, "I just bought her this drink and she didn't even get excited or notice!" I was thinking, "What's up with the stupid drink? When's he gonna say he loves me?!" HAHA! Our marriage almost crumbled as a result because we were both convinced the other didn't love us. That book was an AMAZING resource and has also proved helpful in every relationship--friends, family, children, etc. Consider if perhaps that's what's going on rather than a genuine lack of interest. My husband hasn't complimented my weight loss either, even though half my stomach is gone! I don't get offended though. I know he loves me because he helped vacuum the livingroom last night.
This might be the case, so look for other ways she validates your fitness improvements. Case in point: my husband initially didn't say anything, but for my birthday he pretty much outfitted our downstairs gym with new fitness equipment. Also, he joined me in cleaning up our eating.2 -
I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.
Who said anything about constant validation? The guy's lost a considerable amount of weight and his partner has said nothing - ever. Snarky.0 -
I found this website by googling “why my husband doesn’t complement my weight loss”… I went from a size 3x to a size 12, now I’m able to wear jeans. I’m 63 and started to wear a little makeup again. Zero complements from my husband. I hadn’t seen his side of the family since my weight loss and no one said anything. I do text my sister in law and shared my journey which took a year. She’s the only one that said anything. After thanksgiving (where no one said anything) I told her that she was the only one who noticed. She told me that everyone noticed. I was speechless. I always complement ppl who lost weight, it’s hard to do. The reason I lost weight is I was hospitalized for 6 days and had to wear a bile bag for 3 months cause of gallbladder issues. I cried and never wanted to go back to the hospital. I just started changing my choices on food…I’ve been maintaining but gained 7 back.. Maintaining your weight is hard too.4
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Well now I know why a post from 2013 came back It's an important topic. Bkachm, it seems that so many people are afraid of making personal comments that many may never say a thing even when they notice huge changes. I've seen some people on these very forums who really dislike getting any comments while others thrive on them!
That said, maintaining is one of the hardest things and so important for longterm success, so I wish you the very best on it. Congratulations on your success, that's a huge change.1 -
I understand why you feel confused and slighted. Truth is; you don't know for sure why she hasn't said anything. So, don't jump to a conclusion. My husband never says anything when i gain weight.. and he never says much when i lose it. He just sees the woman he loves. Trust me.. at times when i've worked so hard to lose it. .i think he purposely isn't encouraging me or complimenting me. Yet. over the. years . .I realize he doesn't notice one way or the other.
And an overall note. I find most people don't notice until all the weight is gone.. then they do.1 -
IndiaGuerita1983 wrote: »I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.
He's not asking for 'constant validation'...he's asking for a single validation from the woman he loves. What's not to get about that?
-IndiaGuerita
Yeah I don't know where she got that idea from either.
She must be privy to the intricacies of their relationship beyond what OP has disclosed lol
OP my advice would be to do you and get into the best physical and FINANCIAL shape a human get into incase the green-eyed monster wants to lash out at some point.0 -
This is an old thread and the OP has not been on MFP since Oct 2016. He won't be seeing the advice. However the thread is interesting. Carry on.1
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Suck it up butter cup. Life isn't all sunshine and Lolly pops... lol1
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