Partner Sabotage

kshama2001 wrote: »

Theoldguy1 wrote: »

VeryHungryCatepillar45 wrote: »

Theoldguy1 wrote: »

People should want their spouses to be healthly. In most cases that means losing some weight and exercising more.

People should want their partner to be happy. They should not expect someone to change to meet what they think they should be.

Often, this can be a painful realization. You have no control over other’s appearance or lifestyle. You only have control over your own body and actions.

Say your partner becomes a drug addict. What are you going to do? Lock them in a room until they do what you want (and what is probably better for them health wise)? Who does that make you? Where does that leave your “partnership”?

You cannot make a person be the person you need them to be. That is a painful exercise in control and futility. It only ends in terrible things.

Love people for who they are. And if you can’t… walk away. Anything else will be sabotaging everyone’s happiness.

I am very overweight, now, it was not always that way. That is why I am here. My partner is not. He can leave at any time if he does not understand my struggle. But he stays … and I stay because we both understand that we are separate people with our own struggles who support each other. Whatever we might need at the time.

Unhealthy people are rarely happy.

If my partner became a drug addict, I would not lock them in a room but I would get them help (which could involve rebab, which some could consider being locked in a room).

I have a friend in Substance Use Disorder rehab right now. She just texted for the first time in three weeks. She's working to get more privileges. I think we can consider her to be locked up

I've taken a housemate to detox and visited friends there. I wouldn't take a partner - I'd leave. I've left people NOT bad enough to require detox. I can't imagine being in a relationship with people like those I know who have gone to detox. It's painful enough being friends.

SafariGalNYC wrote: »

VeryHungryCatepillar45 wrote: »

Theoldguy1 wrote: »

People should want their spouses to be healthly. In most cases that means losing some weight and exercising more.

People should want their partner to be happy. They should not expect someone to change to meet what they think they should be.

Often, this can be a painful realization. You have no control over other’s appearance or lifestyle. You only have control over your own body and actions.

Say your partner becomes a drug addict. What are you going to do? Lock them in a room until they do what you want (and what is probably better for them health wise)? Who does that make you? Where does that leave your “partnership”?

You cannot make a person be the person you need them to be. That is a painful exercise in control and futility. It only ends in terrible things.

Love people for who they are. And if you can’t… walk away. Anything else will be sabotaging everyone’s happiness.

I am very overweight, now, it was not always that way. That is why I am here. My partner is not. He can leave at any time if he does not understand my struggle. But he stays … and I stay because we both understand that we are separate people with our own struggles who support each other. Whatever we might need at the time.

I do want to encourage my husband to be healthy and I’ll do whatever it takes.. we are aligned in the way we view this for each other. I’ve asked him to keep my trouble foods out of the house and it’s no prob. He supports me in my goals as well. We consider it a team effort.. even though yes we both have our personal responsibility.

If he was an addict I would do whatever I could to help.. even if it includes locking him up!

My sister died of a fentanyl overdose at 28yrs old ..I think she needed more attention.. I wish our family had been more insistent on her detox.. sadly here we are.

Brigit_1 wrote: »

elisa123gal wrote: »

Losing weight takes such dedication.. changing behaviors and for a long period of time to make a goal. During that time.. a spouse may want a little company.. eating a pizza.. having drinks.. They may miss their eating buddy.. so yeah.. seems like they are trying to sabbatoge ... I dont think for most, it isn't nefarous. Also.. when someone loses a lot of weight.. in the eyes of the spouse..they don't want them to change too much.. Most of us fear change.

You pretty much described my situation. My husband wants me to look a certain way but he also likes to buy "treats" for us to eat together or cook us a meal that has a lot of calories. (The man likes his butter.) LOL.

I've been working hard to take off the last five pounds and to get completely toned. Sometimes I get angry when he brings home treats but I know he's trying to be a good husband.

Brigit_1 wrote: »

He needs to lose about ten pounds and work out but he usually doesn't.