I don’t know what I’m doing

Good advice above, progression will get you where you are going. That is either more repetition (volume), or more weight with the volume you are at.

Gyms seem to intimidate some people, and often women more then men. But for the most part, most gyms aren't intimidating at all. Some stay in their own zone and do their thing. Some are more social and can be helpful to newer people. And at times, there are people that can bug you with too much help or attention of some sort. Just play by the rules (re rack equipment, wipe down benches, machines, and anything else the gym requires) and do your thing. If their aren't helpful types around, usually someone in the gym will help explain things. If you aren't the assertive type, wear earbuds even if you don't have music on. It allows you an easy "pass" to pretend you don't hear someone if they bug you.

The loose skin will take time and it varies from person to person. It might hide some of the muscle you already have, or any gains you make, but over time it usually tightens up for most people.

As for terminology, bulking is intentionally eating at least as much as needed to allow muscle growth. Many eat beyond that and call it a dirty bulk... knowing they will gain fat and muscle, but the emphasis is on not missing out on any possible muscle growth. A clean bulk is similar, but just adding enough calories to in theory not lose out on gains, but minimize fat gain. And then you have recomp, which is essentially staying at maintenance calories, but very slowly gaining muscle as you lose fat if done correctly. It's a choose your poison type of thing.

Congratulations on losing 95 pounds: That's a fabulous accomplishment!

Do you have an estimate of your body fat percent?

I'm asking because you mention not seeing more definition after 4 months of workouts. Were you losing weight during that 4 months? If so, I'd expect minimal muscle mass gain (but probably some nice strength gain if you were new to this) in 4 months, unfortunately.

It takes a certain amount of leanness for muscle definition to show (even if it's present). What that body fat percent is will differ depending on individual genetics and history, but for women it's often going to be somewhere in the 20 percents body fat, I think, for most. Some areas will show definition before others, though, depending on individual fat distribution.

As context, I'm a woman about your height (5'5"), bodyfat percent in the mid- to upper 20s someplace right now, post holidays. I've been active, including some lifting but more of a strength-y cardio modality for around 23 years, during roughly a dozen of which I was overweight/obese and maintaining body weight. As a consequence, I have more than average muscle mass for my demographic (li'l ol' ladies' demographic, because I'm 68 ), and have had some muscle for a while, including before weight loss.

In my case, at your current weight of 155-160, I was not showing much muscle definition, either. Losing another maybe 15-20 pounds from there was when I discovered to my surprise that I did have a little bit of visible muscle definition in spots. It was hiding under a fat layer: Women tend to have more of a whole-body subcutaneous fat layer, generally. (My avatar photo is somewhere in the lower 120s pounds, and I'm much leaner looking from my ribcage and up than I am below ribcage because of my personal fat distribution.)

In my experience, my true loose skin was willing to shrink even at age 60+, once it got down to thin wrinkles (like wrinkles in a medium-weight fabric, maybe like denim or corduroy). The rolls or folds that were half an inch or more thick still had residual subcutaneous fat conspiring with gravity to keep those areas stretched out. I'm sure my loose skin kept shrinking at least into year 2 of maintenance, and maybe longer - hard to tell, because it shrunk slower as time went on. The total change was really pretty good, though. Individuals will vary, though: Age is a factor, genetics is a factor, etc.

Retro and Robert have given you good advice on lifting and on getting past gym anxiety. With the latter, it's easy to feel people are seeing us and judging, but it's mostly not the case. The average gym-goer is focused on their own workout. Everyone was new to the gym at some time, and nice people remember that, and have a positive attitude toward new people, whether they express it or not. Only jerks are judge-y or critical, and who cares what jerks think, anyway?

I felt super self-conscious taking adult learn-to-swim classes in my 40s at the Y, as a terrible swimmer and an obese woman who'd had bilateral mastectomies without reconstruction, so fat and totally flat (maybe even concave?) up top. But no one seemed to pay any attention, honestly.

You're doing great, I think. Work on making your strength training more progressive, and hang in there. Good things will happen. I'm cheering for you!

courtneycoble77 wrote: »

Thank you for giving me encouragement that possibly one day some of the skin will tighten. And I do feel like I need to lose another 10-15 pounds. I’ve had ppl tell me if I lost much more I may see more wrinkles. I’m almost 46, wrinkles are inevitable 🤷‍♀️. It’s a struggle for a woman to look fit and young at the same time. I think imma have to pick one. I’d like to at least see what I like, I just have to get there first. I did buy some whey protein powder and I’m going to try increasing my protein intake and still cut a few calories and try losing a bit more. Thanks to everyone for your advice and encouraging words 😊

To the bolded: Well, I dunno. Maybe.

The actual loose skin, the thin wrinkles I mentioned, can shrink . . . but there will be a time lag for that to happen after the fat is mostly lost in an area, because the shrinkage takes time, IME.

In general, I looked worse part way to goal weight (those floppy rolls of fat that are droopy, maybe half to one inch folds). At goal weight (mid-120s pounds for my 5'5"), most of those areas had turned into the thin wrinkles that would eventually shrink. So I looked worse then, at goal weight, than I looked a few months to a year or two down the road staying at that weight.

I don't agree that it's a struggle for a woman to look fit and young at the same time. I know several 40+ y/o women who are very fit, and look younger than their chronological age. One is 77, and looks more like 50. I agree that that effect can be less achievable for those of us who have a history of being over-fat, but I don't think it's necessarily impossible. Some of it will be genetics, but there's also other influences in the mix, such as avoiding fast loss (because it's a stress on our health/system), getting good nutrition, etc.

Keep in mind that if you lose weight, give the skin some time to shrink, and don't like the look after that (months down the road), intentionally regaining some weight can reverse the process.

Personally, I care way more about how I feel than how I look. At this point, around 8 years into maintenance, I don't think I look older than (say) my always-thin grandmother did at a similar age. Genetics. It's common for people who newly meet me not to be willing to believe that I was overweight/obese for most of my adult life (I believe them when they say that), and I've had people tell me I don't look 68 (I don't believe those people when they say that ).

courtneycoble77 wrote: »

Well if that’s your arm in your profile picture at 68 I’m officially jealous! 💪😊. I’m just probably overly sensitive to the looking my age thing because I’ve newly lost this weight and although we’ve been together 3 years and he was with me at my heaviest, my bf is 33 and doesn’t even look that old🤦‍♀️. I’m not used to my new body yet but I’m working on getting used to it

Thank you for the kind compliment! :flowerforyou: It is indeed my arm, but soon after weight loss, so I was 60 then. I don't think it looks much different now, but it is 8 years older now.