Why is it so hard to do again?

@chanelboguslawska27 welcome to MFP. The simple answer to your question (why is it so much harder this time?) is right there in your introduction: kids. As a father of four, I can testify that the exhaustion is real. Physically from lack of sleep and constantly cleaning up; emotionally from always worrying if they are safe and am I doing right by them. When kids enter your world, your body takes a distant back seat in priority, and that's as it should be, the health of our kids needs to come first. Note, though, that I said "first" and not "only." Taking care of ourselves remains important, not only as a good example to our kids, but to allow us the energy to keep up with them and the hope of still being here to see them grow up and live full lives.

When our internal motivation is lagging due to fatigue, it often helps to find external motivation to support us. This can be as simple as logging into MFP every day what we eat/exercise, or joining one of the many threads in these forums where people report to each other how their day went, did they have a minor success or setback, and praise each other as much as needed.

So breathe, tell yourself that you are NOT failing, you have simply moved into a new phase of life with different demands on you, your schedule, and your energy. But this new phase doesn't have to define you; you can choose how you want to be. We can help you get there. After all, us parents need to stick together, otherwise the kids outnumber us!